battle of the bulge

Tomorrow will be me normal weigh in, but it's been on my mind all week. I noticed last week some pictures of people from the 60' and 70's. Just a group of folks from years gone by. Almost none of them were fat like we are now. Rail-thin is what I'm talking about. What happened? We went from a nation of relatively trim go-getters to a bunch of lethargic fatties. I'd say the food happened and recreation stopped happening. Your soda doesn't contain sugar, it contain "high fructose corn syrup" and that is a huge difference. McDonald's 3 or 4 times a week. Sit down meals at a diner 2 or more time a week happened. Bottomless sodas, chips and salsa, bread, premixed microwaveable desserts (they are good), easy mac and delivery pizza.

Next our lifestyles have shifted to one of convenience. People don't do things for themselves anymore....at all. Dishwashers for those rare times you might actually eat at home. Electric scooters for the little fatties. I can only assume it's to prepare them for using the gimp cart at Wal-mart when they get too fat to drag themselves around.

Why am I saying this? Why am I ranting if I have a 40 inch waist. Anyone who knows me know I'm borderline morbidly obese. My BMI is 35, right up there for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and cancer. Why am I on a rant?

I looked in the mirror and said "no more". I saw a picture of myself and realized how horrible I looked. I have a belly covered in stretch marks and a rack that would make most teenage girls green with envy. I have to buy dress pant with the "emergency waist". I go to a place to eat with booths and my gut might be pushing over the table by the end of the meal, and I said no more.

It is a slow process and years in the making. I did low-carb, but it's not easy and it can cause health problems, the up side is I lost a ton of weight fast, and I gained it back fast when I decided I couldn't live without desserts and bread.

I next tried just exercising alone. I lost some weight, but I pretty much just swapped some fat for muscle. The good news is I carried my fat around a bit better, but I didn't slim down. Building muscle makes you very hungry. And when you can't do it regularly, you get flabby again.

So right now I'm doing weight watchers. I can't exercise as much as I want, so I watch what I eat, and do what I can. I eat healthy, and I curb my snacking. When I do snack, I make healthier choices.

I am within a week of hitting my 10% goal. That's the big deal of losing 10% of your total body weight. I wanted to have a goal of 60 pounds off. Just get to 200 for now and see what's up and go from there.

The downside of what I'm doing without exercise is I'm losing muscle too, and it shows. I have a goal of getting some exercise equipment in February. Exercise will help get fat off quick and hopefully, I can curb the muscle loss.

July will come around, and I'll look good in my black robe and mortar cap. When Mr. Wilson starts work in August, he'll need new clothes.

darkest before the dawn

There is an old saying "It's always darkest before the dawn". From a person who has been out in it. It's also coldest just before the dawn.

January is always bad for me. I'm always broke, no matter what I try. This year, everything broke and I had a new bill. I am now in ruins until February. Even gas to get to school will be rough.

I'm so close to finishing school, but it seems so far away. Even after it's all said and done with, I have so far to go before I'm done. So much to catch up and make right, and I'm almost completely drained. Some of those things, I might not be able to make right.

My advise to anybody at this point in my life would be not to wait to make things right and never bend to unreasonable people, in fact, don't deal with them at all if it can be avoided. They'll never be happy no matter how much you try and they'll take everything that makes you happy and destroy it.

Over the course of my life, I've had chances to better myself, to improve my life, and others ruin it for me. The greatest depression is knowing you had everything that would have made your life good, and you let fear, cowardice, and ignorance stand in the way as it slipped past. No apology, plan of action, or good intention can ever repair the damage.

And today is the grayest day of my life, because I woke up to that epiphany.

Updates...

Looks like the truck will be OK, it just needs some TLC on the carburetor. The motorcycle part will get here eventually. So all will be great soon enough.

I lost 2 pounds this week, putting me at 236. My 10% goal is 2 pounds away. Next week should be right at it. 24 pounds is about the same weight as 3 gallons on milk. I have to start exercising if I want any muscle left on my body.

