Weekend wasteland

Didn't do much. I helped Robyn put together her kid's bedroom furniture. It's the cheap Sauder stuff, but I liked it, new matresses too. I'm so jealous.

Putting the furniture together is the tedious part. It takes about 8 hours of consistent effort to put two of those kits together. And if someone is staning over your shoulder asking questions is nerve-shattering. No, niether Robyn nor her mother critcized my assembly of the pressboard monstrosities, but I can only imagine that most domestic abuse cases start with a Suader furniture kit. Imagine a trailer somewhere. The patriarch of the family, a marginally educated man,trying to decipher the instructions through a haze of cigarette smoke, a beer buzz, kids screaming, tv blasting, and wife critiqueing every move.

He starts swearing at all of them because it's obvious only to him that he can't focus due to the nagging, and screaming, and the tv. He can't even hear himself think, let alone figure out the cryptic instructions that seem to be in every language but English. Now his kids are crying, his wife is now screaming at him for talking to his family like that, he is slipping into a psychotic rage even now. He goes to leave, he needs to calm down, she wants to fight. She says a few cutting remarks blocking his path out. He pushes her out of the way and makes a few choice comments in retort. She picks up the the first breakable thing she can grab and hurls it with all her might towards his head. It shatters and and rends delicate flesh., sending warm blood flowing. She pushes him from the door and threatens him. His instincts have gone from flight to fight and stands up to beat her within an inch of her life. Next he beat beats all of his kids and sends them running. This is about the time the sheriff shows up and sees a drunken rage.

He's hauled off in a police cruiser, she's in the back of an ambulance. A social worker is with the kids trying to find relatives to take them in and two detectives are taking pictures and sorting out the the clutter: a shattered porcilin unicorn, shredded cardboard, empty beercans, spilled ashtays, and a half assembled Sauder entertainment center, just out of layaway this morning. Damn you Sauder, damn you.

I made a few diagnostic test to my ranger. Compression seems to be strong. I took off some of the sensors that could be cleaned and soaked them in solvent. I'll reattach them in the next few days to see if it makes a difference. If not, I'll replace the uncleanable sensors and see what we have from there. I still feel good about the potental of the truck, it just needs tlc.

As of yesterday, I'm so sick of Best Buy, I can't stand it. I have something I want to do and I can't, I ask a week in advance to help me out, but they refuse, in a threatening manner no less. I think it's the department I'm in. I'll see about transferring to another one and perhaps I'll enjoy it more. I'll probably quit either way.

Man, I gots to hit that lottery.

Coasting on fumes

I'm broke. It's a bad feeling when you work as much as I do and have nothing to show for it. I had to miss the Guilford College open house due to an assembly for the afterschool program I do as my part-time job. We were there until after 7, it was hot and fairly boring, but there were a few highlights. The Carolina Panthers Topcat cheerleaders were there, at least for of them. I'm pretty sure very attractive women, in skin-tigh clothing, gyrating to music is a great way to get the attention of middle school boys, I'm not too sure it's all that appropriate. They were well behaved, but if there's not too much thought on misbehavior when you're in a sweltering hot gym being bored to tears.

I got my truck home on Tuesday, I've been reading up on what all might be wrong. It seems to be somewhere in the sensors malfunctioning. I'll clean the ones I can, replace the ones I can't one by-one untill we get her smoothed out. I'm actually more confident in the project now than I was before. I think it just needs a good cleaning out, the computer reset, and driven a few days so it can figure out what's going on for itself. Computerized cars can find their equillibrium but boy, all those sensors are a real pain.

I have had a surprise blast from the past, Debbie Woodruff has gotten back in touch with me. I find it funny how my life seems to be running in a big circle these days. I keep in touch with my high school freinds, Paul & Nate, more than just about anyone else. Debbie was a very dear friend in High School. Honestly, she's one of the few people I would trust in school. She was the smartest person I think I knew. I really don't think I can find one bad thing to say about Debbie. She's invited me to get together and catch up. She's married, has a beautiful daughter, and a very stable career. Out of all my friends, I knew she'd do the best. I've done horrible. I'm almost embarrased to catch up with old friends. I've made a series of poor choices that has led up to this comedey of errors I call life.

I was talking to an 8th grade teacher, she said that intellectual people never get anywhere in life because they are too atune to the details and never take caution to the wind. Interesting perspective. I agree totally, but I'd never heard it put that way before. Dumber people who are successful are successful because they have a one-track mind. Like a predator, they lunge at a goal and never mind the details and usually succeed just from sheer tenacity and concentrated effort. I know a fellow like that. he owns about 15 Domino's Pizza stores. Rich man,not terribly bright, but he told me something similiar. "The secret to success is hard work, a little luck and sticking with what you know. I don't know s--t except for pizza, so here I am. Figure out what you know well and put all your effort there. You'll make money."

That might be over-simplistic, but then again, maybe complicating things is half my problem.

What a day, Tuesday.....

I called out of work to attend an enrollment seminar at Guilford College. It was too full to attend, so I re-scheduled for Thursday evening but got all my transcripts and finacial information together, so it was not in vain.

Got the final missing part for my truck and it still won't work right. It's now time to do this myself. The person my parents insisted I take it to wanted the truck, now I think he's just trying to either make me not want it, or trying to squeeze me for money. Either way, if I were to give up on it, I'd sell it on ebay and certainly not to him.

Robyn took me to the State Fair. I sure was excited. We ate at the restraunt she works at, Ted's. It was wonderful as usual.

The State Fair ususally means a few things to me. Deep fried junk food. Pretzels, funnel cakes, fries twinkies.......I ate a fried twinkie. It tasted like congestive heart failure, which means pretty darn tasty. The next thing the fair is all about is the rides I tend not to go on, since we were broke, I opted out of the rides. The last would be the animals, tiny horses, and giant rabbits all out where you can pet them.

This year Robyn wanted to see Kenny Rogers, she liked him as child and wanted to see him before he dies. I got the seats last month, they were nosebleeder tickets. I looked out the window and I saw my house, which is an hour's drive away. Kenny was in good form, I'm not really a fan but he sounded very good and I enjoyed myself. Robyn didn't do as well. Robyn's dad died of cancer in 1994 and he was the spitting image of Kenny Rogers. I saw an aged performer who has seemingly gotten better over ther years at working a crowd. She saw her father, and although she enjoyed the show, it was very emotional for her. I can imagine. My grandmother's favorite performer was KR. There are alot of his records in her collection. When Christmas time came round, she listen to old records and his were always in the mix.

We got lost after the show and didn't get our bearings untill after the fair was closing for the night I didn't get to see any man-eating bunnies, but it was still fun.

I'll be arranging to take my truck home tonight. I'll work on it at home in my spare time. more to come......

blue......

I think the winter blues are starting to come early. Not that I'm totally depressed, I just feel a little blue, a little muted, a tad sedate.

I have a major hurdle in my goals ahead of me soon. Getting back into school and getting it financed. If I can't, I don't know what to do next. I'm not stressed either. I'm in a "I guess we'll just see" mood.

I found out today unexpectedly one of my dogs was pregnant. If they are healthy puppies, my property tax problems are solved this year. It was nasty too. I was grooming them one last time before winter, and my sister insisted we do this dog first. I picked her up and noticed she was like a tick ready to pop. She had milky tets and a loose mucus plug, that means any day now. And it means I was too grossed out to eat lunch.

Paul made me a whole DVD full of goodies, can't wait to see it. I talked to him for awhile, I was supposed to go his shop, but I was too worn out for such shenanigans after everything else.

I had to go to the holiday pep rally at Best Buy. We were talking about teamwork and poicy and all other types of nonesesnse. I cracked a few hateful jokes that the employees loved and the manager I was talking about didn't. I guess I'll be working one hour a week now. I actually had another employee come up and say "how you gonna say that? You're crazy!"
No, I'm not crazy, I don't care anymore. There is a certain liberty to be found in not caring. If you have a good work ethic, it can make you an incredible employee. it can also make you leave at the first slighted comment. I'm somewhere in the middle.

I made a joke once about I hope they raise the bar because I'm a limbo kind of guy. Sometimes I wonder.......

I'm taking all day Tuesday off to apply to Guilford College. Perhaps I might get some questions answered. The main question is: how the heck am I going to pay for it all? Then, how am I going to drive to G'borro 2 times a week? My car is a piece of doo-doo.

Doo-doo is a hilarious word to me.

Honing my craft

I do believe I'm getting better at my job. I can go for days without having any real problems. The students, even thought they change from day to day, seem to almost instinctivly know what I expect from them and make effort to not incur my wrath. I guess I have become the sadistic nightmare everyone dreads. I get a little choked up at the thought, Granny would be so proud of me.

Today has been a pleasant day outside. That mechanic should have finished my truck by now, even if he did, my money is running out for the month and I may not be able to pay him at this point until my next payday. I guess he'll just have to wait.

I was thinking about the teacher shortage. The way to solve our teacher problem is to pay them more. If teachers had a competitive salary for the type of work they did, then there would be a teacher surplus and then schools could cherry pick from the very best, not scrape the bottom of the barrel. And let me tell you, there are some dingleberries that teach.

I guess America's biggest problem is that it demands quality on the cheap. You can't always get it like that.

Changing life.

I've had quite a few very goof reiends in my life that we all met either at work or at school. Then we part ways. I find it hard sometimes to relate how we once did. Pizza people don't get "teacher problems" just as jerks that don't tip are starting to fade away from my "I hope you burn in Hell" list.

behavioral theory

I thought it would be funny to experiment with climate control in my classroom. When it was in the 80's a few weeks ago, I cut the AC way up to see if freezing the students would make them calmer. It actually had the reverse effect. They became antsy. When I cut it up to make it hot in the room, they became very lethargic. I had a similiar sitation last year when my room was not heatd properlybut during the winter they were lethatgic during uncomfortable cold.

