what a Summer!

Summer classes are rough, but I'm passing.If I keep up what I'm doing right now, I'll be on course for graduation next Summer. I'm burning out hard though. There are times I can't bring myself to even look at a textbook. When that happens, I look at the college banner on my wall and remember that everything is riding on what I'm doing now. That will ususally get me in the mood for studying.

I've noticed after every midterm, about half of the class drops out. That means I'm in the top half of my classes, which is a very encouraging thought. What it also means is I was meant to do more than I've ever pushed myself to do. Why? I guess despite all of my smugness, I've always thought of myself as below average. I never did think I was all that bright even though I was always told otherwise. Why? I just figured it was where I was. I went to a really crappy high school where the kids were mostly welfare cases from the start, and never really had a chance at all. Just because I was graduating when a few hundred didn't....I figured I was a dumbass in the company of retards. No matter how bad I was it wasn't as bad as what I was around.

My stepdad told me if I wanted to go to college, I'd better make all A's, there was no money for school unless I came up with it. He didn't like me too much back then and the feeling was mutual. I don't blame him, he did what he knew and the deck was stacked against us ever getting along. Fueds have been settled, and the truth has been told, but the scars remain. I reget not being closer to him, I really do respect him and I learned so much from him on the meaning of being a man. He deserved so much more than he ever got out of life. I wish him well.