Log Lag

I've had no time to write. I've been spending a ton of time away from home. And even now I'm too tired to put anything good down. I just wanted my fans to know I'd not given up the blogging, it will resume soon.

My crappy job.

I work part time in the evenings at a Domino's Pizza. Overall, I hate the job. The job itself is Hell on a car, the manager is a bipolar/ junkie with serious personal issues. Last night was my turn in the barrel, so to speak, and I almost quit. I don't like being yelled at, being called a liar, or threatened. I was ready to walk and by the time I came back and decided to leave and she had changed her tone. I was still steaming mad.

I learned early on to very careful what I say and do, because once it's out there you can't take it back. She makes a regular habit of making a complete ass of herself and I'm not too sure that if this Domino's thing ever ends for her she may have a fall that she will never recover from. She's not a decent person or a good manager.

That was a week ago.

She's still an ass, but now school is over. I'm sitting in an empty classroom. This is a very pleasant place to be when there's no kids around.
I have three days to clean up and head out. During this time, I must get my plans for ISS done for next year. I wish this job paid more, but I'm so happy here. I feel like I belong for the first time in a very long time.

The past three days have been pure Hell outside of school. My folks had me help them set posts for a fence, I had to work, I've had little sleep, and I have yet to do anything more to my house. I have new furniture and can't stay at home long enough to enjoy it. I just finished Robyn's brakes, they were in awful shape, but they got finished. Almost every muscle in my body aches, and I have not benefitted at all for this pain. I have got to get into shape.

It's a true shame when you don't feel like you belong in your personal life and you feel like you belong in your professional life. I come to work for my escape. This classroom is my retreat. This where I'm important. This is where I belong. And now, no school for 3 months.........

Gunbound

There is a free online game I like to play called gunbound. Gunbound is a shooting game that employs factors such as wind speed/direction, trajectories, ect.. There are a choice of several vehicles or "mobiles" that you can chose to play with each with strengths and weaknesses. Each mobile effect others differently. I hadn't played in months, yesterday I started playing again. I had just about as much fun as I remember it being. If you get with a good team, you could easily waste hours playing. When you win, you earn gold. You can trade earned gold for costumes your character can wear. The costume can modify your abilities. I played so long ago, nobody remembers where my character items come from. Kinda freaks people out when I enter a game and they don't recognize my stuff.

Since I won't be getting cable anytime soon, I'll read, write, listen to radio, and play video games for entertainment. I could afford it, but why bother? I wouldn't watch much even if I had it. I don't think I should be paying to watch commercials. Why not make cable free? Pay for premium channels, commercial free. I even think the internet should be free. All those ads you heve to watchout where you click. I shop online, pay bills online, maybe the advertisers should be footing the bill. If the companys realize the closer their product is to our fingertips, the quicker we consume.

Have you ever stopped and looked around us? At yourself? Fat, lethargic, red-faced people on the verge of organ failure speeding down the road, blabbering into a cellphone while shoveling greasy, fatty food down thier throats. Too preoccupied to notice or show any regard to the people around them. Go online and talk to a person in Ireland or Canada for hours, but can't remember the last time you spoke to your nieghbor.
What's your favorite poem?
When was the last time you made a homemade gift for someone?
When was the last time you sat down to a home cooked meal with your family?
When was the last time you stopped talking and started listening?
When was the last time you felt alive?
When was the last time you looked outside, and saw everyone scrambling like rats and it made you realize how stupid life can be if you take all the BS too seriously?

Have you stopped to think about the price you really pay for the thing you work toward?

Tired

Yesterday after I made it home, I felt bad. I took a four hour nap and still felt rotten. It kinda scared me. It was a headache and weakness with nothing else seemingly wrong. Robyn rushed over as soon as she heard from me. I kinda liked the attention. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love living alone and being self-sufficient, but it does get lonely at times.

Nathan called me yesterday and is offering to send me an unnamed movie I'd like to own. I'll give you a dvd of something I own, just name it.