The theory: a sort of behavior control can be achieved by manipulating ambient room temprature. But the desired effect depends on the season. In summer, the warmer they are, the less they move about. the opposite is true in winter. I seriously doubt that my findings would have much impact on the learning process, but if you make them uncomfortable when in an ISS program, thier might be a negative psycological imprinting of ISS being passively unpleasant, as well as actively punitive. I think the term is "miserable".

Speaking of uncomfortable, years ago, I dated a girl who ate macrobiotic food. The word meand "big life" sort of an all natural approach to eating. She introduced me to "miso" soup on a date. This stuff is all natural and has enzymes and bacterium that is supposed to be super-healty. She told me the soup can cleanse the body and it had to be true because I had the foulest gas of my life that night. For those who may not be so familiar with me, that is a big statement.

Thinking of problem students, everyone plays into the races. Black kids get into more trouble than white kids, or so they say. I have more black kids in ISS but I have the most problems with whites. I don't know what the deal is, and I can only speculate. I think black kids get in trouble mostly because teachers don't know how to control them. I tend to not have a problem with the black kids. The white kids mostly get in trouble because the "problematic" ones are pure evil.

How can I say that? By the crimes. I can't recall one black serial killer. I can name at least 5 whites. Plenty of crack heads and theives, but not a single chop you up alive, eat your still-beating heart, make neckaces out of your teeth, and bury the remains in under thier house honkey-crime-comitting lunatics. The only way you describe alot of white crime is evil.

The weather today is dreary, but dry. Maybe I'll get my truck today. If the lazy jackleg doesn't hurry, he'll have to wait until next month to get paid.

My foot is feeling much better even though it still hurts a bit. If we get gym time today, I'm playing soccer. i need to burn some calories

Just a quiet, rainy day filled with meloncholly

Not mine, but he children who are in ISS today. We had an incedent yesterday that was as bad as I think middle school being without someone actually dying. I had no part in it, but it still saddened me to no end. Two students were caught using hardcore illegal drugs. They are 12 & 13 year old children. Who would give give that to a child? What kind of monsters and villians do we have out there? The thought of someone making such things available to childred destroys the theory of inherent good in the world for me. Today, it feels darker and dirtier than all other days I can remember. So I'm in an incredibly rotten mood. Perfect for ISS.

I'm a big fan of talk radio. I wonder if that would torturous to them? It's silent some days, I can only hear the lights

I don't think I'm going to do anything for Halloween this year. It's my favorite time of year, but my heart (and cash) really are not up for it. Three years in a row have been crappy, one was my own doing. If I have about one more bad one, I might never do anything again. Also, I shoot myself in the foot because I never can do cheap Halloween costumes. So, the pirate costume I wanted to do this year is out of my price range.

Due to the miserable weather this week, my truck will most likely not be repaired anytime soon. Oh well. i noticed yesterday it is a long bed. I personally prefer the look of the short bed, but it will be more practical. Speaking of practical, I'd really like an extend or crew cab. I would like more leg room in my truck.

I'll have a nice, quiet day at home tonight. I think I'll get my house back together. It's not too messy, generally, but it could sure use some work. I want to get it clean & cozy in time for winter. I'll try to get a record player next month. I want to play my grandparents old records. Warm, clean house, soup & grilled cheese, and old records. That's a cure for winter blues right there.

Weekend blues

I went to work on my truck on Saturday, only to find the fellow who was supposed to be working on it all along had finally started working on it. Today, it's raining, so he most likely won't get anything done to it. So I'll have to wait for a dry day to see it running.

I went to VA on Sunday to play the lottery. I get a ticket for Mega Millions and a few scratchers. I had a $10 winner to cash in from my last trip and I bought two more $5 scratchers I had four all together. The first three were nothing, but number four was good for $15, so we pulled into the next place, and I cashed it in on three more. Two duds & one $10 one! I asked Robyn to pull in to the next stop (the last place to buy before the NC state line) she refused, saying that we had to be at her house to pick up her kids. She was right, we were cutting it close, but as we sped for home, I was left with the lingering thought.....third time's a charm. To Hell with it, if it is meant to be, it will happen when it's time to happen. Besides, I was only going to buy her a house with the winnings anyway. If third time is a charm, perhaps the actual lottery ticket will be my big winner......$65 million.

I'm realistic, I know I have a snowball's chance in Hell of winning, but it's still fun and I'm not going to let my bills lapse in hopes of "hitting it big". It's also hope. Hope can get you out of bed. Hope can make you hold on just a little longer.

A few years ago, I was eating out with Robyn, across the room, there were two older people eating. The were having a lively, friendly conversation over dinner. I hoped the were married all these years and still loved each other enough to have light hearted banter over dinner. If it were, that's what I want. Get married and love that person all the days of your life. And when you're old enough to eat half price, still have fun together. I couldn't bear to be the old folks that never speak to one another. The old couple that some time around the Nixon administration, they had said everything new, funny, or interesting there was to say to each other and stopped right there.

last week I saw two older people that looked like trailer trash. Life had not been kind. they were dirty and wearing tattered clothes, but they were holding hands, looking warmly at one another, and laughing while grocery shopping. I thought they were really lucky. Nothing has ever been as dreary as it could have been if you had some who loves you to share it with. There is a kind of hope in that.

more filler than meatloaf

I got my header for the truck re-threaded and I WAS going to try to put it on tonight, but several things happened.

1. Robyn called and asked for my help. She plied me with food.
2. I got out of work way too late.
3. Lost was on tonight.
$. I think I broke my foot in the after-school program.

It's hard to judge, usually swollen, purple, & thobbing is a good thing. I can bend my toes with effort, but not very easily. I might be going to the doctor tomorrow.

I was playing soccer with the Hispanic kids, one fell in front of me and I tripped over him I jammed my two outside right-foot toes hard. I felt the "pop". I could have stomped on him and saved myself, but I instinctively tried to stop myself.

I guess causing the ISS teacher to hurt themselves is kind of an accomplishment. All I know is it burns like hell, even nearly 8 hours later.

I'm tired, more to come.

always a catch

The guy that's going to put the manifold on has started making out like it's going to take a lot of work to fix.....bull. If I had a proper set of tool and the work space to do it in, I could be finished in an hour. So I feel a reaming coming on. I called out of BB tody. I just don't want to work a Sunday. They give me one crappy day a week. I don't mind so much, but damn. Let me work Friday, Saturday, or even Sunday morning, but not a school night.

I found out why the store has so few hours to impart. They are losing money in Burlington. Yep, they found out my town is packed full of brokeasses, I'm sure the store will stay there, but nobody I know can afford much of the stuff they sell. I'd rather buy from a place like tigerdirect.com and buy cheaper than I can get with my employee discount. I even bought a mini fridge from Lowes and saved $10 (and that was including my discount!). No one gives a damn about best buy, they like cheap stuff here. Why? All the factory jobs that kept this area vital were shipped overseas. I even want to leave when I can get my education finished to the point I have marketable skills.

http://ap.thecabin.net/pstories/technology/20050929/3326489.shtml <---this is awesome. I can only imagine what impact such technology will have. I also like the verizon wireless-broadband access, it is only in its infancy, but I see that as being the next big thing. I hope all this extra radiation in the air isn't mutating us....hmmmmmm.

I'm going to start carrying a camera around. I see a ton of screwy stuff and I want to start documenting it. I have a cocept for taking a few pics and posting wry comments about them. I know it's old hat, but gimme a break.

mission successful

After a great fight against an inanimate piece of junk and in a not so strange ironic twist, I have the pieces I need to repair the truck. It took four hours with inapropriate tools to wrench the exaust manifold from the truck. This part has everthing I need to fix the emissions and hopefully it is all I need. As I was pulling the part, Harmon called me. Harmon is a shadetree mechanic I've come to know. I trust him quite abit, but the only problem is that by the time my cars need attention, they are very difficult to repair. I digress.

He called to tell me he found the part I needed and pulled string to get it for me. My only problem is I would normally have turned him down, but an asset like Harmon is nothing to neglect. He can find car parts that are otherwise impossible to locate. So I bought the parts I needed twice.

Even though I got a great deal on the truck, too many repeat expenses will widdle my saving down to a break-even situation.

It seems as though Paul's approach birthday is rather auspicious. He turns 30 this Wednesday and is making the typical pre-midlife crisis changes....30th birthday resolutions. Thirty was a big deal when I passed it also, so I understand where is coming from. 30 is the offical "damn I'm old" age, but it is al cultural implications. You'll be dumbfounded for a few days and then life goes on, nothing special afterwards.

So here's to Paul, don't poison yourself this week, we got a few steaks to grill on Thursday.

last ditch effort

Even as I'm staying up way too late. I'm waking early tomorrow to try to get my exaust manifold for my truck. I can only hope the greedy bastards at the junkyard will sell it to me. This may be my last attempt to get the darned thing running for awhile. More to come.

The mind of a middle schooler

I guess I might be out of touch, but it seems like the entire process of a middle schoolers thoughts include music, fighting, basketball, and the oppsite sex. Every other thing in thier life is just superflous information. It also seems as though truth has very little to do with their reality.

I think the truth part has some part to do with thier sense of denial. It often seems as though they are so narsacistic that it is impossible to put blame on themselves. It is quite possible that it is a lingering aspect of being a coddled child. Their life is so full of paradoxes and contradictions that it easy to see why they get so confused and often times misguided.

All I know is that they hard headed.

doctors....

I don't like them. They seem to always be able to find something wrong and give out a drug that has more side effects than benefits. Yet I find myself at an odd crossroad.

