resolutions?

Everyone thinks about what they want to change at the end of every year. They make a list of New Year's resolutions. #1 is always lose weight for almost everyone. I'm losing weight, no need for resolve there, but I do have a few areas I need to improve upon.

Here are Mr Wilson's goals for 2008:

1. Finish my degree.
2. Get a (much) higher paying job.
3. Quit my part-time gas station job.
4. Live cleaner, lose all the clutter.
5. Two words : flat belly
6. Start paying off debt.
7. Have a "for real" bank account.
8. Buy a real mattress to sleep on.

Those are not resolutions, they are my goals for the upcoming year.

one track mind

I'm not too great of a multi-tasking person. I have limited abilities to focus on a few goals at a time. Last night, I almost cleaned my entire house and I'll be done with that very soon. I've been focusing recently on school and weight loss, both of which I'm doing quite well on. My problem is I become over-obsessed sometimes. I did weight loss before with the Atkins diet and lost 30+ pounds in a few months. I liked the results, although I didn't have the ability to sustain the loss at the time. It eventually became too cumbersome to balance my lifestyle with a carnivorous diet and it failed.

I joined Weight Watchers in early October of this year and I've lost 21 pounds to date. I know I'm doing good, but I like dramatic results. I canceled my gym membership because I don't have time to get there when I'm in school, and if I'm not using it regularly, I'm wasting my money. I almost considered using a diet pill to speed up the process, but that would just be dumb. I like my kidney function right where it is, and if I keep up my current progress, I'll be in pretty good shape this Summer and by next Summer, I'll have a "beach body".

I think our concept of instant gratification dooms us. Gotta have the new car, new house, new furniture, new body right now and worry about the bill when we are in a state of utopia. Why not prioritize and have what you need now and work on what you like along the way?

5 to go?

School is good, I'm done with another semester and it looks like all B's again. The next semester will be my most challenging yet. So I must be prepared. 1 400-level course, and the two hardest classes my major offers. When I'm done, I'll just breeze into Summer classes, graduate, and breeze into a higher paying job. July '08, here I come.

Success...now what?

I realized that I'm ok as long as I keep myself busy. With everything coming to a slow stop, as the holiday season comes around and I get a break from everything, my mood gets horrible. It's like I don't have a purpose, like something is missing. I think "normal" people fill that void with religion. Speaking of which, the other day, someone criticized my competency dealing with middle school aged kids on the basis of me being an atheist. I asked them if they believed in Santa Clause and they told me no. I then asked how are they competent to teach elementary school? Not too happy with me now, but they weren't before either, so what? One of these days, when I run out of things to accomplish, I might need therapy. I should be happy, I should be proud, but I'm not. It feels like everyone is mad at me or they want nothing to do with me. If I have nothing to keep myself busy, I feel useless. I mean, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, I'm getting an education, I work, I keep myself up, I'm losing weight because I'm fat, I know people respect me, I do a great job at my school, I get good grades. Every aspect of my life is getting better, so what's wrong with me? I even feel bad about writing this because the few people that might actually read this will just think I'm being stupid. I really don't need or want anyone's pity, I just want to feel better.

Winter break

Working at a school and going to school, Winter breaks really rock! I got a ton of down time coming up. I need it badly! A few weeks to cool the jets and recharge the batteries. I get to refocus on my goals and plan for the future.

Weight loss is looking good, school is looking good. The future is almost upon me, and I must prepare.

fighting the losing battle...and winning!

I lost 2 more pounds this week, putting me at 239, a total of 21 pounds to date. I am well on track to breaking the 200 pound barrier in May. Go me! Weight Watchers really works! I have a pile of "before" pictures on my computer and I plan on doing a before and after post in the months ahead.

Like everything else worth achieving, it take time, effort, and hard work. I'm enjoying that people are starting to notice that I'm trimming down that helps the cause. It makes those salads taste wonderful!

I like Weight Watchers because I can choose what I want to eat, but I have a structure that helps me make smart choices. So if I want a big breakfast, I eat light the rest of the day, and so on. Snacks like crackers and candy have been replaced with fruit and sugar free puddings. Sodas and my beloved sweet tea are replaced with diet soda and water.

My only real concern now is with my fitness. I must get into shape. I must exercise more.

Starting - 260
Current - 239
Goal (for now) - 200

On cleanliness

Not dirty, uncluttered, crisp, clear, and pure. These are some of the words we associate with clean. Offensive odors are also considered unclean. Apply these to a house. A cluttered house is impossible to make clean (not dirty) to any reasonable satisfaction. What to do? I have suffered from TMS for the majority of my life. I had Too Much Shit in my house and it became a maze of items that were useless due to the absolute over-abundance of semi-useful things. A thing should only have value to you if you can make use of it. On this principle, I have purged my home of so many things it is ridiculous. My floors are no longer danger zones for bare feet and I have no fear of unexpected guests. I'm still a work in progress, my bedroom and a few of my closets are horrible, but Christmas vacation is soon, and I'll be able to enjoy a 100% clean home, the type where every door is open for prying eyes. It is hard, and it is a learned, not inborn skill, but the benefits are well worth it.

tired

I know I don't exactly physically exert myself too much, but the strain of trying to accomplish what I am doing is mentally exhausting. All this classwork and school and work. I am burning out and I'm glad I'm so close to the end. I'll need some time at a much slower pace before I do this again. I keep telling myself it will all be worth it soon, but not soon enough.

I try to make the most of my situation, but right now it just seems like an endless struggle for nothing and I'm getting tired of fighting.

wild week

Fall Semester ends next week. I'm in a good spot to make all B's. I need a few week to cool off the brain before the Hellish Spring term begins. It has kicked my ass, but I'm better for it.

I've lost 19 pounds as of this week. I'll be at ~30 lost by the start of Spring Semester. If all goes well, by Summer, I'll be under 200 for the first time in 15 years. I could reasonably be 180 by next school year. Cool.

I need to rebuild my home gym. I can no longer justify spending money on a gym membership I can not use regularly. I want to rejoin at a later date, just not now.

I'm so close to finishing my five-year plan. Upon completion, I'll do a little soul searching, see where I'm at, and start the next five year plan. I already have a few ideas....

so much stuff....

I have done so much this past week.

I had Thanksgiving in Allentown PA with Robyn's relatives. We walked around neighborhoods with mansions to burn off pumpkin pie. There were houses so big, it took several minutes to walk past them. I'd never seen such houses in my life in person. Her family up North are good people.

We went to Syracuse to visit more of her relatives. I had the best steak I've ever eaten. I want another one right now!!! Her Uncle was the cook/ owner in the restaurant. I can't stomach the prices up there. But wow the hospitality! Everything seems to work together better up North.

Maybe I'm just crazy, but the everything seemed better. The food was tasty, the people didn't drive like idiots, and the landscape and homes were beautiful. Too bad the job market is harsh.

I came home to sleepy NC and it was just ugly. The people were ugly, the food tasted bland, people drove like they had a death wish, and everything looked trashy.

Despite eating like a pig all weekend, I still lost weight! I think exercise is the key for me. I get good results when I'm moving, so I'll have to set up better exercise times for myself.

I'm settling into a solid "B" in all my classes, I wanted A's, but it's still nothing to be ashamed of considering my responsibilities.

updated....

The Dig for Forensic Anthropology is tomorrow, looking forward to that....not really. I'm really starting to wear down from this schedule I've put myself on and next semester will be the hardest yet. Summer will be a breeze, and I'll be done.

I'm making great progress on my weight loss. If I can't get time to "gym up", I'll have to try to "home gym up". For the price of membership, I could re-make my home gym. Pity, I really like going to the gym and I feel bad when I can't make it. It just seems like it refuses to fit into my current schedule.

I'm actively trying to trade the Cadillac for a Jeep. I've always liked Jeeps, perhaps I'll just Craigslist it and get something I could and would use.

I've discovered that despite myself, I am at best a "B" student. This is nothing to sneeze at, but I'm still only good for a "B" average. I hope I am above average in the remainder of my endeavors. That is still quite good. In fact, I think I've never been excellent at anything, just above average.

Everything is going as planned, and I'm well on course for July '08. Eight months and counting.....

The to do list.

I have a list of things I want to do in my life. Not really goals, just things I'd like to do.

1. I want to write a book.
2. I want to build a custom motorcycle.
3. I want to build a hotrod pickup.
4. I want to become athletic again.
5. I want to do some aspect of my career so well that I become renown for it.
6. I want to travel.

steady progress

I'm down to 245 today. I've lost 15 pounds so far.
I still can't get to the gym like I should and that's a shame since I really enjoy it.
I hate to sound like a testimonial, but weight watchers really works, because it's not a diet, you eat what you should have been eating all along and lose it very gradually, so your body doesn't feel like its starving and you don't go mad with cravings.

While you don't have to deprive yourself, you do have to make choices as to what's best for your health. Do you want a pile of cheese fries or do you want to have a body you can show off at the pool? You want a flat belly or a whole box of candy? Personally, I know what I want.

I've been averaging 2.5, but my first two weeks were dramatic, as most new eating patterns are. I pretty sure I'll start averaging 1 or 2 a week before long....still good.





Starting: 260
Current: 245
Goal: 200 (maybe less, first things first)

tired

I'm just plain old running out of steam. I need a break from classes to recharge my batteries.

results not typical.....

I love the heart felt testimonials of people who went on a diet and lost a metric ton of weight. They have the horrid, miserable before pictures followed by the incredible after shots. The same is true of weight lifting supplements. I lost 45 lbs!!!*


*results not typical


Ever wonder why "results not typical" if this new way is the greatest thing since god invented the Earth? Makes me wonder too. I have a theory and it goes like this: The typical person is too lazy to commit to what is necessary to achieve exactly what they want, so they settle for less than they want.