I have my mess pretty much under wraps. There is very little left to do and it's mostly just toss out and detail cleaning. I'm going to put an ad in for my more "high dollar" surplus before I do my yard sale. I might be able to get some new living room furniture out of it. I'd love new furniture at this point. My folks came down for lunch and were impressed with what I'd done with the place. My house looks nicer than theirs now. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

It's the last week of school, I think I did quite well considering my resources. Next year I'll have more available to me and my room will be better suited to the task. All the rowdy kids are on early vacation, and the sheep that follow them are falling into place. I think it will be a smooth, quiet sail to the finish.

I've been running my kung-fu type game for two sessions, next week will be three. I like it and the players really seem to be into it as well, but I'm ready to get back into playing my sorcerer. I'll celebrate by incinerating an enemy. I got burned out playing Draco early on. I didn't like that he was so under-powered compared to my other characters to date. Draco has really come into his own the past couple of levels and became quite formidible. Still not my favorite character. I'd say Klegg, the half orc fighter, and Daxt, the jedi I played in a SW campaign still beat him out. I think Klegg will always be my favorite. Strong, fast, angry. he didn't think too much about it, he just pulled out his great sword and swung as hard as he could and if he was connecting, he was doing the damage. He was the one everyone ran from or to. I like Klegg and I'd love to pick him up again one day. I doubt daxt will ever see the day he's brought back into action, shame too. I thought he was the ideal Jedi, high dexterity and weilded two lightsabers in combat. His fighting style was like ballet. I try to imagine how a character fights, then I mold thier personality around that.

I guess I'll not be getting too old to play any time soon. The geek lives in all of us.

weird

I found out today the best way to get under the skin of a ultra-hyper, attention starved kid.

Ignore him and give him nothing to do.

As simple as it sounds, sometimes we overlook simple solutions. Kid went about half crazy today. He was desparate for any type of attention. I blame his white trash parents.

Revenge of the Sith

I told myself I wasn't going to go watch SW3 right away. I was heartbroken at how horrible Attack of the Clones was. After I watched it, I felt like George Lucas took a big crap on my chlidhood daydreams of jedis and lightsabers. I was kinda gun-shy to get that worked up again. The corus teacher offered me a pair of tickets to last nights midnight showing, how could I refuse? My game ran over so we were kinda late getting there. Robyn & I had to sit WAY up front (not too cool).The teach I got the tickets from said he was there @ 9:50 & he wasn't much further back at all. I do hate how one guy was "holding" seats for 5 of his friends. Geez. I could see one or two, but FIVE? Oh well......

The movie was way better than I expected. It has better acting, better directing, it looked a bit more real, I had a much easier time suspending disbelief. I like how it seems like so much thought was put into how everything was to be tied in to the original movies. I found Anakin's turn to the darkside to be beliveable. His fear of losing the one he loves makes him go to any length to save her. You can see he resists it, feeling guilt, and anguish. I feel it might have been over the top at a few points, but still good none the less. I felt his motivation, I could sympathize with this portrayal of Anakin. You could see the hatred. But was it hatred of himself?

The two shining characters of the whole prequel were Obi-Wan and Palpatine. They carried this franchise just as Liam Neeson was the perfect jedi as Qui-Gon Gin in TPM. I would definitely watch it again. There was a ton of things I like and only a few I didn't. Where as in AOTC, there were a few thing I really like but hated the film as a whole.

I liked it. I will have to watch it again to fully make up my mind, but it was a definate improvement. Now I'm really stoked for the live action series.