Classes start next Monday and I'm preparing myself for the hard rush. I'll have all my core requirements done this semester. Summer term will be all easy classes.

I'm still being sued, but I've done some research on it and think I think I'm actually OK.

Life is good.

When it rains.....

Wow, what a week! I jokingly posted about January being the Winter of discontent, but it sure is coming true. The motorcycle is broke, truck is broke, I'm broke, and I'm being sued for an old debt. What a way to start '08!

I say bring it on. Let's work all the bad mojo of the previous year out right now before February. I'll take the bad now and coast the rest of the year.

I'm still actually pretty lucky. I have people I love and who love me enough to help me when I'm in a rough spot. Knowing so many people have your back in bad times makes the the bad times not so bad.

I really don't mind hardship, as long as it comes to an end. I think you need rough times to measure how great the good times are so that you never take them for granted. I actually feel sorry for the privileged. What's so great about having it good if you don't know how good you've got it?

quote

The world owes you nothing, and to expect anything else will only set you up for failure. - Wilson

the losing battle

I just discovered how hard the holidays are for diets. I gained two and lost three for a net of 1 lost over the past 3 weeks. I wanted to be under my 10% goal, but I'm still four pounds away. Not too bad, but being able to exercise regularly would help. Getting back on my school routine where I have no harmful snacks everywhere will be good also.

I am a creature of routine, and I thrive on a planned path. I want to be under 200 by July.

hardcore

snack over a crime scene

resolutions?

Everyone thinks about what they want to change at the end of every year. They make a list of New Year's resolutions. #1 is always lose weight for almost everyone. I'm losing weight, no need for resolve there, but I do have a few areas I need to improve upon.

Here are Mr Wilson's goals for 2008:

1. Finish my degree.
2. Get a (much) higher paying job.
3. Quit my part-time gas station job.
4. Live cleaner, lose all the clutter.
5. Two words : flat belly
6. Start paying off debt.
7. Have a "for real" bank account.
8. Buy a real mattress to sleep on.

Those are not resolutions, they are my goals for the upcoming year.

one track mind

I'm not too great of a multi-tasking person. I have limited abilities to focus on a few goals at a time. Last night, I almost cleaned my entire house and I'll be done with that very soon. I've been focusing recently on school and weight loss, both of which I'm doing quite well on. My problem is I become over-obsessed sometimes. I did weight loss before with the Atkins diet and lost 30+ pounds in a few months. I liked the results, although I didn't have the ability to sustain the loss at the time. It eventually became too cumbersome to balance my lifestyle with a carnivorous diet and it failed.

I joined Weight Watchers in early October of this year and I've lost 21 pounds to date. I know I'm doing good, but I like dramatic results. I canceled my gym membership because I don't have time to get there when I'm in school, and if I'm not using it regularly, I'm wasting my money. I almost considered using a diet pill to speed up the process, but that would just be dumb. I like my kidney function right where it is, and if I keep up my current progress, I'll be in pretty good shape this Summer and by next Summer, I'll have a "beach body".

I think our concept of instant gratification dooms us. Gotta have the new car, new house, new furniture, new body right now and worry about the bill when we are in a state of utopia. Why not prioritize and have what you need now and work on what you like along the way?

5 to go?

School is good, I'm done with another semester and it looks like all B's again. The next semester will be my most challenging yet. So I must be prepared. 1 400-level course, and the two hardest classes my major offers. When I'm done, I'll just breeze into Summer classes, graduate, and breeze into a higher paying job. July '08, here I come.

Success...now what?

