battle of the bulge

Tomorrow will be me normal weigh in, but it's been on my mind all week. I noticed last week some pictures of people from the 60' and 70's. Just a group of folks from years gone by. Almost none of them were fat like we are now. Rail-thin is what I'm talking about. What happened? We went from a nation of relatively trim go-getters to a bunch of lethargic fatties. I'd say the food happened and recreation stopped happening. Your soda doesn't contain sugar, it contain "high fructose corn syrup" and that is a huge difference. McDonald's 3 or 4 times a week. Sit down meals at a diner 2 or more time a week happened. Bottomless sodas, chips and salsa, bread, premixed microwaveable desserts (they are good), easy mac and delivery pizza.

Next our lifestyles have shifted to one of convenience. People don't do things for themselves anymore....at all. Dishwashers for those rare times you might actually eat at home. Electric scooters for the little fatties. I can only assume it's to prepare them for using the gimp cart at Wal-mart when they get too fat to drag themselves around.

Why am I saying this? Why am I ranting if I have a 40 inch waist. Anyone who knows me know I'm borderline morbidly obese. My BMI is 35, right up there for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and cancer. Why am I on a rant?

I looked in the mirror and said "no more". I saw a picture of myself and realized how horrible I looked. I have a belly covered in stretch marks and a rack that would make most teenage girls green with envy. I have to buy dress pant with the "emergency waist". I go to a place to eat with booths and my gut might be pushing over the table by the end of the meal, and I said no more.

It is a slow process and years in the making. I did low-carb, but it's not easy and it can cause health problems, the up side is I lost a ton of weight fast, and I gained it back fast when I decided I couldn't live without desserts and bread.

I next tried just exercising alone. I lost some weight, but I pretty much just swapped some fat for muscle. The good news is I carried my fat around a bit better, but I didn't slim down. Building muscle makes you very hungry. And when you can't do it regularly, you get flabby again.

So right now I'm doing weight watchers. I can't exercise as much as I want, so I watch what I eat, and do what I can. I eat healthy, and I curb my snacking. When I do snack, I make healthier choices.

I am within a week of hitting my 10% goal. That's the big deal of losing 10% of your total body weight. I wanted to have a goal of 60 pounds off. Just get to 200 for now and see what's up and go from there.

The downside of what I'm doing without exercise is I'm losing muscle too, and it shows. I have a goal of getting some exercise equipment in February. Exercise will help get fat off quick and hopefully, I can curb the muscle loss.

July will come around, and I'll look good in my black robe and mortar cap. When Mr. Wilson starts work in August, he'll need new clothes.

darkest before the dawn

There is an old saying "It's always darkest before the dawn". From a person who has been out in it. It's also coldest just before the dawn.

January is always bad for me. I'm always broke, no matter what I try. This year, everything broke and I had a new bill. I am now in ruins until February. Even gas to get to school will be rough.

I'm so close to finishing school, but it seems so far away. Even after it's all said and done with, I have so far to go before I'm done. So much to catch up and make right, and I'm almost completely drained. Some of those things, I might not be able to make right.

My advise to anybody at this point in my life would be not to wait to make things right and never bend to unreasonable people, in fact, don't deal with them at all if it can be avoided. They'll never be happy no matter how much you try and they'll take everything that makes you happy and destroy it.

Over the course of my life, I've had chances to better myself, to improve my life, and others ruin it for me. The greatest depression is knowing you had everything that would have made your life good, and you let fear, cowardice, and ignorance stand in the way as it slipped past. No apology, plan of action, or good intention can ever repair the damage.

And today is the grayest day of my life, because I woke up to that epiphany.