Progress, sweet progress

Despite staying on the telephone for hours last night, I managed to get quite a bit of housework done. My "over-my-head pile o' stuff" that completely filled a decent sized bedroom is now a large pile of laundry and a 2 unsorted boxes. My goal of five or fewer boxes stored is coming around slowly it is coming around. I repaired some of my boken pieces of antique furniture. The desk is still not ok, but it is together. Tomorrow, I'm cleaning the whole house, dust, vacuum, ect., and then I start the back porch. I should call it the patio. It's a huge, screened in porch and it is full too. It's filled with empty boxes, my two giant aquariums, old furniture, and the old appliances. My goal is to sell most of it at the yard sale in a few weeks. If they don't sell, they will be destroyed, or at the very least put to the side of the road.
Pretty soon the giant dumpster will be gone, and I will have a driveway again. I will be able to have the junk cars in my back yard removed. Although I am a long way from it, I am really enjoying the spartan approach to keeping house. Keep what you need, if it is of no use, destroy it. Keep it simple, the new mantra.

When my porch is cleaned off, I'm going to set up an exercise spot, a workspace and a patio/picnic area. I'm going to celebrate the end of all this with a cookout. I must learn to grill.

I finally got my plastic yesterday, costumes will be made soon. I might sell some other stuff on ebay too.

It will be a time of change.
I want to be proactive.
I want to work toward my goals.
I am willing to put in long hours and stay up late nights.
I am ready to make the sacrifices nesissary to take myself to the next level.
This is the year it all changes for the better.
I need to spell beter.
And use more better grammar.
Ha Ha Ha.

Time for a split.

I am going to do a poltics/current events blog separate from this one. I want this to be my soapbox of the soul, and the other will be my window on the world.

I do enjoy the feedback I've been getting from both my fans. All BS aside, I want to keep the dairy and musing part separate. I'll type more later.

Platform for President the New Wilsonism

I have a few very basic concepts that I think can be applied to our country.


1. Keep it simple

I think things are way too complicated. True genius is finding the most simplified application to adress the problem. I get a migrane trying to comprehend the overly redundant & confusing beauracracy. The buisness model would make Rube Goldberg proud. I would, as president, find ways to simplify everything in the government. Simplifing and streamlining would save money. One extremely simple solution to a myriad of problems is to legalize drugs. Maybe not all, mind you, just marijuana at first. This would:

A. Allow us to revert money from "the war on drugs" to homeland security.
B. Taxes from now legitimate grower & sellers would rake in a few hudred million.
C. A good bit of crime from druglords & gangs would dry right up.
D. A slew of legitimate jobs would open up.
E. Terrorists that fuel their "jihad" with drug smuggling would be hard up on funding.

Hell, the drug trade is huge, a multi billion dollar industry. The war on drugs is a joke. The people have spoken, they know what they want. Why BS about it, let the people be responsible for themselves.

Secure the borders. If you have no right to be here, you have no rights here. I think our country is great because anyone can come here and can become a success or failure based mostly on their own determination. Come legally, obey the laws, pay your taxes and welcome aboard! I think we will have fewer problems with illegal immigrants if we legalize drugs (nothing to smuggle). And NO SOCIAL AID TO ILLEGAL ALIENS!!!!! Social aid is for Americans only.

More to come.......

I want to run...

No, not exercise. I want into politics. I have a few political ideas I'd like to promote. I think I have a good working theory about the government and its major short comings. I have even began fostering a platform. I might make a separate blog for this, or I just might do a website. Why not?

free lunch......

I have instances every day where I see first hand the failings of our system. I see people being rewarded for doing poorly. I remember field day as a kid. Some won, many lost, everyone got a ribbon. The blue first place was an awesome thing to have pinned to your shirt. The red ribbon of second was also great, as was third. Then there was "honorable mention". I thought honorable mention meant "loser". I had a few of each, honorable mention was the most common. We can't all be winners. Then one year we didn't do ribbons at all and nobody tried. There must be rewards for exceptional ability and effort. Likewise there should be nothing for those who don't try to excel.

This brings me to welfare and other social programs. I don't care for them. Welfare and these social aid programs were meant to be used as a way to get people on thier feet, to provide a home to raise thier children and make sure they get what they need to get off on the right foot, so the next generation gets out of the projects. It didn't quite happen that way.
I believe the govenment made a major faux pas by thinking the answer to helping these people was to give them handouts. If a person gets something without earning it, they tend to take it for granted. Eventually they become complacent and lazy. Then they expect the handout. The icing on the cake is when they use all of thier free time getting into some kind of trouble.
In nature, an organism that lives in a system that either does not positively contribute or is detrimental in nature is called a parasite. A parasite is never seen as a good thing.

