The next five years.....

I don't really have a five year plan right now. Paul interviewed me for a class assignment and asked me if I felt my "story" was over. I'm not sure. I think I am in a filler chapter or between books. Nothing is really going to happen for awhile.

My biological father said that funny thing about opportunities is that they all come at once. They damn sure did. I just hope they don't leave as quickly.

I'm thinking of the things I want in the next five years. I guess it will become the "before I'm forty" list. I'll reflect on my goals soon and actually make a new five year plan.

I would like before I'm 40:

my student loan paid off.
a son
my house paid off
my master's degree
to get into shape and live a healthy lifestyle
a Harley Roadking

We'll see what happens next. Life is good.

busy

The crazy thing about blogging is that when you have things to write about, you don't have time to blog, but when you have time, there's not much to write about.

I also think that strife fuels creativity, and right now I am happy. Do I have anything I want? No, but I'm really not in turmoil about anything. Things are great. I wish I were making more money, but who doesn't?

Last week, we moved the kids into the house. They seem happy. They've never had their own rooms. We let them pick the colors they painted the rooms. We got a dinner table and have been eating dinner together every weeknight. I think it is the best thing.

Christmas vacation is coming this Friday and I get two weeks to monkey around at the house and get things closer to being right. I think we're going to make it.

My next thing is that I want a tradition. Something people come to from all over once a year to do and enjoy everyone's company. Robyn's Uncle has a pig roast in Syracuse in July, my biological Father has a Brunswick stew cooking in November.

I feel like my life has a purpose and it makes me happy.

remodeling the batroom

Robyn and I agreed to go serious when repairing a room. We started with the second bathroom. We had to replace the floor and the shower to make it functional again, so why B.S.? We got the floor we wanted, the shower we wanted, and the vanity we wanted. We also got a ton of headache we didn't want.

We realized the ceiling had to come down this weekend before we could go much further. The walls had to be I was careful to cover vents and drains before I started.

I should have known just from the sheer amount of leaves and twigs that fell there would be an issue, but I trudged on anyway.

The leaves and remnants of shingle gravel didn't bother me, but the bat's nest I found troubled me a bit, especially the one that dropped on my head. It wasn't until much later that evening, I realized my life plays out like a sitcom.

We went with sheet rock on the ceilings. I think the flat painted ceiling will add a level of class that blown acoustic mess and those dated tiles just can't match.

The next thing to tackle is the draftiness, the weak output of the furnace, and the second bathroom.

Home Sweet Home

I've managed to get a working bathroom, heat, lights, washer, dryer, internet, phone, and satellite TV going. Next up is bathroom #2.

We spent the first few weeks hemorrhaging money into the house to make it livable, and so far so good.

The bad news is that it is right in the path of a proposed highway. I hate the thought of putting so much blood, sweat, tears, and love into a house only to have it demolished. The good news is we will profit from it due to the fair price clause in state law.

I'm home

I bought a house. As of this past week, I am a home owner. A lot of things happened that I wish hadn't, but I think that is par for anyone's life.

The house itself needs a good bit of work, and I guess my bank account will hemorrhage into it for the remainder of my time there. It has been both fun and infuriating moving and doing the needed repairs to make it livable. Infuriating when it takes way more time, effort, and cash to make it happen and fun when it comes together and is done.

I have a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house just outside of city limits on 4 acres of land. I never realized how big 1600 sq ft was until I was there.

It's going to be tough for awhile. I've never been 100% on my own and it's a little scary and fun at the same time. There is very little room for error and many things that must be planned wisely for this to be a success.

I guess I feel grown up now. I certainly feel tired.

I have a new goal. I want to pay my house off as quickly as possible. No, I don't know how, but I'll keep my eyes open and my ears sharp.

American dream

I think it is time for me to realize the American dream. More to come.

Sponsorship

I need a sponsor to fund my existence. I figure a big enough deal would cover all my expenses. The problem being, I don't have the recognition/ fame that would make producers of goods with deep pockets want to use me to bring name recognition. By the time that happens, I won't really need the sponsorship. What a conundrum.

Nothing new

Nothing is happening right now. I wonder if this is the quiet before the storm, or the still after. This is the end of a chapter in my life and I have time to contemplate what's next and the implications of everything that's happening. I'm entering a place where I'm not doing what I need to just to survive. I'm doing what I need to do so I can have more of what I want. I am on the verge of achieving larger goals, and that is encouraging.

conclusions

I did an interview for a very close friends' class project. I'm flattered that he (or anyone) would think my life story is interesting. I guess it is a bit different. He asked me if I felt like I was pretty much at the end of my story. Good question. It made me think.

I guess my major tale is over. I have done all that I have really set out to do. All that remains are minor obstacles and not a lot of drama. I think my story is about to wind down to my happily ever after. I guess you get the point where the big story is over and you get the "what happened" frame where the camera freezes on a character and it tells how they end up.

Mike went on to get the job he wanted, marry the love of his life, got the house he wanted, and became the person he always wanted to be. He lived the rest of days very content.

nothing

Nothing new is happening as of late, just plenty of the same old runaround. I've decided I want more for myself out of life. I think a good piece of this is a fresh start. I've spent the last few years reinventing myself and I'm pretty happy with the progress. I'd pretty much say that everything I've made a goal has happened as of recent. The only question is: What's next? We'll see. I have a few things to deal with in the upcoming weeks and I'll figure it all out then.

big changes ahead

Very soon, the most major changes of my life to date will most likely happen. In fact, they should begin this upcoming week. More to come.

flip flops

Some days, I don't really know how I feel. I'm actually looking forward to getting the "dirty work" done for teaching. It's hard right now. I'm being pulled in ten different directions. I'm currently balancing quality of life vs quality of paycheck. I know that I can't keep up the pace at school. I'll go nuts. Last week, I worked almost 85 hours only to get dismal results. I'm getting better, and I'm learning what does and doesn't work. Sadly, there is no one right answer as how to do my job. There are good and bad techniques and better approaches, but it is mostly personal style and ability.

If I can master the skills to become a successful teacher, the money would be better to stay where I am. It 's that "if I can master it" part that is the breaking point. If I can't find an efficient way to do it, I'll be taking the job home more often than not and I won't have the quality of life I feel I need to be content.

I guess I'm at a very fortunate time in my life where I can try out careers. I could go into police work if so I choose and if I like it, I can stay. If it's not for me, I'll have a career I can go back to and be successful.

I am glad that my biggest worry in life right now is what job I want to do. Very few are so lucky.

help with what?

