I was just thinking.

My friend Paul, who's website can be accessed here. Can put a very amusing spin on life. I was reading through and he had an idea for a shampoo for goths. Gothica - Shampoo for Goths "Beacuse it's hard to celebrate the utter empitiness of existence when your hair smells like strawberries". I find that funny everytime I read it. I find the whole goth thing to be full of irony too. All the leather and velvet, the black makeup. It seems like an awful lot of work for the person who lives an empty existence. I guess life is full of little hypocritical nuances like that.

I aw a deleted scene from Napoleon Dynamite last night and it was so funny, that I now must watch the whole movie. It was a kickball scene in which ND gets into it with another student. After that, it's all too funny.

Got my school picture taken today. My mom would never forgive me if I didn't. She's as fervent now as she was when I was actually the student.

I really don't have much to say. It was a decent non-eventful day

The bane of my exisitence......

EC, or exceptional needs kids. These guys age me in dog years when they are in here. I have three in my room today, and they just make me so tired. It seems as though they have made the bar so low for them, that misbehavior is the norm. I get a decent level of behavior, for a class room, but not for me. In fact, they would probably be ideal students if they behaved they way the do when they are isolated. I don't pretend to know what all is wrong with them. I do know that in 1979, when I started school, there was no such thing as ADD. Even if there were, ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder, not act like a wild jackass disorder. All the ADD kids seem the same. They come from wrecked homes. I wonder if the attention deficit is the lack of attention they get from thier parents.

Then you add ritalin into the mix. As far as I can see, ritalin does nothing for these kids. They still misbehave. That particular drug is not behavior-modification medicine. It just sedates them and makes them junkies.

Alot of people go around think pills will solve all thier problems. They won't. In fact, I'm disgusted that our medical profession seems to be going around trying to make everyone believe they need to be happy all the time. life should be a mixture of emotions. They accent, define, and compliment one another. I think I tend to lean towards bouts of depression. I have no excuses, I just feel blue from time to time, and I deal with it.

Back to the wild kids, if they could be made to fear authority figures again, all this ADD stuff would be a moot point.

Bad moon rising

Today is a slowday at school......so far. Tonight is a full moon and usually, we have the most trouble during these times. By this time tomorrow, I'll probably be packed in here. I have to do more paperwork this year, but it's really involved, so when I do it, it makes the day go by faster.

I'm getting four days of afterschool tutoring this week cha-ching. I'll most likely wind up with three days a week. I won't see the cash for a month, but I'm patient. I can wait.

I may have all the parts I need to get my truck going. I'll have to wait a few days before I can see if they will work. If they do, I'll be sooooo happy.

There was a piece on talk radio last night about putting "under God" out of the pledge of alliegence. The Host is opposed to the pledge all together. I saw his point. We are not getting any benefit from having the kids say the pledge every morning. Why continue the stale old ritual? I know why I do. My boss likes doing it, and wants the kids doing it. I don't think they learn anything by saying this empty pledge every day. I like America, and I like our rights and freedoms. I'm not too crazy about the pledge.

Typing after lunch makes me sleepy.

the culture of victims

I've grown up in an interesting time. The age of pop culture. American pop culture is consumer driven, basicly, commercials and brands names saturate ever nook and cranny of our existence. Facial tissue is most often called klenex, bleach is clorox. If you say golf, everyone thinks of Tiger Woods.

And then you get to the food and all the pop culture icons. Ronald McDonald, Cap'n Crunch, the Trix rabbit, the Pillsbury Doughboy (my personal favortie), Betty Crocker, Aunt Jemihma, and the list goes on. These icons, the well-crafted hawk thier products to us in commercals and print ads. Sometime they even sell thier likenesses in the form of toys. And the branding begins.

It goes further than that though. You think of fast food you're thinking about McDonalds. We've grown up in a time where the marketers put playgrounds in the restraunt, not to be nice to the kids, but to sell more burgers.
"Mommy! I want to eat at McDonald's." And why not? Toys with the meal, an indoor playground, and sugary foods, a kid will go nuts to eat there, and parents will give in. The kids are programed at an early age to see McFood as comforting. Happy childhood memories are associated with eating there. So when those children are adult, they will bring thier kids to McDonald's to gorge on grease, sugar, and salt.

