fat

Last year I went on the Atkins diet and lost 30 pounds. I quit due to lifestyle changes that made keeping up a strict diet hard. Now I have found 25 of those 30 and I feel like crap. When I get back into my house I'm re-dedicating my self to my health. I'm going to set up time to exercise, and get back off all this crap I've been eating. I want to be one of those guys that just seemed to stop aging in his 30's. I want to be as healty as a 30 year old when 50 is long gone. And if I start now, I'll be there.

I was told I should come up with a book of my quotes at work today. I can't remember what I said.....wait , I do. It was geared toward the middle school slacker.
"Fashion, music, and friends come and go; stupid is forever."

The end of the school year is almost here. The kids are restless, the teachers nerves are frayed, and discipline problems are shooting up. This means I'm a busy man. HA! I'm never that busy. I have my proposal for next year's ISS room ready. More seats, less comfort, more isolation, fewer repeat offenders (hope). I want my room to run like an automation. I can step out for a moment and all will be OK. I'm glad I have the job, but summer will be a bitch. No decent cash for 2 months!

I hate I always seem tired by the time I get to write, at least it's cheaper than booze to get me sleepy.

tired

I appologize if the last post was not very cohesive. I made a promise to myself to commit some daily attention to posting. I like to write, and I feel it is a shame to let this ability go to waste. But posting at 1:00 am when I need to be up by 7:00 will tend to make me ramble aimlessly. I hope you got the point of the last post and I might just cut back to posting on days when I can spend waking hours doing it.

church, faith, and the modern age

I was listening to a liberal radio program on my way home tonight and heard half of a rant between a gay man and an old preacher. The preacher was calling the gay man a fag, and how he was condemned to hell for being unrepentant of his sins.

The above statement is why I do not practice formal religion.

When last I delved into the Christian faith, I was under the impression that the whole faith revolved around accepting people for what they are, being non-judgemental, and unconditional love.
Beloved, let us LOVE one another
for love is of God,
and everyone that loveth is born of God,
and knoweth God
He that loveth not,
knoweth not God for God is LOVE.

Direct quote from JohnI, about the only thing I remember from going to a private school. We put it to music and sung it almost every day. But you know, the church that put that as point #1 is the kind of church I could go to.

But that wasn't the only thing that bothered me; before I make my next point, let me clarify this, I don't like homosexuality. That being said; I do not hate, or look down on homosexuals. I do think some of the problem is that everyone needs to keep bedroom issues in the bedroom and not in the street. I do not make it public what my sexual preferences are. I just find it way too tacky for general conversation. The old saying for public displays of affection was "get a room". It applies today. If you are getting off and I'm shopping with my 12 year old sister, what makes you think I want to see two people all over each other like dogs in heat? Save it for when you get home. The sexual tension of having to wait, having to control yourself, makes it so much sweeter when you get behind bedroom doors.
But you know, if you really want to save the church, you really need to try to keep the kooks from getting all the good publicity.

my mechanic

I trust few people as is and I have NEVER trusted a mechanic untill now. I met Harmon through a very trusted friend who considers this guy very trustworthy. Had it been anyone other than Jim, I would have probably turned this guy down. He looks downright scary. He has a huge beergut, wears the same overalls daily and I'm not too terribly sure which pile of detrallis on his property he actually sleeps on but I send him work. More Robyn's cars than my own, but he gets the job done, and cheaply at that. I think he is one of those guys that just seems like he was made to suffer because bad luck hit him harder than it hits me. But he has always kept his word, showed all kinds of integrity that one rarely sees in people these days. If you can get past the fact that he's constantly drunk, fairly crazy and looks like someone you'd see in a horror movie, you grow to like him quickly. I have spent hours out at his shop talking to him and it never feels like you have been there as long. He's an amusing story teller and people tend to draw to him due to the strength of his character, and his dirt cheap auto repair prices. Either way, as long as he is able, I will continue to send him business and wish him the best.

Bison, the other, other red meat

My ex works at a restraunt that serves bison. Bison is an interesting meat to say the least. Moist, tender, and juicy; bison is truely tasty(and pricey). One tyhing is it's so damn filling and stays with you. I ate 5 hours ago and I'm still stuffed!I bought candy on the trip up and I ain't thinking about it. Maybe I should look into bison product when I go low-carb again. I did Atkins last summer and lost 30 pounds in as many months. I loved it. Bacon & eggs for breakfast, a salad for lunch (just a piece of grilled meat) and chicken with a salad for dinner. I never cared too much for bread and pasta anyway. My diet weakness is my sweettooth. Sugar is a major vice of mine. I was able to give up so much, but not sweets. I will tell you, after I was in month 2 of the diet, I got to where I could splurge and have a sweet treat. A frozen cappucino and an espresso brownie from the local book store would about get me high! I was all light-headed and mello- feeling. Moderation is a good thing. Gluttony will be the death of many.

