irony

One of my favorite quotes comes from the back of a type o negative cover. "never mistake lack of talent for genius" This quote gets to me in many ways. I don't know who originally said it, but the implications are deep for me. I think about this alot. Sigmun Frued, Adolf Hitler, and thier ilk. How many of them were just insane? How many people are touched, moved, and influenced by raving lunatics?

a crippled road runner....

I called my local cable company to re-install my internet access on Monday. I was so ready to open a portal of filth into my home. It's now Friday and still no connection. Tuesday it was a bad modem, next day I inspected the lines myself, I need a new line. The line was scorched in the fire at my house this January. I can't get a decent signal. Last night the people didn't come out. They said they tagged my door. Lies, all lies. They gave me a $20 credit to my account. I asked what account? I have be provided a service before I can have an account. I also said if it wasn't fixed today, I would take my buisness elsewhere. I didn't bother to mention I ran up quite a bill with the local DSL provider, and getting service might be tricky at best, it was paid off. I'm not THAT lousy a person. They might still have harsh feelings though.....

It is near the end of the school year, the natives are restless. I could care less, suspensions still send them home. I was told yesterday that if you care too much, it will burn you out. Funny, I really don't think too much about this place when I leave. I know that I have very little to do with these kids personal development. I just get them away from the kids who are behaving so that the others may learn. The ones I'm truely helping, I will never see. In that sense, I guess I'm like a prison guard. I've also noticed that these kids do not respond well to kindness. In thier hard little hearts, kindness is perceived as weakness, a trait I cannot have associated with my character.

I want a motorcycle. I miss riding.

I hope to get the plastic I need to start making my costumes next week. With any luck, I can start making them, put a few on ebay, and get some money rolling in about the time my school checks run out.

I have this weekend to finish getting settled in before they pull the giant dumpster, I hope to get my new washer & dryer soon. I have found that with all that I need to do to get fully moved in, I haven't missed tv or internet access that much. I do miss that internet........

intrest is relative

I now feel apathy will guide me through the darkest days of in-school suspension. I'm not too sure the ones that need my help the most even care about themselves. I often feel like some terrible judge, deciding who must be made an example of in order to maintain class cohiesion. I'd like to think when I try to help them understand, some of it sinks in. I hate that I can't try to stimulate them mentally and try to make them better people. It seems to be that they only respond when I'm being a complete jerk. I guess the cognitive level between preteen and adult is too much of a gap for me to relate.

Example: These kids are very social, what other kids think of them is everything. I stopped caring about the approval of others about 12 years ago and it has made all the difference.

If I were concerned with how they felt about me, I would be ineffective at my job. And I'm more concerned with my paycheck and all the things it provides. I would like to think one day someone will comeback and say they got what I said and it helped them. I'm not holding my breath.

Paul's Van

Paul was kind enough to let me borrow his '72 ford van to move my stuff. I really don't know what to think of it. She be a powerful van, and driving it is like taking an ass whooping, bad brakes, no power steereing, oddly rigged guages, most of which do not work. Oddly enough though, as useful as it is, I wouldn't mind owning it for a cargo van and it makes you overlook the short comings.
I know you'll read this, thanks.
Unfortunately, I never got the last item out of storage, a 7ft + 150 gallon aquarium. I'll either sell it where it is, or call in another favor. I have to bring it home I'll charge double.
I get cable internet today, Whoop! Now I can partake in all the filth the world wide web has to offer once again. Yay me.
Tomorrow marks my return to the role of DM. I'm running a one or two shot D&D game inspired by kung-fu movies. I think it will be fun, but easy. I already had most of the prep work done. Im a major league re-hasher and improviser. I hope they enjoy it. One time I had 3 separate star wars campaigns and I used the same Dark Jedi enemy every time. I wouldn't mind running for awhile.

the spirit of George Carlin compells me........

I spent hours going through boxes, washing dishes, and arranging things and I've only sratched the surface. 31 years of being a pack rat is difficult to beat down. I notice my personal belongings fall into two two distinct categories: stuff & s**t. Stuff is good stuff like clothes I wear, furnture I use, whole things i need or use regularly or will use when the time comes (ie seasonal decoations or my knee braces). S**t is the stuff that has no use. Old magazines, worn out / outgrown clothes, parts to computers I have no intention of using again, hand me down kitch that's not my style, broken things I "might" repair one day. This crap does nothing but choke up living space, looks horrible, and makes you miserable. Sometimes, your posessions own you, not vise versa. I feel that when we hold onto the past too tightly, we miss out on part of the future. Besides, rich, successful people do not horde garbage, thier lives and thier homes are simplified. Thier wold is streamlined as much as possible to make thier way way easy as possible. How hard is it to get out of bed every morning when you have to trudge though last week's newspapers, last night's snacks, and last month's bills? We fight yesterday and let today pile up with it, and that makes tomorrow a struggle.

Pain part 2

I moved all my furniture in almost completely by myself and I'm now in pain. Or should I say I'm very sore? I'm quite happy with the place, and I hope to be finished unpacking soon. I won't be 100% moved in until I have internet access and a washer & dryer.
Today is a teacher workday. This is the day that I love. No kids in here. I hang around all day do pretty much nothing and get paid. The really works out well for me since the rest of the school year I don't even get regular breaks. I have about 20 minutes worth of paperwork left from not doing any for 3 weeks. It will have taken 1 hour & 20 min.
I'm tired, so tired. Even as I type that I know of weeks worth of things I must do to finish my house and I'll be off doing it within the hour. And many miles before I sleep.........