I know very intellegent people design goverment programs. If this welfare program is such a failure, why does it continue to exist? I have several theories, some mild, some extreme.

Commerce excuse:
We continue to give social benefits to the downtrodden to augment the flow of money. They get money, they consume goods, people have jobs to supply them, and the money flows.

I know for a fact if had some of my own tax money back I would spend it on me. i like stuff and I would buy more. I think everyone would.

Grand Conspiracy theory:
We give welfare so that those demographics become lazy and complacent, it keeps who WE want in change and propetuates OUR superiority.

I could almost buy this one.

Cynics view:
Such a large percentage of the population recieves some sort of social aid that any politician using welfare reform/repeal as a part of thier campaign would be committing career suicide. And most of our legislators are pandering, spineless creeps that are more interested in passing non-laws than trying to make a difference in our country.

BINGO!

I am an optimist at heart. I always hope for the best and try to see the good, but I also prepare for the worst and aknowledge that there is always a downside.

I say let those who cannot help themselves be helped. Those who will not help themselves must be allowed to reap what they sow. They will either find a way to make it, or drown in thier own ocean of apathy and self pity. No honorable mention in the form of a welfare check.

Must make money

To help myself with my money situation AND my overflow of junk, I have decided to have the mother of all yard sales. It will happen in a few weeks and I will be getting rid of everything. That which is not sold will be tossed out.

I find myself drooling over furniture ads. I envision how cool it would be to have those crisp, clean pieces of furniture in my freshly painted and carpeted house. I am now old.

I'm becoming a big fan of making my home a den of creature comforts. This somewhat of a contratiction of my need to live frugally, but I feel a happy medium can be met. I just need to prioritize.

Robyn has been feeling horrible as of late. Dizzy, headaches, nausea, chest pains, and shortness of breath. She felt so bad on Sunday when she dropped by I wouldn't let her leave. She and I both think her blood pressure may be too high. I've been telling her only water, fruits and veggies until she goes to the doctor. It's making her feel better. I think she also likes the fact I'm so concerned over her health. I'm not too sure her boyfriend is showing as much concern. I have no clue as to what's going on there, nor do I really want to. She'll tell soon enough if she's ready. I love her to death, but she will not hold back if she has something to bitch about. Well, she will if she's REALLY mad, even that will pass.

I'm going to do everything I feel my car needs while I still have the cash to do it. I think all that is left is a vacuum leak near the brake booster. I may have to replace the whole thing, but if it works, it will be well worth it. Driving a car that won't idle on its own is a pain. As much as I like my little accord, it makes me hate it to fight it in stop & go traffic. If I do that, it has fresh tires, so I should be good for awhile.

I did a "soft start" to eating healthy today. I had a banana and an apple for breakfast. I might have some chili for dinner. It's cheap, filling & low carb. I like Atkins. I love that diet. It's like getting tricked into weight loss. The only real problem is alot of it you have to plan most of your meals and it requires alot of preparation if you are on the move quite a bit. I didn't want to stop the diet, but new job, and a tumultutous 10 months has made it difficult to just get by, let alone eat healthy.
Any diet that let's you eat bacon, cheese, and sausage and you still lose weight. That's ok with me!

There are a few downsides to atkins.
1. Eating alot of meat is pricey.
2. You HAVE to take vitamins. You need extra potassium too.
3. You must drink half of you body weight in ounces of water everyday.
4. It turns your poop into large, unforgiving, unyeilding, bricks o' pain. I swear I chipped the toilet bowl once.

Other than than the fact I felt like I had pooped a microwave when I didn't get enough water, I felt better than I had pretty much most of my life. I had energy, my temper was under control, I wasn't depressed. It was all good and I really want that back. This time, I will exercise too.