I turned 31 this year. Aside from getting really sick almost five years ago for about a month, I've not gone to a doctor since I was a child. Now, I don't know if I'm just getting older, or if there is something wrong with me.

I won't go into everything I've noticed, but at least one day a week I get very tired and have to nap after school. As a child I was unique in the fact that I didn't take naps. My eariest memories were of all the other kids in day care zonked out and I was just bored and waiting for the adults to tell me I could get up. As a young adult, I thrived on only a few hours of sleep a night. Now I have got to get some rest.

Wondering if I have some horrid health problem makes me think of faith. I like faith, I want to believe in a higher power. With a higher power comes hope and a sense of purpose. It makes you feel like there is always something better just around the corner, no matter how bad it gets. It may not make sense, but there is a reason for everything.

The bad part about religon is the way it is presented. 2000 years ago, in the desert, people saw all this wonderous, miraculous stuff. Then it was like "keep the faith, and we'll be back one day to get you!" With the exception of parlor tricks, well-proven forgeries, and the occasional food stuff on ebay, nothing. No post cards, birthday gifts, nothing.

Is it the whole "catch 22" thing? Gotta have faith. Faith is trust, and trust is a rare commodity.

I tend to never speak on my wavering faith. I figure that if I'm misguided and I spread too much dissention, I'll really be screwed. If I'm right, then why shake the believers? If it makes you happy and it doesn't hurt anybody else, go for it. These days I figure maybe someone will throw in thier two cents. I think everyone needs the occasional "Hey! Sorry I can't stay in touch as much as I'd like, but I just wanted you to know I love you and I think about you. I can't wait to see you again." I think faith is love and trust and sometime I just don't know. But I remember a time when God and Heaven were as obviously real the Sun, the Earth, and even the computer I'm typing on right now. I miss that feeling. It felt very safe.

Plans....

There's always time to write when there is nothing to write about. Life is at a stand still right now. I don't have the last part for my truck, still hoping I can get college financed, trying to watch my wieght, BB still is lousy due to lack of hours, my day job is still awesome except for the pay.

I think the hardest part of not delivering pizza anymore is not having cash in-hand every day. All of my jobs are direct deposit jobs. I never see cash unless I withdraw it from an ATM. It's hard to get used to. I like the feel of a stuffed wallet in my back right pocket I like the feel anf smell of fresh money. Swiping a little peice of plastic just doesn't hold the spending satisfaction as does counting out fresh bills. Not to mention, it's easier to keep track of your finances. When the money's gone, you stop spending.

I think I'll be going up to a queen sized bed very soon. I think I need some luxury sizing. My current matress has just about had it. I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm just too rough on matresses (get your minds out of the gutter). I was given an almost new full sized matress less than two years ago, and its just about ruined. The box spring is cracked, the matrees will not return to shape even after turning it. It's just not pleasant anymore. I must be a very restless sleeper, or something.

I gained 5 pounds from all the consumption this past week, so now I'm going moderate again and I'm going to try to get to 200 by Nov 1.

I was watching a show about people who feel they are addicted to eating. The one bohemoth they interviewed made a good point. Smokers can quit smoking. Alcoholics can stop drining. If you are addicted to food, you can't just stop eating. I really don't have much sympathy for junkies, but to be addicted to something you need to survive. How do you beat that?

I was just thinking.

My friend Paul, who's website can be accessed here. Can put a very amusing spin on life. I was reading through and he had an idea for a shampoo for goths. Gothica - Shampoo for Goths "Beacuse it's hard to celebrate the utter empitiness of existence when your hair smells like strawberries". I find that funny everytime I read it. I find the whole goth thing to be full of irony too. All the leather and velvet, the black makeup. It seems like an awful lot of work for the person who lives an empty existence. I guess life is full of little hypocritical nuances like that.

I aw a deleted scene from Napoleon Dynamite last night and it was so funny, that I now must watch the whole movie. It was a kickball scene in which ND gets into it with another student. After that, it's all too funny.

Got my school picture taken today. My mom would never forgive me if I didn't. She's as fervent now as she was when I was actually the student.

I really don't have much to say. It was a decent non-eventful day

The bane of my exisitence......

EC, or exceptional needs kids. These guys age me in dog years when they are in here. I have three in my room today, and they just make me so tired. It seems as though they have made the bar so low for them, that misbehavior is the norm. I get a decent level of behavior, for a class room, but not for me. In fact, they would probably be ideal students if they behaved they way the do when they are isolated. I don't pretend to know what all is wrong with them. I do know that in 1979, when I started school, there was no such thing as ADD. Even if there were, ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder, not act like a wild jackass disorder. All the ADD kids seem the same. They come from wrecked homes. I wonder if the attention deficit is the lack of attention they get from thier parents.

Then you add ritalin into the mix. As far as I can see, ritalin does nothing for these kids. They still misbehave. That particular drug is not behavior-modification medicine. It just sedates them and makes them junkies.

Alot of people go around think pills will solve all thier problems. They won't. In fact, I'm disgusted that our medical profession seems to be going around trying to make everyone believe they need to be happy all the time. life should be a mixture of emotions. They accent, define, and compliment one another. I think I tend to lean towards bouts of depression. I have no excuses, I just feel blue from time to time, and I deal with it.

Back to the wild kids, if they could be made to fear authority figures again, all this ADD stuff would be a moot point.

Bad moon rising

Today is a slowday at school......so far. Tonight is a full moon and usually, we have the most trouble during these times. By this time tomorrow, I'll probably be packed in here. I have to do more paperwork this year, but it's really involved, so when I do it, it makes the day go by faster.

I'm getting four days of afterschool tutoring this week cha-ching. I'll most likely wind up with three days a week. I won't see the cash for a month, but I'm patient. I can wait.

I may have all the parts I need to get my truck going. I'll have to wait a few days before I can see if they will work. If they do, I'll be sooooo happy.

There was a piece on talk radio last night about putting "under God" out of the pledge of alliegence. The Host is opposed to the pledge all together. I saw his point. We are not getting any benefit from having the kids say the pledge every morning. Why continue the stale old ritual? I know why I do. My boss likes doing it, and wants the kids doing it. I don't think they learn anything by saying this empty pledge every day. I like America, and I like our rights and freedoms. I'm not too crazy about the pledge.

Typing after lunch makes me sleepy.

the culture of victims

I've grown up in an interesting time. The age of pop culture. American pop culture is consumer driven, basicly, commercials and brands names saturate ever nook and cranny of our existence. Facial tissue is most often called klenex, bleach is clorox. If you say golf, everyone thinks of Tiger Woods.

And then you get to the food and all the pop culture icons. Ronald McDonald, Cap'n Crunch, the Trix rabbit, the Pillsbury Doughboy (my personal favortie), Betty Crocker, Aunt Jemihma, and the list goes on. These icons, the well-crafted hawk thier products to us in commercals and print ads. Sometime they even sell thier likenesses in the form of toys. And the branding begins.

It goes further than that though. You think of fast food you're thinking about McDonalds. We've grown up in a time where the marketers put playgrounds in the restraunt, not to be nice to the kids, but to sell more burgers.
"Mommy! I want to eat at McDonald's." And why not? Toys with the meal, an indoor playground, and sugary foods, a kid will go nuts to eat there, and parents will give in. The kids are programed at an early age to see McFood as comforting. Happy childhood memories are associated with eating there. So when those children are adult, they will bring thier kids to McDonald's to gorge on grease, sugar, and salt.

When you take it a step further, and realize that McFood will give you McHealth problems in the long run, the big clown and his junkie food peddleing cronies look more and more like villians to us. Are they really that bad?

Blaming McDonald's for you being fat and at-risk for heart attacks is alot like blaming the apple tree in the garden of eden for Adam disobeying God and getting in trouble. Adam made his own choice, just like we do everyday. We seldom choose the right way, we opt for the easy way. We all went to school and learned about nutrition. We all know that fast food and sweets will make you huge. But it tastes so good. Then, you get another icon....Richard Simmons (ick) sitting there crying with some woman that looks like a beached whale talking about how junk food ruined her life.

We have a society of victims, it's not the person who ate fast food everyday and had a heart attack's fault No, it Ronald's fault. Ronald McDonald mad you fat. The Pillsbury Doughboy was his accomplice, The took your money and your health and made thier getaway on the Budwieser Clydesdale Horses.The Marlboro Cowboy just hypnotized you into smoking until cancer takes your life, he was riding a horse too.

Are they really the ememies? No, if there is a villain to be found it is within ourselves. Our tendancy to over-indulge, to neglect ourselves. A cookie or two from the pillsbury doughboy will not hrt you. Eating a whole plateful in one sitting will. That's why they are called treats. If you decided to eat at McDonald's one night a week, you'll be fine. Eating at McDonald's five days a week is fast tracking yourself to an early grave.

The typical American diet:
Breakfast : sugary cereal, danish, fast food, or nothing
Snack: Candy bar
Lunch: Almost always fast food (we're in a hurry, right?)
snack: wow, lotta snacks, but all them high carb foods run through you.
Dinner:Almost always something bad.
Midnight snack: something nice and sugary to sleep on.

Add smoking to that and wow. You are well on your way to becoming a statistic.

The concept of moderation in all things is not new. Buddah was telling that one thousands of years ago. If you eat the right foods, you just about can't get fat without first having a medical condition.

I'm a fan of low carb diets. I don't eat low carb all the time, but voiding bread, sugar and drinking plenty of water helps me. I have yet to dedicate myself to it thoroughly enough to be "thin", but I ve lost over 20 lbs.

In the end, people can always say no, but they don't. No one but themselves should have to pay for the poor choices they make.

busy bee that's me!