CEOTY

I'm a classified employee with ABSS. Basically means I'm hourly, but they pay me via timesheet, so I get 40 hours flat every week, so it is the equivalent of really shitty salary. I come to work every day this year through sickness and health. I only missed a day when my house burned down. I received a ballot for classified employee of the year today. Seems like all of the hourly employees get voted on by the entire staff. and the top three get an award luncheon in their honor. You know, I really think it would be cool to win, but I will be lucky if I get one vote. My job is not high profile, I'm pretty much the prison of the school. I see janitors and secretaries getting the nod based on sheer fact that they are high profile. I don't even know who all of the teachers are. Not to mention I might actually have to work to get any accolades, and I don't do much of shit all day. Maybe I feel this way because going from food service to education is a big step. I've never done so little for money, except maybe when I was a convenience store clerk. My work is all filing paper work reading emails and yelling at kids. I fill my job description and I take what I do seriously, meaning I am very careful about how I interact with the kids. Truthfully, I'd be better off low profile, if they are not thinking about you, they are not thinking about getting rid of you either.
I had a kid tell me I wasn't fair yesterday. I told him life wasn't fair either, get used to it or you'll be a tired, broken man by age 30....I should know. You know I'm kind of a cynical bastard to be working with kids. But I see all kinds of things that would crush an optimists spirit, so you get used to it. I've noticed the same thing works everytime to curtail misbehavior, find either this biggest trouble maker or the most popular of the trouble makers and get them out. It usually breaks their spirit and if you come off as being a bit unhinged, they tend to calm themselves.
I think I'm going to try really hard to get another part time job outside of pizza. I just can't deal with it anymore.

Work

On my day off, Robyn's car broke down and I went to her aid. While I was discerning the problem, a student rolled up on his bike. He asked if he could help. I realized outside of a classroom, where I've had to suspend him for just not being able to shut up, he a just a really nice kid, a downright decent person. Just not meant for school, I felt sorry for him. It seemed almost as though he was begging for attention. I wish we could get to all of them. The sad part is, to do my job effectively, I can't even try to reach them. They have to want to be in class, I must therefore make thier lives miserable. I must give the consequence for thier misbehavior. My job is to aid in thier socialization, and if I don't do my job, how am I preparing them for the rigors of real life.

Pizzaman

My part-time job for along time has been a pizza delivery driver. It is a depressing, thankless job. Your effort doesn't ever coorelate with the reward AKA the TIP. I can not try and make good money, or I could run my ass off and end up taking to people that don't TIP. If you are the kind of souless, selfish ass that can't throw a few extra dollars in as a wayto say; " HEY! I realize you are ruining your own car and burning your own gas, risking your saftey on the roads, here, THANK YOU." I hope there is a special place in HELL for you. Hey cheapasses! Listen up, Gas has gone through the roof and is only getting worse, minimum wage is still the norm and hasn't moved in YEARS! Insurance has doubled. That little dollar that wasn't shit for a tip 10 years ago is a real insult now. YES ONE DOLLAR TIPS ARE AN INSULT. What can YOU do with one dollar. Better yet, "your total is $19.75."
"Here's $20 keep the change for a TIP"
Hey...thanks! Burn in Hell.

Now just to make it clear, I'm not capitalizing TIP. It is an anacrym for "To Insure Promptness" Thier might be a reason why your cheapass doesn't get your food too quickly. I will get out of this soon. I like to have a more stable income. I like to know when I put my best foot forward and do my best job, I am getting rewarded.

This all I care to talk on this, happy blogs to come.

My blog goals

As therapuetic as this may be, I really want to write some clever expositions here. So, I might just have to either post twice a day, or create a therapy blog to accompany my fun free hand rant blog. We shall see.