Everything in life worth achieving demands some sacrifice.

sad week for losers

I only lost one stinkin' pound! I have to control my weekend eating much better. A night of Chili's and of fried seafood is bad for the belly. 13 pounds is still nothing too shabby, I just want more. The way I'm doing it, however, is the healthiest and most sustainable way.

I know right now that when I get to a skinny weight, I'll have stretchy belly flab, and I don't know how I feel about that. Oh well, I guess I'll wear layers.

feeling better all the time

I've been dieting for 3 weeks and so far, so good. Next weigh-in is tomorrow morning. I'm hoping my exercise offsets two nights of being bad. I should still be ok, especially if I keep it tight today.(I have)

I've given up redbulls as a morning drink. Yes, they give you wings, and then you crash like Icarus. I've started with a B-12 supplement in the morning. As of right now, wow what a difference!

BTW the Texas Cheesefries at Chili's has more fat and calories that a person my size should eat in two days! beware.

a gym? what's that?

I've not been working out regularly since I got sick last March. I've pretty much flushed all the progress I made away. Now that I'm losing weight, I'll be losing muscle too. If I want that trend to stop, I need to act yesterday. I've been naturally strong for most of my adult life, I don't want to be a skinny weakling. So, I must make it a poit to get back into a gym routine.

How to tell when things are going great.

I have time to write in my blog that nobody reads.

good times....

Life isn't too perfect at the moment, but I realized:
1. I'm gainfully employed.
2. I'm in college bettering myself.
3. I'm losing weight on a diet.
4. I'm in a very strong relationship.
5. There is a point very soon where I'll be pulling out of some of this hardship.

I'm doing great these days.

Biggest Loser update:

Last week was dismal. I only lost 2 pounds. So I knew I had to watch myself on days where I could splurge. My main issues is portion control, meaning I eat too much too fast and I wind up blowing it big time. I've worked on eating out skills this week, I did pretty good. Roby and I went to Outback and had a great dinner. I had the bread, a salad, a 9oz fillet w/mushrooms, a baked potato, and split a dessert with Robyn. How did I do it? That would have blown a whole weeks' diet! I ate 2 small pieces of the bread, I ate the whole salad, I drank diet soda, I ate half the steak and potato and about 1/3 of that awesome dessert. I also ate very light that day before. I exercised portion control and took home steak and potatoes for dinner the next night! I lost 4 pounds this week.I took some before pictured too, so I can show off my after.


Starting 260
Goal 195
Current 248

Going strong. I want to march for my degree in skinny clothes.

a hard heart

I tend not to feel too sorry for the downtrodden. There are some that have nearly-unbelievable bad luck, but most tend to be people who are more content wallowing in misery than to work for better circumstances. I know because I used to be one of them.

I've worked in kitchens, delivered pizza, ran the register at a few convenience stores, all the while miserable with my condition. What did I do? I assigned blame everywhere but where it truly belonged...with me.

I didn't go to school, I didn't eat right, I didn't do what I was supposed to when I was supposed to. Period. End of story. And there you have the seldom recognized formula for failure. It's easy to do nothing when the person who is at fault for your undoing is not you. You can't change them, you can't succeed.

Then what are we to do? It seems so hopeless, we should just give up, right? And there you are, a downtrodden "victim" of society.

But what if you realize that you have to change to change your situation? You realize that and you actually do something to change, then what? You break your back playing catch up and learn that change for the better is hard, but worth it.

Now, at nearly the end of my first 5-year plan. I graduate from college in 9 months, I'm on a diet and I've already lost 8 lbs. I can't change every one else, but I've done a lot to change myself and now I can't go back, or should I say I don't want to.

Pennsylvania

I don't get out too much, but this past weekend I went with Robyn and her parents to Allentown, PA. I honestly don't care to travel, but I had fun anyway.

We went to Robyn's cousin's wedding reception. He married a woman from Bulgaria both are going to be very successful. It was nice. We stayed in her Aunt's house with several people visiting from all over. One brought his giant iguana that was pretty much free-ranging the house. Made me want to try to grow another one, but not now anyway.

They were nice people, Allentown seemed a very nice place with lots of character. I came back and this whole place looks tired and ugly. Everywhere I saw run down everything that looks like nobody even cares a little bit. The minute I got back into NC, people were just plain old rude. Now I know why people with out-of-state tags fly past on the highway; they can't wait to get the Hell out.

I can't blame them now.

How did I do it?

After a week of fast food, no exercise, and general gluttony; I still managed to squeak out 2 pounds of weight loss. I'm amazed and disappointed at the same time. That could have easily been a 5+ pound week. Every trip to the fast food drive through, every second dip into the buffet is that much longer I have to stay in a shape that I'm ashamed of. That alone should discourage me. On the other hand, if I don't treat myself some, it's just setting myself up to fail.

That being said, I could care less what the scale says. I'm a somewhat muscled person (not muscular) and I'd not have it any other way. I'm not going to weigh the same as a person with no strength. I want the thin face and narrow waist and I want to feel good. Since I got myself fat enough cause stretch marks, I'll never look 100% the way I'd wish I could, but I knew that when I first saw them and kept stuff my face.

We work with what we have.

Start 260
Goal 200
Current 252

bad day

I managed to mess up all of my vehicles this week to the point that I am wheel-less for the moment. Does that upset me? A little. I'm frustrated, but there's nothing that can't be fixed in the ammount of time I have and nothing is too expensive, so I'm good.

Sometimes you have to look at the blessings, or the good stuff if you prefer. I'm doing great on my diet, I was the biggest loser for my team last week, my grades are all good, I've not gotten behind on anything important. Life is good, despite one bad day.

Biggest Loser - middle school edition

Well, we had our first check-in, and I lost 6 lbs. That makes me the biggest loser! Actually, being the lowest paid person here and the only fat guy working here makes me the biggest loser.

Either way, I joined weight watchers last week in hopes that it would show me the way. As of right now, I'm not disappointed. I know that to maintain a healthy weight, I must maintain a healthy lifestyle. This is the part I must learn. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, my whole life is changing around me and I'm ready to change too.

Starting - 260
Current - 254
Goal - 200

Senior 60

I have a kind of twist to the freshman 15. I'm border lining morbidly obese and something has got to give. I'm doing the senior 60. I want to lose at least 60 lbs before I graduate.

My school (where I work) is doing a "biggest loser" contest in the vein of the TV show. I joined up and I'm the only man in it. I'm also the only guy in wretched shape in the school. I tend to be a very competitive person and thought this would be the perfect motivation to do get it done.

I have decided to get organized with it. I'm going back to the gym starting today, and I've joined weight watchers. I like structure and I've realized I can't do it without it. Mainly, because I never learned how to eat healthy.

Current weight: 260 lbs.
Current goal: 200 lbs.

Timespan: ~8 months

Let the fun begin

rough night

Last night I dreamed of my death. Not of how, but of the precedings before the funeral. I looked like a creepy glob of wax and they were dressing me in a gray suit. I was watching them do it all, I guess I was a ghost of some sort. It was disturbing to say the least, but I remember thinking "there's something more after all".

I'm a reluctant athieist, meaning I'd like to believe in more, I'm receptive to the idea there is more, but I just don't. I've actually had people tell me my beliefs were "convienient". I think they are anything but. I want the tunnel of light, I want to see all my loved ones that passed away. I think Heaven should be there, and it should be like a Southern picnic. Everybody you know is there and they are all happy to see you. I'd like to think dear old Buddy is at the main gate waiting for me to come in.

I'd like a place that is a cross between everything we know about afterlife. It's what you enjoy and find beautiful and you can interact with other loved ones who have died. Maybe it would have a little reincarnation mixed in. You can remember your past lives after you pass on, but eventually you send your essence, or soul back to be reborn. Perhaps the people we strongly connect with in life were the people we had a previous connection with in another life.

Who knows really? I know that if this is my only shot, I want it full of love, comfort, and happiness. I want the people I've shared my life with to be left with positive things after I'm gone. I want them to remember the love and that I'd want them to be alright after I'm gone and move on with their lives.

All this over a dream. I don't know when it will happen, but I know and accept that I will eventually die, and everyone around me will die either before or after me. I cannot stop or control this, it is a simple fact of life. I will, however, fill the future with as much good as I can so when the time comes, I'll have no regrets.

I shouldn't listen to raving athieists before going to bed, or eat spicy sandwiches either

Solution?

Organized crime? Gang problems? Terrorism? Dwindling resources for social programs?

HA! Easy solution, what do they all have in common? Drugs.

Gangs, Gangsters, and terrorists fuel their agendas through the illegal drug trade. So? Legalize it, tax it, and go into an economical golden age.

Simple solutions are the best.

great quote

I was watching TV last night, which is rare in itself and I saw a quote used on CBS's "Cold Case". I was a few punk kids tagging "Evil Triumphs" as thier motto and they were convicted of murdering 3 kids. It turns out they didn't, and the big rock&roll satan gimmick was a reach. The kids were making a statement. "Evil triumphs when good men do nothing" was the whole quote. I thought' "Wow!".

It's so true it's scary, just look at what a generation of inaction has given us.

Everyday we lose a few more rights. we allow the Constitution to be erroded and we do nothing. As long as there is an i-Pod, a Starbucks, and 500 crystal-clear HD channels to keep us numb to world events and all the while Big Brother is listening.

A Russian commedian that was popular in the 80's, said "Things are so different here. In America, you watch TV. In Soviet Union, TV watch YOU!"

Patriot Act my rear, just wrap that one in the hammer & sickle and call it a day.

the future...whatever

I don't get much time to write with school in full blast, but we do what we can. I was looking at some vintage reels from the day talking about the future. By the year 2000, we'll have flying cars, take vacations on the moon, and have robot servants. Well, they sure missed on all that.

I think the problem with predicting the technology of the future is we use today's standards of life to base what we think tomorrow will be like. The problem being is that all the technological advances that get us closer to those goals also shape the society and creates other issues and goals.