Sometimes, well planned lessons bomb and last mintue ideas are a hit. So far, that is my norm.

lessons for a teacher

Next week, I have to be out for two days. One day I have to drive about 45 miles to a training session and the other is in town, but both will have me out all day so I must plan appropriately. The 8th Grade EC assistant will be there in my place and she is very good. In fact, I'd prefer her get the assignment since she gets paid extra for it.

I think I'm doing ok. I'm not sure I'm doing exactly what they want since they can't explain it to me. I learned this week that they will let me know if I am doing it wrong. Good thing it was nothing major...

I still feel as though I should try for law enforcement. I think my heart is there. I think I would like the work more, and it would improve my overall quality of life. There is a certain level of constant stress that teach gives you. It might level off for me and I might change my mind by the end of this school year, but I don't know yet.

First Year teacher

I have learned a few things since I have started.

1. Many people want to help you succeed, but only a few can. The rest will waste your time endlessly. Find ways to avoid them. The one's that can really help you typically won't approach you.

2. Tune out what you don't get that nobody can explain to you. If it is important, you'll find out soon enough and someone will find you that can explain it.

3. Never put off doing grades! Not even one day if you can help it.

4. Plan a week at a time, maybe two.

5. Over plan your lessons. If you think you have just enough, you don't.

6. Have tomorrow's stuff ready before you leave today. Anything could happen and will.

7. There is no perfect approach. Teaching in a middle school is like trying to herd cats.

8. You will be wrong a lot and the kids will call you on it. Don't let your ego get in the way, they will respect you more if they know you are human.

mission accomplished

My dedicated readers know I started my "five-year plan" approach to life five years ago. My goal was to finish college and become a science teacher. I finished college and I am a science teacher. Now what?

My next five year plan is TBA. I became so much more over the past five years. I am more financially responsible, I think I am overall a better person. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am someone I can be proud of.

Teaching

I got my first week out of the way. So far so good. I look the part to the kids. Too bad I'm still working on actual mechanics. Teaching is a job you take home with you. It the first thing last thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought before bed.

The part dealing with the kids is simple for me. The grading, lesson plan designing, meetings and parent contacts are what is most difficult and frustrating.

As a first-year teacher, I will work much harder than my more experienced counterparts for less pay. This much more of a learning experience for me than my students.

I give my all, but I don't know that my heart is in it. I started developing a passion for something else...law enforcement. I must weigh the trade offs before I make another jump. I am here now and I will give these kids my best while I am there. I am still at the fork in the road of life, wondering where it will all take me.

Coming clean

Tomorrow is my first day as a teacher, and I'm not remotely nervous. I probably should be. I'm in a good spot with everything. The things I don't know, I will figure out, no need to worry about it anymore.

I changed my name back to my birth name. I never did feel comfortable with it. I was promised when I was seven that changing my name to my step-father's would make us more like a real family. I feel like that deal was not kept up on the other end. Love shouldn't ever be conditional. If you decide to disown someone based on life choices that don't effect you, then somebody really needs to re-evaluate their idea of how a family really works and I'm pretty sure I have the right idea.

Fork in the road

As I stated last post, this past Monday was my return to school/ work. I was a bit depressed, and I felt defeated. Nothing had come of my degree yet and then out of nowhere, I was offered a vacant position teaching science at my school, and I accepted of course. This is the break I've been waiting for.

I'm not deluded into thinking this is a dream. It can quickly become a nightmare. This is the hard part. I also know the only reason I'm tasting this success is because I was their last hope to have a teacher in that position. I guess we all get to see what I'm made of. I am determined to make them realize I should have been their first pick.

I am at a point in my life where I have more comfort and leeway in what happens next. If I hurry, I can still do the BLET in January and possibly be in another dream job come Fall, or I can stay with this for awhile. Mr., or Officer? Which one do I want the most? Either way, thing I want the most is closer to really happening.

180

Today was my first day at work. It felt like the walk of shame you have to take when you just blew up a public toilet. I wanted a better job before August and it didn't happen. So I returned to work to a ton of surprises. First off, they moved my room to a little dumpy ass-smelling room slightly larger than the janitor's break room. I had no prior warning. I didn't know we had an all-day meeting today and I was late for it. I came in and more than a few people were staring at me like I wasn't supposed to be there. Yep, I was feeling pretty damn awkward.

After a few minutes, I pieced it all together and everything made sense. Out of the loop, downgrading my room after three years without so much as a phone call. It is my turn in the barrel this year. I will get "cold-shouldered" out. Oh well, more incentive to make my possible career in law enforcement happen. They can't break me.

Then I was approached by my boss during our break. The very woman who has only spoken to me six times in five years. I figured I was in deep doo-doo. She asked if I graduated, I said yes. She asked if it was a science degree and I said yes, it is a biology degree. She then explained that one more of our teachers quit and we needed a replacement. The person she hired quit over the weekend. If my stuff lined up, she would recommend me for the spot. This would almost double my pay and make many things I want for myself happen much sooner. I had given up on teaching. I figured I'm not the type and frankly, I'm most likely not and never was. I would be stupid not to take it should it come about...more to come.

Cheapskater

I have found I am not happy unless I have an active goal or two. One of them is to prepare for the BLET, so I must workout as though it is my religion. The next one is to improve my financial standing. I'm not even in the ballpark of getting a better job for a year or more, so I must conserve what I have.

Much like dieting, you take note of where your money goes and where you can "trim the fat".

Here are a few things I've discovered, and they are no-brainers for the most part, but sometimes, we just don't think and that is where it all goes to Hell.

1. Are you paying for things you can do yourself?

Americans love luxury and convenience. We will pay somebody to do many thing we could do on our own. If you don't have the time, that's one thing. How many of us say "I don't have time" but spend hours a week online or in front of the TV?

Here's a few examples of what I can do for myself:

Tune up car.
Change motor oil.
Paint House.
Cook
Clean
Mow
Computer repair/ upgrade.
Wash car.
Repair flat tires.

You can easily think of many things you can do in your own spare time to save hundreds a year! Just do it your damn self.

2. How often are you eating out?

Eating out is the bank account scourge and should only be done sparingly. Four people eating fast food can start at 30 and go into the hundreds! Careful shopping and meal planning can not only have you eating cheaper, but healthier too.

Example: Going somewhere early? Pack the kids up and go to the nearest fast food place for breakfast you won't get out under $25 for a family of four. With that $25, you can get (where I live): 2 dozen eggs, 2 gallons of milk, a family sized box of Bisquick, two boxes of instant oatmeal, a loaf of bread and a pack of bacon and eat for a week. Even if you eat out once during that week, there is still over $100 weekly. That's just breakfast.