I'm proud to report that I no longer feel like my job is superfulous. I've had a total of 15 kids today, with infractions ranging from dress code to fighting. It's kinda strange, it seems as though some of the kids really feed off me being strict. I guess they don't have dads at home to yell at them. I think they really need structure and I wish I could help them all. But I love every last one of them. They keep me in buisness. My cubicles had an unexpected effect. The kids move to look around and it catches my eye. They now think I'm always watching them. I'm not. Also, after three or four hours in isolation, they get kind of twitchy. It's actually quite amusing to watch. Seriously, I struggled with behavior today. But the day is only 8 hours no matter how tough it gets.

On the truck front, still can't find my missing part. I will get it right if I have to have one machined to spec. I really want my truck running.

I'm also proud to report that my main rooms of the house are no longer wrecked. Main rooms are the kitchen, living room, and bath room. So now I can pretty much guarantee nobody will visit anytime soon. It seems like I only have guests when my home is messy. Now my next focus will be the back porch and the computer room.

Nice Saturday

Saturday night I had dinner with Robyn. I've been doing decent in the cash dept, so I took Robyn to her favorite reseraunt. Her favorite place to eat is the place she waits tables: Teds Montana Grill.

Ted's is an interesting place. Thier specialty is bison dishes. Yes, buffalo meat. Not only is is tender and flavorful, it is a very dense protien. You will not get hungry for a very long time. That stuff seems like an ideal food stuff for a low-carb diet, a small ammount of meat can last a grown man quite awhile.

She had a salad and two top-shelf magaritas. By top shelf, I mean the teqilla was $85 a bottle, but it makes a fine drink. I find it funny that the mixed drink or "cocktail" was a prohibition-era creation to make cheap liquor palatable. Today, with all the quality liquors, a few mixed drinks can get you smashed and never even realize it.....until you try to stand up. Anyway, I had the bison bbq spare ribs. I was disappointed at how small the portion was, but I was soon reminded that a little bison goes a long way. The rib meat was ample, and very lean. The barbeque sauce was subtle, yet slightly tangy. It was a perfect compliment to to ribs and took nothing away from the natural flavor of the meat. I had grilled asparagus as a side. It seemed a little over grilled, the grill-smoke flavor seemed to overpower the asparagus today, but still a nice dish. I would have loved a sweet tea with such a meal, but I'm limiting my sugar intake, so it was diet coke.

With $14 in mixed drinks alone, without her employee discount, the meal would have been well over $70. But for such a quality meal, we got quite a bargain.

Next we went to Southpint Mall, I usually thoroghly enjoy it there, but it seems on Saturday nights, the whole place is choked up with thugs. Now the term thug has nothing racially charged in this context. The thug has basically replaced trashy in my mind. A thug is any young person who is loud, crude, offensive, and overbearing. I find that white kids make the most untolerable thugs. I seems as though thugs are immersed in the hip-hop "gangsta" culture and with it having roots in young black culture, it seems as though the white thugs go for the image and the attitude without any of the real "spirit" of the culture itself.

The bad part is, the "respect me I'm hardcore" approach that thugs have actually work to have the opposite effect. I had to use the bathroom at Southpoint, two thugs were in front of us dressed in clothes so baggy, the looked like modern harlequins. They were staggering about in some sort of strut to make them look hardcore, it wasn't working. They were loud and swearing, making references to how they had to use the bathroom as well. The main part of the mall had closed, and a police officer was standing watch. He was a large, older black man with a cold stare. He promtly turned the two thugs away, but he let me in. Why? Was I respectful? Did he dispise the fact that these thugs make his whole culture look bad? I don't know. But when I was a young hooligan, I got similiar treatment. I think the trick is learning to play by the "unspoken rules" of society.

Robyn gets mad at me when we go out. I hate large crowds, and I hate large crowds of thugs even more. I stand my ground. I have felt that people will try to walk directly into your path to try to make you move for them. I take offense to that. I have ofter gone halfway in crowded situations, giving room when it was given, but for someone to pretend that I'm either not there, or they have more right than I do to walk through me, I won't budge. People tend to move for me. They won't for her. I think because I grew up kinda rough, I have that "don't tred on me" air to myself. Where I'm from, the area I was raised, you could never back down. To show weakness was dangerous. Is moving out of someone's way in a mall dangerous or a sign of weakness? No, of course not. I guess I feel as though my rights or personal enjoyment should never be infringed upon by a fool that want to walk all over me because he can.

To a certain extent, I think that's what's wrong with the country. We no longer stand our ground when we know we are in the right, and we suffer for it. Being the bigger person doesn't always mean backing down standing up for what you believe is right and good is the greater. I won't expect a person to move out of my way, but I wll, give ample berth to a person gives way for me. That's just basic respect.

We were going to see a singer/songwriter called Angie Aparo (a personal favorite) his claim to sub-fame is that he wrote Faith Hill's hit "Cry". His version is so much better than hers. But I had to be in to BB at 7 to do the adset, and I wasn't in the mood to be in a crowd, especially after southpoint's gangland tour. We went to Walmart and got some nessessities I almost bout a mini fridge for my room, but decided to wait and do some price shopping. Good choice. I saved about $10 all together.

I spent way too much money this weekend. Just about 200 in total. I can't really afford to go out like that, but sometimes, I can't afford not to. Robyn and I had a wonderful time together, and it was worth every penny. Now back to ramen noodles!

Actually, if I'm conservative for the rest of the month, I'll be able to keep my bills paid up and eat well, that's beore I figur in the fact I have one more BB check coming to me! The next evening together will have to be cooked at home and a rented movie, or something nice like that.

I'll be getting tutoring money, probably staring next month. I'm joining the after school program and it pays professionals $15/hr. I can only do 2 hour a day, 2 days a week. (I'm going to try to shoot for 3!) But that's an extra 60 a week before taxes. Not shabby. I need to find ways to cut my expenses even further, so I can afford more nice nights out like that.

I'll most likely start taking my lunch to school. It costs up to $3 a day to eat school food. I could cook my own lunch for less if planned properly,and save about $20 a month. I have a ton of these ideas.

ten friggin' hours

Next week at BB, I'm scheduled for 10 hours. Two days. I'm starting to get ill with it. I get this Sunday and next Saturday's closing shift. Pathetic. I think I'm about to be approved to do the tutoring program at my school. It pays double my BB jobIf I can get 3 days of it a week. I'll be doing great, but I'll settle for two. I'll also be working toward the "one job" goal of mine.

I'm thinking of having a "Soapbox of the Soul" reader appreciation cookout next weekend. I just want an excuse to get the friends together.

The truck project is at a stand still until I get the remaining parts. I found someone who is willing to help out if they have compatible parts.

I had a kid ask me today if I ever get bored in here. No, actually I don't. This is a dream job for me. Internet access, cheap lunch, free coffee, and I'm often drunk with power. My friend Jim, told me he fears I may have a sadistic side since I like my job so much. I want all my kids to be happy and successful, but the need to know punishment if reward is to taste sweet. You have to have some bad if you are to truly appreciate the good. But I digress. No, I don't get bored in here. I have a simple job with loads of responsibility, but I love being here and doing this. This is what gives me purpose. If I ever get bored, I type in my blog. I don't ever shirk my duties though.

Some asked me if I would contribute to the Katrina Disaster Relief Fund. I didn't. There have been so many tragedies and disasters in my life that I had to just do without that it has made me kind of hard-hearted. Don't wish it off on them, but I've stuggled and had to find a way to survive in the face of adversity. I think there are too many handouts. Charity makes people soft and weak. It makes them complacent, which is probably what the true purpose of social programs are in the first place.....control. I think I feel a political blog entry coming on.

Feeling BAD

Yesterday, I'd promised myself I would clean the house and do my laundry. I got home and felt so bad I slept until 9:30. I never ate dinner either. I got sleepy again around 1:45 am and even then, I had a hard time sleeping. Ironicly, I woke up refreshed. Go figure.

Last night I had a racoon on my back porch eating my dog's food. I wanted to take a picture but he scooted before I could take the shot. He's visited before, so I imagine I'll see him again. I plan to kill it next time.

I have not wieghed myself recently, but I think I'm still losing wieght. My pants fit way better these days, bordering on too loose. I need a belt these days. I'll regroup on the diet and exercise this week. My past few weeks have been chaotic.

I'm very close to getting my truck ready to drive. I only need a few more parts. I plan on making it as nice as I can reasonably afford.

My ideal plans are:

1. Completely new interior. Not as expensive as it sounds....
2. Spray-in bediner. I'm almost scared to price them....
3. New paint. I'd like to go with red. It's currently very dull black.
4. The wheels off my wrecked ranger. Cragar SS with bladed centercaps. Corny, but actually ideal for this type of truck.
5. High-end ties, like the goodyear white lettered
6. Nice stereo. My BB discount will make that a reality.

Since I plan on keeping this truck and taking good care of it, I don't see these as "excessive". I think In the long run I'll be very happy with the choices I make to fix up the truck.

College seems like such a distant thing. I keep telling myself to be prepared for January. If I can't get approved for full time, I'll at least take one or two classes.

I'm very happy to see some of my best (worst) customers from last year have calmed down quite a bit and seem ready to grow up. I'm very proud of all of them.

A ray of hope.

Robyn was kind enough to let me buy her computer off of her. I our deal, I take the computer now, and buy her an identical one in a month or so on layaway. Sadly, although far more stable, it is not faster than "frakenstien". I called it frankenstien because it was green, ugly, and made from other dead computers. Over the months ahead, I will go about testing everything on it and seeing what may be saved. There may be a "spawn of frankenstien" coming to life one day.

I spent the better part of my labor day weekend hunting parts for my Ranger. I think I almost have them all.