This is a transcript of what might happen in 2000 in a 1961 newspaper.

What sort of life will you be living 39 years from now? Scientists have looked into the future and they can tell you.

It looks as if everything will be so easy that people will probably die from sheer boredom.

- Still no cure for cancer

You will be whisked around in monorail vehicles at 200 miles an hour and you will think nothing of taking a fortnight's holiday in outer space.

- Hmmm

Your house will probably have air walls, and a floating roof, adjustable to the angle of the sun.

- nada

Doors will open automatically, and clothing will be put away by remote control. The heating and cooling systems will be built into the furniture and rugs.

Automatic doors? yes. Everything else is BS

You'll have a home control room - an electronics centre, where messages will be recorded when you're away from home. This will play back when you return, and also give you up-to-the minute world news, and transcribe your latest mail.

- Answering machines & internet okay, this real

You'll have wall-to-wall global TV, an indoor swimming pool, TV-telephones and room-to-room TV. Press a button and you can change the décor of a room.

- You can have a big screen tv, and indoor pools, they made video phones and video chats are popular. Mostly stuff for the wealthy, not the average person. No push-button remodeling though...

The status symbol of the year 2000 will be the home computer help, which will help mother tend the children, cook the meals and issue reminders of appointments.

Well, they can't cook, but computers and TV's do seem to 'babysit' the kids to ill-effect.

Cooking will be in solar ovens with microwave controls. Garbage will be refrigerated, and pressed into fertiliser pellets.

- Wow, they had the good drugs in 1961

Food won't be very different from 1961, but there will be a few new dishes - instant bread, sugar made from sawdust, foodless foods (minus nutritional properties), juice powders and synthetic tea and cocoa. Energy will come in tablet form.

-Yep, food without nutritional properties are here, we call it McDonald's.

At work, Dad will operate on a 24 hour week. The office will be air-conditioned with stimulating scents and extra oxygen - to give a physical and psychological lift.

- So much for that work week. Those glade plug-ins work nicely.

Mail and newspapers will be reproduced instantly anywhere in the world by facsimile.

-Email and internet. Didin't get the need for paper out of our mind yet.

There will be machines doing the work of clerks, shorthand writers and translators. Machines will "talk" to each other.

-Internet! Still have to type manually...

It will be the age of press-button transportation. Rocket belts will increase a man's stride to 30 feet, and bus-type helicopters will travel along crowded air skyways. There will be moving plastic-covered pavements, individual hoppicopters, and 200 m.p.h. monorail trains operating in all large cities.

- Not yet...

The family car will be soundless, vibrationless and self-propelled thermostatically. The engine will be smaller than a typewriter. Cars will travel overland on an 18 inch air cushion.

- keep dreaming

Railways will have one central dispatcher, who will control a whole nation's traffic. Jet trains will be guided by electronic brains.

- I guess consolidation of services is a foreign concept.

In commercial transportation, there will be travel at 1000 m.p.h. at a penny a mile. Hypersonic passenger planes, using solid fuels, will reach any part of the world in an hour.

-HA!

By the year 2020, five per cent of the world's population will have emigrated into space. Many will have visited the moon and beyond.

-We're really falling behind schedule here.

Our children will learn from TV, recorders and teaching machines. They will get pills to make them learn faster. We shall be healthier, too. There will be no common colds, cancer, tooth decay or mental illness.

-Yeah...

Medically induced growth of amputated limbs will be possible. Rejuvenation will be in the middle stages of research, and people will live, healthily, to 85 or 100.

-Well, no regrown limbs, but people have been seen to live vitally past 100.


And this isn't science fiction. It's science fact - futuristic ideas, conceived by imaginative young men, whose crazy-sounding schemes have got the nod from the scientists.

It's the way they think the world will live in the next century - if there's any world left!


- Yeah, they were pretty delusional. I want my robot servant.

But there are thing we have now that they never imagined in 1961.

Cell phones
Mp3's
Laptop computers
Video Games
Internet

All these thing make a lot of what they were talking about obsolete. A robot servant could consolidate many things and really simplify life. But think also of the bad things that could happen.

Podcasting....

I'm intrigued by podcasting and I want to do it. I need to figure out what I need to make it happen.

teachers...

I was never a good student in school, I am 100% responsible for the mess I made of my adult life. I never did get much guidance and direction as a kid. I got a lot of love, but not much guidance. But there were a few. There were people who tried to teach me, even when I wasn't ready to hear what they had to say. And now that I work with kids and see what their effort meant, I'm truly ashamed that I won't ever get to thank all of them in person and tell them what they meant to me.

Mrs. Niparts, 1st grade - Thank you for being loving, inventive and creative. Thank you for making me feel special.

Mrs Leath 3rd grade - And currently my department head, thank you for making me feel wanted and important.

Mrs Martin 5th grade part II - Thank you for just being a great, loving person and a wonderful example of who to be as a person.

Mrs Gates 6th grade - Thank you all I can remember is feeling love.

My entire 7th grade team - Thank you for not killing me, I'm sorry.

Mrs Miles 7th grade Language Arts - Than you for trying to make me a better person and not budging on it, though I hated you at the time for it.

Mrs Baumgardner 9th & 11 grade LA - Wow, thanks for being so crazy I had to pay attention and thank you for reminding me that I like to write.

Mrs Cheney 11th grade US History - Thank you for telling me I was worth something long after I no longer believed I was.

Mr. Cook - You never taught me, but you knew my name. That made me feel important. Thank you

Mr. Pickard 11th grade Intro to Computers - You are a great man and you made me feel like a person in your room, thank you.

Mr Rice 11th & 12th grade graphic arts & Al too - This class was my refuge. I felt like family in here. I stopped thinking about killing myself after the first month. Mr. Rice called me by my French class name "Serge" it was the fist time anyone thought enough of me to give me a nickname.

Coach Staley 12th grade Geometry - thank you for treating me well, and not getting mad when I was too wasted to hold my head up in class.

Mrs Danieley 12th grade Chemistry - If not for you, I would not have graduated. Thank you so very much.

They did so much for me, and cared long after I had stopped. Now that I'm trying very hard to improve my lot in life, I can use what they gave me to be a success now that I'm ready to do it.

law

I thought of going to law school after all is said and done, but I really don't think that will happen. I don't think I'm smart enough.

One of my current Criminal Justice classes is being taught by a lawyer and it is no as much demanding from him, but just difficult to grasp all these concepts of the history of law and how fickle the interpretation of said law is. I think I get it, but I'm not too sure.

I just don't think I'm smart enough for law school.

over-enthused

You ever take a class from a teacher who thinks their subject matter is a bit more important than it actually is? Were they so enthused and think every little detail is so important that it actually turned you off of that subject?

Yeah, I hate art now. I will pass the class, but the teacher can die in a fire as far as I'm concerned.

observations

Hate is as natural an emotion as love is. If we learn to stop hating based on race, we'll hate based on some other difference.

Personally, I like to hate people on a one-on-one basis. Being a racist is just lazy and ignorant, if I hate you, it's because you earned it.

Few people believe this, but I'm actually a person who is very content with life's direction right now. Is there room for improvement? Yes. Are there things I want, but don't have? Yes. Am I where I want to be? No, but I'm getting there and that knowledge is enough. My five year plan is well on track, and though it is a struggle, I'm well on my way to a goal.

observaions

I've changed since going back to school. I'm also trying to be more considerate in public. I've noticed most folks in Walmart will not look at me or even try to be considerate. They just nudge past.

I was told once by one of my teaching mentors some children and most child-like adults see kindness as a sign of weakness. They will then disrespect, and try to take advantage of you.

Kids tend to only misbehave as far as they think they can get away with, and if you don't stop unacceptable behavior today, it becomes tomorrows' acceptable behavior.

School, well...college

I'm in my second week of classes, and so far so good. I hate Art, but I have an A, so I can deal with it. I guess if you don't develop a love for art young, you find it to be a waste of time. I asked my advisor if I could just take more CJ classes than I need to fill credits.

We got our teams for Forensic Anthopology class Monday and we were split up into groups based on the fact that only four of us have pickups. I'm one of them and people who had me in previous classes gravitated toward me. Then I became team captain.

Call me Grissom.....

I really didn't want the extra responsibility, but I guess it will look good on me in the long run. We'll see.

This past week school restarted and my first week of Fall semester began. Tomorrow, the kids return.

I've made a pledge to keep up with my studies, but already it's proven difficult. When I'm in school, I'll have a large amount of daily study time, and I will use it, but my home study time will also have to be up to snuff.

I'm shooting for straight A's my final year. I'm not expecting them, but I'm aiming.

I really don't know where gym time will play in, but if anything has to give, that would be it. I will, however, make an attempt to get a more healthy diet added to my lifestyle. During school-season, my life is more about routines and schedules. Cheap and healthy is almost impossible though.

By this time next year, if I do what need to, I'll be a graduate and in a better paying job. Notice I don't say better. If I could get payed well for what I'm doing now, I'd retire from it in 30 years. Oh well....

July '08, here I come, full speed ahead.

observations......

I'm going to try to put a single observation up as often as possible, just a new angle on my content.

Today I ate at McDonald's for lunch. I ride a motorcycle, so I go in and sit down more often than not.

I sat in a booth facing the exit for the drive-through line and this McD's has a trash bin right at curbside for folks to toss trash on their way out. There were no fewer than 5 people who stopped and tossed McD's wrappers and cups out. In my mind, there could only be two reasons for this.

1. That was some tasty-ass burgers and they finished it in seconds flat.
2. Their last meal was McD's as well.

Both are equally sad.

sad

I have known for a long time that the ability to breed does not prove the fitness of parenting by default. Actually, it is the inverse. Those who breed the most have the least business have children at all. But when I go to a function with kids involved, I see first hand who can and cannot raise children. The people who have all the uncontrolled kids running amok while my step-kids are well behaved. Everyone says "Wow, those are good kids."