When it comes to eating, there are almost countless ways to cut the cost. Clip coupons, chase sales, buy in bulk...the list goes on and on.

3. Upkeep! Are you tires inflated properly? Is your car tuned up? Are the seals around the doors and windows of your house in good shape? These things can cause all sorts of problems with efficiency. A poorly maintained car drinks more gas, and a leaky house eats up heating and cooling costs. The upkeep will pay for itself.

4. Start early. Getting a late start causes you to drive harder. This puts more strain on your car and eats at the fuel efficiency. Cars get better than their rated mileage, but you have to drive a certain way.

Speaking of starting early, plan ahead too. Many things are cheaper if done in advance. Airline/ hotel reservations, car rentals. None of them will negotiate the day of the rental, many of them will several months in advance.

5. Are you paying for things you can get for free?
Like to read? There are libraries. Most public libraries have movies and music, you just have to wait in line.

How about a gym membership? You pay cash to drive across town to spend 20 minutes on the treadmill. I'll bet there is a road, park, or sidewalk very close to you that is free to use. Every city I know of has some kind of park with fitness equipment.


Anyway my goal is to be dirt cheap and I have a lot of downtime to figure it out.

agony of da feet update

Yesterday, I practiced my new breathing technique while out jogging. We started so late that I couldn't time our intervals, so we decided to run hard and then walk. I really pushed myself and I feel it today. That means I'm not going hard enough usually. Sore means I burnt those muscles and they are sending a message back to the brain saying we need to build up. I can honestly say running works damn near every part of your body and it is hard as Hell when you do it right. Yesterday was a good run and I want more. When January comes around, I will be ready.

the agony of da feet

Yesterday, we were jogging and I was feeling bad. I tripped and scuffed my knee pretty good. I'm pretty sure I've stomped all of the support out of my running shoes, but I can't afford any more right now and unfortunately, my shins hurt some kinda bad right now.

I been reading up about breathing technique. I think I'm getting winded before I'm getting tired. So I'm practicing runner breathing. Basically just breathing with my diaphragm instead of my shoulders.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to do a morning calisthenics program on my running days, just the simple basics. I have to ramp it up if I'm going to be in shape for the BLET. Come week six, I'm going to 4 days of working out. With any luck except bad, I should be close to, if not under 200 lbs. Either way, by this time next year, I'll be in a different, better paying job.

Speaking of which, I'd like to take the next person that says "Money won't fix your problems" and beat them into a bloody pulp. I admit money won't fix all problems, but when you main prolem is you don't have enough money to make it from month to month, yeah, money will fix that one.

the run down

Robyn and I have started a 9 week running program. By the end, you are supposed to be able to run a 5k (3 mile) marathon. I've gotten better already and I'm really excited about the thought of being able to be considered athletic. When the workout equipment I ordered comes, I'm going to start a program and go fairly intense with it. By January when I start BLET, I should be in the best shape of my life.

i'm going through changes

When I started this blog four years ago, I had just finished my Associate's degree, started full-time with the local school system and really wanted to get my teaching degree and be a full-time teacher. Now I have finished my Bachelor's degree, I'm still an in-school suspension coordinator, but I no longer care to be a teacher.

I've looked long and hard about who I want to be as a person, and the school system just doesn't impress me at all. There is a lazy self-importance to most people that work in a school that shows in everything they do. Not only do I feel completely unwanted, I really feel like my job is pointless. Even if I had the ability to make a difference with the kids, I don't have the support of the school. The pay is completely inadequate too.

I guess if I work at it hard enough and long enough, I'll get my comeuppance, but it's been a long time coming.

countdown to the BLET

I started jogging last week and I can already notice a difference. I have about 23 weeks before BLET will start and I think I'll be in condition that will exceed thier expectations. When I go back to work, I'm going to re-start weight watchers. With diet and exercise, I should reach several goals all at once.

My money situation is dire. My job sucks ass in the pay department and it won't get better anytime this year, which means several of my goal won't get met. This pisses me off. I've busted my ass to better myself and I want some payoff, but it never comes. Until I get some manner of decent break, I'm just spinning my wheels.

nightmare

I dreamed last night that my degree got messed up and I needed more classes to fix it. Then I woke up. Sadly, with the way things worked out, it would be much more than an inconvenience. I would honestly not mind taking a few more criminal justice classes. Besides, the only job prospect I have will not become available to me until next June. Oh well, nothing can be done about it now except to do it and get it over with.

I almost thought about still trying to get a job with the school system and just not doing the licensure classes. I'd lose the job at the end of the school year, but who cares now?

disillusion

I no longer care to be in education. Too little pay, too little reward, and too much bullshit. Working in education is a losing battle, hands down. The people are mostly full of themselves and flock into little gossip groups. We encourage the kids not to be like that. I'm just sick of it all and I don't even want to go back.

Sadly, it's not the kids that have me fed up. The "adults" mostly make me sick. There are a few exceptions, and there are some I'll not soon forget.

My life is taking me in a whole new direction, and I am excited.

travelling the road to wellness

Since I'll most likely start BLET's in January, I've started getting into shape now so I don't risk injury. Feels like a death march. I've always gone for fitness that appeals to me: weightlifting. That will not help me run a mile. No, I have to take a boot camp-like approach to my fitness goals, namely jogging and calisthenics. In 6 months, I should be in awesome shape. By this time next year, not only should I be in the greatest shape of my life, I should be in the career I plan to retire from. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but that's where I am right now.

on the lighter side

This is worth 10 minutes.


Big Buck Bunny from Blender Foundation on Vimeo.

Done...for now

July 25th has come and gone. I have completed my current studies. Now the fun part begins.

active file

I was told today I have an "active file" with the poilce department's human resources office. Interesting.....more to come.

resolve

Ok, the pity party is over. I can't curl into a ball and just give up. Yes, everything that is going wrong sucks. No, I don't think it should be so hard. Bottom line: it is, so quit bitching and work through it.

And miles to go before I sleep...

Almost done with the first part. All but done with the first step. Now I must choose which path to take next. No matter what I chose, there is still much to give to do to get where I need to be. I'll keep all my options open.

Robyn said something funny to me today. "I thought white guys got all the good brakes." Obviously not. Anyone who thinks different can shove their opinion of "white privilege" and shove it up their ass, right beside their head.

The truth is, I've never gotten a good break in my life. I've been used and abused at every turn. I'm waiting for my turn. I think I've put in a lot of sweat equity to get to where I am, and I'd kind of like to see some return off this.