When you take it a step further, and realize that McFood will give you McHealth problems in the long run, the big clown and his junkie food peddleing cronies look more and more like villians to us. Are they really that bad?

Blaming McDonald's for you being fat and at-risk for heart attacks is alot like blaming the apple tree in the garden of eden for Adam disobeying God and getting in trouble. Adam made his own choice, just like we do everyday. We seldom choose the right way, we opt for the easy way. We all went to school and learned about nutrition. We all know that fast food and sweets will make you huge. But it tastes so good. Then, you get another icon....Richard Simmons (ick) sitting there crying with some woman that looks like a beached whale talking about how junk food ruined her life.

We have a society of victims, it's not the person who ate fast food everyday and had a heart attack's fault No, it Ronald's fault. Ronald McDonald mad you fat. The Pillsbury Doughboy was his accomplice, The took your money and your health and made thier getaway on the Budwieser Clydesdale Horses.The Marlboro Cowboy just hypnotized you into smoking until cancer takes your life, he was riding a horse too.

Are they really the ememies? No, if there is a villain to be found it is within ourselves. Our tendancy to over-indulge, to neglect ourselves. A cookie or two from the pillsbury doughboy will not hrt you. Eating a whole plateful in one sitting will. That's why they are called treats. If you decided to eat at McDonald's one night a week, you'll be fine. Eating at McDonald's five days a week is fast tracking yourself to an early grave.

The typical American diet:
Breakfast : sugary cereal, danish, fast food, or nothing
Snack: Candy bar
Lunch: Almost always fast food (we're in a hurry, right?)
snack: wow, lotta snacks, but all them high carb foods run through you.
Dinner:Almost always something bad.
Midnight snack: something nice and sugary to sleep on.

Add smoking to that and wow. You are well on your way to becoming a statistic.

The concept of moderation in all things is not new. Buddah was telling that one thousands of years ago. If you eat the right foods, you just about can't get fat without first having a medical condition.

I'm a fan of low carb diets. I don't eat low carb all the time, but voiding bread, sugar and drinking plenty of water helps me. I have yet to dedicate myself to it thoroughly enough to be "thin", but I ve lost over 20 lbs.

In the end, people can always say no, but they don't. No one but themselves should have to pay for the poor choices they make.

busy bee that's me!

I'm proud to report that I no longer feel like my job is superfulous. I've had a total of 15 kids today, with infractions ranging from dress code to fighting. It's kinda strange, it seems as though some of the kids really feed off me being strict. I guess they don't have dads at home to yell at them. I think they really need structure and I wish I could help them all. But I love every last one of them. They keep me in buisness. My cubicles had an unexpected effect. The kids move to look around and it catches my eye. They now think I'm always watching them. I'm not. Also, after three or four hours in isolation, they get kind of twitchy. It's actually quite amusing to watch. Seriously, I struggled with behavior today. But the day is only 8 hours no matter how tough it gets.

On the truck front, still can't find my missing part. I will get it right if I have to have one machined to spec. I really want my truck running.

I'm also proud to report that my main rooms of the house are no longer wrecked. Main rooms are the kitchen, living room, and bath room. So now I can pretty much guarantee nobody will visit anytime soon. It seems like I only have guests when my home is messy. Now my next focus will be the back porch and the computer room.

Nice Saturday

Saturday night I had dinner with Robyn. I've been doing decent in the cash dept, so I took Robyn to her favorite reseraunt. Her favorite place to eat is the place she waits tables: Teds Montana Grill.

Ted's is an interesting place. Thier specialty is bison dishes. Yes, buffalo meat. Not only is is tender and flavorful, it is a very dense protien. You will not get hungry for a very long time. That stuff seems like an ideal food stuff for a low-carb diet, a small ammount of meat can last a grown man quite awhile.