Well, they are not perfect, but we stress proper behavior in public. Recently, I was at a gathering in which children were invited and I saw first hand how other kids were. Things were broken, I personally saved a toddler from falling down a flight of stairs....twice. All the while the parents were not watching the kids and getting drunk.

I've always wanted children of my own, and it most likely will never happen, but it sickens me to no end how people neglect their children and put them off on others to watch.

I guess these people believe either nothing will happen, or they just don't care. It might just be both ignorance and apathy that leads them to drink up and act a damn fool while other watch their kids in horror and disgust.

leggo my ego

Do ever wish that people though you were as great as you imagine yourself?

Just once, to receive a standing ovation in recognition of your accomplishments?

To be admired and envied?

Maybe just to feel you were heard?

Summer Scool over,grades finally in.....

After having the worst three weeks of my life, my grades are in, and luckily, I won't be repeating anything. I did VERY well on my final exam....so well, I almost managed a "B" out of a class I started terribly. A is for AWESOME, which is what I got in my Study of Gangs class. B is for "By God, I passed". C stands for "Could have been better, still passed". Still on track, one year to graduation and counting. If the coming year passes as quickly as this past one did, by the time I know it, I'll look up and see myself in a career that will actually pay me a living wage. But who am I kidding? There'll be much more to finish after this is all done. What next? Master's degree? Law School? Nothing? Who knows, but I do know for sure that I must stay focused and pace myself, to avoid the panic of overwhelming myself like I did this go 'round. The future is not some goal years from now I keep daydreaming over, but a run of classes that will start August 20th, and end December 10th.

Summer School is very expensive. So much so I dread returning next Summer to finish up the last two classes I'll need before graduation. Who knows how much it will cost me next year.

I bought the Harry Potter book Friday night. Wal-mart had a chest-high stack, so what the Hell? I'm about 75 pages away from the end. Very good distraction.

I've decided to start going back to the gym. I don't feel good about myself, and last time I tried to do anything endurance-related, I did horribly and I feel horribly. I though I had gained weight, but I haven't. I gained a good chunk of fat and lost muscle. I'm setting my goals, re-affirming myself, and pushing forward. forward.

trash filter

A filter is nothing more than a baracade. It will let cetain things pass and keep other things from passing. Some time the filter is there because you want to keep something and get rid of the rest, not unlike panning for gold. You want the filter you use there to remove the mud and water and leave possible gold pieces. The coffee filter keep the gound coffe in while hot water infused with the essence of the coffe beans go through. Some times filters are less tangible, but there none the less.

It's been almost 10 years since I last went to Disney World. On the flight home, I met a very interesting fellow who claimed his wife was a marketing director for Disney Resorts. He told me about the numbers she has brought home, and claimed the revenues were so robust on food, lodging, and merchandice, they could actually let people in for free and still net a profit in the billions. My next question was "Why don't they?", and he had the answer. "Dinsey caters to people with money." The resort doesn't want just anyone walking in causing all sorts of havoc. So they set a high price so that only people who meet their standards may enter and consume. So the gate price is a trash filter of sorts. People who cannot afford the $60 a day per person can't go. People who tend to not be able to afford the nicer things in life tend to not have the self-control to behave properly in public either.

So, Disney makes a nice chunk of superfluous cash and keeps out people that may be too trashy to enjoy themselves and not ruin it for everyone else.

You might be at this very moment saying "OK....and you're going WHERE whith this?"
This past week, Robyn and I went to see two movies. One was at a very nice theater in a more-or-less upscale mall The Southpoint Cenema and we watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The other was at the $2 theater, Spiderman 3.

Wow what a difference.

Total cost with concessions at Southpoint: Over $50.
Total cost with concessions at Graham Cinema : $10.

Graham Cinema has cheap conessions too, a drink and large popcorn is $5 with unlimited refills. Nice, very nice....
What is not nice is the absence of the trash filter. Every piece of hot ghetto mess that had $2 and would be breaking parole by staying out so late was there. I did find it amazing that pay-as-you-go cell phone can have mp3 ringtones. People were interacting with the movie like it would somehow change the plot. Some of them, I'm not sure they could even tell you what they were watching since they didn't shut up once during the movie. Some chunk of trash took thier infant (infant as in the umbilical cord was still there). It was a 9:45 pm show! It was more amusing than anything else, but it cements the fact that if you want quality, you have to pay for it. I don't blame them, they grew up knowing only what they were around, apathy, ignorance, crime, and dysfunction. I think I'll take the kids there one day to show them how NOT to act.

Just for example, there is a photo album of what I saw here

what a Summer!

Summer classes are rough, but I'm passing.If I keep up what I'm doing right now, I'll be on course for graduation next Summer. I'm burning out hard though. There are times I can't bring myself to even look at a textbook. When that happens, I look at the college banner on my wall and remember that everything is riding on what I'm doing now. That will ususally get me in the mood for studying.

I've noticed after every midterm, about half of the class drops out. That means I'm in the top half of my classes, which is a very encouraging thought. What it also means is I was meant to do more than I've ever pushed myself to do. Why? I guess despite all of my smugness, I've always thought of myself as below average. I never did think I was all that bright even though I was always told otherwise. Why? I just figured it was where I was. I went to a really crappy high school where the kids were mostly welfare cases from the start, and never really had a chance at all. Just because I was graduating when a few hundred didn't....I figured I was a dumbass in the company of retards. No matter how bad I was it wasn't as bad as what I was around.

My stepdad told me if I wanted to go to college, I'd better make all A's, there was no money for school unless I came up with it. He didn't like me too much back then and the feeling was mutual. I don't blame him, he did what he knew and the deck was stacked against us ever getting along. Fueds have been settled, and the truth has been told, but the scars remain. I reget not being closer to him, I really do respect him and I learned so much from him on the meaning of being a man. He deserved so much more than he ever got out of life. I wish him well.

Greed

I am disgusted with this country. On of my favorite sayings is "When making a deal, make sure the other guy makes some money too. If you make all the money all the time, you won't get many deals." I feel like the working class is being screwed over. I delivered pizza years ago. At first, I made $7.00 an hour, and tips. I worked about 45 hours a week ant took home almost $100 in tips every night. I made more than most of my managers. They got ill with people making more than them, so they started saying "Hey, I'll pay these guys minimum wage and hire more of them so they only ever work part-time. Then I'll be the highest paid!" And they did. Gas prices went up, cost of living went up, wages have stayed the same for almost 10 years. Yet oil companies, and thier CEO's are pulling down record profits along with the other major corporations, yet they have to out source jobs to other countries and allow the very people who purchase thier products to languish in order to make record profits. Why do we allow them to do it?

I'll tell you why.....

200 crystal-clear channels on your HD widescreen with surround sound.
Broadband internet access.
iPods.
Video games.
The Axe effect.

Add them all together, you get apathy.
No sir, not my problem. I've got mine, fend for yourself.
The dissolution of community has generated such an almost contempt for you fellow neighbor that it's pathetic. I'm not saying that easily, as I am guilty of it too. I tell the kids I teach/ punish to lead by example. Follow the rules, but change things for the better every chance given. That's damn good advise, I should follow it.

On youth.....

Some people say that youth is the golden time of your life. I remember being 17, it was ok I was awake but not aware. The whole world was opening to me yet I didn't quite understand it all. I miss the long hair and the 30 inch waist, but that's about it. Then in my 20's when I was a good bit chubbier, I delivered pizza and lived on my own. That was nice at first. I had more money than good sense, and all the time in the world to enjoy it. But like all good things, they came to an end. It was good, but not golden, I don't cherish and relish those days, but I do miss the money. I still don't make that much. My golden years are just ahead of me, I've worked very hard for them. I will be in shape, I will be healthy, I will be happy. I only have another year of bad times, the good times will come shortly there after.

Thirty-three

Speak to me in a language I can hear. Humor me before I have to go
Deep in thought I forgive everyone
As the cluttered streets greet me once again
I know I cant be late, suppers waiting on the table
Tomorrows just an excuse away
So I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own
The earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
At the blasphemy in my old jangly walk
Steeple guide me to my heart and home
The sun is out and up and down again
I know Ill make it, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you
And for a moment I lose myself
Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
Ive journeyed here and there and back again
But in the same old haunts I still find my friends
Mysteries not ready to reveal
Sympathies Im ready to return
Ill make the effort, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
Tomorrows just an excuse
And you can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you

last week

This is the first day of the last week of school. I'll be on vacation until August. Wow, what to do with all that time. I've been so busy with college and what not that everything has kinda snuck up on me.

Alot of not-so-good things have happened recently. Some of them I can work on, some of them I can't. I have an idea for a few of them, but I doubt anyone I'm partered with would trust me enough to let me try to make anything good happen.

I'd like to make some of my own dreams happen, I'd like to build my own legacy and I'd preferr it not be on a foundation of misery.

winging it...Goldwinging it

I'm currently riding an '85 Goldwing around. Not my preferred bike, but nice and cheap on gas to the tune of 40+ mpg. I've noted that my "true biker" streak is re-emerging. I feel more at home on a bike than I do driving a car or truck. I've come to learn my preferences in what I ride though, I like my bike to be low to the ground. Not only does the improve the center of gravity for slow-speed balance, but it makes it easier to get off and on. I like some sort of winshield, it helps keep too much wind off you so that you get a nice breeze and not a windstorm....fewer bug-related mishaps is also good. The gas mileage alone is a good reason to ride $72 in gas compared to nearly $300 every month in a lot of cash saved. I might could afford to stop eating out of the trash. Now I need to find how to cut corners everywhere else.

My exercising has gone in the toilet. We must work on that.