I guess that maybe I'm just not into doing customer service. That's why I don't especially care for BB. It's not hard at all, I just don't get many hours. It's like it's not really worth my while. There are so many things I love about being an ISS coordinator. My own quiet space, easy job, professional atmosphere, internet access, and the cheap thrill of authority. They put chess on the computers. It is a HARD program. I can't beat it.

The dead computer has put me in a bind. There are several things I wanted to do with my money other than buy a computer. I like it, and I need a computer right now anyway, but I got a truck that needs to be on the road, a car that needs more parts before it's right, a dorm fridge for my class room, and I'd like a motorcycle, not show off but for cheaper gas.


I'm going to write a piece later this month about misplaced angst toward our consumer driven society. Now that I have a computer with a media reader, I can add more pics to the sight. I like it. I'll be experimenting with some planned out pieces on this blog, not just the freehand ramble everyone (all three of my readers) have come to enjoy. It'll probably come out about the same, I'll just have a more focused topic.

.....

2003-2005
R.I.P.

I'm a little upset right now.....I'll be on it later.

Some people pole vault.......

I'm a limbo guy myself.

I don't care for my BB job that much. The work is easy, and most of the people a very pleasant to work with, but the hours are too few. I work 12 this week and 16 the next. Before that I was working 28 - 35, which is a bit much. I wanted 20 - 25, that would give me plenty of cash to piss away at BB with my discount AND keep all my bills in check comfortably. Some manager came into the warehouse and said some nonsense about "time to raise the bar" I said " cool! I'm a limbo kinda guy.". There was an open box TV that was sold that had to be bubble wrapped. The bubble wrap spool is about the size of two refrigerators and weighs nearly 4 lbs. I pulled the spool of it off the second shelf, which is about 8' high. The girl who was barking orders all night freaked when she saw me doing it. I acted like it crushed me. She really freaked then. I got up and laughed, and so did most everyone watching.......except her. Me and another guy started tossing it back and forth in a manner that made us look like two monsters training to take on Godzilla at the next pay-per-view. We left very late, not because I was assing off, but because there was no clear idea of what we needed to be doing until near closing. We were scheduled to leave at 10:30, at 11:45 I clocked out. Poor management on their part will not result in an emergency on mine. Many were still there when I left. I might be accused of not being a team player, but that's just because I don't play for the team they think I should be on.

Even in all that fun, the girl said she would talk to the manager about getting me more hours. If it happens, I'll stay. If my hours stay low, I'll get what I need on discount, and bail out.

Paul sounds like he's got himself a girlfriend, and pretty happy with the whole thing. Just a word of advise, don't over analyze it, you'll kill the magic.

Nathan seems to be quite happy in Chicago. So much so that I might make it a point to visit over the summer, money permitting.

I'm starting to get ISS kids now. So I'm happy. When the teacher's nerves are frazzled, and they are tossing kids out, I'm in the zone. I get mad kids who can't tell right from wrong, spoiled rotten thug-brats who have been raised by their grandmothers. Skater punks that don't give a damn at all, and they come to me. They're mad, huffing and stomping and I give them hell, make them do work, and then I lecture them after they calm down. I tell them what is expected of them, and send them back to class. If they don't calm down, I keep them all day.

I doubt it will help many of them at all, we are even fast-tracking one to alternative education already. I try to change them all, but I don't get my hopes up. I think we got to a few last year, they are behaving much better, and seem happier for it. I think everyone wants to be accepted and well adjusted. When a misguided kid straightens up and sees how much easier it makes their life, they don't want to go back to their deviant ways. If I have to work with the type of kids that want to turn it into "us vs. them", I make sure my side wins......Damn, I love my day job.

the quiet before the storm......

So far, the kids are tame. No real problems have hit my door. I hope they buck up just a little bit so the administration doesn't feel I'm needed.

Who am I kidding? I'll get kids real soon, they just have to get bored enough to cause problems. and problems will happen.

I got my stuff together to fix my truck and lost the keys, and my mind. Found the keys, but they were not where I left them.
My hours picked up at BB, but the check will still be less than I hoped to be receiving. I should probably think about doing a roommate. Nah, I'm not ready for that, but boy, it sure would help to split my bills in half. Hell; I could buy a car!

This gas crisis is getting me primed to write in my political blog. I'm getting really sick of it all. I won't elaborate because I need to post to the other blog and I don't want to type it twice.

I feel pretty good, I have just entered a transitional period, so I'm not sure how things will work out here shortly.

Back to the old grind.......

After a few days of floating around and helping where I could, a few kids are finally starting to "test" their limits and coming to in-school suspension. This means I'm in my own room, doing my own stuff and not trying to maintain someone else's stuff. I don't mind helping, but it's good being back in MY room.

I finished my application papers to Guilford College, I'll be setting that up in a few days. I like the program they offer, and I've heard nothing but great things.

I'll be taking my new ranger to be repaired today after school. I'm planning on just doing a few things to it at a time. It might just become a nice little truck. I need a pickup anyway, but if I can make it better, why not?

My lawnmower died in mid-mow yesterday. It made me very sad. I might try to take it apart and learn how to fix it, if possible. If not, I need to buy a new mower.

I'm still appalling this Suzuki Sidekick on a used car lot not too far from my house. When I join the credit union (as early as Thursday) I might just look into getting it. I'd love to have a decent car to tool around in.

I'm disappointed with my fitness level. I ballooned up over the summer and I've dropped a good chunk of it since, but I'm still not too happy with where I'm at physically. I MUST make a personal commitment to improving my health. I'll wind up being one of those guys that was hard-working and such and keels over dead at 45. I never thought I'd live past 30. I made a mistake on that one. I think I need to plan for the future. I want a narrow waistline again. I have a spare tire and a double chin. That just too many spare parts. I'm going to start slow, I've dieted, but I think a little muscle mass will go a long way for me.

We'll see how it goes.

more busy than before

But I have a few moments to spare.

Life is interesting. After BB had its grand opening, the job actually got easier. We warehouse people were relegated to the warehouse, only to make occasional sweeps of the store to clean or help someone move something very heavy. Otherwise, we sit in the back, look out for the manager, and talk $#!7 all night. I Kinda thought we were going to get into trouble goofing off so much, but alas, it seems as though we are doing great. Go figure. The girl that I got mad with last Sunday was fired. Life is good.

The first two days of school were interesting. We have an 8th grade retention room. That being the room where all the kids who failed this past year are isolated from the rest of the school. Due to scheduling issues, there was a 3 hour gap in that room with no faculty there. I was all over that three hours and it was no fun. I know all the kids.....very well. It seems as though the summer months did nothing to mature them or give them the resolve to make it through. I know a few of them will be with me before long. The saddest part is that due to the new credit system in high school, they can do it much like college, (x) many credits in (x) different subjects will get you a diploma. It is possible to get a diploma in 3 years. If these kids do well up until the second semester, they get their walking papers to high school and have the option to buckle down and graduate in 2010.

The bad part is, no matter how much we coax of coddle or attempt to inspire these kids, either they want it or they don't, and they won't know what they've screwed up until it's too late to fix it. The truth is we need all types. We need doctors and janitors, lawyers and burger flippers. Some people are not meant to be successful. That being said, we never give up on any of them. When they are ready to achieve(if ever), we do everything to give them the tools to do it and encourage them all the way.

I'm going to start getting regular checks again, my summer of discontent is at an end. I'm actually toying with the idea of getting a decent used car. I'll be joining the state employee's credit union soon. They will give you a loan if you can prove you can pay it. I might just have to get me a good car. If I get the financial aid for school, it'll be a definite. I'm looking an older Suzuki, like a four door sidekick. The four bangers had great mileage and were well put together. That would be my first choice.

I will admit sometimes I have doubts about teaching the rest of my life. I could do it, but to babysit low achievers like I was doing last week would depress me. I often wonder what would be a better way of getting these kids on track, but then, I think of the fact that not all of them were meant to achieve anything, I just don't want the knuckleheads screwing the opportunities up for the rest of the students.

busy

"The problem with having alot going on to post in your blog," to quote Paul,"is that you don't have time to write about it all." This has been a very hectic week. But I will most likely be posting more on the recent happenings very soon, by Sunday I hope.

more fun than a punch in the neither-region

Sometimes this job is ok. Today it was crap. I have yet to learn all the particulars of the job, so today, when the two people who shared my responsibilities setting the store up for Sunday sales were out today, I was screwed. I managed to make an enemy on the warehouse team and it seemed like all my price tags were wrong and it made me look bad. Add to that fact I needed help and got a new employee that knew less than me and you have an idea of how bad the day went.

I now have an urge to up my lottery ticket purchasing.

There are some decent guys there, but most are the worthless teenager-thug types. I relate to the people in the sales dept. much better. I now know what will happen soon. I won't be getting 30+ hours a week. We're just over-staffed until everyone gets the hang of their jobs. Instead of 20 people, their will be 5 or 6 and we'll all take turns. If I go under 20 hours consistently, I'll need to get another job. But we'll see...

In day job news, my room is almost finished. I don't have any great pics yet but I have a few to show what I've been doing. School starts again this week, I'm really excited to be back. I was placed in a mobile unit this year(trailer). Outside is good. It adds to the feel of isolation for behavioral problems.






These are my "cubbies" 4'x5' walls on either side. There are 10 isolation booths in all.

The theory behind it all is that middle school students are such social creatures, nothing is worse to them than no contact from their peers. Punishment is not so bad if you are in trouble with a friend. They will all be separated now. This is the "all day" part of the room.




This is the "chill out" side. Students will come here for one class period. They can be made to stay longer if they don't behave here. I figure by the first few weeks, if the new disciple plan is kept, the kids will get the point and my attendance will drop.