She had a salad and two top-shelf magaritas. By top shelf, I mean the teqilla was $85 a bottle, but it makes a fine drink. I find it funny that the mixed drink or "cocktail" was a prohibition-era creation to make cheap liquor palatable. Today, with all the quality liquors, a few mixed drinks can get you smashed and never even realize it.....until you try to stand up. Anyway, I had the bison bbq spare ribs. I was disappointed at how small the portion was, but I was soon reminded that a little bison goes a long way. The rib meat was ample, and very lean. The barbeque sauce was subtle, yet slightly tangy. It was a perfect compliment to to ribs and took nothing away from the natural flavor of the meat. I had grilled asparagus as a side. It seemed a little over grilled, the grill-smoke flavor seemed to overpower the asparagus today, but still a nice dish. I would have loved a sweet tea with such a meal, but I'm limiting my sugar intake, so it was diet coke.

With $14 in mixed drinks alone, without her employee discount, the meal would have been well over $70. But for such a quality meal, we got quite a bargain.

Next we went to Southpint Mall, I usually thoroghly enjoy it there, but it seems on Saturday nights, the whole place is choked up with thugs. Now the term thug has nothing racially charged in this context. The thug has basically replaced trashy in my mind. A thug is any young person who is loud, crude, offensive, and overbearing. I find that white kids make the most untolerable thugs. I seems as though thugs are immersed in the hip-hop "gangsta" culture and with it having roots in young black culture, it seems as though the white thugs go for the image and the attitude without any of the real "spirit" of the culture itself.

The bad part is, the "respect me I'm hardcore" approach that thugs have actually work to have the opposite effect. I had to use the bathroom at Southpoint, two thugs were in front of us dressed in clothes so baggy, the looked like modern harlequins. They were staggering about in some sort of strut to make them look hardcore, it wasn't working. They were loud and swearing, making references to how they had to use the bathroom as well. The main part of the mall had closed, and a police officer was standing watch. He was a large, older black man with a cold stare. He promtly turned the two thugs away, but he let me in. Why? Was I respectful? Did he dispise the fact that these thugs make his whole culture look bad? I don't know. But when I was a young hooligan, I got similiar treatment. I think the trick is learning to play by the "unspoken rules" of society.

Robyn gets mad at me when we go out. I hate large crowds, and I hate large crowds of thugs even more. I stand my ground. I have felt that people will try to walk directly into your path to try to make you move for them. I take offense to that. I have ofter gone halfway in crowded situations, giving room when it was given, but for someone to pretend that I'm either not there, or they have more right than I do to walk through me, I won't budge. People tend to move for me. They won't for her. I think because I grew up kinda rough, I have that "don't tred on me" air to myself. Where I'm from, the area I was raised, you could never back down. To show weakness was dangerous. Is moving out of someone's way in a mall dangerous or a sign of weakness? No, of course not. I guess I feel as though my rights or personal enjoyment should never be infringed upon by a fool that want to walk all over me because he can.

To a certain extent, I think that's what's wrong with the country. We no longer stand our ground when we know we are in the right, and we suffer for it. Being the bigger person doesn't always mean backing down standing up for what you believe is right and good is the greater. I won't expect a person to move out of my way, but I wll, give ample berth to a person gives way for me. That's just basic respect.

We were going to see a singer/songwriter called Angie Aparo (a personal favorite) his claim to sub-fame is that he wrote Faith Hill's hit "Cry". His version is so much better than hers. But I had to be in to BB at 7 to do the adset, and I wasn't in the mood to be in a crowd, especially after southpoint's gangland tour. We went to Walmart and got some nessessities I almost bout a mini fridge for my room, but decided to wait and do some price shopping. Good choice. I saved about $10 all together.

I spent way too much money this weekend. Just about 200 in total. I can't really afford to go out like that, but sometimes, I can't afford not to. Robyn and I had a wonderful time together, and it was worth every penny. Now back to ramen noodles!

Actually, if I'm conservative for the rest of the month, I'll be able to keep my bills paid up and eat well, that's beore I figur in the fact I have one more BB check coming to me! The next evening together will have to be cooked at home and a rented movie, or something nice like that.

I'll be getting tutoring money, probably staring next month. I'm joining the after school program and it pays professionals $15/hr. I can only do 2 hour a day, 2 days a week. (I'm going to try to shoot for 3!) But that's an extra 60 a week before taxes. Not shabby. I need to find ways to cut my expenses even further, so I can afford more nice nights out like that.