Forensic Chemisrty is rough. I know I bombed out the first exam, but not completely. I can still make good if I prepare for the next two properly and do all the lab reports correctly. I will do it, and I'll do it better than the rest of the class. Damn it, I won't fail again. I will graduate next Summer. I will make the most of this opportunity. July '08.... 59 week countdown to a new way of life.

make-believe

I guess I'm in a mood today. Tomorrow, I play D&D with my gaming group. I used to look forward to it, but I haven't for awhile. I guess I'm tired of playing pretend about so many things. I'm trying to clean up and I just don't give a damn. My real life is so much more interesting. I'm on the adventure of my life. These days it just feels like Hell. I look to the future and hope, but there is little more to make of any of it. All this work for hope. I guess this would be a great time to have faith, but I don't. I'm wearing myself down to the nub for the hope of a better tomorrow. A whole year of this seems almost cruel. And after this, I still get to go to school for more classes for the next two or three years after that. Then will I get that small piece of a dream? Can I make it all happen? 32 shouldn't feel this tired and worn out. July 09.......still heading that way, but damn, it feels so slow now.

maybe a thought or two

I feel like "the old boxer" in movies right now. I'm so close to the end, but I don't know if I have the juice to go "one more round". I think the only thing keeping me going is sheer determination. Once that goal is accomplished, then what? I need a break from all this, but even after I get the first degree, I have more classes to attend to get a teaching license. I can't join a forensics unit at a police department, my credit is ruined and they won't hire people with bad credit. By the time I fix my credit, I'll have been in the school system for so long that I won't be able to give it up. I should have started so much younger. I dreamed for normal, I guess I got it.

Season in the Abyss

I hear Hell is lovely this time of year. I return to school for Summer sesson this week. Forensic Chemestry is reportedly the most challening class in the catalog. I must be healthy and focused. I'll admit I feel the difference in my stress level already. I'm calm, relaxed and ready for the next challenge. I'm disappointed that I have to re-take A&P2. I know that if I hadn't gotten so sick, I would have passed it. Hell, I made a "B" in the other class I was taking at the same time, so nobody can say I didn't try.

I'm also taking "A Study of Gangs" for my Criminal Justice concentration. I've been told it's an easy "A", even at a 300 level class. I guess I'll know Tuesday.

yelling across the chasm

Every week I put a new inspirational quote on the board in my classroom. This week is "To be successful, the desire for success must outweigh the fear of failure." Bill Cosby said that one. Last week was "The future belongs to those who prepare for it today" - Malcolm X. Teacher come in and say "Wow, that's a good one." Then they write it down and I see some form of it somewhere else in the school by the end of the week. I make the kids copy it so many time before I send them back to class. They usually don't get it, and if they do, they don't usually see how it applies to them.

I realized that schools really only serve a few distinct purposes. One, it give people the opportunity to dump their kids off somewhere so they can go to work. Two it takes those kids and separates them into two different groups: Those that can and will, and those who can't or won't. There is a difference in can't and won't, but not a signifigant one, not signifigant enough to make any real difference anyway.

Does it sound like I'm cynical? I'm a realist, I tend to be optimistic most of the time. I try to make the most of a situation, but I digress. The ones who can and will, can and will become a success usually. Those that can't or won't, it's like like taking a mule to the Kentucky Derby, that jackass is a waste of time and resources, but we still have to try for years to achieve the impossible.

If I could figure out what to do or say to try and get as many people to can and will, I'd do it and write a book and become famous.

resolve

After wallowing in self-pity and cake for a few days, I have refocused myself to school. I'll graduate in time to take a job teaching in August of '08, and everything will work out well. As well as they can anyway. Why I am I so sure? Because godammit, I'm determined to see it happen and I dare anything else to get in the way.

There is an 82 280zx on the lot the guy wants to sell. I sure would like that car I've had 2 Z cars, and between Robyn and myself, we've owned about 6 Datsun/Nissans and I just like them. Very dependable and rugged like a tank! Oh well, my dream car is a 73 240 zx burt orange with 5-speed and A/C. Sweeeeeeeeet. That might be my graduation present....awww who am I kidding, my money is spoken for before I even get my first check. But I have a plan....

painful setback

I flubbed one of my classes. A flub is not as bad as a flunk or a fail, but I still have to retake it. Luckily, I had planned one mess-up in my plans so it doesn't put me off track, but I can't have any more screw-ups if I want to be done in a year. The problem is, I got sick and I just couldn't catch up. I managed to pass everything else though, SO I need a few A's in there to get the old GPA up. I'm pretty confident I can get that going. I'll need to take one of my harder classes with A&P2, the dreaded Cell Biology, but I balace it all out with a very easy elective. So, One hard class, one review class, and one breeze class and I should be ok. I'll take my last two classes over next Summer and all will be good. July '08, still headin' straight for ya.

the wringer

Due to circumstances mostly beyond my control, I found myself dreadfully behind in my studies and final exam time in my wake. I lost a good 3 weeks due to being sick and when I'm sick, I just can't seem to absorb anything. I'm pretty sure I'm done with Forensics, A&P2....the jury is still out. If I get a C, I'll be happy. I just don't want to take it again and be forced to fall behind schedule. August of '08 should have me on a larger pay scale.

I'll admit money isn't everything, but when I don't have enough to ensure the basics and a little quality of life, then I'm not making enough. One of my favorite sayings is money is like air and sex. They don't really matter until you're not getting any.

I went to a wedding Saturday and got quite a few I deas of what I'd like to see in my own wedding. Let's see:

1. At a trailer beside a highway? No
2. On a hill so steep you could trip and fall to your death? No
3. Have the reception pot luck? No
4. Serve prime rib? Yes
5. Be totally trashed before the weddingeven starts? No
6. Invite people who don't want to attend and will have hard feelings? No

Ok, so I have things I don't want to see. Yeah, it was that sad.

No outlet...save one

I really don't get a chance to vent my feelings on current events except here. I really don't talk to anyone that cares, or cares to hear me rant. I'll go a few.

Imus: He kinda had it coming. You just don't run somebody down like that on what was possibly the greatest moment of their lives. Yeah, they lost the game, but they were college basketball players in a championship game. That should have been a moment of pride, not everyone can accomplish that. Imus said something really tacky, which has been his gimmick for about 30 years, so he's been dodging the bullet, but I don't agree with the fact that Jesse and Al are hypocrits enough to call for his head. I think both of them only represent themselves, not the Black community. The only reason Imus had the program is the fact that he was a moneymaker for so many years, but he was not really getting listeners and it was time for something new anyway. I found his brand of "humor" to be downright unfunny. That being said, I don't think we should squelch every offensive voice. Repression and opression do not change things, it's like putting a lid on a boiling pot, it will eventually blow and make a mess of things. We've got to try and find a better way to understand and get along.

VA Tech shootings: I'm an ISS teacher at a middle school and a full-time college student. Spending all this time around schools, which seem to be the only places crazed gunmen are targeting, is making me a little nervous. Almost like I'm dodging the bullet, no pun intended.

Makes me wonder when the saftey of others should take precedence over the rights of the individual. It's a slippery slope and I'm not too sure I can answer that question. I do know that if a person is considered a danger to himself and others, maybe s/he shouldn't be allowed the same freedoms. Maybe a person in this state of mind should be monitored more closely. Why not? Our government spies very closely on people who they believe are a terrorist threat, why not a person that could go nuts and kill people. Big Brother is already watching, if I were to type the right words in the right combination in this very blog, I could be flagged as a threat to national security and be monitored. So then why was nothing done to bring a person like the VA Tech shooter into protective custody? If he hadn't killed anyone, he's not a criminal. Since he is not a criminal, we'd be violating his rights.

The sad part is, there may be no answer as to how to keep these things from happening. Any "coursre of action" to prevent future tragedies could bear scary, unexpected outcomes. Not doing anything could do the same.

odd place for a quote

I person I don't like said a quote I liked.

"If money is all you need to solve it, then it's not a problem."

I like it. There are a few exceptons, but not too bad. In my ISS room, I like to put up a new quote every week. I do it every week because I don't have the same visitors every day. If I did, I might could do a daily quote.

In high school, 9th & 11th grade, I had a teacher that was quite possibly insane, but so inspiring. She put up daily quotes and we had to write on the main idea of those quotes and how they made us feel. Those classes with her were not challenging, but they were inspiring.

As an adult who, as a child, threw away so many of my own opportunities, I see the efforts made by the teachers who really tried and believed they could make a difference and I am grateful.

Sometimes I forget the reward for being a teacher is not always tangible and I can't always see it in the kids I've worked with, but it's there. I have helped chage lives and it feels good.

If it's free....TAKE IT!!!!

You never know what you'll find for free. People get rid of things all the time that are good, but they want something new or they run out of space. Sometimes, something is just wrong with it that they can't fix and it makes more sense to replace it. This is where people like me come in. So far in my life, I have gotten so much free stuff, it's crazy. Some of it wasn't worth keeping and got tossed, other things were only in need of minor repair. Some things were perfectly good and just needed a new home.

The scavenger lifestyle can be lucrative as well, just so long as you do not become a packrat in the process. You need several things to be a truely successful scavenger:
1. A vehicle to haul stuff around, like a pickup and/or a trailer.
2. An extensive set of tools.
3. A decent place to store and work on your "finds".
4. Mechanical aptitude.
5. A place where you can dump things off if they turn out to be worthless.

I have taken so much free stuff, I can't even begin to catalog it all. A few notable finds do stick out.

1. A 125 gallon aquarium with stand.
2. A metric asston of office chairs (great for the D&D game night).
3. Two working dishwashers.
4. A 1985 Ford Ranger.
5. A 1976 Caddilac Eldorado Convertibe with 54000 original miles!
6. A queen-sized sleeper sofa. I miss this one now.
7. A damn good oil-filled electric radiator-type space heater.
8. My coveted, one-of-a-kind, Icee Light.
9. Four computers.
10. Two TV's

An enterprising person that doesn't get too attached to these things can turn a profit or atleast break even on such a hobby. For example, people give away junk cars just to get rid of them. I know a guy who'll BUY those cars and haul them off for scrap. I make a profit off of selling car that was given to me, and he makes money for selling it to the scrap metal dealer. It works out nice really nice.

