New Wilson's Dictonary

I found some funnies I'm going to add a few of my own.




Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Deja Poo: the act of cutting wind in you own car, getting out, coming back and the gassy smell is still there.

Dr Pibb: Robyn's favorite drink, at least she seems to order it alot at late night dive throughs when she's really tired.

Hypochristians: the "holier than thou" type that judges and criticizes you, but they are not exactly angels themselves.

Prostitots: underage girls that dress like whores.

Dubcaps: The trashy-ass hubcaps designed to look like trashy-ass rims.

Thug Lite: when privleged white kids act like they're from the ghetto.

Feel free to come up with your own.

anticipation

I'll find out in an hour or so if the junkyard carb will fix my Honda. I'm in the hole right now, financially. A car problem was the last thing I needed during this "thin summer". I'll have to "limp along" to keep up my bills.

grilling, the primal connection.........

I love charcoal grilling. Almost everyone I know loves it. It tastes better, there seems to be an almost ritualistic art to the whole process. There is no written formula to the cookout, but they all seem to go the same routethere is a decent amount of foods, great cuts of meat, salad, alcohol, music, and merry-making. I can imagine in primal times, the hunter would bring in the food and when there was luscious meat, it was a call for celebration. They would dance and rejoice while the food was being prepared, then the stories of the hunt and of the elders and great times past. All would eat their fill and be done.

The hunter is now the host/cook and everyone listens to music, tells jokes, and stories. I think it is ingrained into us. It is a throwback to what we once were; before supermarkets, and electricity, our lifestyle is new, speaking historically. We've only been away from wood fire cooking for about 100 years or less. And most parts of the civilized word only cook and heat with fire out of novelty, not necessity.

Somewhere back in the deepest recesses of who we are, there is that primal creature. The hunter, the survivor, the thing that kicks in from time to time. The one that knows what to do when everything falls apart. Ingrained within our very being, he see sees that big, raw steak and knows what to do. He knows how to make it good.........

The fire.

diet

One of the things I'm going to start this week is my diet. I'm going back on Atkins. The only thing I found difficult is it is hard to plan my meals during school & working two jobs. I had planned to go back on it halfway through last school year, but I was too busy with burning houses and such. Not to mention, my folks have a horrible concept of what food is, and I couldn't eat healthy at all. I really enjoyed Atkins-stlye eating. All the rich, flavorful food, and as much as I wanted. The down side is the loss of bread, pasta, and sweets, but the only real downfall was sweets. I have a sweet tooth from hell. The good news is that with this diet, if I maintain well, I can have an occasional treat after the first few weeks. Not to mention I'm quite fond of diet root beer floats with low carb ice cream. MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.

I'm re-dedicating myself to housework today. By the time I go to bed tonight, my house will be very clean, it's not bad now, but I want it better. Something about people making a surprise visit and the reaction is "hot damn!", not "god damn!" makes me feel good.

I feel the same connection to my health, I want people to think "hot damn, he takes care of himself" not "god damn he looks bad". The bad part is, I don't feel terribly unhealthy, but 240lbs puts alot of strain on my knees and ankles. And I know how much better I felt, so there.

everything's gonna be alright....

Found a junker car out in the boondocks that matches my honda and the guy will sell me the carb off of it for 60 & warranty it. Now I just have to get by tail out there and remove it myself. And therein lies the real challenge.

Robyn has told me I can loan some cash to make a down payment on a "real car". My best bet is a half-dead '97 ranger a block from my house at a used car lot. I have no Idea how it runs, but it is a high-milage truck, even by my standards, but if was decently maintained, it could be a good choice. I need a pickup badly.

The rotten news is that Robyn's can needs a flywheel. She's fed up with the car and I can't say I blame her. It's an '86 maxima with 217000 miles on it. To make the thing 100% again it needs:
tune-up - 50
flywheel - 300-ish
struts - 400-ish
re-alignment - 60-100-ish
(optional) ac repair - 200-ish
In the ballpark of $1000 to keep a $500 car running.

Now, I think that with all those repairs, she could get a good bit o' that cash back by driving it untill tax-time next year and getting something new. The car has starting huffing a little smoke sporatically, but doesn't have an engine knock at all. And a fresh oil change might help a bit of that, it's come due but the oil plug has been stripped out and I haven't had the time to play with it.

I must be in for some good luck, or perhaps it's karma? Was I a despot in my previous life?