interview blues

I am a good interviewer, but I didn't do as well as I had hoped. I go in to interview for physical science and I wind up being asked if I could do physics too. The answer is no I can't.

I remember how good I felt when I was offered two positions when I first started working here. I could do ISS here, or be a TA at another middle school. I picked this one because I felt I could make a name for myself. I didn't realize I'd be put in a room far away from everyone and become at best an afterthought. I like how all schools like to say "we're a big family here" I come from a big family. I am the bastard step-child that is tolerated. The grandparents that loved me died years ago. I'm never visited or spoken to, just treated as an afterthought. I get invited to everything second-hand I only know a few people at family reunions.

I've only in the past year started learning what a real family is supposed to be like. I take a lot of my mannerisms and such from my biological father's side. Maybe that's why I'm disliked so much. I only ever wanted to belong. Is that so wrong? All I have is thirty years of regrets, guilt trips, hard feelings, and isolation. Thirty years of broken promises and shattered dreams, let downs and screw-overs... and I'm tired, so tired of all that.