If you have a place to store free crap you don't want yourself. Hold it for an annual yard sale. Fun stuff. The scavenger's motto: One man's trash is another's treasure.

The Apex of Technology

I noticed awhile back that nothing new has really been invented in awhile, we're just improving on what we already have and combining gadgets. I like multi-purpose gadgets. I appreciate the fact that they realize I don't want to carry around a backpack full of crap everywhere I go, so put it all in one hand-held device.

I own a Razr V3r. It's a cell phone, digital camera, MP3 player, and has pretty good video games to kill time. If you were to add a GPS, and a decent web browser...wow.

During the time I worked at Best Buy, all the "nifty stuff" was a combination of gadgets and widgets in one sleek package. A car stereo with DVD player and a retractable screen. A fridge with a 13" LCD TV built right in the door. Excessive? Maybe. Not for the people with TV's in the kitchen anyway. Even computers are becoming multi function. Computer now have DVD, DVR, multi-purpose, multi-media entertainment centers complete with HD widescreen monitors and crystal-clear, dolby surround with optional high power theater-quality speakers. Sunglasses with wireless bluetooth technology, so you are hands-free and care-free.

The only wonder is you wonder why your ass is broke, trying to pay for and keep up all this crap. It ain't cheap.

My question is, since we know what we can get and use, what can any of us do without?

that was fast!

I had a whole week from work and now it's gone. I accomplished so little, but I guess that is why it is a break. You're not supposed to do Jack. The main reason why precious little was acomplished was because it was cold and I was/am broke. Being sick took more than my energy, it took my cash too. So the Caddy project will be delayed, and anything else I wanted to do for that matter.

I did get a few things done. I brought a dishwasher someone gave me home and tested it. I'll be writing about that soon, and I got a little yard work done too, but nothing major. I guess I'm not motivated to make the place look nice because it is packed with other people's trash that they won't take back and I really can't throw away either. I have a junk car in the back yard that will NEVER run again, but can't be removed for some odd reason. Why do anything if the centerpiece of the yard is a rotting 30 year old car? Nothing I do will make that damn car look better or go away. I have actually reached the point in my life where I want more and better for myself, I guess I just can't get it here.

shorter tunnel

Great news, I'll be able to take my Summer class, which will allow me to take the necessary classes to graduate before fall '08. July '08 beats the Hell out of May '09. Hot damn, this just might work out after all. Now back to the stress.

School Blues

This past semester was way too much. I damn-near burned out, but so far it looks like I'll make it out in one piece and on track. It's too bad about possible missing out on Forensic Chem this Summer. Missing registration while I was sick will kill my graduation date, which disappoints me. It puts all of my plans back by a year. A person not in my place would say "What's one more year?". It's 365 days of still broke, still struggling, still nobody. What's one more year in prison? One more year in Hell? One more year incomplete, empty, and unaccomplished?

Ten years in the making and when the light at the end on the tunnel is a year away, two years is unbearable. But what can I do? I can't give up, can't quit....so here I sit and wait out until....May '09.

Robyn & the Gym

Robyn has decided to join the gym with me. I think this could be an awesome new direction in our relationship. I really don't feel like enough of an expert to tell her what to do to get started. My only advise is to start with a basic exercise routine for the first few months untill her conditioning is improved and she learns technique, then ramp it up.

I figure that if we were to exercise when we hang out, instead of eating and watching TV, It'll do wonders for our health.

I suppose we shall see.

I lost close to 10 pounds when I was sick, I'd like to keep that off and lose more weight. I want to get to 200 pounds and see what's what from there.

geez...the setbacks

I wound up with an out of control strep infection that put me out of commission for a few solid days. Too bad they were class registration days. I may have missed out on a required Summer class that is required to take another class. If not, it will be next Summer before I can take the class and finish up my requirements. May '09, anyone? :-(

Robyn says she's fine with it and we'll manage, but I feel like I'm walking the longest mile of my life and it has no end in sight.

Strep-face

I am on my sick bed, damn-near my death bed. It seems as though I had strep throat last week and all of the germs never went away, so they went into my lymph nodes and then spread into my sinuses and face. I'm now a swollen monstrosity. My face looks like something from some third-world country medical abnormality book. I had a 103 degree fever, and even my Dr. thought it was bad. He almost hospitalized me. Through it all, Robyn made sure I was OK. Thanks, Hun.

a cure? for me?

Due to unusual circumstances, which tend to define my life, I found myelf visiting a chiropractor. I've been out of whack all of my adult life. After looking at me, measuring me and doing general check-up stuff, she seems to think she can re-align me.

All my life, I feel like people have not seem me, but rather my awkward posture, my crooked neck. They would call me "crooked" behind my back. I always pretended that it never bothered me, but it did. It was like I was not even anything beyond one physical abnormality, almost like the way cruel people pick on the handicapped.

To some extent, this problem has always made me self-conscious. I felt that because I was so abnormal, people would judge me based on that. I'm pretty sure I was right, but it also help me become the bitter, hateful person I am today. But now I am told it can be fixed.....and I don't know what to think. In the next year, everything that made me feel bad about myself id going to be fixed. What then?

infectious waste of time

I've been really sick this past week. So sick I went to the doctor...again. He believes it's a viral infection that has laid me low this time. I don't recall feeling this bad in a very long time. It doesn't help that one of the symptoms is a sore throat, which is by far one of the most irritating things in my life. It has really taken the wind out of me. I missed a week of school and two days of work. Even as of today, I have no energy to speak of and I haven't been able to work out at all.

On the workout front, Robyn has noted interest in going to the gym with me. This could be a good thing, a real change in how we spend time together. Instead of going out to eat somewhere unhealthy, we could go exercise and get a light meal. Neither of us are happy with our current shape, and if we were as committed to working out as we are to spending time together, we'll be in shape in no time flat.

conundrum most powerful

I don't think I can do 3 Summer classes, especially when they are as challenging as what lie ahead for me. One of the toughest obsticles, forensic chemestry, is on schedule for this Summer, but I'll only be taking one other class, Most likely a criminal justice course. The bad part will be the fact I'll need to take Summer classes next year, but I'll still be done in time for the following school year.

What not to listen to......

There is a TV show Robyn and her mom like to watch called "What Not to Wear". I can't stand this show on many levels. It is one of a long line of shows with stylish hosts that offer fashion tips to people who are a bit clueless on the style thing. The gist is that the "cool" experts on fashion make fun of the person be helped and actually toss out her old clothes into a trash bin.

Even though they seem helpful, and the people are always grateful for their help, the two hosts of the show come off like total jackasses even down to thier "polite" demeanor.

You have fashoin problems? Do what I did. Get a girlfriend and let her pick out your clothes.

St. Patrick's Day '07

There was a big all-day block party in Raliegh for the event, sponsered by the local Irish pub, Tir Na Nog. I wasn't so interested in that as I was seeing one of the bands, the Battlefield Band. I heard them about 6-7 years agoon an NPR radio program and was hooked. Even Robyn liked them, and we're both pretty big into Celtic & Irish/ Scottish folk music, so we've been trying to see them for at least 6 years and last night we finally got the chance.

I must admit, I was skeptical going into it. I like outing this significant to be just for the two of us. I found out that "we" had invited a third wheel and I wasn't too happy. Not because I hate other people, but when you add more people, you add the opportunity for more problems....and we have had those issues where "friends" were invited and just ruined the whole night with thier grand-standing and emotional defects. To make the whole matter even better, the person "we" invited, invited another person to go with us. Robyn was pretty sure we were going to take seperate cars as well, but then they piled in talking about how drunk they were going to get. So we are thier "DD"'s, yeah....glad we could help out there.

We got a later start than I originally thought, mainly because the person we agreed to take with us worked that afternoon, and we needed to wait until they got off from work. I was getting flashbacks of previous times when special events were ruined by other people drama and it was starting to get me down.

Long story short, we got there late, the Battlefield Band had already started playing, but I guess it was for the best. It was cold & windy so not the most fun seeing them in a block party-type venue, but we were happy to see our favorite Scottish folk band play. We found out that they were going to play another set inside the pub, but we were not about to stay. However, our "guests" were inside the pub and we had to get them before we could leave. So we had to wait in an amusement park-sized line to get inside and when we finally got inside, it was so packed we couldn't find them for a good bit, so we stayed. This time the band was comfortable, we were comfortable, and there was a good time to be had by all, with plenty of drinking, dancing, and laughter to go around. The best part was the fact that the band signed Robyn's CDs and we got to meet them all.

I'll admit, Robyn choice was the better of the two this time. If the person "we" invited hadn't come along and brought her friend, it would not have been as nearly a special night. I'll say it was the most fun I've had in a quite long time and the most fun I've ever had in a bar setting.

So once again, you were right Robyn, you were right.

All these changes....

I don't quite see myself where I imagined myself when I was a kid. Some of it is true. People call me "Mike", I always thought of myself as a Mike. I like short and to the point names. I kinda figured myself as a tough, work with my hands type as an adult. Since I am a middle school ISS coordinator, I guess that's out. I wound up with a screwed up neck that seems to bother everyone but me. I guess I'll have to get it fixed one day since I don't like standing out for the wrong reasons. I guess the rock star thing is out too, especially seeing as how I can't sing or play an instrument.

I guess I'll have to settle for geeky science guy who has an inflated self-image.

Back to the grind....

Unfortunately, it's me being ground up. I returned to classes last night and saw the devastation first hand. I was, once again one of the "survivors". Many have already given up in all my classes, and I am passing. I'm pretty sure I'm not "upper crust" material, but I'm not a bottom feeder either.