I'll most likely start taking my lunch to school. It costs up to $3 a day to eat school food. I could cook my own lunch for less if planned properly,and save about $20 a month. I have a ton of these ideas.

ten friggin' hours

Next week at BB, I'm scheduled for 10 hours. Two days. I'm starting to get ill with it. I get this Sunday and next Saturday's closing shift. Pathetic. I think I'm about to be approved to do the tutoring program at my school. It pays double my BB jobIf I can get 3 days of it a week. I'll be doing great, but I'll settle for two. I'll also be working toward the "one job" goal of mine.

I'm thinking of having a "Soapbox of the Soul" reader appreciation cookout next weekend. I just want an excuse to get the friends together.

The truck project is at a stand still until I get the remaining parts. I found someone who is willing to help out if they have compatible parts.

I had a kid ask me today if I ever get bored in here. No, actually I don't. This is a dream job for me. Internet access, cheap lunch, free coffee, and I'm often drunk with power. My friend Jim, told me he fears I may have a sadistic side since I like my job so much. I want all my kids to be happy and successful, but the need to know punishment if reward is to taste sweet. You have to have some bad if you are to truly appreciate the good. But I digress. No, I don't get bored in here. I have a simple job with loads of responsibility, but I love being here and doing this. This is what gives me purpose. If I ever get bored, I type in my blog. I don't ever shirk my duties though.

Some asked me if I would contribute to the Katrina Disaster Relief Fund. I didn't. There have been so many tragedies and disasters in my life that I had to just do without that it has made me kind of hard-hearted. Don't wish it off on them, but I've stuggled and had to find a way to survive in the face of adversity. I think there are too many handouts. Charity makes people soft and weak. It makes them complacent, which is probably what the true purpose of social programs are in the first place.....control. I think I feel a political blog entry coming on.

Feeling BAD

Yesterday, I'd promised myself I would clean the house and do my laundry. I got home and felt so bad I slept until 9:30. I never ate dinner either. I got sleepy again around 1:45 am and even then, I had a hard time sleeping. Ironicly, I woke up refreshed. Go figure.

Last night I had a racoon on my back porch eating my dog's food. I wanted to take a picture but he scooted before I could take the shot. He's visited before, so I imagine I'll see him again. I plan to kill it next time.

I have not wieghed myself recently, but I think I'm still losing wieght. My pants fit way better these days, bordering on too loose. I need a belt these days. I'll regroup on the diet and exercise this week. My past few weeks have been chaotic.

I'm very close to getting my truck ready to drive. I only need a few more parts. I plan on making it as nice as I can reasonably afford.

My ideal plans are:

1. Completely new interior. Not as expensive as it sounds....
2. Spray-in bediner. I'm almost scared to price them....
3. New paint. I'd like to go with red. It's currently very dull black.
4. The wheels off my wrecked ranger. Cragar SS with bladed centercaps. Corny, but actually ideal for this type of truck.
5. High-end ties, like the goodyear white lettered
6. Nice stereo. My BB discount will make that a reality.

Since I plan on keeping this truck and taking good care of it, I don't see these as "excessive". I think In the long run I'll be very happy with the choices I make to fix up the truck.

College seems like such a distant thing. I keep telling myself to be prepared for January. If I can't get approved for full time, I'll at least take one or two classes.

I'm very happy to see some of my best (worst) customers from last year have calmed down quite a bit and seem ready to grow up. I'm very proud of all of them.

A ray of hope.

Robyn was kind enough to let me buy her computer off of her. I our deal, I take the computer now, and buy her an identical one in a month or so on layaway. Sadly, although far more stable, it is not faster than "frakenstien". I called it frankenstien because it was green, ugly, and made from other dead computers. Over the months ahead, I will go about testing everything on it and seeing what may be saved. There may be a "spawn of frankenstien" coming to life one day.

I spent the better part of my labor day weekend hunting parts for my Ranger. I think I almost have them all.

I guess that maybe I'm just not into doing customer service. That's why I don't especially care for BB. It's not hard at all, I just don't get many hours. It's like it's not really worth my while. There are so many things I love about being an ISS coordinator. My own quiet space, easy job, professional atmosphere, internet access, and the cheap thrill of authority. They put chess on the computers. It is a HARD program. I can't beat it.

