Dear Michael:
Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that the Admission Committee has approved your application to Guilford College.........
I think reading that sentence was the closest I've come to crying in a long time. My responses have been tempered with the reality that getting approved was only one small step. Now, I must get funded. Then I must do the difficult part. Actually doing it. It would not be unreasonable for me to be able to complete in 18 months. I just hope it all works out.
Robyn is really working hard on her studies. I'm very proud of her. Maybe we'll be getting to the point where we'll be successful about the same time. I know I'm sick of being broke.
Sometimes I feel adrift in the sea of poor life choices I've made. Swimming against a current of difficulties I, myself placed. I think having no purpose is alot like being lost at sea. It seems so hopeless you don't if you should stay the course and hope that you do not succumb to attrition, or perhaps meet you maker early with a quick and merciful death.
Stupidity is like a desert a noon, the unpleasantness of it saturates every pore and there is not one morsel of your body that is not miserable for the experience.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
anticipation
I have no clue as to how long it takes for a school to consider you for thier program, but it's been several weeks now since I sent in the transcript forms. After I get approved, if I get approved, I must apply for finacial aid. Without financial aid, I will be unable to finish school. If I can't get up to the next level. I must quit this job as it will not be providing for my needs. I guess the cynic in me is lurking about. I'm seeing to obstacles in my path and they are daunting. I can barely afford to live, let alone do anything else. I came to the realization that if things don't work out with school, I might as well move away.
Putting the tranny in my Crown Vic is going to wipe me out this month. So the other car I want to investigate in a no-go. I decided against trying to by a new car in lieu of getting the Vic going as my source of basic transportation. I figue if I can keep myself afloat for this month, $600 is a big pill in one gulp at my pay scale, but easier than 100-200 a month plus taxes and extended insurance for 3-6 years.
Sunday, Robyn helped me with my spare room. She has a knack for organization that I may never posess. She is a relativly disorganized person, so that speaks volumes against me. She is helping me on the road to being more organized. I help her pass tests. I think all good relationships are ones where strengths and weaknesses are balanced between the two and you help make each other a better, stronger person. It's kind of hard to lift someone up when you're flat on your back, but I do what I can. Now that my back room is all but clean, I can get my exercise equipment in there. That will get me toward another goal. The motivation to do it will all be on me.
I said something this week that made me feel bad. Robyn and I were talking about faith and religon. Neither of us have strong spiritual ties. In fact, our lives to date make us kind of un-religous. She relates more to Wicca, I'm more into Buddism, not for any spiritual aspect, just the philosophy. We talked about Islam and Christianity and how so few people seem to be representig God the it's described. She was talking about how can she believe in God when it seems like every person trying to screw her is a church - going Christian. I said said that emotionally, I want to believe, but if God wanted me to believe in him, he would find away to convince me. Cyclical logic won't cut it if you want me to be convinced of intellegent design.
Sometimes I think religon is like Sata Clause, it's was created with a purpose, it's well thought out, and there's just enough truth to it to make it work. And when you believe, it seems to work. If you really believe in anything, your mind works in ways as to see it. Also, if you're a decent non-believer, you won't try to burst that bubble for those whom thier faith is all they have.
Putting the tranny in my Crown Vic is going to wipe me out this month. So the other car I want to investigate in a no-go. I decided against trying to by a new car in lieu of getting the Vic going as my source of basic transportation. I figue if I can keep myself afloat for this month, $600 is a big pill in one gulp at my pay scale, but easier than 100-200 a month plus taxes and extended insurance for 3-6 years.
Sunday, Robyn helped me with my spare room. She has a knack for organization that I may never posess. She is a relativly disorganized person, so that speaks volumes against me. She is helping me on the road to being more organized. I help her pass tests. I think all good relationships are ones where strengths and weaknesses are balanced between the two and you help make each other a better, stronger person. It's kind of hard to lift someone up when you're flat on your back, but I do what I can. Now that my back room is all but clean, I can get my exercise equipment in there. That will get me toward another goal. The motivation to do it will all be on me.
I said something this week that made me feel bad. Robyn and I were talking about faith and religon. Neither of us have strong spiritual ties. In fact, our lives to date make us kind of un-religous. She relates more to Wicca, I'm more into Buddism, not for any spiritual aspect, just the philosophy. We talked about Islam and Christianity and how so few people seem to be representig God the it's described. She was talking about how can she believe in God when it seems like every person trying to screw her is a church - going Christian. I said said that emotionally, I want to believe, but if God wanted me to believe in him, he would find away to convince me. Cyclical logic won't cut it if you want me to be convinced of intellegent design.
Sometimes I think religon is like Sata Clause, it's was created with a purpose, it's well thought out, and there's just enough truth to it to make it work. And when you believe, it seems to work. If you really believe in anything, your mind works in ways as to see it. Also, if you're a decent non-believer, you won't try to burst that bubble for those whom thier faith is all they have.
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