I've decided to hit the ground running. I will not let a day pass without a minimum of 1 hour of study time. I passed on a boomerang curve in fast track A&P 1, I'll not need it in A&P 2. The class I should be enjoying, I'm squeaking by in due to the demands of A&P. This isn't boot camp. This isn't a marathon. It's a death march for my sanity and I'm fading fast. I'll have to go to graduation in a straightjacket...but I'll be there.

The Alamance County Cadillac Bank Account Massacre

After weeks of not even geting to touch that beat of a car, I finally got out to the shop to go through the nessisary tests to see if it wil run, or if it is beyond my ability (and price range) to restore it into a giant Sunday car. Much to my surprise, it fired up and after a difficult spell, it all smoothed out an started running like a car that had never been parked. It only took about 20 minutes of running. After that point, it didn't even smoke. Truly, that Caddy was one of the last great American cars. It looks as though there will be few mechanical problems. I told the fellow helping me to tell me something bad, I need to be discouraged. He said he couldn't, it looked real good to him.

She'll be a driver soon. Once the bugs are ironed out, It will be cosmetics time. Clean up, paint up, make her look new again.

Back when that car was new, to own a Caddy was a status symbol of success, you had finally arrived. That must be a good feeling.

Looking ahead, this will be a several year project, nothing is cheap on this car, but everything on it is built to last. If it's put back together properly, that car could be my old fart convertible until I'm an old fart.

Delilah

The Biblical one, I wonder about her sometimes. Did she know what they intended to do to Samson? I also wonder if it is an tale that is supposed to teach about trust, and how much to trust others.

Though I still wonder, did she love him? Was she regretful of this act the rest of her life, or did she "do what she had to do"? Did she feel bitter vindication when he killed all the Philistines by pulling the columns down?

Sometimes we love people more than they love us, and it can ruin a person.

I'm hatin' it

It is almost not worth being here, I hate it so much. This job might not be too bad, but it's either boring or frustrating and no mid-ground. If I didn't need the money, I'd be anywhere but here. I have a Cadillac to restore, a house to clean, and all sorts of other things I could be putting off right now if I were not at work.

I tried the last few days to try to sleep without the sleeping pills the Dr gave to help with my anxiety issues. Not too good. I can only assume Robyn was correct, in thatI have some sort of sleep apnia. Sadly, when you stop taking them, it is very hard to sleep. Great, now what? I guess I could take them until Spring break and give my body a week find it's balance again. I'm quite sure I don't have that many left, so we'll see.

Last night was like a nightmare-ish half-lucid, half-sleeping state. I was physically trying to sleep, and going to sleep, yet I was aware of time passing and of things happening in the house and still I was in a sort-of sleep state. The drugs they give you are horrible. Once they have you, they don't let go easily. Yet and despite my lament, I don't think I have slept so well or felt so good after waking since I was young. I don't believe I have ever felt so fully rested and ready to get up in the morning.

I feel guilty in a way, I've never been an advocate of medication and I feel the whole country is over medicated. Then I got to have a good night's sleep after having an anxiety attack and feel better than ever the next morning. I guess my opinion has been altered abit.... not entirely changed, but a bit relaxed.

free time

Wasting what little free time I have is a shame. The real tragedy is the fact that while I am in a very busy point in my life, I just don't want to do anything at all with my free time as I will be doing stuff and being very busy very soon. I guess a few hours of productivity wouldn't hurt.....but I don't have to like it.

A day dream in Spring.

I'm on Spring Break from college. I'm pretending this is what it will be like in a couple of years. I have a bit of extra cash, I'm good on my bills, and nothing to do in the meantime but do what I want after work. I could do this for awhile, but next week is back to anatomy boot camp and I'll be getting plenty to do. But I got throught the first half of anatomy boot camp and I'll survive the other. Then to Summer classes and quick trip to the end......May '08.

anatomy boot camp....

I took fast track A&P1 (anatomy & physiology) this semester. I took the final exam just last night. I was just guessing on it. But I passed well enough that I won't have to re-take it at a later date. He had to have had a massive curve on the final grade....

The class had many parallels to boot camp. The instructor just kick your ass and makes you feel stupid for about 8 weeks and then you get pushed through if you didn't give up. Expensive class too....it cost me an anxiety attack, a trip to the doctor, complete with an EKG, slleping pills, and my sanity.....but I know a lot of parts of the human body now it helped that some of the things breaking on me were things that he was discussing in class.

I just hope the classes don't get much worse than this. Either way, no more fast track after this semester.

May '08....still dead on target.

the face of evil

Nice. Robyn took a picture of me when we got new cell phones. I look like a serial killer in this one. We both looked at it and said "damn!". Now, for you viewing terror.

Ozzy show '94

In 1994, I went to my first Ozzy Osbourne show. I went to Sepultura and Type O Negative, and if I had to deal with granpa-rock, I guess it would be ok. Suprisingly enough, Ozzy is one hell of an entertainer when he's not too high. Needless to say, it was an awesome show. What I didn't realize is that during the concert, the guy who I rode with was in an accident and was rushed to the hospital. I found out while we were in the parking lot from people who I knew who had also attended the concert. The assumption was he was killed. His pregnant fiance was still in the building and I was urged to go find her. And I was promised that they would make sure I got a ride home. By the way, this was 35-40 miles from home. I didn't find her, but I came out to an empty parking lot. So there I was 17, no money, and stranded in the center of a ghetto in another city.

What to do? He was sent to Moses Cone hospital, an 8 mile trek through a ghetto on a Friday night. I had to hoof it. I was thrown out of the venue, the police that were attending were only kind enough to point in the direction of the hospital and tell me to move or get busted for loitering. During my 3 hour death march, I was accosted by a wino who wanted me to "lie down in the bushes with him" for $5. I was chased by a group of guys that were older than me. I think they were just trying to scare me....and it worked. I got side-tracked off the main road and lost in the worst section of Greensboro, NC. And there I was, a 5'9", 155lbs, long-haired, 17 year-old white kid lost in a very bad section of town.

After an hour or so of trying to meander towards down town (and hopefully a road I knew), I found a cabbie who was between fares. He was a very large African man who spoke in a thick, but fluid accent. I asked him for directions to the hospital, which he gladly gave me. He then looked around and asked where my car or bicycle was as it was very dangerous for a young white man to be out in these neighborhoods at night and I then explained everything that had happened to bring me to this point. He told me to get in his cab and he would take me to the hospital, which I uneasily did. He was very kind and told me all about his native country, Gambia. When we arrived at the hospital, I told him if he were willing to wait for me, I'd get my wallet and gladly pay him, he refused any payment and wished me well. I never saw him again, but I wish him only the best. He didn't have to do that, and I didn't ask. Sometimes I wish I could be a good a person as that cabbie.

As for the guy who promised to stay and make sure I was ok.....Shawn. I hope you burn in Hell.

nearing the halfway point

I really did a number on myself this semester, fast track and all science classes. I'm glad I'm not trying to consider my GPA for anything. If I get by just passing with the one anatomy class, I'll be grateful. I know I'll do better in the second one, since I know what is expected of me. It's a damn shame the professor has no idea how to let you know what he expects. I have to do Summer courses this year to get all the classes I need in for Fall courses. 14 months and counting.....if I pass that damn A&P class.

During my anxiety attack, a strained a muscle in my upper back and it's making exercise difficult. I've been taking sleeping pills since Wed. The doctor told me he thought if I was able to get a full night rest, I might not need any anti-anxiety medicine. So far, he's been right. I can breathe and it seems like my studying has been a bit more effective. I'm hoping it will be good enough for this time around. If I have to retake one class, it won't be devastating.....humbling, but not devastating. So I guess we'll see soon enough.

wow....

The stress response in human can mimick a variety of illnesses, and cause many problems. Even though it is a mental response, the side effects are quite real. The past few days, I've had shortness of breath, dizziness, headaches, and such. Most of these are symptoms of a real illness. I went to a doctor, he told me I was healthy.....after nearly $200 worth of tests plus drugs, he told me it's anxiety. I'm having anxiety attacks. Why? Too much stress. Too many jobs, too many classes, not enough relax time. I also have slight allergies....but anyway.

What to do? After the sleeping pill, and allergy pill, I awoke today totally refreshed.

I'm probably going to have to make some minor changes soon to aid in my overall health. I just need to figure out what I can be rid of easily.

10 effing hours.....

Not that I mind making money, but boy, I wish I didn't need it this bad.

Going back to school has several residual side-effects:

1. Always studying, so you get out of the loop for awhile.

2. Relationships are usually strained since you have no time. Strangely enough for me, this is not the case....at least not where it counts.

3. If you live alone (like me), your house will become a wreck. This is especially true for me, since I was never any good keeping house in the first place.

4. Your health can be effected. The stress of exams combined with eating anything you can grab makes for an unhealthy lifestyle.

5. Everything you want to do gets put on hold. You better be reading those books!!!

I must admit, I damn near bit off more than I can chew, but I'm in the process of regrouping and going at it ALL full force. If I don't, May '08 could be Dec '08, and that would put me way off schedule.

rough times

Sometimes you're the winshield, sometimes you're the bug.

buzz-buzz

Sadly behind

I've got two days to finish a lab report and finish memorizing the skeleton. I'm a little ashamed of myself, but I'll do great on both. I'm just now hitting my stride. My g/f told me it looks like I'm getting bigger from lifting....YAY! Now I only need to lose fat....

Goals

I realized yesterday, to do everything I want to finish my truck would cost about $800. I'm not too sure I see that happening. I might drop another 200-300 in cosmetics and let it ride from there.

I have not lost any weight since Christmas. I'm right at 250, so I'm just spinning my wheels.

I'm stuggling with college right now, I shouldn't even be writing this, but I can't study non-stop either. I will pass, I will succeed, but it sure is awful stressful right now.