Isolation and consistency are the keys to success. Strong teachers + consistent discipline = better students. I'll have to work hard to keep my end up.


I'll be filling out college forms very soon. I must get ready for the return in January. No excuses, no procrastination. I'll be getting paid for BOTH jobs very soon. One this Friday, the next on Wednesday. The first time I've had any real money coming in since June. I'll get my ducks in a row, and join the credit union. Then I might be able to buy a car. I'm feeling really good about the future. It's all still up in the air, but it has vast potential. And a clear route to follow. I know that the days ahead with be very stressful and put me to the ends of my wits. The reward for persisting will be well worth it. So here's to my sanity, I will miss it most of all.

Can't pray for rain and gripe about the mud......

I got next week's schedule for BB. I was hoping for 20-25 hours a weeks, I got 32. If that remains a constant, between school and best buy, I'll be hitting 72 hours a week......damn. I'll try to keep it up through January until I get back to school to get caught up.

I was working at school today, a talked to one of the better teachers we have at GMS. She told me she had to end her employment because she couldn't get her work permit renewed. She hard working, a pleasure to be around, and her tough-love-no-nonsense approach to dealing with her kids gets great results. The immigration dept screwed up her paperwork and let her permit lapse. She can stay, but she can't work for the school until her paperwork is cleared, and that will be a month. It makes me sick when people who come here legally get a hard time and there is nothing done to the illegal immigrants. What the hell is wrong with these people? If I were as inaccurate at my job, I'd lose it. I hope she gets sped along the process and gets back into a classroom where she can do good things.

My dad went in for a 3 vertibrae spinal fusion today, he'll be on his back for a few weeks. I imagine he's in alot of pain and I can't help but feel really bad for him. When I say "dad" he's actually my stepdad and we didn't get along too good when I was growing up, so we never did "bond". Can't say I blame him, I was a little bastard and my grandparents didn't help either. I could turn everyone against each other alot of times. But I was a kid, I was getting by the only way I knew how.

When I was a child, I had a grudging respect for him. He was the strongest man I knew, he could do anything, and he made all kinds of sacrifices for the family. I remember him doing without so I could have goos school clothes. I remember hime working two jobs, laying out in the driveway working on a broken down car all night in whatever kind of weather: rain, snow, blistering heat, or freezing cold and go straight to bed and get up at 5:30 am to do it again. I think I tried to have him as a role model. I saw him as what a man should be: strong, tough, smart, talented, hard-working, and surly. I notice I have done alot of thing he did for us in recent years. When I did, no matter how much it sucked to do it, I felt really good. I felt like a real man. I've seen his health decline in recent years and with his back problems now, it's sad. I'm now way stronger than my dad. He comes to me for help with his cars and computers. I build or fix things all the time. Kristin (sister), Lena, and Cora (Robyn's kids) look up to me probably the way I looked up to him my entire life. Sometime I feel bad that we were never closer. I remember the first back surgery he had, he walked outside with me and told me that he was scared and if he died, I was to take care of mom and Kristin, then he cried and walked off. That was the third time I ever saw him cry. The first was when he got into a very bad argument with mom and they both cried while they were apologizing. The second was his dog died. My mom has accused me of having no feelings, I wonder if I got that from him also.

Some thirty miles away, my dad lies in a hospital bed, in pain. I'm sitting here still thinking about it all, and what he has meant to me my whole life.

feeling good.....

I have to be at BB shortly so I doubt this will be very long. I've been working my ass off at School and Best Buy. I think I enjoy stocking. My back and neck were starting to give me lingering problems. I knew I needed to keep up the pace and today, after working through nagging pains, I feel pretty damn good. This is encouraging me to actually do my workout room. I've just been so busy the past few weeks and it doesn't look like it's letting up.

I talked to the recruiters at Guilford College Monday, I've sent off for my financial information since I lost the originals in the fire. I'll be talking to someone real soon about going back full time. I will make it happen.

I have a lot of dreams for myself. Where I want to be in 5 years, how I want to live, ect. Dreams are great, they give you hope. Hope is a very powerful thing. You can lay on you back and dream all day. To make my dreams come true, I'll need a lot of sweat, tears, and sacrifice to get there.

I don't do many thing just for me. This is my thing and I don't think it too much to want.

Hidden talent

I've been making my own partitions for my ISS room this next school year. It has come to my attention that I had nay-sayers doubting I could do it all along. One fellow said he thought it looked way better than he imagined and it would look like a professional had built them if I had molding to go around it. I only received 10 plywood sheets, 12 2x4's, and 3 lbs of 8-penny (2 1/2") nails. I think I'm damn resourceful given my constraints.

It makes me sad to realize that I have alot of talents that are extremely handy, but not really marketable. I need to work on that.

A short list of things I have done for free that most people pay others to do.

1. Re-shingle a roof
2. Build cubicle partitions
3. Built a computer
4. Repaired numerous computers
5. Collected on past due bills for an independant contractor
6. Re-upholstered cars
7. Repaied countless cars (mostly minor repairs, some extensive)
8. Hauled dry goods
9. Cooked
10. Cleaned
11. Lawn care
12. Tutored
13. Babysat (or is it babysitted?)
14. Fixed furniture.
15. Re-wired a house for phone lines.
16. Swapped out all the power recepticles and light fixtures in a house
17. Repaired a cable tv line.
18. Contribute regularly to a blog.....mine

I now see that living off paychecks is going to be an awkward transition. Living off of tips and paying bills with my checks was the standard MO. Now, I must buget & ration my cash. Not difficult, just a different way of living. It will be better in the long run just by the sheer stability of the income.

I am ashamed to say I didn't call a college today. I woke up feeling horrible, and by the time I nursed myself into functionability, I was running late on my "to do" list. I'll try again tomorrow.

more best buy goodness

Well, today we actually worked. We started to prepare the store to take merchandise by setting up racks and moving boxes. It was very refreshing, I was ready to quit from all the BS cheering. A lot of the older employees were sick of it too. You can't force team spirit in Burlington, NC.

I need to be in another department. If all they asked me to do all day was to move heavy stuff, I'd be ok. I'd rather be selling computers or upgrading them. Not too sure I want to be on the geek squad, I have an ounce or two of dignity left. However, I am easily bought, so....

In my area, even the management won't do the cheers when nobody's looking. In fact, they roll their eyes. I like working with realistic people. The GM seems to be all about that crap. If I were getting paid 90k annually + benefits, I'd do all sorts of nonsense and love the Hell out of it. I'd make a fool of myself for half that. To be honest, I made a fool of myself for 9 years delivering pizza for about 15% of that.....

On the ISS front, I'll most likely finish my basic room prep this week. I'll have a whole other week to fine tune and prepare and I'm usually dead the first few weeks anyway, so I'll have more time than I actually need to finish.

I feel guilty, but I have yet to make an appointment with a recruiter for college. I know it is a major goal, but I'm limited in my resources right now anyway. Other than taking one class, I don't see how I could cope with everything. I WILL call tomorrow.

I'll have my new (to me) pickup diagnosed tomorrow also. I'll find out what I need to get it to full capacity, then when I get a good chunk of school & best buy money in, I'll fix'er up....nice stereo, new seats, carpet, restore the AC, then a nice little paint job, and maybe one of those spray-on bedliners. That would be sweet.

School is my first goal, must not lose focus.........

brainwashed

I did another new employee/store opening training meeting today for best buy. It was from 8-5. I think there are human rights policies against such things. We were made to cheer as if in a pep rally and constantly being made to participate in some "game" or chant and being saturated with best buy propaganda. It was seemingly endless. There were refreshments offered, but given the level of intensity of their "training" and team building exercises, I decided to only drink from sealed soda cans that I myself opened.

All joking aside, it doesn't seem too awful bad yet. I can imagine when we actually get in there, it will be Hell. Burlington doesn't have anything else like it, everyone will come in and gawk at all the shit they don't need.

I was reminded of last year when my house & truck burned down within months of each other. I realized what I could live without and what was most important to me. I'll be working in a place that sells things to make life "fun and easy". They intend on selling you things that will beep and flash at you and keep you occupied until the next better gizmo comes along.

There are quite a few things I would like, but the only thing I'm really into is computers, and they just about sell them at cost....no discount.

I no longer even miss TV, I might like some choice stereo equipment for my vehicles. We'll see what happens.

Speaking of vehicles, I bought another '85 ford ranger for next to nothing today. It fired rigtht up, but seemed to only need a few choice parts to complete. I've already bought them, and may have it road ready in a week or so. I need a pickup so badly....

My school project, aka the new ISS room is coming along quite well. I'll be finished with the basic construction in a few days of good effort. It is going to be great. I can't wait to actually have decent resources at my disposal. I'll try to post some pics of the finished product.

Wow. So much to do & so little time.....

Best Buy N.E.T. experience

I went to the four hour new employee training meeting today. It was very interesting (sarcasm). I think I like the ideals BB tries to foster, we'll see if they actually come about in practice and application.

All the people seemed down to earth, decent folks. They tend to want personable people in the stores. I have learned to mimics that trait well. Most people who know me know I'm not really a people person, but I can be kind and friendly when needed.

The management was a pretty lively bunch, the manager of my area seemed the most laid back, so it could be a very good thing. I've noticed that most higher corporate management types look so washed out, like they put almost every ounce of heart and soul into "the company" and leave so little for themselves. Corporate zombies....sounds like a B-movie. But they made choices they look happy with, and most likely it's just something I don't get.

their was some sort of executive there that was almost comical he looked so fake. Orange dye tan, hair replacement & dye job. He seemed a nice enough guy, but just looked so phoney, ah.....Corporate America. We were led off in a pep-rally style cheer. Obviously, moving boxes all day is something to look forward to.

