irony

One of my favorite quotes comes from the back of a type o negative cover. "never mistake lack of talent for genius" This quote gets to me in many ways. I don't know who originally said it, but the implications are deep for me. I think about this alot. Sigmun Frued, Adolf Hitler, and thier ilk. How many of them were just insane? How many people are touched, moved, and influenced by raving lunatics?

a crippled road runner....

I called my local cable company to re-install my internet access on Monday. I was so ready to open a portal of filth into my home. It's now Friday and still no connection. Tuesday it was a bad modem, next day I inspected the lines myself, I need a new line. The line was scorched in the fire at my house this January. I can't get a decent signal. Last night the people didn't come out. They said they tagged my door. Lies, all lies. They gave me a $20 credit to my account. I asked what account? I have be provided a service before I can have an account. I also said if it wasn't fixed today, I would take my buisness elsewhere. I didn't bother to mention I ran up quite a bill with the local DSL provider, and getting service might be tricky at best, it was paid off. I'm not THAT lousy a person. They might still have harsh feelings though.....

It is near the end of the school year, the natives are restless. I could care less, suspensions still send them home. I was told yesterday that if you care too much, it will burn you out. Funny, I really don't think too much about this place when I leave. I know that I have very little to do with these kids personal development. I just get them away from the kids who are behaving so that the others may learn. The ones I'm truely helping, I will never see. In that sense, I guess I'm like a prison guard. I've also noticed that these kids do not respond well to kindness. In thier hard little hearts, kindness is perceived as weakness, a trait I cannot have associated with my character.

I want a motorcycle. I miss riding.

I hope to get the plastic I need to start making my costumes next week. With any luck, I can start making them, put a few on ebay, and get some money rolling in about the time my school checks run out.

I have this weekend to finish getting settled in before they pull the giant dumpster, I hope to get my new washer & dryer soon. I have found that with all that I need to do to get fully moved in, I haven't missed tv or internet access that much. I do miss that internet........

intrest is relative

I now feel apathy will guide me through the darkest days of in-school suspension. I'm not too sure the ones that need my help the most even care about themselves. I often feel like some terrible judge, deciding who must be made an example of in order to maintain class cohiesion. I'd like to think when I try to help them understand, some of it sinks in. I hate that I can't try to stimulate them mentally and try to make them better people. It seems to be that they only respond when I'm being a complete jerk. I guess the cognitive level between preteen and adult is too much of a gap for me to relate.

Example: These kids are very social, what other kids think of them is everything. I stopped caring about the approval of others about 12 years ago and it has made all the difference.

If I were concerned with how they felt about me, I would be ineffective at my job. And I'm more concerned with my paycheck and all the things it provides. I would like to think one day someone will comeback and say they got what I said and it helped them. I'm not holding my breath.

Paul's Van

Paul was kind enough to let me borrow his '72 ford van to move my stuff. I really don't know what to think of it. She be a powerful van, and driving it is like taking an ass whooping, bad brakes, no power steereing, oddly rigged guages, most of which do not work. Oddly enough though, as useful as it is, I wouldn't mind owning it for a cargo van and it makes you overlook the short comings.
I know you'll read this, thanks.
Unfortunately, I never got the last item out of storage, a 7ft + 150 gallon aquarium. I'll either sell it where it is, or call in another favor. I have to bring it home I'll charge double.
I get cable internet today, Whoop! Now I can partake in all the filth the world wide web has to offer once again. Yay me.
Tomorrow marks my return to the role of DM. I'm running a one or two shot D&D game inspired by kung-fu movies. I think it will be fun, but easy. I already had most of the prep work done. Im a major league re-hasher and improviser. I hope they enjoy it. One time I had 3 separate star wars campaigns and I used the same Dark Jedi enemy every time. I wouldn't mind running for awhile.

the spirit of George Carlin compells me........