If I go into law enforcement, I must get into shape before I even begin the training. I am an injury waiting to happen and I know it. Two years ago, I was heavy into weight training and I probably could have conditioned myself to pass a physical test easily.

Good things are around the bend. I can feel it.

hitting pavement

When I didn't get a job last school year, my principal said that everything happens for a reason. I don't believe that. I wish I did. I hold out for the proof that I am deluded by my own cynicism. I openly accept the possibility that there may be something greater just beyond our comprehension. A greater purpose or reason that we don't perceive directly. I think people call that god.

The truth is people suffer and die like dogs everyday for no good reason. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Most people must accept there is a better existence after death to keep them from going murderous.

I was born a skeptic and I can't always look past what lies on the surface. If I was made this way, was it a god's doing? Does that mean god has set me up for failure?

I want to embrace a spirituality, and I may search the course of my life to find my inner peace and never find it.

five days

Five days and I will have almost completed my five-year plan. The only thing not there is the career part. I have no intention at 34 to start a five year get a career plan. This will be a five month plan. I will attempt to go into law enforcement. I have 3-5 months to get into shape while the in-hire process begins. I actually like working out, just getting the time managed to do it. If I want to do this thing, I will.

home stretch

I have two classes left to attend. One exam and one paper left to turn in. No new job...yet.

Chugging along

I am slowly but surely finishing all of my requirements to graduate. I'll be done with everything by Friday with a week to spare. Now all I have to do is get a job.

I'm most likely going to leave the school system if possible. I no longer care to be in education. I like the kids, but I despise how I've been treated by the adults. I think I'll write a bit longer on that at a later date. Either way, a fresh start in a new career field will do me a world of good. The next one will most likely be the one I retire from.

What a 4th...

There were a lot of first times for me this past week. I camped in someone's back yard. I attended a 3-day July 4th cookout. I watched a whole pig get roasted on an outdoor spit overnight. I watched a movie outside projected on the side of a garage. I went to a liquor store that was about the size of a grocery store.

I realized how small and broken my life really is, but that is a good thing. I now know what I expect from myself. I know how I want to be.

The Goldwing Journal

I have had the bike for awhile now and I haven't been able to ride. I've just been that busy. I've fixed it to the point it is road worthy but I haven't been able to go out on it yet. :-(

This Winter I will paint it and make it all pretty and see where we can go from there. I think...THINK my goal is to end up with a Harley Road King. That is my idea of awesome in action. That sad part being I've never ridden one, so I don't know if I will like it. We shall see.

3 to go

I'm almost done. I only have a bit more work to do. One test, one project paper, one 8-page report, three book reports, and one 10-week journal to complete. Sounds rough, but I can do it. In fact, I'm just limbering up my "writer's mind" so I can start doing two of them today.

A position came open at the school I work at according to the schol system website, but the principal swears it was a mistake and that was an old posting. To be honest, sometimes I really don't know why I'm fighting so hard for a job that doesn't really want me, doesn't pay well, and I'll have to take more classes out-of-pocket to make it happen. It just seem like they expect an awful damn lot for so little in return. Granted, after about 5-10 years, you make more than you can going to another field, but really? Summers off and no holidays make it a tasty possibility. Money isn't everything, but if you don't have it, nothing else will come about.

So here I sit, weighing trade-offs and wondering what might come of it all.

the road of life

Life is a journey, not a destination. I've been traveling with purpose these past few years more so than ever. Too bad for me my life's highway is paved with broken dreams and shit. My broken dreams and everyone else's shit no less.

It is almost impossible to secure a teaching position this Fall despite my hard work. If I had graduated in May...who knows. If I get a job, it will be at the last minute when schools are like "OH SHIT! HIRE A WARM BODY BEFORE THE STUDENTS GET HERE!". It will be a horrible school and I'll not enjoy it at all. How am I so sure? Good teachers get hired at good schools. They don't go to schools that are horrible because they can choose to go to schools where they can get the biggest bonus check for all the little angels passing. The politics of public education usually stomps the idealism out of teachers by their second or third year. By the fourth or fifth year it's usually too late to do anything else. I had no idealism to start with, I just like the job for what it is.

July 25 will come. I will graduate. I kind of hoped it would be better on the other side of an education.

choices

I am at a crossroad. I graduate soon and I'm pretty sure where I go is where I'll be until end of my career days. It's either state or private sector. If I choose state, I can either stay in education or go into law enforcement. Either way, I keep my state employee benefits. If I do private sector, I start all over again with my retirement. Anything other school will pay more, but I won't get Summers off and that means a lot to me. Everything is a trade off with its own set of sacrifices and perks. In 10 weeks I'll be done with school, and I must figure out in a few short weeks what path the rest of my life will take. Big fun. w00t.

interview blues

I am a good interviewer, but I didn't do as well as I had hoped. I go in to interview for physical science and I wind up being asked if I could do physics too. The answer is no I can't.

I remember how good I felt when I was offered two positions when I first started working here. I could do ISS here, or be a TA at another middle school. I picked this one because I felt I could make a name for myself. I didn't realize I'd be put in a room far away from everyone and become at best an afterthought. I like how all schools like to say "we're a big family here" I come from a big family. I am the bastard step-child that is tolerated. The grandparents that loved me died years ago. I'm never visited or spoken to, just treated as an afterthought. I get invited to everything second-hand I only know a few people at family reunions.

I've only in the past year started learning what a real family is supposed to be like. I take a lot of my mannerisms and such from my biological father's side. Maybe that's why I'm disliked so much. I only ever wanted to belong. Is that so wrong? All I have is thirty years of regrets, guilt trips, hard feelings, and isolation. Thirty years of broken promises and shattered dreams, let downs and screw-overs... and I'm tired, so tired of all that.

the interview

Today I am interviewing for a high school science position. I am a little nervous, but I feel good. I have found the trick to interviewing is to go in there like you already have a job lined up, but you'd like to get the one you are at. You act like you are going to win no matter what he/ she decides. I feel comfortable and confident and they like that.

I dreamed last night that I was going to land the job. I dreamed I wasn't going to be at my current job anymore. After four years, my heart in no longer here. I just don't feel wanted anymore. I've never really felt a part of anything here, but that probably has more to do with me than anything else. All I know is there is no job for me here, and there in no prospect for one either. Nobody has even mentioned the idea of me moving up here and it kinda hurts. It feels like I have been keeping someone else's seat warm. I could probably stay here for the next 30 years, but the rest of my dreams will never be realized if I do, so I must go.