Dear Diary........

On Sunday, Paul & Robyn helped me move my giant aquarium. Thanks. I have a LONG way to go before the house is finished. But she is getting there.

Summer approaches quickly. Soon the money for school will stop coming. This will make my monthly bills difficult. I need supplemental money. My approximate bill breakdown look something like this:

Rent - $259
Lights - $120 *
Water - $50*
Phone - $40
Cell Phone - $65
Internet - $45
Food - $God only knows
Gas -$35
Car Gas - $200 - I still deliver pizza*
Home Insurance - $55*
Car Ins - $95*

*These items are either not a monthly occurence, or I can alter them .

I come up to $964 a month before I ever even eat. The tips from delivering pizza takes care of the gas. That puts me at $764 before food.

Robyn wants me to watch her kids over the summer. She willing to pay $120 a week + food. That will put me in at 480/mo. + my domino's check = about $ 700. Tips would have to be below average for me to not clear all my bills and have about 150-200 a month left over, but this is way less than I'd like to be working with. However, babysitting two well behaved kids affords me other opportunities. I would be free to make costumes all summer. If I could turn just $50 a week profit, which is a very reasonable goal, I could easily make it all happen very easily. Next year, I'm opting for year-round pay.

This will only work if nothing major (bad) happens.

I have found breaking my goals up into bite-sized pieces helps get them done. Here is the current list.

1. Move back into home.....done.

2. Get things organized, one room at a time.......getting there. kitchen is done, Living room is so close it is a non-issue, computer room is good. The back porch and spare bedrooms are both bad, but they will get there, I just have to pack away or throw away for the bedroom. The back porch will be last.

Even though it is difficult to let go of stuff when you are a packrat, there is a sense of releif when it is gone and you have beautiful clear spaces left. I should have a washer/dryer soon. That will make my life easier.

Next will be to get back to my education. It will all come to pass. I WILL take classes at ACC this fall to bridge myself into an education program at a 4 year college. I want to be ready to be a full time student some where by next fall, I will break the land speed record getting my BA and then I can really make some progress in my life.

Anyone can have goals, not everyone has the drive to achieve them.

sometimes........

I wrote a post for two hours today. I felt very good about it. I was going for clean-flowing, cohiesive content, and I felt I had really nailed it. My computer froze I'm distraught.

So no good content for you today. I'll try again tomorrow. Very tired, busy day, blah blah blah......

irony

One of my favorite quotes comes from the back of a type o negative cover. "never mistake lack of talent for genius" This quote gets to me in many ways. I don't know who originally said it, but the implications are deep for me. I think about this alot. Sigmun Frued, Adolf Hitler, and thier ilk. How many of them were just insane? How many people are touched, moved, and influenced by raving lunatics?

a crippled road runner....

I called my local cable company to re-install my internet access on Monday. I was so ready to open a portal of filth into my home. It's now Friday and still no connection. Tuesday it was a bad modem, next day I inspected the lines myself, I need a new line. The line was scorched in the fire at my house this January. I can't get a decent signal. Last night the people didn't come out. They said they tagged my door. Lies, all lies. They gave me a $20 credit to my account. I asked what account? I have be provided a service before I can have an account. I also said if it wasn't fixed today, I would take my buisness elsewhere. I didn't bother to mention I ran up quite a bill with the local DSL provider, and getting service might be tricky at best, it was paid off. I'm not THAT lousy a person. They might still have harsh feelings though.....

It is near the end of the school year, the natives are restless. I could care less, suspensions still send them home. I was told yesterday that if you care too much, it will burn you out. Funny, I really don't think too much about this place when I leave. I know that I have very little to do with these kids personal development. I just get them away from the kids who are behaving so that the others may learn. The ones I'm truely helping, I will never see. In that sense, I guess I'm like a prison guard. I've also noticed that these kids do not respond well to kindness. In thier hard little hearts, kindness is perceived as weakness, a trait I cannot have associated with my character.

I want a motorcycle. I miss riding.