Five years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and probably walked out. I've never been a "believe the hype" type of person and my sour experience with Papa John's cemented this paradigms for me. Now I see it as a stepping stone. Hell, I just might like it. When the you-know-what hits the fan and that door swings open for the first time, we'll see how much of that spirit stays in tact.

I 've always known I can deal with whatever comes my way. I see their rigid corporate standards as a good thing, rigidity is rigid both ways; do the job, show up on time, and keep your mouth shut and nothing bad happens. If I don't like it, there are four other stores in that plaza I could go to.

I found out tonight they stay open until 9 mon-thurs, 10 fri-sat, and 8 on sunday. Not shabby hours, not like I'll be there all night. Hell, retail might even give me new things to write about.

The big surprise is we all work THIS Sat & Sun, and then it's a seven days a week jobsite. Kinda puts the kie-boash on my two week notice for Domino's, I didn't realize pizza would come to such an unceremonious end.... life without pizza.....

Very soon I just might write some of my pizza anecdotes on here. I've had almost ten years doing it, quite a few things happened in my day.

In a few short years, I hope to look back on all of it and know it was just means to an end. And then I can rest, at least work in a way that means more that base survival.

Comic Strip

My new hobby is going to be writing comics. My art is not so great, but I think I have some good ideas. You never know, I could do it and sombody could actually want to pay me for the honor. I've done about 10 one-pannel comics in rough form and I might start putting them online. The only thing I can do is stuff based on my life and all the siclkly ironic thing that have happened to me.

School will be starting about the same time I start best buy, It'll be life without pizza from there on out. It's such a big step that it makes me nervous. I've done the math over and over and it seems as though I'll make more money. Mosty since I'll work more hours, and the other because I won't be burning out so much gas or tearing up my cars.

If things work well, come tax time I'm going to try to get a better car. So far, I've lost 10 pounds on my diet. So far so good. I've been making a genuine effort to clear off the back porch so I'll have a workout area. Being active will be the ultimate catalyst for me not being a lard ass anymore.

Today I call GC to set up an appointment to talk to a counsellor about the college return.

2004 was the phoenix year. Everything had burst into flames around me. 2005 is the year I reinvent myself and start the slow process of becoming who I want to be.

these times are a-changin'

With Nathan being back in town, it has given me a chance to look inward. I've noticed how much I've changed. Besides being older, fatter, and going bald. I'm way more conservative now. Last night, a group of kids on bikes rode down into my area that I didn't recognize and I called the police. Now, my thing is A). I live on a dead end surrounded by a creek. B). I don't think that many kids that age live anywhere near here. C). It was 1:00 A.M.

No kids riding bikes have any buisiness being out at one in the morning, not to mention in a neighborhood thay don't belong in, not to mention you can't just be "passing through" since I live on a dead end.

I go into a job I can't stand because I know I need the money. I stay there because I know not to quit until I find better money elsewhere.

On another note, it has been hot as hell this past week 100 + several days straight. Just feels like being in an oven all day long. I've been wanting to go out and clean my yard, but not at the risk of heat stroke! So, I'll be taking it easy for the next few days. I wanted to start working out, but not in that heat. I'd kill myself.

Robyn's kids came over and they are so tired, they want to take naps....I think I'll join them.

the game of kings

I've been playing more chess with Nathan, as of right now I am one game ahead in our little rivalry. I credit my victories to him getting too tired to make good moves and me getting hella better. He actually has a basic knowledge of how to play that I never possessed. His tips and our practice have made me a much better player. After a game or two, I expect he'll start beating me again, and I'll have to learn more.

He's been my house guest for the past few days, and a welcomed one at that. Too bad my life is way too hectic to spend much quality time hanging out. Soon he'll be in Chicago for however long, and the group will have parted ways yet again. I hope we don't wait another 10-12 years.

Speaking of groups parting ways, I realized the other day that between School (job), college, and working for best buy, I'll probably have to give up my D&D game soon. I don't want to, but I can't really give up all my free time. And free time will be in short supply. As much as I love playing, I can't stop enjoying real life to play pretend. I hope the guys continue on with new games and maybe during breaks, I can sit in from time to time.

I think of all I'll have to give up to get where I need to go and I hope it's all worth it. I read "A framework for understanding poverty". It's a book written by an educator to try to help schools come to terms with "the rough kids".

It says that in order to make it from one social class to the other, a person must be willing to make sacrifices.

I've been toying with the idea of working elsewhere other than best buy. If it come to the point of it not being flexible with my school schedule, it'll have to go anyway. I just know delivering pizza ain't the way to do it anymore. With luck and hard work, in a few short years I'll have an income that will allow me to only work one job. What a dream.....

Finished book 6

I might tell too much of the book, don't read if you don't want any clues or spoilers.


After reading in my spare time since Sunday evening, I finished the Half Blood Prince. I liked the book as a whole, but hated how it ended. I waited for the "big twist" Rowling seems to enjoy adding in, but it never came. It's a grim book, not as grim as book 5. I can see how it has set up book 7 and I have a few ideas as to what will happen.

I will admit, Harry is not my favorite character. I like him, I read his exploits and enjoy his story, but I don't enjoy the books for Harry Potter.

What I wonder is, how much facination will the next book hold? It looks like many of the things I liked the most will not be present in book 7 and I don't really know how I feel about that. I guess that, in JKR's mind, after the ending of book 6, the Potter fans will be ready to see if book 7 will give them the satisfaction to make up for all the tradgedy that was in HBP.

The sad note is, bookwise, this seems like filler to me. It, unlike the other 5 books, couldn't stand on its own as a good book in itself. I liked it as a whole BECAUSE I had already read the others.

So I sit here typing, with that "punched in the gut" feeling, digesting how I feel about it all.

Higher education and hogwart's

I spent most of the day calling schools about returning for my BA degree, and calling about finacial aid. This will continue tomorrow. I discovered if I go the easiest route to get financed, I have to take a leave of absence to student-teach one school semester. I was floated several options otherwise, but more infomation will come tomorrow.

It seems funny, they WANT people to work their way up in the schools, predicting less turnaround. But I either:

A. Go the traditional route and leave my full-time job as ISS co-ordinator which is hard since I depend on that money. Or,

B. Take a BA in a related field and possibly become qualified to do a better paying job.

I have about two years to decide my fate. Nathan and I discussed education in great length, he is sick of it, I love it. I see the downside as minor, bad kids come and go, I feel an efficient class management approach could do away with alot of the "headache" that makes teaching miserable. I like guaranteed holidays off, long summer vacations, and incredible job security. Nathan sees it as another dead-end job. I don't.

Besides, honestly, I see teaching as a means to an end. I will most likely continue my education after that as well. Who really knows where I might end up

My first session with Best Buy will be in two weeks. I get to be brainwashed by the four hour in-processing/ re-education center. Means to an end, means to an end......

Re-started my low-carb diet from last year. So far, so good. When I get a slight sugary craving, I turn up a diet rootbeer/carbsmart icream float. Good stuff. Robyn had an impropteau birthday cake for her youngest daughter, and oh it looked so tasty! I was almost misty-eyed trying to reassure myself I didn't NEED cake. But oh, I wanted just a sweet little taste. The next few weeks will be Hell as I wait to get my body acclaimated to fat-burning before I can have an occasional treat. I wanted to start exersicing today, but with more college knowledge-seeking afoot, I won't likely get the area I need cleaned off.

Also, hampering progress is the new Harry Potter book. So far, I've enjoyed reading it, and I'm about halfway in. I'll be finished in a day or so if I don't pace myself. I like to read slow and savor the imagry. I took a week to read book five, limiting my self to only reading at bedtime for about an hour.

I never had a chance to read much when I was a kid. My folks would constanly be running me around to fetch their stuff. Couldn't sit in one spot long enough to read many books. Ironicly, I'm a very good reader, and not a bad writer either. Sometimes I wonder what I could do if I could nurture a few talents.

I saw a few people I graduated with this past week, and most of them looked bad, REALLY bad. Some of them seemed ashamed to be in a sorry state and avoided speaking. I know one of them was while I was delivering pizza, so he had to have felt abit better about himself, I didn't. Nate said something about feeling comfort knowing people are doing worse than you, I think he's right.

Speaking of him, our little Chess rivalry is fun. He's got a slight leg up on me in total wins, but we seem to be much more evenly matched that I originally thought. He is a much more cautious player than I, and I am a quicker thinker than he. I look forward to our next games as I've soaked up a bit of his strategy. More fun & games to come.

The north virginian trek

I went on Sunday to help Robyn get her kids from Luray, Virginia. It was in the heart of the Apalachian Mountains and it was mostly a breathtaking trip. I had not been more than 150 miles from home more than once in 8 years. We took 5 hours to get there and stayed at a KOA, which was a first, and I kinda liked the feel of the place. I could be talked into it again.

Robyn also popped for tickets into the Luray Caverns. Not too shabby a site, I was a little diappointed with the sheer number of people that went on the tour at one time. At $20 a person and a group goes down every 10-20 minutes, I estimated there was no less than $4k an hour running through there. Then the shops, then the concessions. That one place even had a full service gas station! Made me want in on the action. You know, make a hokey tourist trap out somewhere past civilization......Wilsonland! I could have the "Robert E. Lee memorial tire pile" and a walkthrough maze walled with junk cars. I could sell mosquito repellant and tetnis boosters at the concession stands. Perhaps have some piece of rotting detralus that is kinda starting to look like Jesus and the mysterious penis tree. I could open up a KOA nearby too....... Money Money Money!!!!

I do think there are some awesome things to behold with nature. I would have enjoyed hiking through the mountains we drove through for free. I would have given anything for my old motorcycle up there.