These are my kids and have been and I'll miss them, but my future wife and step-children need me too.

In my life, I have only regretted leaving two jobs, the one where I worked as a driver for handicapped people, and the pizza job I quit to go back to school. I don't regret my reasoning, the van job paid nothing and I was tired of making nothing. I couldn't go back to school with that pizza job, and I wanted to be educated more than anything.

Here, I'm happy. I like the people, and I like the kids. But I have to make more money and there is no place for me here anymore. I will miss it. I feel at home here.

I guess in August, I'll have to make myself at home in a new place. The 08-09 year will bear witness to some of the most drastic changes of my life.

Hold on, it will be an interesting ride.

winding down

School (work) is almost done for another year. Four more weeks. All I really need to do is catch up my paperwork, which really isn't far behind and just coast to the end.

I'm starting my interviews this week, so I hope something good will come of it. I've always been pretty good with interviews, so we'll see.

I'm going to start exercising again soon. It makes me feel good and I need plenty of that. I'd also like to drop some of the lard. My goal is to drop under 200, but I have been stagnant in that recently. Finishing these two hard classes was my main concern.

The Cadillac diaries are done. I traded it for a Goldwing. If I decide to really work on it, I'll make a Goldwing journal.

test

This is a test to see if using this asus eee would irritate me to death typing on it. I'll have to see. I might could do this.

Paul bought the base model one and is letting me give it a whirl. So far so good. A bit tiny though... I feel like I'm typing on a toy. The barbie pc... LET'S ORDER SHOES ONLINE!!!

I kinda like this. Built in wireless, fairly useful tool. Might just get me one.

all but the crying...

I passed all my required classes. My course work for my major is complete. I did about what I expected. On my best day I'm a "B" student and I gave "A" effort on two very hard classes at the same time, so I squeaked out with a "C" on both. I'll have 3 VERY easy classes to make up my GPA, so it's all good.

I'm grateful to all the people who helped me along the way. Offered me support, encouragement, and understanding through this crucial turning point my life. I am a different person than when I started.

I've started putting out feelers for a new job. As much as I love the people and the kids at my school, I don't think I can stay anymore.

The only question is: "What next?"

tonight, tonight.....

My last "big exam" is tonight. I should be panicked, but I am calm. I think I am entering "the zone"where it feels like everything is coming at me in slow motion. I feel a heightened state of awareness. My whole life's plans are dependent on the results of this last exam. I feel like I am the eye of the hurricane, the calm center of an unstoppable force of nature. Nothing is in my way that won't be cast aside.

And now, the last hurdle before the finish line...

the writing on the wall

When someone tells you to "read the writing on the wall", it typically spells impending doom. It comes from the Bible where a king ransacked a Jewish temple and used the gold and silver objects in very non-spiritual ways.

I mentioned that I wasn't too sure I was wanted at my job to a respected coworker and he said I was a very perceptive person and I should take care of myself regardless of loyalty.

I say to Hell with all of them. I'm going for the money and what ever is best for me. I need to stop thinking about the team. I'm a free agent and it's damn time I started acting that way.

The gauntlet

2 exams down, 1 left. I passed one, hence I passed Cell Bio. I'm pretty sure I did quite well in tonight's lab exam for A&P2. Now for the last one. I cool my brain tonight a study like a demon for the two days.

July 25th...

Strain

Friday is the first of my three finals. I have to make a 45% or better to pass, so I'm in good shape. If I nail my A&P2 lab quiz, I'll need a 50 or better to get through, so I'm worried a little, but I'm still in great shape.

Right now, it's almost like the entire world around me is subtly bending to my goals so that they are met.

I am so tired, but I have mile to go before I sleep.

the kindest cut

Last night I shaved my beard off. Why? Jobs. If you look like a biker, don't expect any interviews to go well. The kids almost cried, they think I look cool, and I agree, but this is for the greater good.

I've heard that doing things like that releases energy. Years ago, Lenny Kravitz had long, long dreadlocks for the majority of his career, his ex-wife said he should cut his hair before he started his next project, he said he was thinking about it, but she insisted he do it right then and when with him to get his hair cut. The result? His HUGE comeback album. Coincidence? Maybe. Perhaps these thing give us purpose and focus and we put the energy we were holding back into whatever we were doing to get that big push.


I need a big push. This is my last week for studying before the most crucial exams of my life. I need all the extra energy of mind, body, and spirit I can muster between here and there.

Then I'll start on the hard part.

books, sweat, and tears...

Here it is. The last major push of the semester. All I have to do is pass in two weeks and it's all downhill from there. I'm so tired, but I'm going out full blast because there's no turning back. The light at the end of the tunnel is in sight and I can see clear through now. Two weeks and the worst is over. Twelve weeks and I have my degree. From there.....I'll worry about it when I'm done with the tests.

July 25th...

on death

Last night I went to the morgue as part of my A&P2 class to get to view a body. Yep. There are certain things that one you see them, they cannot be unseen. When it comes to a morgue visit, that includes smell and feel. I picked up a human brain, held a cross section of cancer-ridden liver and put my hand inside of the chest cavity of a cadaver.

The coroner explained that it was a female (obvious) about the age of 54. She had fallen and hit her head, causing a brain injury from which she died. She had no children or insurance, so the family couldn't afford to bury her, and there she was, a donated body on a slab. He said he'll keep her about another year before she get cremated. I felt bad for her in a way, but she is there so that people like me might learn. A pre-med student could learn basic anatomy off her body, and later use that to save who knows how many lives. Her life may have been sad, and ended even worse, but her contribution to society on that cold slab may be incredible. Makes me wish there was an afterlife where they kept a tally of the footprint you leave.

Yeah? The guy that cured cancer? I was his med-school cadaver! How cool is that?

3 weeks left

And only two really count. Tomorrow, I go to the morgue for A&P2. But this is the last stretch until finals in 3 weeks. I must make C's in everything to pass. If I pass this set of exams, I'm good for Summer graduation. I must focus like a sniper on my target.

July 25, I'm coming dead at you.

damnit one more try.....

Diet went in the toilet after one week. I'll start fresh tomorrow. If not, next week I go back to Atkins and them maybe switch to a better balanced plan once I get where I need to be.

re-focus

I'm taking a bit of time to myself before I go full-on for the last of three. Two down and I did better than I expected on the first, and I know I did well on the middle. Exam three will be most crucial. After that one is in, I'll know where I stand. As of now I'm standing pretty good.