I hope to get the plastic I need to start making my costumes next week. With any luck, I can start making them, put a few on ebay, and get some money rolling in about the time my school checks run out.

I have this weekend to finish getting settled in before they pull the giant dumpster, I hope to get my new washer & dryer soon. I have found that with all that I need to do to get fully moved in, I haven't missed tv or internet access that much. I do miss that internet........

intrest is relative

I now feel apathy will guide me through the darkest days of in-school suspension. I'm not too sure the ones that need my help the most even care about themselves. I often feel like some terrible judge, deciding who must be made an example of in order to maintain class cohiesion. I'd like to think when I try to help them understand, some of it sinks in. I hate that I can't try to stimulate them mentally and try to make them better people. It seems to be that they only respond when I'm being a complete jerk. I guess the cognitive level between preteen and adult is too much of a gap for me to relate.

Example: These kids are very social, what other kids think of them is everything. I stopped caring about the approval of others about 12 years ago and it has made all the difference.

If I were concerned with how they felt about me, I would be ineffective at my job. And I'm more concerned with my paycheck and all the things it provides. I would like to think one day someone will comeback and say they got what I said and it helped them. I'm not holding my breath.

Paul's Van

Paul was kind enough to let me borrow his '72 ford van to move my stuff. I really don't know what to think of it. She be a powerful van, and driving it is like taking an ass whooping, bad brakes, no power steereing, oddly rigged guages, most of which do not work. Oddly enough though, as useful as it is, I wouldn't mind owning it for a cargo van and it makes you overlook the short comings.
I know you'll read this, thanks.
Unfortunately, I never got the last item out of storage, a 7ft + 150 gallon aquarium. I'll either sell it where it is, or call in another favor. I have to bring it home I'll charge double.
I get cable internet today, Whoop! Now I can partake in all the filth the world wide web has to offer once again. Yay me.
Tomorrow marks my return to the role of DM. I'm running a one or two shot D&D game inspired by kung-fu movies. I think it will be fun, but easy. I already had most of the prep work done. Im a major league re-hasher and improviser. I hope they enjoy it. One time I had 3 separate star wars campaigns and I used the same Dark Jedi enemy every time. I wouldn't mind running for awhile.

the spirit of George Carlin compells me........

I spent hours going through boxes, washing dishes, and arranging things and I've only sratched the surface. 31 years of being a pack rat is difficult to beat down. I notice my personal belongings fall into two two distinct categories: stuff & s**t. Stuff is good stuff like clothes I wear, furnture I use, whole things i need or use regularly or will use when the time comes (ie seasonal decoations or my knee braces). S**t is the stuff that has no use. Old magazines, worn out / outgrown clothes, parts to computers I have no intention of using again, hand me down kitch that's not my style, broken things I "might" repair one day. This crap does nothing but choke up living space, looks horrible, and makes you miserable. Sometimes, your posessions own you, not vise versa. I feel that when we hold onto the past too tightly, we miss out on part of the future. Besides, rich, successful people do not horde garbage, thier lives and thier homes are simplified. Thier wold is streamlined as much as possible to make thier way way easy as possible. How hard is it to get out of bed every morning when you have to trudge though last week's newspapers, last night's snacks, and last month's bills? We fight yesterday and let today pile up with it, and that makes tomorrow a struggle.

Pain part 2

I moved all my furniture in almost completely by myself and I'm now in pain. Or should I say I'm very sore? I'm quite happy with the place, and I hope to be finished unpacking soon. I won't be 100% moved in until I have internet access and a washer & dryer.
Today is a teacher workday. This is the day that I love. No kids in here. I hang around all day do pretty much nothing and get paid. The really works out well for me since the rest of the school year I don't even get regular breaks. I have about 20 minutes worth of paperwork left from not doing any for 3 weeks. It will have taken 1 hour & 20 min.
I'm tired, so tired. Even as I type that I know of weeks worth of things I must do to finish my house and I'll be off doing it within the hour. And many miles before I sleep.........