Done

Over the nex week, I'll be moving back in. All will be back to "new normal" soon. I'm so happy.

The frugal life.

I want to learn to live cheap enough that I can enjoy the quality of my life off one job, possibly supplementing my income by selling handmade stuff on Ebay. I want to be able to do things and go places, but not have all my cash lost on living expenses. I will ponder this deeply.

The Home Stretch

All the things the housing inspector turned my house down for has been fixed. if he comes today or tomorrow, I could be In by next Monday. The ceramic tile is setting as we speak and it looks awesome. My dad said "If you don't like the way that floor looks, I didn't raise you right." It was funny to me at any rate.
I see this whole ordeal as a turning point in my life. I want to be neat, organized, and most of all, proud of what I have. I've been thinking about making a formulaic change to my life based on my previous experiece in management. Keep it simple, never stray from what you know, if it's not useful get rid of it.
I'm going to try it and keep both my fans updated on my progress. :-)

....and the Moon holds her sway.

This past Friday,I had a horrible day at work. The kids were restless. I suspended two of them and it did little to control the misbehavior. One of the teachers believed since were were close to a full moon and a storm was forecatsed, it made the kids act up. She says that everything that makes animals skiddish in nature also affect us the same way, we are just not always aware of it. I thought it was a very insightful opinion and I will try to document behavior and weather patterns to see how they corelate.
I have realized that although these kids are growing faster and have more "adult" knowledge than we did at thier age, they are still kids and will (for the most part) be controlled if handled properly. If you attempt to treat them like adults, they will act like wretched adults.
There are so many simple explainations to so many of life's mysteries. I feel we make things too complicated most of the times. The sad part is, most people are so used to having complicated solutions, that simple alternatives seem absurd. I've read forums in the past where a person has to express one thought in a 20 page, master's thiesis style post. I'm not saying I dislike long, thoughful prose. Well, I don't really. Say it, try to be funny and move on.

Joke time:
A priest, a rabbi, and a cowboy all walk into a bar together. The bartender looks up at them and says "Is this some kind of joke?"

buh-dum-bum

True pain

As I type this, I am sore in ways I had forgotten were possible. I was doing yardwork aound my soon to be completed home. I have always been a neglectful housekeeper. Now that I'm getting a fresh start, I'm wanting to do it right.
I watched the guys laying the ceramic tile do their thing. They were meticulous, friendly, and downright hilarious. I would invite guys like this to a cookout. Great attitudes and their sense of humor would keep things lively for hours.
Now that the last of the "qualifying" work has been completed, I should pass inpection to the point that I can get my lights on this week. If I can do that, I'm putting my bed & computer back and I'll slowly unpack. I'm losing the packrat side of me. I want to minimize the clutter and keep a house that I would be proud to have visitors.
It's really easy to say all this, but I guess I'll know in a week how easy it is too keep up all this new stuff.

Tired

I'm so restless as of late, I find myself very lethargic during the day. My mind constantly returns to my home. I'm so excited to be returning. I love my family and friends, but it's so much nicer when you're not imposed on one another.

I skipped out on my evening job and I may quit altogether. Not enough money, not enough hours and the woman that runs the store is the antichrist. You know, I have no problems working with a female boss, my day job, the principal and assistant principal is a woman and we all get along wonderfully. They appreciate my work and I happily do whatever is asked. I think it has to do with the level of education. Assertive management has nothing to do with yelling, screaming, and gossiping about everyone. As a matter of fact, I think I enjoy the company of intelegent women more than anything else, might be why I have so many woman friends.

I hope to start my costume making today. If I get a good head start, with luck I could get enough money built up to make it through summer. I just need to sell something in such away that nobody else is offering as much at the price and still make a profit. I know I can, but will I be able to pull it off?

Teanative plans for costumes:
Boba & Jango Fett armor
Dr Doom full costume
Medieval Knight in full armor
possibly some warhammer 40k variant
I would like to make a giant (9 foot) robot costume, but I don't know if it will be cost effective to sell.

I want my home back

I should get my power back soon, end of the week. Then the serious preparations to return home. I've been moving all my boxes out of storage and I realized what a packrat I truely am. I got mad garbage that just needs to be tossed. Now rhat the carpet is fresh, walls are new and painted, my furniture will look like shit! Gonna have to fix that.