Last year I was derailed by a horrible case of strep throat that I let get out of control. Now my throat has been bothering me for a bit off and on for about a month. Can't tell if I've been snoring or if it's allergies or what but I told Robyn last night and she told me not to even play around and get my ass to the doctor. I agree with her. I'll go this week if it doesn't stop bothering me after my last exam. Maybe I'll go on a day she has off and we can make a lunch date of it. I'll talking to you, Robyn. ;-)

I'll will say this, I've changed from this experience. I'm more focused than I've ever been in my life. I'm more determined and level-headed. I feel like a different person. People mean more to me (certain people, anyway). Life means more to me.

During my five-year plan to better myself, life has taken many unexpected turns. I started all this for very different reasons. Now I see myself at the end of the first of probably many five-year plans. I realize now the thing I wanted more than anything, is the one thing I had all along.

focus

Why write when I should be studying? Focus. When I hit my saturation point, I refocus by writing. In 12 hours it will all be over for this exam and I have to begin on the next one. I'm feeling pretty solid on most all of it. As long as he doesn't focus on what I don't know, I should do very well.

I want a diploma come July 25th. Time to earn it.

tiring pace

I've finished one of three exams and I'm taking a short break from the books for #2. This is very mentally draining. I'm disappointed with my first exam, I know I'll do much better on #2. The third is crucial that I pass. The pressure is building, but I have to make it. Everything rides on this and my ability to pull through. 4 weeks left...time to break out the keg of whoop-ass.

The Last Push

Four weeks to go. These next two will be the hardest by far. 3 exams back-to-back. One tonight, one Saturday morning, and one Tuesday night.

I'm pumped.
I'm primed.
I'm as ready as I'm going to get for #1.
I'll be ready for #2 come Saturday, but I still have work to do yet.

It all comes down to this.
Wish me luck.

Back on

I've not been fighting "the losing battle" for awhile. I made great progress with 30 pounds from mid-October to February. School and such has kept me from keeping my eye on the prize. I've gained 5 pounds since February, so now I must refocus on my goal of getting under 200 by the end of the school year.

On June 6th, my 34th birthday, I want to weigh under 200.

To do this I must:

Get back on my diet and cut back on splurges.
Exercise 3 times a week.

I bet I could lose most of it in the first month. I know what must be done, and it will happen.

I'm not waiting until Monday for a "fresh start", I'm starting NOW.

dark day

It has been my goal for the past 5 years to get my BA degree and get into a career. At first I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted more for myself. Then I fell into education. I started out by being a part-time substitute teacher to pay my way through school while I was getting my AA degree and I loved it. I wound up working full time at a middle school as an In-School Suspension Coordinator. After two years of trials and tribulations, I made it back to college. I’ve been at Guilford College for two years working on a Forensic Biology degree and I am so close to finishing that it very essence saturates every pore and overwhelms all my senses. I just have felt like everything was coming together.

Until last week…

As I was looking at job openings for my school system, my school posted an opening for a science teacher and I became elated. I couldn’t wait to talk to my principal to re-emphasize my eagerness to fill that position. She said that she had already filled the position and my heart hit the floor. Who? Our 8th grade math teacher was offering to step down to 7th grade science to fill the position so that her student teacher could have a job here. The fact that she gave a kind of laugh made me feel like more of an afterthought than before. Yes, the girl is talented, and more personable than I am, and yes, math is more in demand than science. I understand why it was done the way it was done, but my four years of loyalty and hard work meant nothing and that cuts deep and makes me question everything about myself.

I don’t think I’m a priority anywhere or in any facet of my life. I’m not saying that my life is all that horrible, because it’s not. But I have never in my life caught a good break and I get mad as Hell sometimes thinking about how much I struggle for things other people just have and have nicer and more of it than I do.

I don’t want to understand.
I don’t want to count my blessings.
I don’t want to grin and bear it.
I want to slap every kid that can’t behave in public.
I want stomp a mud hole in every parent that doesn’t give a damn about his or her children.
I want to call out everyone who blames everyone for their problems except themselves.
I want every millionaire that made their fortunes exploiting people, never giving back, and destroying quality of life stripped of their worldly possession and thrown into prison.
I want a giant tsunami to wipe all the trashy, over-priced beach resorts away that made it impossible for poor people to ever have a good vacation.
I want to cause pain with my thoughts

My blood is like fire and my wrath is white-hot.

Oh well, I feel better now. Back to studying.

*disclaimer*
These statements are simply creative expressions not to be interpreted as threats of violence towards any person. I do not condone violence towards others. Take what you can from it, examine yourself and use that energy to create something positive in your life. If you can only express yourself or vent frustration through physical violence, buy a punching bag get a great workout, and harm none.

Thank You.

not nice today

After sleeping on a pillow of tear-soaked losing lottery tickets last night, I dreadfully awoke and came to my weekend job.

I work at a service station (gas, oil changes, car inspections, tire repairs, etc.). I tend to work alone more often than not. While working here does help me continue on working towards my degree, it also makes me very anti-social. I realize that people ask questions that I can't answer to their satisfaction. In fact people do all sorts of things I can't believe. Here's a few:

1. customer "Yeah, I want _________ exactly where are you located, or tell me what you are near?"
me "Yes sir, we are located at **** South ****** St. in west Burlington. We are between ***** and ******* streets. We're across the street from ******** (a local landmark) and right beside **********, the old abandoned steak house (also a local landmark)."

customer "Yeah... I'm new to the area, I don't know where any of that is, can you be more specific?"

me "....."

That happens no fewer than 12 times a day. How can I tell you where I am if you have no idea where you are?

2. me "Sir? Yes, your inspection is done. I'm sorry but your car (a 12 year-old economy car with 295,000 miles that is literally bleeding to death in the bay, it smells of filth and is completely trashed) failed to pass due to the things listed here. This is what it will cost for me to fix them, and you'll be able to get your inspection sticker."

customer "Well, ain't never noticed this before!"

How often do grossly fat people do a "look over" inspection of their car? I can only assume he thought his $500 rolling dirty bomb was supposed to last forever.

3. Customer pulls up to "full service" gas pumps and waits.

me "Yes ma'am?"

customer "Yes, please check my fluid levels under the hood."

me (after looking it over) "Yes ma'am, you're a little low on oil, what grade do you prefer?"

customer "Oh, it's too expensive here, I'll put some it in later."

me "..."

You know, we tend to only offer service to paying customers. Sorry, but it's kind of how businesses stay open.

Moving Van rental.

Customer returns after having the van 5 hours. "This van is a piece of crap! I want a refund!"

me "..."