The dead computer has put me in a bind. There are several things I wanted to do with my money other than buy a computer. I like it, and I need a computer right now anyway, but I got a truck that needs to be on the road, a car that needs more parts before it's right, a dorm fridge for my class room, and I'd like a motorcycle, not show off but for cheaper gas.


I'm going to write a piece later this month about misplaced angst toward our consumer driven society. Now that I have a computer with a media reader, I can add more pics to the sight. I like it. I'll be experimenting with some planned out pieces on this blog, not just the freehand ramble everyone (all three of my readers) have come to enjoy. It'll probably come out about the same, I'll just have a more focused topic.

.....

2003-2005
R.I.P.

I'm a little upset right now.....I'll be on it later.

Some people pole vault.......

I'm a limbo guy myself.

I don't care for my BB job that much. The work is easy, and most of the people a very pleasant to work with, but the hours are too few. I work 12 this week and 16 the next. Before that I was working 28 - 35, which is a bit much. I wanted 20 - 25, that would give me plenty of cash to piss away at BB with my discount AND keep all my bills in check comfortably. Some manager came into the warehouse and said some nonsense about "time to raise the bar" I said " cool! I'm a limbo kinda guy.". There was an open box TV that was sold that had to be bubble wrapped. The bubble wrap spool is about the size of two refrigerators and weighs nearly 4 lbs. I pulled the spool of it off the second shelf, which is about 8' high. The girl who was barking orders all night freaked when she saw me doing it. I acted like it crushed me. She really freaked then. I got up and laughed, and so did most everyone watching.......except her. Me and another guy started tossing it back and forth in a manner that made us look like two monsters training to take on Godzilla at the next pay-per-view. We left very late, not because I was assing off, but because there was no clear idea of what we needed to be doing until near closing. We were scheduled to leave at 10:30, at 11:45 I clocked out. Poor management on their part will not result in an emergency on mine. Many were still there when I left. I might be accused of not being a team player, but that's just because I don't play for the team they think I should be on.

Even in all that fun, the girl said she would talk to the manager about getting me more hours. If it happens, I'll stay. If my hours stay low, I'll get what I need on discount, and bail out.

Paul sounds like he's got himself a girlfriend, and pretty happy with the whole thing. Just a word of advise, don't over analyze it, you'll kill the magic.

Nathan seems to be quite happy in Chicago. So much so that I might make it a point to visit over the summer, money permitting.

I'm starting to get ISS kids now. So I'm happy. When the teacher's nerves are frazzled, and they are tossing kids out, I'm in the zone. I get mad kids who can't tell right from wrong, spoiled rotten thug-brats who have been raised by their grandmothers. Skater punks that don't give a damn at all, and they come to me. They're mad, huffing and stomping and I give them hell, make them do work, and then I lecture them after they calm down. I tell them what is expected of them, and send them back to class. If they don't calm down, I keep them all day.

I doubt it will help many of them at all, we are even fast-tracking one to alternative education already. I try to change them all, but I don't get my hopes up. I think we got to a few last year, they are behaving much better, and seem happier for it. I think everyone wants to be accepted and well adjusted. When a misguided kid straightens up and sees how much easier it makes their life, they don't want to go back to their deviant ways. If I have to work with the type of kids that want to turn it into "us vs. them", I make sure my side wins......Damn, I love my day job.

the quiet before the storm......

So far, the kids are tame. No real problems have hit my door. I hope they buck up just a little bit so the administration doesn't feel I'm needed.

Who am I kidding? I'll get kids real soon, they just have to get bored enough to cause problems. and problems will happen.

I got my stuff together to fix my truck and lost the keys, and my mind. Found the keys, but they were not where I left them.
My hours picked up at BB, but the check will still be less than I hoped to be receiving. I should probably think about doing a roommate. Nah, I'm not ready for that, but boy, it sure would help to split my bills in half. Hell; I could buy a car!

This gas crisis is getting me primed to write in my political blog. I'm getting really sick of it all. I won't elaborate because I need to post to the other blog and I don't want to type it twice.

I feel pretty good, I have just entered a transitional period, so I'm not sure how things will work out here shortly.

Back to the old grind.......

After a few days of floating around and helping where I could, a few kids are finally starting to "test" their limits and coming to in-school suspension. This means I'm in my own room, doing my own stuff and not trying to maintain someone else's stuff. I don't mind helping, but it's good being back in MY room.