Robyn got really mad at me yesterday and I don't 100% know why and I never do anymore. I feel like if we can't go about our lives and do what needs to be done and not start a fight , we should part ways once and for all. I hate the thought of it, but may be it's time to move on. I don't feel like I can ever get us back to where we were before I fucked up. Yeah I took her for granted, I made her jump through hoops to be with me. My mom hates her and made it hard to be together. It made her bitter and angry. When I realized what I had done, and tried to make it up, it was too late. She doesn't want to let go and neither do I. I guess you can't fix broken hearts. I'm sorry, I wish I could take it all back, make it better, but it will never happen and she'll never get over it.

I think I'm ready for the next stage in my life. This one has lasted too long.

Hot damn a new Pope!

And the sad part is people are already criticizing him. I got one question for the nay-sayers: Are you Catholic? If yes, well guess what, he's your spiritual leader now, get over it. If no, shut the ---- up you piece of s**t. If you are not a roman catholic, it has very little to do with you. Yes the pope is a powerful political force, but he's not a president, he's not a supreme court justice. And all those cardinals do not give a flying hot d**n what you think and they picked who they though God told them to pick. I think it is great and exciting and I wish the man the best. I would be honored to meet him. I'd love to hear his take his past. Oh, yeah, he MIGHT have been in nazi youth. So ------- what? He was a german during the rise of hitler, they all were, ot they were killed. Do you even have a point about the man, one critical point or flaw in how he did his business in the last FIFTY GOD D*****D YEARS? no? nothing? when he was 11 he was a nazi youth? He's like, over 70, right? get over it. That is the lamest bunch of s**t I have ever heard. He doesn't need it, we don't want to hear it, he's got more important issues to deal with, like current issues. I hope the idiots get over themselves or go to Hell, which ever is easier. Forgive my nastiness in this post.

The long awaited return home.

My house is almost ready to be inhabited again. Today, we are going to start moving my boxes of stuff back and get ready for my blessed return to single living. I might have a cookout. I will definitly celebrate in one form or another. So much to do, so little time to do it.

fat

Last year I went on the Atkins diet and lost 30 pounds. I quit due to lifestyle changes that made keeping up a strict diet hard. Now I have found 25 of those 30 and I feel like crap. When I get back into my house I'm re-dedicating my self to my health. I'm going to set up time to exercise, and get back off all this crap I've been eating. I want to be one of those guys that just seemed to stop aging in his 30's. I want to be as healty as a 30 year old when 50 is long gone. And if I start now, I'll be there.

I was told I should come up with a book of my quotes at work today. I can't remember what I said.....wait , I do. It was geared toward the middle school slacker.
"Fashion, music, and friends come and go; stupid is forever."

The end of the school year is almost here. The kids are restless, the teachers nerves are frayed, and discipline problems are shooting up. This means I'm a busy man. HA! I'm never that busy. I have my proposal for next year's ISS room ready. More seats, less comfort, more isolation, fewer repeat offenders (hope). I want my room to run like an automation. I can step out for a moment and all will be OK. I'm glad I have the job, but summer will be a bitch. No decent cash for 2 months!

I hate I always seem tired by the time I get to write, at least it's cheaper than booze to get me sleepy.

tired

I appologize if the last post was not very cohesive. I made a promise to myself to commit some daily attention to posting. I like to write, and I feel it is a shame to let this ability go to waste. But posting at 1:00 am when I need to be up by 7:00 will tend to make me ramble aimlessly. I hope you got the point of the last post and I might just cut back to posting on days when I can spend waking hours doing it.

church, faith, and the modern age

I was listening to a liberal radio program on my way home tonight and heard half of a rant between a gay man and an old preacher. The preacher was calling the gay man a fag, and how he was condemned to hell for being unrepentant of his sins.

The above statement is why I do not practice formal religion.

When last I delved into the Christian faith, I was under the impression that the whole faith revolved around accepting people for what they are, being non-judgemental, and unconditional love.
Beloved, let us LOVE one another
for love is of God,
and everyone that loveth is born of God,
and knoweth God
He that loveth not,
knoweth not God for God is LOVE.

Direct quote from JohnI, about the only thing I remember from going to a private school. We put it to music and sung it almost every day. But you know, the church that put that as point #1 is the kind of church I could go to.