Customer "Well?"

me "You had it for FIVE hours and there is 100 miles on it."

Customer "So?"

me "It took 5 hours and 100 mile to realize it was junk? That's just about a full move, so no, I can't refund anything. If fact you owe me more money. If you are unhappy with the vehicle, we need to know before you leave, at the very least before 100 miles and five hours."

Customer then leaves in a huff.

And you wonder why the guy at the station is such a grump.

7 weeks and counting

My next cell bio exam will be on DNA. I'm pretty darn good at DNA, so I'm not worrying too much.

I have to really hit the books hard in A&P2, but it is all mostly review for me. My goal for the next three weeks is to hit the books hard and give myself a little wiggle room in the grades.

The stress level is very high at the moment. I really don't think I could deal with too much more. After this semester, it's all down hill.

the longest mile.......

Starting tomorrow begins the 8-week stretch to the end of Spring term. I have the last half of Cell Bio and A&P2. No doubt the hardest two classes in the curriculum. I will have to study intently nearly every day between here and May 7th to pull it off. I've come too far to balk at the obstacle now.

This experience has changed me. I try to do thing to the finish now, not just "good enough". I find myself going a little crazy when I have nothing to do. I am obsessed with doing things the right way. I know more about where and what my limits are. I thought I knew what was important and what made me happy. Now I know.

I've recently discovered my credit situation is far worse than I imagined. And it was very bad then. I intend on taking very swift action to rectify the situation.

My diet is in the tank. I can't seem to control myself outside of work, and I eat like a fool when I'm eating out. I also have not began my exercise again, but the weather is getting better all the time and I can be more active.

Things are going to be hard, but I refuse to accept anything less than success.

good times

Life is rough right now, but I'm pretty happy with the way things are going. My diet has been for crap recently, but that's all good too. Things are looking up. By this time next year, I'll be better that ever.

This the first time in my life I have no regrets for my actions. Feels pretty damn good.

bad kid

About once every year, we have at least one truly rotten kid come along at my school. I mean truly, to the core, evil. I'm not using the word lightly either. When kids like that come along, they jar your very belief system. They make me question; "Why the Hell do I do this?" I sometime seriously ponder other careers. I don't know if it's because they make me realize my authority over them is an illusion, because I truly can't "make" them do anything they are not willing to do. Maybe that bothers me a little... okay, it bothers me a lot and I need an answer to the question I keep asking myself. If all I do can't help kids that need our help that badly. Why bother? I need the answer to that more than I need the bachelors' degree I'm working on to continue this career path. Why put myself through that?

The answer is he's only one. For one kid like that, we have one hundred good ones that I can manage, that listen, that remind me how good they really are and how much hope there still is left. That one bad kid doesn't deserve that much of my thought. I'll be concerned about the kid who wants to listen, the child that wants better, and is tired of the bad kids.

The evil one, I can't help him, but there are 600 every year that need me and I need them too. He needs me too, but he'll not realize how much we have to offer until it's too late, if ever at all.

the day my ship came in....

was today....I played the lottery and hit some numbers. I won $12. I bought a cheeseburger and more lottery tickets with my new found fortune. I wondered if it would change me at all as I munched on the sweet taste of victory that tasted bacon-y....

Nah, I'm still me I won't forget my humble roots.

ha ha ha

It was kind of nice, I didn't have lunch money and I left my food at home this morning.

school daze

Classes will be a challenge for the rest of the semester. The only thing I know is that I'm not going for an advanced degree any time soon. This is really tiring. I've actually thought about changing careers so I don't have to do anymore school for awhile, but I'm here now.

on the wagon

I've started strictly counting my WW points again. The first few days are the toughest. It's like starting all over again. I guess you kind of need to take a break from it every now and then. The good news is I didn't gain any at all and I ate like a pig! So maybe when I get to my goal weight, upkeep will be easy.

resolve

I've got a lot on my plate this week. One lab report, one class presentation, and I need to start my 20-page ethics final paper. Wow.

My next issue is to get rolling on my studies. I'm almost finished, but damn, I'm tired.

I like to daydream about life in the years ahead. Just a regular old, normal life. Yep, sounds good to me.

heading down the final lap

Yep, the light is at the end of the tunnel for me. I'm nearly ready to graduate with my 4-year degree. I'm heading into the home stretch on fumes and a loud knock in my engine. ie, I'm burned out big time. I'm going to have to put that master's degree on hold until I can get my head back into the game. In 5 weeks I've got to re-take the only class I failed. A&P2 was a beast last time, and I doubt it will be any easier this time except that I know what to do to pass.

diet? wuzzat?

After several weeks of no losses on the scale, I realize I need to re-focus. Starting today, I'm going to map out my meals and days effective tomorrow and include weekly exercise. I'd like to get a really nice treadmill that folds up, but I'm not going to wait between here and there to make it happen.

Back to the battle

I took two weeks off my new "food lifestyle". Now I feel healed and I'm going back to the sensible eating. I'm also going to budget in a few days of active time to firm myself back up. By next next Fall, I want to look awesome.

The end of all things...

February can be a tough month, but not as tough as January. The Winter of discontent is now over. I must play catch up, but a tax return and tuition check will help that.

I decided not to pursue the restoration of the Caddy. It would cost far too much money and I really don't want an old Cadillac anyway. I've also been given way too many offers to keep it. I have nothing at all in it right now, so I can't lose. I've decided quit while I'm ahead.

I think I will always have something to keep me busy. I've always been that way. If I just sit around with no project, I lose my mind. I get depressed without a goal. I see now I may never retire.

battle of the bulge - shore leave

I've been sick for a week, as a result, I've been curtailing my dieting. I think that a person can only really fight one battle at a time, and since infection is life-threatening, the battle of the bulge is in a temporary cease-fire. I've been doing very well, and I think I'm ahead of schedule. Besides, I'm not really binging per se, just indulging a bit more than usual. I probaly won't gain, I'll just won't lose either.

Next Tuesday, I'll go back full blast and probably include some light exercise too.

the losing battle: official update

I actually lost 3 pounds this week. The weight watchers website told me to slow down. It's hard for me to do that. I'm a "hard-charger"type. When I put my mind on something, I do it full-on. That is how I have survived, but now I have to learn to accept gradual change.

the losing battle update: the more you know....

I've been sick this past week and I decided not to count points and try to lose weight this week. I figure if my body needs extra calories to fight diseases and germs, who am I to deny my body for the sake of vanity.... I've lost two pounds this week so far, and weigh-in is tomorrow. How did this happen?