Other than that, I'm as broke as ever. I had a bill collector try to scare the bejesus out of me. Damn near worked too. Refused a payment settlement, told me they were filing a lawsuit against me if I didn't pay in full. I told him go ahead, if I see papers, I'll have to file bankruptcy. I damn sure don't have it and can't even start on it untill September. I did find out that if they threaten a lawsuit , they have to follow through or its harassment. We'll see what happens.

The day after the trip, I woke up in so much pain, I could barely get out of bed. Now that scared the Hell out of me. I thought I was dying for awhile. With advil, hot showers, and lethargy; I'm almost back to my normal 55%.

I'm kind of nervous about the whole Best Buy thing. After the whole neck pain thing on Tuesday made me realize I'm not young or in great shape. I'll have to pace myself and hope for the best, no pun intended.

School will be back soon and I must be prepared to start my return to college. I'm making the calls tomorrow. I'll also talk to Jim, a teacher friend about it. The past year was a total waste. I must not waste any more time. 33. I must be done at 33.

.....and miles to go before I sleep.....

got it

I was hired for the new best buythis past Friday. I will soon be ending the long pizza saga of my life. I probably won't be piutting in my notice at Domino's until the last minute, if at all. They'll "notice" I stopped showing up.

I'm still not too sure how to feel about it. I guess the job will speak for itself. Means to an end really, I'll eventually get to the point where I only need to work my day job with the school. Then it's an easy sail to retirement.

I played Nathan for the first time at chess yesterday. We are 1-1. I'll admit he is probably the better player, but I never get to play "real" opponents and he may very well be smarter, definitly more educated. Here comes the rivalry........just like the street fighter days. Hell, it's all in good fun and I look forward to it.

After the game we talked politics....for HOURS and never really agreed, well, I lie. I do like his viewpoint, and I think we agreed on my key issues, but I just think we see the way to get there is different. I would have love to hear Paul's views on the subject, he tried, but he was SOOOOO wasted by that late hour.

Speaking of looking forward to things, I'm going to help Robyn go get her kids tomorrow. We are going to Nothern Virginia to meet her relatives halfway. Then on Monday we are going to some caverns then back home. I hope I bring enough cash for a few lottery tickets, and then I hope I win. We'll return in a Hummer, if not it'll have to be the Maxima. At least the company will be good either way.

I guess as far as the BB job goes, I don't consider it a step up so much as preserving my car while I finish (start) my BA in education so I will only HAVE to work at one job. Who knows what the future holds. But I know I'll be glad to see it when its here. I think that's the secret to life. Preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, counting your blessings, and working towards your goals.

people skills

I'm fairly confident I will get a job at best buy this Friday. I had an interview this today, I discovered it was a three-part interview process. I interviewed with a department manager, we got along great, then the assistant manager came through went well. I didn't want to work Sundays, and she told me that they work in three piles: yes, no, and maybe. I was a maybe for wanting Sundays off. If I agreed to work some, but not every, Sunday I was in the "yes" group. The yes people (which I guess means "ass-kisser") go on to interview with the GM of the store for a final decision on hiring. They were intrigued with my ISS coordinator position. They asked me what made me want that job. How did I get into it. All I could say is it was a career move and that I love it.

So, I get to go interview again, and probably get the job, starts out better than I thought, so my money will be looking good.

Now, back to the issue of college.

New Wilson's Dictonary

I found some funnies I'm going to add a few of my own.




Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Deja Poo: the act of cutting wind in you own car, getting out, coming back and the gassy smell is still there.

Dr Pibb: Robyn's favorite drink, at least she seems to order it alot at late night dive throughs when she's really tired.

Hypochristians: the "holier than thou" type that judges and criticizes you, but they are not exactly angels themselves.

Prostitots: underage girls that dress like whores.

Dubcaps: The trashy-ass hubcaps designed to look like trashy-ass rims.

Thug Lite: when privleged white kids act like they're from the ghetto.

Feel free to come up with your own.

anticipation

I'll find out in an hour or so if the junkyard carb will fix my Honda. I'm in the hole right now, financially. A car problem was the last thing I needed during this "thin summer". I'll have to "limp along" to keep up my bills.

grilling, the primal connection.........

I love charcoal grilling. Almost everyone I know loves it. It tastes better, there seems to be an almost ritualistic art to the whole process. There is no written formula to the cookout, but they all seem to go the same routethere is a decent amount of foods, great cuts of meat, salad, alcohol, music, and merry-making. I can imagine in primal times, the hunter would bring in the food and when there was luscious meat, it was a call for celebration. They would dance and rejoice while the food was being prepared, then the stories of the hunt and of the elders and great times past. All would eat their fill and be done.

The hunter is now the host/cook and everyone listens to music, tells jokes, and stories. I think it is ingrained into us. It is a throwback to what we once were; before supermarkets, and electricity, our lifestyle is new, speaking historically. We've only been away from wood fire cooking for about 100 years or less. And most parts of the civilized word only cook and heat with fire out of novelty, not necessity.

Somewhere back in the deepest recesses of who we are, there is that primal creature. The hunter, the survivor, the thing that kicks in from time to time. The one that knows what to do when everything falls apart. Ingrained within our very being, he see sees that big, raw steak and knows what to do. He knows how to make it good.........

The fire.

diet

One of the things I'm going to start this week is my diet. I'm going back on Atkins. The only thing I found difficult is it is hard to plan my meals during school & working two jobs. I had planned to go back on it halfway through last school year, but I was too busy with burning houses and such. Not to mention, my folks have a horrible concept of what food is, and I couldn't eat healthy at all. I really enjoyed Atkins-stlye eating. All the rich, flavorful food, and as much as I wanted. The down side is the loss of bread, pasta, and sweets, but the only real downfall was sweets. I have a sweet tooth from hell. The good news is that with this diet, if I maintain well, I can have an occasional treat after the first few weeks. Not to mention I'm quite fond of diet root beer floats with low carb ice cream. MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.

I'm re-dedicating myself to housework today. By the time I go to bed tonight, my house will be very clean, it's not bad now, but I want it better. Something about people making a surprise visit and the reaction is "hot damn!", not "god damn!" makes me feel good.

I feel the same connection to my health, I want people to think "hot damn, he takes care of himself" not "god damn he looks bad". The bad part is, I don't feel terribly unhealthy, but 240lbs puts alot of strain on my knees and ankles. And I know how much better I felt, so there.

everything's gonna be alright....

Found a junker car out in the boondocks that matches my honda and the guy will sell me the carb off of it for 60 & warranty it. Now I just have to get by tail out there and remove it myself. And therein lies the real challenge.

Robyn has told me I can loan some cash to make a down payment on a "real car". My best bet is a half-dead '97 ranger a block from my house at a used car lot. I have no Idea how it runs, but it is a high-milage truck, even by my standards, but if was decently maintained, it could be a good choice. I need a pickup badly.

The rotten news is that Robyn's can needs a flywheel. She's fed up with the car and I can't say I blame her. It's an '86 maxima with 217000 miles on it. To make the thing 100% again it needs:
tune-up - 50
flywheel - 300-ish
struts - 400-ish
re-alignment - 60-100-ish
(optional) ac repair - 200-ish
In the ballpark of $1000 to keep a $500 car running.

Now, I think that with all those repairs, she could get a good bit o' that cash back by driving it untill tax-time next year and getting something new. The car has starting huffing a little smoke sporatically, but doesn't have an engine knock at all. And a fresh oil change might help a bit of that, it's come due but the oil plug has been stripped out and I haven't had the time to play with it.

I must be in for some good luck, or perhaps it's karma? Was I a despot in my previous life?

luck & karma & such

A few months ago, I was joking about how my truck burned up, my house burned up and since I'm still here and going, I figured things would be looking up soon. Now my Honda needs a new carb on it. The one on it is too far gone to be salvaged. I have gone crashing past my comfort zone and now I have to borrow money to get my car on the road. The tragic part is that it is just small enough of an amount that it is worth fixing, but much more and I should just get another car. I think there is more life left to it, I just have to get past the "used and abused" damage and get it back on track.

Even as the price is bad enough, my real problem is that no body can get the part to me untill Wendsday.

Screwed

My 85 Honda obviously has a major problem. The guy I tend to trust as a mechanic has had it for 3 days to rebuild the carbuerator on it. I have seen this guy rebuild an engine in a day or less and right now he can't get my car straight. I'm supposed to work tonight at pizza, but Hell, no car, no work. If he can't finish by today....I'm screwed. I'll most likely get fired.

irony

I want to be creative, make a web-comic, a haloween costume, a good blog entry.....SOMETHING. Alas, I have found I cannot be clever on command. I will admit to wanting to do a web comic, I just don't seem to have the ability to relate witty commentary with art. I might try to do a few and post them to see how they do. I will be posting some social commentary very soon on my other blog. Lotta crap I have a strong opinion on happening these days.

My old high school buddy Nathan is in town for a few days. With Paul living in Burlington, we've gotten together a few times. This is the first time we've all been together in about 10 years. We need to get a picture together before he heads for the rapids in WV. I covet his pickup. Wish we had more time, but I'm busy, Paul's busy,and Nate is trying to score a new job on the East coast. Time is a precious commodity.

I'm maintaining the house, finally got another washer & dryer, that seems to be going well so far.
Over the next week, I need to organize my back porch and get the yard sale ready. However, I did repair one of my phone lines. Now I have and easily accessible jack yay me.

My car is out of commission, temporarily I hope. This is going out of my expenditure comfort-zone to repair it. Not fixing it will ruin me.

I'm eager to see if I do well this summer on limited funds. This will prove to me if I can exist megerly while I finish my BA. Must finish school, teachers don't get paid much, but it's a damn sure sight better than my current income. Only working one job & having Summers off would be heaven for me.

Alright, now I must sleep.