I spent hours going through boxes, washing dishes, and arranging things and I've only sratched the surface. 31 years of being a pack rat is difficult to beat down. I notice my personal belongings fall into two two distinct categories: stuff & s**t. Stuff is good stuff like clothes I wear, furnture I use, whole things i need or use regularly or will use when the time comes (ie seasonal decoations or my knee braces). S**t is the stuff that has no use. Old magazines, worn out / outgrown clothes, parts to computers I have no intention of using again, hand me down kitch that's not my style, broken things I "might" repair one day. This crap does nothing but choke up living space, looks horrible, and makes you miserable. Sometimes, your posessions own you, not vise versa. I feel that when we hold onto the past too tightly, we miss out on part of the future. Besides, rich, successful people do not horde garbage, thier lives and thier homes are simplified. Thier wold is streamlined as much as possible to make thier way way easy as possible. How hard is it to get out of bed every morning when you have to trudge though last week's newspapers, last night's snacks, and last month's bills? We fight yesterday and let today pile up with it, and that makes tomorrow a struggle.

Pain part 2

I moved all my furniture in almost completely by myself and I'm now in pain. Or should I say I'm very sore? I'm quite happy with the place, and I hope to be finished unpacking soon. I won't be 100% moved in until I have internet access and a washer & dryer.
Today is a teacher workday. This is the day that I love. No kids in here. I hang around all day do pretty much nothing and get paid. The really works out well for me since the rest of the school year I don't even get regular breaks. I have about 20 minutes worth of paperwork left from not doing any for 3 weeks. It will have taken 1 hour & 20 min.
I'm tired, so tired. Even as I type that I know of weeks worth of things I must do to finish my house and I'll be off doing it within the hour. And many miles before I sleep.........

Done

Over the nex week, I'll be moving back in. All will be back to "new normal" soon. I'm so happy.

The frugal life.

I want to learn to live cheap enough that I can enjoy the quality of my life off one job, possibly supplementing my income by selling handmade stuff on Ebay. I want to be able to do things and go places, but not have all my cash lost on living expenses. I will ponder this deeply.

The Home Stretch

All the things the housing inspector turned my house down for has been fixed. if he comes today or tomorrow, I could be In by next Monday. The ceramic tile is setting as we speak and it looks awesome. My dad said "If you don't like the way that floor looks, I didn't raise you right." It was funny to me at any rate.
I see this whole ordeal as a turning point in my life. I want to be neat, organized, and most of all, proud of what I have. I've been thinking about making a formulaic change to my life based on my previous experiece in management. Keep it simple, never stray from what you know, if it's not useful get rid of it.
I'm going to try it and keep both my fans updated on my progress. :-)

....and the Moon holds her sway.

This past Friday,I had a horrible day at work. The kids were restless. I suspended two of them and it did little to control the misbehavior. One of the teachers believed since were were close to a full moon and a storm was forecatsed, it made the kids act up. She says that everything that makes animals skiddish in nature also affect us the same way, we are just not always aware of it. I thought it was a very insightful opinion and I will try to document behavior and weather patterns to see how they corelate.
I have realized that although these kids are growing faster and have more "adult" knowledge than we did at thier age, they are still kids and will (for the most part) be controlled if handled properly. If you attempt to treat them like adults, they will act like wretched adults.
There are so many simple explainations to so many of life's mysteries. I feel we make things too complicated most of the times. The sad part is, most people are so used to having complicated solutions, that simple alternatives seem absurd. I've read forums in the past where a person has to express one thought in a 20 page, master's thiesis style post. I'm not saying I dislike long, thoughful prose. Well, I don't really. Say it, try to be funny and move on.

Joke time:
A priest, a rabbi, and a cowboy all walk into a bar together. The bartender looks up at them and says "Is this some kind of joke?"

buh-dum-bum

True pain

As I type this, I am sore in ways I had forgotten were possible. I was doing yardwork aound my soon to be completed home. I have always been a neglectful housekeeper. Now that I'm getting a fresh start, I'm wanting to do it right.
I watched the guys laying the ceramic tile do their thing. They were meticulous, friendly, and downright hilarious. I would invite guys like this to a cookout. Great attitudes and their sense of humor would keep things lively for hours.
Now that the last of the "qualifying" work has been completed, I should pass inpection to the point that I can get my lights on this week. If I can do that, I'm putting my bed & computer back and I'll slowly unpack. I'm losing the packrat side of me. I want to minimize the clutter and keep a house that I would be proud to have visitors.
It's really easy to say all this, but I guess I'll know in a week how easy it is too keep up all this new stuff.