I finished my application papers to Guilford College, I'll be setting that up in a few days. I like the program they offer, and I've heard nothing but great things.

I'll be taking my new ranger to be repaired today after school. I'm planning on just doing a few things to it at a time. It might just become a nice little truck. I need a pickup anyway, but if I can make it better, why not?

My lawnmower died in mid-mow yesterday. It made me very sad. I might try to take it apart and learn how to fix it, if possible. If not, I need to buy a new mower.

I'm still appalling this Suzuki Sidekick on a used car lot not too far from my house. When I join the credit union (as early as Thursday) I might just look into getting it. I'd love to have a decent car to tool around in.

I'm disappointed with my fitness level. I ballooned up over the summer and I've dropped a good chunk of it since, but I'm still not too happy with where I'm at physically. I MUST make a personal commitment to improving my health. I'll wind up being one of those guys that was hard-working and such and keels over dead at 45. I never thought I'd live past 30. I made a mistake on that one. I think I need to plan for the future. I want a narrow waistline again. I have a spare tire and a double chin. That just too many spare parts. I'm going to start slow, I've dieted, but I think a little muscle mass will go a long way for me.

We'll see how it goes.

more busy than before

But I have a few moments to spare.

Life is interesting. After BB had its grand opening, the job actually got easier. We warehouse people were relegated to the warehouse, only to make occasional sweeps of the store to clean or help someone move something very heavy. Otherwise, we sit in the back, look out for the manager, and talk $#!7 all night. I Kinda thought we were going to get into trouble goofing off so much, but alas, it seems as though we are doing great. Go figure. The girl that I got mad with last Sunday was fired. Life is good.

The first two days of school were interesting. We have an 8th grade retention room. That being the room where all the kids who failed this past year are isolated from the rest of the school. Due to scheduling issues, there was a 3 hour gap in that room with no faculty there. I was all over that three hours and it was no fun. I know all the kids.....very well. It seems as though the summer months did nothing to mature them or give them the resolve to make it through. I know a few of them will be with me before long. The saddest part is that due to the new credit system in high school, they can do it much like college, (x) many credits in (x) different subjects will get you a diploma. It is possible to get a diploma in 3 years. If these kids do well up until the second semester, they get their walking papers to high school and have the option to buckle down and graduate in 2010.

The bad part is, no matter how much we coax of coddle or attempt to inspire these kids, either they want it or they don't, and they won't know what they've screwed up until it's too late to fix it. The truth is we need all types. We need doctors and janitors, lawyers and burger flippers. Some people are not meant to be successful. That being said, we never give up on any of them. When they are ready to achieve(if ever), we do everything to give them the tools to do it and encourage them all the way.

I'm going to start getting regular checks again, my summer of discontent is at an end. I'm actually toying with the idea of getting a decent used car. I'll be joining the state employee's credit union soon. They will give you a loan if you can prove you can pay it. I might just have to get me a good car. If I get the financial aid for school, it'll be a definite. I'm looking an older Suzuki, like a four door sidekick. The four bangers had great mileage and were well put together. That would be my first choice.

I will admit sometimes I have doubts about teaching the rest of my life. I could do it, but to babysit low achievers like I was doing last week would depress me. I often wonder what would be a better way of getting these kids on track, but then, I think of the fact that not all of them were meant to achieve anything, I just don't want the knuckleheads screwing the opportunities up for the rest of the students.

busy

"The problem with having alot going on to post in your blog," to quote Paul,"is that you don't have time to write about it all." This has been a very hectic week. But I will most likely be posting more on the recent happenings very soon, by Sunday I hope.

more fun than a punch in the neither-region

Sometimes this job is ok. Today it was crap. I have yet to learn all the particulars of the job, so today, when the two people who shared my responsibilities setting the store up for Sunday sales were out today, I was screwed. I managed to make an enemy on the warehouse team and it seemed like all my price tags were wrong and it made me look bad. Add to that fact I needed help and got a new employee that knew less than me and you have an idea of how bad the day went.

I now have an urge to up my lottery ticket purchasing.

