I'm working several days at the shop this week for a guy who's going on vacation. So I get a decent piece of extra cash for this month and it's already spent.
I trying to teach Robyn's youngest child to ride a bike. I used to be an avid mountain biker when I was younger and I'm trying to get back into it. Not only am I remembering how much I liked it, I think it will help shape my body more into what I want to look like.
Speaking of body building, I've been growing and making gains, but it has been noted that my gut doesn't seem to be going anywhere and it's getting frustrating. I know it takes years of determined effort to make a complete change, but I'd like a bit of a taper at the waist to look better. People at school saw me an hour after a workout and noticed I was pumped up and that is great ego candy, but I want some big results.
Actually, I want something to make me feel good about myself. I'm balding, and have been for about 10 years, my hair looks bad no matter what I do to it so I just buzz it off. I'm fat and I'm broke, my credit is so rotten I can't get a decent car. It seems as though even though I've joined the Credit Union, if your credit history looks like you never pay off your credit obligations, you're too much of a risk for them. So I can't get out of my embarrassingly ugly car and have a decent vehicle.
Everything I want is going to take me two or more years to accomplish, and it's so damn frustrating because there is no guarantee it's all going to be alright.
They say that when you're drowning, after a few minutes of initial panic, your mind starts shutting down and pumps your body full of endorphins to calm you down. As you succumb from oxygen deprivation, you are in a euphoric state, aka high. No real importance other sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of bullshit.
I wonder if that's why people hit rock bottom, they see no way out of their problems and they succumb to apathy, drugs, whatever and just give up.
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