Tired

I'm so restless as of late, I find myself very lethargic during the day. My mind constantly returns to my home. I'm so excited to be returning. I love my family and friends, but it's so much nicer when you're not imposed on one another.

I skipped out on my evening job and I may quit altogether. Not enough money, not enough hours and the woman that runs the store is the antichrist. You know, I have no problems working with a female boss, my day job, the principal and assistant principal is a woman and we all get along wonderfully. They appreciate my work and I happily do whatever is asked. I think it has to do with the level of education. Assertive management has nothing to do with yelling, screaming, and gossiping about everyone. As a matter of fact, I think I enjoy the company of intelegent women more than anything else, might be why I have so many woman friends.

I hope to start my costume making today. If I get a good head start, with luck I could get enough money built up to make it through summer. I just need to sell something in such away that nobody else is offering as much at the price and still make a profit. I know I can, but will I be able to pull it off?

Teanative plans for costumes:
Boba & Jango Fett armor
Dr Doom full costume
Medieval Knight in full armor
possibly some warhammer 40k variant
I would like to make a giant (9 foot) robot costume, but I don't know if it will be cost effective to sell.

I want my home back

I should get my power back soon, end of the week. Then the serious preparations to return home. I've been moving all my boxes out of storage and I realized what a packrat I truely am. I got mad garbage that just needs to be tossed. Now rhat the carpet is fresh, walls are new and painted, my furniture will look like shit! Gonna have to fix that.

Robyn got really mad at me yesterday and I don't 100% know why and I never do anymore. I feel like if we can't go about our lives and do what needs to be done and not start a fight , we should part ways once and for all. I hate the thought of it, but may be it's time to move on. I don't feel like I can ever get us back to where we were before I fucked up. Yeah I took her for granted, I made her jump through hoops to be with me. My mom hates her and made it hard to be together. It made her bitter and angry. When I realized what I had done, and tried to make it up, it was too late. She doesn't want to let go and neither do I. I guess you can't fix broken hearts. I'm sorry, I wish I could take it all back, make it better, but it will never happen and she'll never get over it.

I think I'm ready for the next stage in my life. This one has lasted too long.

Hot damn a new Pope!

And the sad part is people are already criticizing him. I got one question for the nay-sayers: Are you Catholic? If yes, well guess what, he's your spiritual leader now, get over it. If no, shut the ---- up you piece of s**t. If you are not a roman catholic, it has very little to do with you. Yes the pope is a powerful political force, but he's not a president, he's not a supreme court justice. And all those cardinals do not give a flying hot d**n what you think and they picked who they though God told them to pick. I think it is great and exciting and I wish the man the best. I would be honored to meet him. I'd love to hear his take his past. Oh, yeah, he MIGHT have been in nazi youth. So ------- what? He was a german during the rise of hitler, they all were, ot they were killed. Do you even have a point about the man, one critical point or flaw in how he did his business in the last FIFTY GOD D*****D YEARS? no? nothing? when he was 11 he was a nazi youth? He's like, over 70, right? get over it. That is the lamest bunch of s**t I have ever heard. He doesn't need it, we don't want to hear it, he's got more important issues to deal with, like current issues. I hope the idiots get over themselves or go to Hell, which ever is easier. Forgive my nastiness in this post.

The long awaited return home.

My house is almost ready to be inhabited again. Today, we are going to start moving my boxes of stuff back and get ready for my blessed return to single living. I might have a cookout. I will definitly celebrate in one form or another. So much to do, so little time to do it.

fat

Last year I went on the Atkins diet and lost 30 pounds. I quit due to lifestyle changes that made keeping up a strict diet hard. Now I have found 25 of those 30 and I feel like crap. When I get back into my house I'm re-dedicating my self to my health. I'm going to set up time to exercise, and get back off all this crap I've been eating. I want to be one of those guys that just seemed to stop aging in his 30's. I want to be as healty as a 30 year old when 50 is long gone. And if I start now, I'll be there.

I was told I should come up with a book of my quotes at work today. I can't remember what I said.....wait , I do. It was geared toward the middle school slacker.
"Fashion, music, and friends come and go; stupid is forever."