There are some decent guys there, but most are the worthless teenager-thug types. I relate to the people in the sales dept. much better. I now know what will happen soon. I won't be getting 30+ hours a week. We're just over-staffed until everyone gets the hang of their jobs. Instead of 20 people, their will be 5 or 6 and we'll all take turns. If I go under 20 hours consistently, I'll need to get another job. But we'll see...

In day job news, my room is almost finished. I don't have any great pics yet but I have a few to show what I've been doing. School starts again this week, I'm really excited to be back. I was placed in a mobile unit this year(trailer). Outside is good. It adds to the feel of isolation for behavioral problems.






These are my "cubbies" 4'x5' walls on either side. There are 10 isolation booths in all.

The theory behind it all is that middle school students are such social creatures, nothing is worse to them than no contact from their peers. Punishment is not so bad if you are in trouble with a friend. They will all be separated now. This is the "all day" part of the room.




This is the "chill out" side. Students will come here for one class period. They can be made to stay longer if they don't behave here. I figure by the first few weeks, if the new disciple plan is kept, the kids will get the point and my attendance will drop.

Isolation and consistency are the keys to success. Strong teachers + consistent discipline = better students. I'll have to work hard to keep my end up.


I'll be filling out college forms very soon. I must get ready for the return in January. No excuses, no procrastination. I'll be getting paid for BOTH jobs very soon. One this Friday, the next on Wednesday. The first time I've had any real money coming in since June. I'll get my ducks in a row, and join the credit union. Then I might be able to buy a car. I'm feeling really good about the future. It's all still up in the air, but it has vast potential. And a clear route to follow. I know that the days ahead with be very stressful and put me to the ends of my wits. The reward for persisting will be well worth it. So here's to my sanity, I will miss it most of all.

Can't pray for rain and gripe about the mud......

I got next week's schedule for BB. I was hoping for 20-25 hours a weeks, I got 32. If that remains a constant, between school and best buy, I'll be hitting 72 hours a week......damn. I'll try to keep it up through January until I get back to school to get caught up.

I was working at school today, a talked to one of the better teachers we have at GMS. She told me she had to end her employment because she couldn't get her work permit renewed. She hard working, a pleasure to be around, and her tough-love-no-nonsense approach to dealing with her kids gets great results. The immigration dept screwed up her paperwork and let her permit lapse. She can stay, but she can't work for the school until her paperwork is cleared, and that will be a month. It makes me sick when people who come here legally get a hard time and there is nothing done to the illegal immigrants. What the hell is wrong with these people? If I were as inaccurate at my job, I'd lose it. I hope she gets sped along the process and gets back into a classroom where she can do good things.

My dad went in for a 3 vertibrae spinal fusion today, he'll be on his back for a few weeks. I imagine he's in alot of pain and I can't help but feel really bad for him. When I say "dad" he's actually my stepdad and we didn't get along too good when I was growing up, so we never did "bond". Can't say I blame him, I was a little bastard and my grandparents didn't help either. I could turn everyone against each other alot of times. But I was a kid, I was getting by the only way I knew how.

When I was a child, I had a grudging respect for him. He was the strongest man I knew, he could do anything, and he made all kinds of sacrifices for the family. I remember him doing without so I could have goos school clothes. I remember hime working two jobs, laying out in the driveway working on a broken down car all night in whatever kind of weather: rain, snow, blistering heat, or freezing cold and go straight to bed and get up at 5:30 am to do it again. I think I tried to have him as a role model. I saw him as what a man should be: strong, tough, smart, talented, hard-working, and surly. I notice I have done alot of thing he did for us in recent years. When I did, no matter how much it sucked to do it, I felt really good. I felt like a real man. I've seen his health decline in recent years and with his back problems now, it's sad. I'm now way stronger than my dad. He comes to me for help with his cars and computers. I build or fix things all the time. Kristin (sister), Lena, and Cora (Robyn's kids) look up to me probably the way I looked up to him my entire life. Sometime I feel bad that we were never closer. I remember the first back surgery he had, he walked outside with me and told me that he was scared and if he died, I was to take care of mom and Kristin, then he cried and walked off. That was the third time I ever saw him cry. The first was when he got into a very bad argument with mom and they both cried while they were apologizing. The second was his dog died. My mom has accused me of having no feelings, I wonder if I got that from him also.