Most weight loss rely on something called a ECA stack. That means Ephedrine, Caffeine, and Aspirin. When taken together, they actually take weight off, but it can be dangerous, even deadly if abused. I've been taking cold remedy all week, which has an ephedrine substitute and a pain reliever similar to aspirin. I also drink hot tea for my throat, that is rich with caffeine. The end result is that I get the equivalent of a diet pill or two daily, which equals weight loss.

I've decided to rebuild my home gym. I don't need much equipment as I am not going to go at it heavy for a while. I just need to get moving and tone up a bit.

school daze

I just realized how hard this last semester is actually going to be. Cell biology will not be fun, A&P2 will be hard, Business Ethics will be super easy, I should prepare to spend most of my energy on CB until I have to take A&P2.


Since I'm graduating soon, I need to think about work. I must get a new job. I wish I could find something with above-average pay, but those seem to be taken.

frustration

I just realized that I can't realistically reach my goals, even after graduation.

bad week for diets

I'm doing great, but I just had a bad week. I was hungry! I'll be surprised if I lost any at all. I think the trick to success in the long run is to give in when you feel you need to, and tighten down the rest of the time. I need to start doing some weight work, or I'll lose a good chunk of my strength.

battle of the bulge

Tomorrow will be me normal weigh in, but it's been on my mind all week. I noticed last week some pictures of people from the 60' and 70's. Just a group of folks from years gone by. Almost none of them were fat like we are now. Rail-thin is what I'm talking about. What happened? We went from a nation of relatively trim go-getters to a bunch of lethargic fatties. I'd say the food happened and recreation stopped happening. Your soda doesn't contain sugar, it contain "high fructose corn syrup" and that is a huge difference. McDonald's 3 or 4 times a week. Sit down meals at a diner 2 or more time a week happened. Bottomless sodas, chips and salsa, bread, premixed microwaveable desserts (they are good), easy mac and delivery pizza.

Next our lifestyles have shifted to one of convenience. People don't do things for themselves anymore....at all. Dishwashers for those rare times you might actually eat at home. Electric scooters for the little fatties. I can only assume it's to prepare them for using the gimp cart at Wal-mart when they get too fat to drag themselves around.

Why am I saying this? Why am I ranting if I have a 40 inch waist. Anyone who knows me know I'm borderline morbidly obese. My BMI is 35, right up there for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and cancer. Why am I on a rant?

I looked in the mirror and said "no more". I saw a picture of myself and realized how horrible I looked. I have a belly covered in stretch marks and a rack that would make most teenage girls green with envy. I have to buy dress pant with the "emergency waist". I go to a place to eat with booths and my gut might be pushing over the table by the end of the meal, and I said no more.

It is a slow process and years in the making. I did low-carb, but it's not easy and it can cause health problems, the up side is I lost a ton of weight fast, and I gained it back fast when I decided I couldn't live without desserts and bread.

I next tried just exercising alone. I lost some weight, but I pretty much just swapped some fat for muscle. The good news is I carried my fat around a bit better, but I didn't slim down. Building muscle makes you very hungry. And when you can't do it regularly, you get flabby again.

So right now I'm doing weight watchers. I can't exercise as much as I want, so I watch what I eat, and do what I can. I eat healthy, and I curb my snacking. When I do snack, I make healthier choices.

I am within a week of hitting my 10% goal. That's the big deal of losing 10% of your total body weight. I wanted to have a goal of 60 pounds off. Just get to 200 for now and see what's up and go from there.

The downside of what I'm doing without exercise is I'm losing muscle too, and it shows. I have a goal of getting some exercise equipment in February. Exercise will help get fat off quick and hopefully, I can curb the muscle loss.

July will come around, and I'll look good in my black robe and mortar cap. When Mr. Wilson starts work in August, he'll need new clothes.

darkest before the dawn

There is an old saying "It's always darkest before the dawn". From a person who has been out in it. It's also coldest just before the dawn.

January is always bad for me. I'm always broke, no matter what I try. This year, everything broke and I had a new bill. I am now in ruins until February. Even gas to get to school will be rough.

I'm so close to finishing school, but it seems so far away. Even after it's all said and done with, I have so far to go before I'm done. So much to catch up and make right, and I'm almost completely drained. Some of those things, I might not be able to make right.

My advise to anybody at this point in my life would be not to wait to make things right and never bend to unreasonable people, in fact, don't deal with them at all if it can be avoided. They'll never be happy no matter how much you try and they'll take everything that makes you happy and destroy it.

Over the course of my life, I've had chances to better myself, to improve my life, and others ruin it for me. The greatest depression is knowing you had everything that would have made your life good, and you let fear, cowardice, and ignorance stand in the way as it slipped past. No apology, plan of action, or good intention can ever repair the damage.

And today is the grayest day of my life, because I woke up to that epiphany.

Updates...

Looks like the truck will be OK, it just needs some TLC on the carburetor. The motorcycle part will get here eventually. So all will be great soon enough.

I lost 2 pounds this week, putting me at 236. My 10% goal is 2 pounds away. Next week should be right at it. 24 pounds is about the same weight as 3 gallons on milk. I have to start exercising if I want any muscle left on my body.

Classes start next Monday and I'm preparing myself for the hard rush. I'll have all my core requirements done this semester. Summer term will be all easy classes.

I'm still being sued, but I've done some research on it and think I think I'm actually OK.

Life is good.

When it rains.....

Wow, what a week! I jokingly posted about January being the Winter of discontent, but it sure is coming true. The motorcycle is broke, truck is broke, I'm broke, and I'm being sued for an old debt. What a way to start '08!

I say bring it on. Let's work all the bad mojo of the previous year out right now before February. I'll take the bad now and coast the rest of the year.

I'm still actually pretty lucky. I have people I love and who love me enough to help me when I'm in a rough spot. Knowing so many people have your back in bad times makes the the bad times not so bad.

I really don't mind hardship, as long as it comes to an end. I think you need rough times to measure how great the good times are so that you never take them for granted. I actually feel sorry for the privileged. What's so great about having it good if you don't know how good you've got it?

quote

The world owes you nothing, and to expect anything else will only set you up for failure. - Wilson

the losing battle

I just discovered how hard the holidays are for diets. I gained two and lost three for a net of 1 lost over the past 3 weeks. I wanted to be under my 10% goal, but I'm still four pounds away. Not too bad, but being able to exercise regularly would help. Getting back on my school routine where I have no harmful snacks everywhere will be good also.

I am a creature of routine, and I thrive on a planned path. I want to be under 200 by July.

hardcore

snack over a crime scene