But that wasn't the only thing that bothered me; before I make my next point, let me clarify this, I don't like homosexuality. That being said; I do not hate, or look down on homosexuals. I do think some of the problem is that everyone needs to keep bedroom issues in the bedroom and not in the street. I do not make it public what my sexual preferences are. I just find it way too tacky for general conversation. The old saying for public displays of affection was "get a room". It applies today. If you are getting off and I'm shopping with my 12 year old sister, what makes you think I want to see two people all over each other like dogs in heat? Save it for when you get home. The sexual tension of having to wait, having to control yourself, makes it so much sweeter when you get behind bedroom doors.
But you know, if you really want to save the church, you really need to try to keep the kooks from getting all the good publicity.

my mechanic

I trust few people as is and I have NEVER trusted a mechanic untill now. I met Harmon through a very trusted friend who considers this guy very trustworthy. Had it been anyone other than Jim, I would have probably turned this guy down. He looks downright scary. He has a huge beergut, wears the same overalls daily and I'm not too terribly sure which pile of detrallis on his property he actually sleeps on but I send him work. More Robyn's cars than my own, but he gets the job done, and cheaply at that. I think he is one of those guys that just seems like he was made to suffer because bad luck hit him harder than it hits me. But he has always kept his word, showed all kinds of integrity that one rarely sees in people these days. If you can get past the fact that he's constantly drunk, fairly crazy and looks like someone you'd see in a horror movie, you grow to like him quickly. I have spent hours out at his shop talking to him and it never feels like you have been there as long. He's an amusing story teller and people tend to draw to him due to the strength of his character, and his dirt cheap auto repair prices. Either way, as long as he is able, I will continue to send him business and wish him the best.

Bison, the other, other red meat

My ex works at a restraunt that serves bison. Bison is an interesting meat to say the least. Moist, tender, and juicy; bison is truely tasty(and pricey). One tyhing is it's so damn filling and stays with you. I ate 5 hours ago and I'm still stuffed!I bought candy on the trip up and I ain't thinking about it. Maybe I should look into bison product when I go low-carb again. I did Atkins last summer and lost 30 pounds in as many months. I loved it. Bacon & eggs for breakfast, a salad for lunch (just a piece of grilled meat) and chicken with a salad for dinner. I never cared too much for bread and pasta anyway. My diet weakness is my sweettooth. Sugar is a major vice of mine. I was able to give up so much, but not sweets. I will tell you, after I was in month 2 of the diet, I got to where I could splurge and have a sweet treat. A frozen cappucino and an espresso brownie from the local book store would about get me high! I was all light-headed and mello- feeling. Moderation is a good thing. Gluttony will be the death of many.

CEOTY

I'm a classified employee with ABSS. Basically means I'm hourly, but they pay me via timesheet, so I get 40 hours flat every week, so it is the equivalent of really shitty salary. I come to work every day this year through sickness and health. I only missed a day when my house burned down. I received a ballot for classified employee of the year today. Seems like all of the hourly employees get voted on by the entire staff. and the top three get an award luncheon in their honor. You know, I really think it would be cool to win, but I will be lucky if I get one vote. My job is not high profile, I'm pretty much the prison of the school. I see janitors and secretaries getting the nod based on sheer fact that they are high profile. I don't even know who all of the teachers are. Not to mention I might actually have to work to get any accolades, and I don't do much of shit all day. Maybe I feel this way because going from food service to education is a big step. I've never done so little for money, except maybe when I was a convenience store clerk. My work is all filing paper work reading emails and yelling at kids. I fill my job description and I take what I do seriously, meaning I am very careful about how I interact with the kids. Truthfully, I'd be better off low profile, if they are not thinking about you, they are not thinking about getting rid of you either.
I had a kid tell me I wasn't fair yesterday. I told him life wasn't fair either, get used to it or you'll be a tired, broken man by age 30....I should know. You know I'm kind of a cynical bastard to be working with kids. But I see all kinds of things that would crush an optimists spirit, so you get used to it. I've noticed the same thing works everytime to curtail misbehavior, find either this biggest trouble maker or the most popular of the trouble makers and get them out. It usually breaks their spirit and if you come off as being a bit unhinged, they tend to calm themselves.
I think I'm going to try really hard to get another part time job outside of pizza. I just can't deal with it anymore.