Some thirty miles away, my dad lies in a hospital bed, in pain. I'm sitting here still thinking about it all, and what he has meant to me my whole life.

feeling good.....

I have to be at BB shortly so I doubt this will be very long. I've been working my ass off at School and Best Buy. I think I enjoy stocking. My back and neck were starting to give me lingering problems. I knew I needed to keep up the pace and today, after working through nagging pains, I feel pretty damn good. This is encouraging me to actually do my workout room. I've just been so busy the past few weeks and it doesn't look like it's letting up.

I talked to the recruiters at Guilford College Monday, I've sent off for my financial information since I lost the originals in the fire. I'll be talking to someone real soon about going back full time. I will make it happen.

I have a lot of dreams for myself. Where I want to be in 5 years, how I want to live, ect. Dreams are great, they give you hope. Hope is a very powerful thing. You can lay on you back and dream all day. To make my dreams come true, I'll need a lot of sweat, tears, and sacrifice to get there.

I don't do many thing just for me. This is my thing and I don't think it too much to want.

Hidden talent

I've been making my own partitions for my ISS room this next school year. It has come to my attention that I had nay-sayers doubting I could do it all along. One fellow said he thought it looked way better than he imagined and it would look like a professional had built them if I had molding to go around it. I only received 10 plywood sheets, 12 2x4's, and 3 lbs of 8-penny (2 1/2") nails. I think I'm damn resourceful given my constraints.

It makes me sad to realize that I have alot of talents that are extremely handy, but not really marketable. I need to work on that.

A short list of things I have done for free that most people pay others to do.

1. Re-shingle a roof
2. Build cubicle partitions
3. Built a computer
4. Repaired numerous computers
5. Collected on past due bills for an independant contractor
6. Re-upholstered cars
7. Repaied countless cars (mostly minor repairs, some extensive)
8. Hauled dry goods
9. Cooked
10. Cleaned
11. Lawn care
12. Tutored
13. Babysat (or is it babysitted?)
14. Fixed furniture.
15. Re-wired a house for phone lines.
16. Swapped out all the power recepticles and light fixtures in a house
17. Repaired a cable tv line.
18. Contribute regularly to a blog.....mine

I now see that living off paychecks is going to be an awkward transition. Living off of tips and paying bills with my checks was the standard MO. Now, I must buget & ration my cash. Not difficult, just a different way of living. It will be better in the long run just by the sheer stability of the income.

I am ashamed to say I didn't call a college today. I woke up feeling horrible, and by the time I nursed myself into functionability, I was running late on my "to do" list. I'll try again tomorrow.

more best buy goodness

Well, today we actually worked. We started to prepare the store to take merchandise by setting up racks and moving boxes. It was very refreshing, I was ready to quit from all the BS cheering. A lot of the older employees were sick of it too. You can't force team spirit in Burlington, NC.

I need to be in another department. If all they asked me to do all day was to move heavy stuff, I'd be ok. I'd rather be selling computers or upgrading them. Not too sure I want to be on the geek squad, I have an ounce or two of dignity left. However, I am easily bought, so....

In my area, even the management won't do the cheers when nobody's looking. In fact, they roll their eyes. I like working with realistic people. The GM seems to be all about that crap. If I were getting paid 90k annually + benefits, I'd do all sorts of nonsense and love the Hell out of it. I'd make a fool of myself for half that. To be honest, I made a fool of myself for 9 years delivering pizza for about 15% of that.....

On the ISS front, I'll most likely finish my basic room prep this week. I'll have a whole other week to fine tune and prepare and I'm usually dead the first few weeks anyway, so I'll have more time than I actually need to finish.

I feel guilty, but I have yet to make an appointment with a recruiter for college. I know it is a major goal, but I'm limited in my resources right now anyway. Other than taking one class, I don't see how I could cope with everything. I WILL call tomorrow.

I'll have my new (to me) pickup diagnosed tomorrow also. I'll find out what I need to get it to full capacity, then when I get a good chunk of school & best buy money in, I'll fix'er up....nice stereo, new seats, carpet, restore the AC, then a nice little paint job, and maybe one of those spray-on bedliners. That would be sweet.

School is my first goal, must not lose focus.........