Other than these reason, and never having enough money, my life is pretty good. I know I am loved and respected, and sometimes that is enough.

I like teaching, but I want to teach, not discipline. Where I work, there is so little teaching being done, we basically try to undo what thier worthless parents have been doing to ruin them.

I kinda wish there was a way to make my hair grow back, I'd grow it long. I think being the old, well-built biker guy with a white ponytail would look cool. Since that's not happening, I guess I'll be the scary bald guy.

Anna Nichole Smith.....

This is a classic example of Hollywood excess turned into tradgedy. She was a gold-digging stripper that made a career out of being a gold-digging stripper. She married a millionaire that was seconds away from death, became a playboy model ( I kinda like the larger, trashy-type). got fat, lost weight, and was having a rare comeback and died. She most likely died from OD'ing on all those painkillers. Like so many before, her body could not handle what she was doing to it and it quit.

I like the irony of her "trimspa" ads...."be envied". Nobody envies the dead.

I need an accountant!

I'm rotten with money. I think it mainly stems from the fact I make so little, but sometimes I wonder if I had more money (like when I graduate) would I be better off, or would I spend it all and still be broke? I really don't know. If I were to budget myself and set aside a certain ammount of savings, I'm pretty sure I'd do ok. I guess I need to figure out how to make enough cash to do some things I like and still be able to put money back. It's hard to live within you means when you make near-poverty level income.

It's alive....ALIVE!!!!

The Caddy runs. It fired up on the first shot, but it will need a lot of TLC before it's ready to ride. The good news is that almost all of the problems are cosmetic. I think the kids will really love riding aroung in my giant convertable.

The Cadillac Dairies.......

Not that the story of my humble Ranger is over by a long shot, but with the recent addition of the Caddy to my family of cars, I feel it is time to open a new page.

A Cadillac means different things to different people. It was the American Rolls Royce during our "Golden Age". A Rollex was "the Cadillac of watches", and Calloway was "the Cadillac of golf clubs". There was a time when a Caddy in the garage meant you had finally arrived. Mostly, my generation saw them as giant "grandpa cars". An Eldo convertible was a parade car everywhere you went. There were the ones that fell into disrepair and were seen as the low class showing off. Pimps, dealers, mobsters, thugs, and such may very well have one as a way to treat themselves for thier ill-gained fortunes.

I saw in it something my Granpa might have liked. I could see us in it with the top down. I kinda wish he were here now to see it. It would have been really fun to take him for a ride in it.

Mine was owned by an elderly lady who parked it in 91 when she became too old to drive. She died and the car stayed. People saw it and wanted to fix it and have it for their own, but it never became a reality and it sat until last week when it was offered to me. As of right now, I have not even started it as I have yet to get the keys. But there are a few thing that need to be addressed at the best-case senario.

1. Clean it up
2. New tires, battery, and fuel pump
3. new hoses and belts
4. Complete tune up and oil change.
5. New valve seals.

To do it "right" it will also need:
1. New top
2. New carpet
3. Rust repair & paint.

It doesn't look like a total "dog" I think it has a lot of promise. If I'm fooled and it turns out to be a money pit, I'll sell it after it is road worthy.

barn-car

Have you ever heard about the guy who found a '66 Stingray in and old widow's barn and was able to buy it for $75? It's an old story that may well be true. The thought that there is an old classic car tucked away, sleeping the decades away just waiting for an opportunist to come make a dream car out of it is a common train of thought in most all men. It happened to me today, well, as close as it does in my life.

I was offered a 78 Cadillac El Dorado convertible this Friday and snatched it up. I have a place to put and I'll put a few hours and a few dollars in it here and there and see what I end up with. Yeah, it's no Bel Air, or Stingray, or Shelby.....but a classic none the less. I'd like to photo blog this whole thing, so here is what I found yesterday.



It now has a new home, while not as posh and protected as the shed it's in now. It will get the TLC it needs. If I can afford it (if it needs almost no work) I'll have me a pimp ride.

lottery curse

I've read alot about the "lotto curse". It's a series of horrible events that happen as a direct result of the people coming into so much money so fast and wind up penniless in the aftermath. I can certainly understand what happened, but not so much as calling it a curse. A curse would indicate some magical, supernatural force caused all the "bad stuff" to happen and these things that happen are readily explained.

1. You win $100 million, you don't get the whole thing. Taxes are taken out. Inorder to get anywhere near the grand sum, you have to take installments that usually last 25-30 years. If you decide to take a lump sum, the actual payout is roughly half and a good lump of that will go to taxes, you might end up with 30 million.

2. People spend like there is no limit because millions of anything is beyond the normal person's comprehension. How far is a million miles? How much do you need to drive to amass a sum of 1,000,000 miles traveled? Take 10 cars and drive them for 100.000 miles. With no real concept of how to deal with that kind of money things can get unrealistic quickly. Buy all of you friends and family a really nice house and car, you can spend all most all of it right then.

3. People will start to feel you owe them something, you will get begged, pleaded with, threatened, sued and generally harassed because they want your money. You start looking like a walking piggy bank that everyone wants to crack wide open.

4. Party time!!!! With that kind of cash, you could live a live 99% of the population would crave, but that doesn't mean you can do everything you want whenever you want all day everyday. You have to pace yourself if you want it to last. You can afford a Bently but not a fleet of Bentleys. You can afford a really nice house, but not a mansion everywhere you ever wanted to live.

If you don't decide to keep up everyone who ever did you a favor, you can eat steak and lobster every night for the rest of your life, go on HUGE vacations with a small group of loved ones every year and have a full and satisfying life.

On the other hand, if you go around spending like a fool, throwing money away at every opportunity, you will be broke before you know it. With 100 million after taxes, you could spend over 9 thousand dollars a day for the next 30 years before you went broke. Hell, even with the afore mentioned 30 million, you'd have 2,700 per day to spend for 30 years. I don't know about you, but I think I could skimp a little here and there so I could splurge on a nice event all at once.

For me, the only lottery curse I get is when I see that I still didn't win. I say "dammit" and head to work.

One Cingularly bad experience

Before there was Cingular, there was a group of smaller cell phone companies that merged to become cingular. My original carrier, BellSouth Mobility, was one of them. They merged protocols and we traded up for new phone since ours was not in that protocol and I've been with them pretty much ever since and I've been really happy with the service until recently. The dropped calls have increased, customer service has become horrible, they've changed calling features and prices on me with no notice, and it only gets worse from there. Cingular offers "savings" on new phones via mail-in rebates. If that isn't the most insulting and demeaning premium to ever come around, I don't know what is, and just to really twist the knife in a little more; they don't send checks. They send Visa rewards cards. You can't cash them, you can't use them in many ways. You can buy more crap you don't need with them and that's about it.

The nail in the coffin is that someone has gotten my cellphone number and has been harassing me with blocked calls. After 9 years of faithful business, my only option to end the harassment is change my number...with a $38 service fee. I refuse. If I have to have all that mess, I guess I'll just have to switch carriers.

In a dynamic market that actually rewards customer disloyalty it is the customer who suffers in the long run.

The A&W burger joint

I love the root beer. You mean they actually have a whole restraunt based after my beloved soft drink? I came upon the website while procrastinating here: http://www.awrestaurants.com/default.htm . I see they are not too popular here, as there are only 4 in all of NC. Looking at the website, I can see why. I'm not too sure what the "curd it" incentive is, but I'm sure I wouldn't be into it. Also, all the people are ugly, they look like they eat burgers and they are on some type of antidepressant medication. Just browse through a few of the pages. If I saw any of these hopped-up, loony-bin escapees, I'd leave. Maybe they could find a niche by sending their website models over to McDonald's and scaring the the normal people to A&W. I'd kinda like to visit just to try a root beer float, but it just isn't worth the risk.

PA?

It has been brought to my attention that PA could be a nice place to move. I'm no idiot, I've done some research to see what the big deal is. Seems like certain areas are cracking down on illegal aliens. They have made English offical language and some counties refuse to cater to non-english speaking folks.

Let it be known that while I'm not xenophobic, I do harbor certain ill will toward people who move to MY country and make me try to cater to thier needs and bend to THIER culture. I say keep your culture, respect mine. I find it disgusting that there are places in the US where you cannot get a job as a cashier in a store if you are not bilingual. I can traipse through any country I like, wherever I want and not speak their language at least to some passable degree. Go ahead, try it.

Anyway, I'd have to reseach it more, but it would be more likely for me to be a forensic scientist there, but I still like teaching. The verdict is still out, but Nowhere, NC really isn't too much fun either way and if I want more for myself, I know I'll have to leave.

waiting for nothing

I've been a little lazy in my studies this past week, I've been lazy in everything. This upcoming week, I'll get back to work. Studies, housekeeping and fitness must not be neglected. The tradgic part is, even though I work close to 60 hour a week, I don't do much most of the time I'm at any given job. I've got to remind myself how important my goals are on a regular basis, or May '08 will not be of signifigance.

I have a slight feeling my weekend job is about to turn sour really quick. It get to become less and less of a good deal every week, as the owner has reniged on almost every thing that made this job a perk. It has made me less motivated, and I'm already lazy, so it becomes a downward spiral. I was hoping it would hold out until after school, but if it gets any worse, I might have to find something else.

funny how things work out

When I was 8 or 9, I went to a nieghborhood kids' house and his whole family was over, including his cousin. We were playing a baseball-like game. His folks didn't like me too much. One of the "adults" came over with a catcher's mitt and asked us all what we wanted to be when we grew up. The both said baseball players, I said I wanted to be a scientist. He started playing catch with them. After a bout 30 seconds of tossing the ball back and forth and ignoring me, he turned and said "You're going to be a scientist, right?" I got the hint and went home.

I thought about that yesterday on the way my anatomy class.......I'm going to be a scientist, are they ballplayers yet? It's funny how things work out, right?