Must write

Although I am emtionally drained, and it is late, I want to keep the commitment to updating my blog. I work with my ex g/f on my part-time second shift job. She is dating someone else and still seeing me on the side. It was refreshing, we had been dating a really long time and alot of really bad shit happened. We've been more like friends with alot of (fun) sexual tension. It was like old times before everything went wrong. I will say alot of it was my faultI was trying to "keep the peace" with my family, who hate her guts. And I have a twice a month hobby(D&D) that she can't stand. With a few other things I won't mention right now, there was so much arguing I couldn't see myself committing to the next level.
Tonight she needed my help, her car broke down and I went to her aid, as I always do and got her back on the road. She was grateful, flirty happy. It made me feel like Superman and I'd just saved the day. Within 20 minutes of that emotional high, I was crashing hard in all of the short commings that made her choose to break up with me in the first place. She wants to fix things. I do too, but I think there may be just too much to try and work out. I just took an hour pause from typing this to let her finish the argument over the phone. If I could have the Robyn I met all those years ago, I'd most likely jump at the chance. But I don't think she's that person, nor am I the person she met. I'm older, wiser, educated, and driven. I cut my long hair, I no longer see t-shirts as a fashion statement. I've softened up quite a bit. I was a crass bastard once. I still am, but with a better sense of tact. I don't know what will happen in the days ahead. I must focus on my objectives, and hope for the best, whatever that may be.

Ray of hope

The Tarheels took home the title tonight. Very sweet that game was a fight to the end. I didn't have work in a few hours, I'd go to Chapel Hill and enjoy it. Nah, that wasn't going to happen. My first day back at from the Spring Break, I really wanted to be back in my house by now, oh well. I really was glad to be back at work. I'm supposed to come up with a way to get maximum results from the room with minimal resources. I like the challenge and I might post the completed diagram with the logic behind it, not anytime soon. Main goal, get back into house. My house burned down in January, it's been parent city ever since. I do appreciate the open arms in which I have been received, but I'm 30, I've been living alone for 7 years and I like that. If you have the ability to, I strongly suggest living alone for awhile. You can really get to know who you are.

D&D

I am 30 yr old geek. I like computers, and I play D&D. I have no qualms about it I'm old enough to do what the hell I like. That being said, I live in a smallish town where there are more churches than McDonald's and there are an ass load of McD's.
These church people are the types that beleive everything not" them" is evil. At one point I had evil long hair, wore evil black clothes, and listened to evil music. I watched evil MTV (that might be true), played my evil video games and hung aroung at the local mall with my evil friends.
That last paragraph was how Burlington made me feel as a teen. Maybe later, but certainly not today I will go into the "countercultre" group I was in and how eliteist they could be.
I cut my hair short because I started going bald, I started buy different clothes because I was dating a girl that could help me match. I started listening to a broader range of music because I liked the way it made me feel. I still play D&D. Sadly, I'm the second youngest in the group. I guess the it's not really sad,but if you are geek; you're just geek for life. I'm cool with that though.

frustration in education

I'm glad there are rotten kids, without them, I would be jobless. But I do get frustrated. I can't really help them. I get the kids for a few days at a time, if they need help with thier work, I do what I can. I always have them do papers on the whats and whys of thier behavior. I doubt I even make a major dent. They might not want to come back, and some eventually get the point, but are they really changed? I can't undo the disservice thier families have done to them. I had a kid once and his father asked me about the kids behavior. I spoke truthfully and I was happy with the behavior, but his work ethic was pathetic. His father told me that we "so called" teachers are a joke to our profession. His son just needed "motivation". Last time I checked, motivation comes from home. Education comes from school. I can't ground, scold or spank his son. He could when the failing grades started rolling in. Hell, I've had kids tell me point blank why should they comply when they don't have to do anything at home. Excellent point. They are upset that teachers punish them and "they ain't my parents, they got no right punishing me". I think the kids have a great point. If they are not being raised at home, what the Hell can I even do to get them on track? The role models in poorer communities are the drug dealers, the thugs, the welfare cases that "play the sytstem". How can I motivate the child that only sees the worst of the worst thriving? I can't. I can get them away from the kids we are reaching, so that learning can happen and pray to God that I can get through to some of the ones that come my way.
In my fantasy world, I'd love to turn the finger around on the "not my baby" parent. The parent who is too proccupied or too stupid to know what's really going on with thier precious child. I'd point my finger back and ask what did they do to curb the kids behavior. What responsibility do YOU take in raising your child? When the detention slip came home, bwhat did they do when they got hom? Did they talk on the phone? Watch thier TV? Play video games? Hop on thier bike and go wherever? Unaccepitible behavior today that goes unpunished is tomorrow's acceptable behavior. And I care about them, you cannot be a "pal" to your child. By letting a kid "off easy" you have done no favor to them.

Alright, I'm tired enough to go to bed.

I'm about to go out and waste the last day of my spring break vacation. The water and electricity should be on at my house today. I might just go eat dinner there and take a dump. Big spring break plans are only for those who are ambitious enough to do anything. I bought lottery tickets and drove around alot.

Blogging

I MUST have gotten in late. There are about 100 other bloggers who are in this little armpit of a town that will acknowledge thier location. Which means there is most likely 500 more who want that extra dose of anonimity. I guess If I want traffic, I will have to blog my fingers off.