Work

On my day off, Robyn's car broke down and I went to her aid. While I was discerning the problem, a student rolled up on his bike. He asked if he could help. I realized outside of a classroom, where I've had to suspend him for just not being able to shut up, he a just a really nice kid, a downright decent person. Just not meant for school, I felt sorry for him. It seemed almost as though he was begging for attention. I wish we could get to all of them. The sad part is, to do my job effectively, I can't even try to reach them. They have to want to be in class, I must therefore make thier lives miserable. I must give the consequence for thier misbehavior. My job is to aid in thier socialization, and if I don't do my job, how am I preparing them for the rigors of real life.

Pizzaman

My part-time job for along time has been a pizza delivery driver. It is a depressing, thankless job. Your effort doesn't ever coorelate with the reward AKA the TIP. I can not try and make good money, or I could run my ass off and end up taking to people that don't TIP. If you are the kind of souless, selfish ass that can't throw a few extra dollars in as a wayto say; " HEY! I realize you are ruining your own car and burning your own gas, risking your saftey on the roads, here, THANK YOU." I hope there is a special place in HELL for you. Hey cheapasses! Listen up, Gas has gone through the roof and is only getting worse, minimum wage is still the norm and hasn't moved in YEARS! Insurance has doubled. That little dollar that wasn't shit for a tip 10 years ago is a real insult now. YES ONE DOLLAR TIPS ARE AN INSULT. What can YOU do with one dollar. Better yet, "your total is $19.75."
"Here's $20 keep the change for a TIP"
Hey...thanks! Burn in Hell.

Now just to make it clear, I'm not capitalizing TIP. It is an anacrym for "To Insure Promptness" Thier might be a reason why your cheapass doesn't get your food too quickly. I will get out of this soon. I like to have a more stable income. I like to know when I put my best foot forward and do my best job, I am getting rewarded.

This all I care to talk on this, happy blogs to come.

My blog goals

As therapuetic as this may be, I really want to write some clever expositions here. So, I might just have to either post twice a day, or create a therapy blog to accompany my fun free hand rant blog. We shall see.

Must write

Although I am emtionally drained, and it is late, I want to keep the commitment to updating my blog. I work with my ex g/f on my part-time second shift job. She is dating someone else and still seeing me on the side. It was refreshing, we had been dating a really long time and alot of really bad shit happened. We've been more like friends with alot of (fun) sexual tension. It was like old times before everything went wrong. I will say alot of it was my faultI was trying to "keep the peace" with my family, who hate her guts. And I have a twice a month hobby(D&D) that she can't stand. With a few other things I won't mention right now, there was so much arguing I couldn't see myself committing to the next level.
Tonight she needed my help, her car broke down and I went to her aid, as I always do and got her back on the road. She was grateful, flirty happy. It made me feel like Superman and I'd just saved the day. Within 20 minutes of that emotional high, I was crashing hard in all of the short commings that made her choose to break up with me in the first place. She wants to fix things. I do too, but I think there may be just too much to try and work out. I just took an hour pause from typing this to let her finish the argument over the phone. If I could have the Robyn I met all those years ago, I'd most likely jump at the chance. But I don't think she's that person, nor am I the person she met. I'm older, wiser, educated, and driven. I cut my long hair, I no longer see t-shirts as a fashion statement. I've softened up quite a bit. I was a crass bastard once. I still am, but with a better sense of tact. I don't know what will happen in the days ahead. I must focus on my objectives, and hope for the best, whatever that may be.

Ray of hope

The Tarheels took home the title tonight. Very sweet that game was a fight to the end. I didn't have work in a few hours, I'd go to Chapel Hill and enjoy it. Nah, that wasn't going to happen. My first day back at from the Spring Break, I really wanted to be back in my house by now, oh well. I really was glad to be back at work. I'm supposed to come up with a way to get maximum results from the room with minimal resources. I like the challenge and I might post the completed diagram with the logic behind it, not anytime soon. Main goal, get back into house. My house burned down in January, it's been parent city ever since. I do appreciate the open arms in which I have been received, but I'm 30, I've been living alone for 7 years and I like that. If you have the ability to, I strongly suggest living alone for awhile. You can really get to know who you are.