The end of the school year is almost here. The kids are restless, the teachers nerves are frayed, and discipline problems are shooting up. This means I'm a busy man. HA! I'm never that busy. I have my proposal for next year's ISS room ready. More seats, less comfort, more isolation, fewer repeat offenders (hope). I want my room to run like an automation. I can step out for a moment and all will be OK. I'm glad I have the job, but summer will be a bitch. No decent cash for 2 months!

I hate I always seem tired by the time I get to write, at least it's cheaper than booze to get me sleepy.

tired

I appologize if the last post was not very cohesive. I made a promise to myself to commit some daily attention to posting. I like to write, and I feel it is a shame to let this ability go to waste. But posting at 1:00 am when I need to be up by 7:00 will tend to make me ramble aimlessly. I hope you got the point of the last post and I might just cut back to posting on days when I can spend waking hours doing it.

church, faith, and the modern age

I was listening to a liberal radio program on my way home tonight and heard half of a rant between a gay man and an old preacher. The preacher was calling the gay man a fag, and how he was condemned to hell for being unrepentant of his sins.

The above statement is why I do not practice formal religion.

When last I delved into the Christian faith, I was under the impression that the whole faith revolved around accepting people for what they are, being non-judgemental, and unconditional love.
Beloved, let us LOVE one another
for love is of God,
and everyone that loveth is born of God,
and knoweth God
He that loveth not,
knoweth not God for God is LOVE.

Direct quote from JohnI, about the only thing I remember from going to a private school. We put it to music and sung it almost every day. But you know, the church that put that as point #1 is the kind of church I could go to.

But that wasn't the only thing that bothered me; before I make my next point, let me clarify this, I don't like homosexuality. That being said; I do not hate, or look down on homosexuals. I do think some of the problem is that everyone needs to keep bedroom issues in the bedroom and not in the street. I do not make it public what my sexual preferences are. I just find it way too tacky for general conversation. The old saying for public displays of affection was "get a room". It applies today. If you are getting off and I'm shopping with my 12 year old sister, what makes you think I want to see two people all over each other like dogs in heat? Save it for when you get home. The sexual tension of having to wait, having to control yourself, makes it so much sweeter when you get behind bedroom doors.
But you know, if you really want to save the church, you really need to try to keep the kooks from getting all the good publicity.

my mechanic

I trust few people as is and I have NEVER trusted a mechanic untill now. I met Harmon through a very trusted friend who considers this guy very trustworthy. Had it been anyone other than Jim, I would have probably turned this guy down. He looks downright scary. He has a huge beergut, wears the same overalls daily and I'm not too terribly sure which pile of detrallis on his property he actually sleeps on but I send him work. More Robyn's cars than my own, but he gets the job done, and cheaply at that. I think he is one of those guys that just seems like he was made to suffer because bad luck hit him harder than it hits me. But he has always kept his word, showed all kinds of integrity that one rarely sees in people these days. If you can get past the fact that he's constantly drunk, fairly crazy and looks like someone you'd see in a horror movie, you grow to like him quickly. I have spent hours out at his shop talking to him and it never feels like you have been there as long. He's an amusing story teller and people tend to draw to him due to the strength of his character, and his dirt cheap auto repair prices. Either way, as long as he is able, I will continue to send him business and wish him the best.

Bison, the other, other red meat

My ex works at a restraunt that serves bison. Bison is an interesting meat to say the least. Moist, tender, and juicy; bison is truely tasty(and pricey). One tyhing is it's so damn filling and stays with you. I ate 5 hours ago and I'm still stuffed!I bought candy on the trip up and I ain't thinking about it. Maybe I should look into bison product when I go low-carb again. I did Atkins last summer and lost 30 pounds in as many months. I loved it. Bacon & eggs for breakfast, a salad for lunch (just a piece of grilled meat) and chicken with a salad for dinner. I never cared too much for bread and pasta anyway. My diet weakness is my sweettooth. Sugar is a major vice of mine. I was able to give up so much, but not sweets. I will tell you, after I was in month 2 of the diet, I got to where I could splurge and have a sweet treat. A frozen cappucino and an espresso brownie from the local book store would about get me high! I was all light-headed and mello- feeling. Moderation is a good thing. Gluttony will be the death of many.