Life, death and the gooey parts in the middle.

I was listening to the radio today and heard that not only did Terry Schivo die, but the Pope wasn't too far behind. My ex-g/f's mom is a devout Roman Catholic. Personally, I feel he should have stepped down a few years ago. He has been too frail to do anything in quite some time. But I can't really blame him. How do you retirer from being the leader of the Roman Catholic Church? Also, he might not even be able to step down. A king is king for life. I bet it's hard to get fired when you're that high up.I am interested in what kind of person will fill those shoes. I'm sure behind closed doors, a successor is being being mulled over even as we speak. They will most likely pick a person who will get more people on the bandwagon. A dynamic leader that will pull in those gone astray as well. Even though I'm not particularlly a religeous person, this is an historic time.
The whole Terry Schivo thing was interesting and sad. We have a severly brain damaged woman in hospice care for years, denied any type of rehab and finally starved to death after a very heated legal war with battles fought in many courtrooms. My whole thought is this.....If her parents wanted her alive, I think it should have been so. If her husband stands to profit from this whole gruesome incident. I think it should be all put towards her medical expenses and funeral, with the rest compensating the parents. In the end, she was in horrible shape, and I think I would rather die, but that is my personal choice, and we really don't know know what she might have wanted. In cases of life and death, always, always, always err on the the side of life. We would do this for a convicted felon, why not the innocent?
Paul went to the Devil's Tramping ground this past week, those not familiar can do a google search. In a nutshell, the DTG is an area in Siler City, NC where there is a ring of barren land that, although the rest be relatively fertile, nothing has grown there for as far back as anyone can document. Legend has it, anything left on the barren path overnight will be pushed out. Yeah, I'm not too big on superstition, but Paul scooped up dirt from the site and is going to perform a few tests and sell the rest on Ebay. I wanted to go, he wants to plan another trek after spring when the area is grown over. I assume to see a more dramatic effect.
On MLK day this year my house burned down due to a freak electrical fire. I'm fine and I didn't lose anything, but I've been staying with my parents. I should be back to my rebuilt, remodeled home in two weeks and I'm really eager to start a new chapter in my life. Kind of like the phionix that rises from the ashes reborn. Well, I'm just going to throw away all the old shit and try to keep the place clean.

Spring break

I'm in education. What this means is that all those holidays you relished in school, are my paid holidays. A friend told me that I should plan these things out. I agree with him. I SHOULD have big plans, but instead, I'm straight sitting on my ass typing a blog.
When I say I'm in education, when you ask if I'm a teacher, technically, no. To be a teacher you need more education and licensure than I do. I am an in-school suspension coordinator a middle school. Which means I get paid to punish kids. It's not too hard of a job, so I don't feel badly about how little I'm paid. Also, the job security is pretty good. How many people do you know that want to sit silently in a small room and watch kids who are atoning for misbehavior in class for eight hours a day?
Working with kids takes something not everyone has. Especially middle schoolers. I tend see to my job as somewhat of an art. The dynamics change everyday, what works and what doesn't will change from day to day, even with the same kids. It keeps me on my toes, my objective is not to coddle, counsel, or encourage the kids in any way. My job is punishment. My goal is to make the experience so miserable, that they will choose to behave in class next time. In the modern day, that gets tricky. When I was their age, corporal punishment was still a viable method to eschew future transgressions.
One time, I got in quite a bit of trouble in 1st grade and was paddled. My teacher did NOT send me home. I finished out the day in my humiliated state. She told my Mom after school, when I got home, Mom spanked me and sent me to bed. At 7:00, step-dad came home and I got a beating only an alcoholic step parent could give. Now you may say that's plain old child abuse, I might agree with you, but I got the message and I did not get in to anymore trouble at school for YEARS.
This option is not open to me. My tools are isolation, tedious ritual, mountains of writing projects, afterschool detention slips, additional days of ISS, and climate control. And if used correctly, damned effective tools.
If it's too hot or cold, they are uncomfortable. If they have large amounts of class work, they are overwhelmed. If they have to do the same thing every time, they are bored. If they break the rules they either get another day or have to stay after school....you get the picture.
I love my job and I take great pride in my craft. This job will eventually allow me to become a teacher, which is a major goal. I really want a nice, quiet, normal life. Until that happens, I will most likely use this place as a soapbox to rant and maybe someone will listen. If not, oh well.

This is as good as I can find 

First log.

My long lost friend from high school, Paul showed me this and I was ammused. I though it would be fun to banter back and forth and get on this bandwagon, alot like I got on to napster. By the time I had the computer and the connection to enjoy it. That thing was as dead as roadkill. But who knows it will be fun anyway.