I realized that I'm ok as long as I keep myself busy. With everything coming to a slow stop, as the holiday season comes around and I get a break from everything, my mood gets horrible. It's like I don't have a purpose, like something is missing. I think "normal" people fill that void with religion. Speaking of which, the other day, someone criticized my competency dealing with middle school aged kids on the basis of me being an atheist. I asked them if they believed in Santa Clause and they told me no. I then asked how are they competent to teach elementary school? Not too happy with me now, but they weren't before either, so what? One of these days, when I run out of things to accomplish, I might need therapy. I should be happy, I should be proud, but I'm not. It feels like everyone is mad at me or they want nothing to do with me. If I have nothing to keep myself busy, I feel useless. I mean, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, I'm getting an education, I work, I keep myself up, I'm losing weight because I'm fat, I know people respect me, I do a great job at my school, I get good grades. Every aspect of my life is getting better, so what's wrong with me? I even feel bad about writing this because the few people that might actually read this will just think I'm being stupid. I really don't need or want anyone's pity, I just want to feel better.

Winter break

Working at a school and going to school, Winter breaks really rock! I got a ton of down time coming up. I need it badly! A few weeks to cool the jets and recharge the batteries. I get to refocus on my goals and plan for the future.

Weight loss is looking good, school is looking good. The future is almost upon me, and I must prepare.

fighting the losing battle...and winning!

I lost 2 more pounds this week, putting me at 239, a total of 21 pounds to date. I am well on track to breaking the 200 pound barrier in May. Go me! Weight Watchers really works! I have a pile of "before" pictures on my computer and I plan on doing a before and after post in the months ahead.

Like everything else worth achieving, it take time, effort, and hard work. I'm enjoying that people are starting to notice that I'm trimming down that helps the cause. It makes those salads taste wonderful!

I like Weight Watchers because I can choose what I want to eat, but I have a structure that helps me make smart choices. So if I want a big breakfast, I eat light the rest of the day, and so on. Snacks like crackers and candy have been replaced with fruit and sugar free puddings. Sodas and my beloved sweet tea are replaced with diet soda and water.

My only real concern now is with my fitness. I must get into shape. I must exercise more.

Starting - 260
Current - 239
Goal (for now) - 200

On cleanliness

Not dirty, uncluttered, crisp, clear, and pure. These are some of the words we associate with clean. Offensive odors are also considered unclean. Apply these to a house. A cluttered house is impossible to make clean (not dirty) to any reasonable satisfaction. What to do? I have suffered from TMS for the majority of my life. I had Too Much Shit in my house and it became a maze of items that were useless due to the absolute over-abundance of semi-useful things. A thing should only have value to you if you can make use of it. On this principle, I have purged my home of so many things it is ridiculous. My floors are no longer danger zones for bare feet and I have no fear of unexpected guests. I'm still a work in progress, my bedroom and a few of my closets are horrible, but Christmas vacation is soon, and I'll be able to enjoy a 100% clean home, the type where every door is open for prying eyes. It is hard, and it is a learned, not inborn skill, but the benefits are well worth it.

tired

I know I don't exactly physically exert myself too much, but the strain of trying to accomplish what I am doing is mentally exhausting. All this classwork and school and work. I am burning out and I'm glad I'm so close to the end. I'll need some time at a much slower pace before I do this again. I keep telling myself it will all be worth it soon, but not soon enough.

I try to make the most of my situation, but right now it just seems like an endless struggle for nothing and I'm getting tired of fighting.

wild week

Fall Semester ends next week. I'm in a good spot to make all B's. I need a few week to cool off the brain before the Hellish Spring term begins. It has kicked my ass, but I'm better for it.

I've lost 19 pounds as of this week. I'll be at ~30 lost by the start of Spring Semester. If all goes well, by Summer, I'll be under 200 for the first time in 15 years. I could reasonably be 180 by next school year. Cool.

I need to rebuild my home gym. I can no longer justify spending money on a gym membership I can not use regularly. I want to rejoin at a later date, just not now.

I'm so close to finishing my five-year plan. Upon completion, I'll do a little soul searching, see where I'm at, and start the next five year plan. I already have a few ideas....

so much stuff....

I have done so much this past week.

I had Thanksgiving in Allentown PA with Robyn's relatives. We walked around neighborhoods with mansions to burn off pumpkin pie. There were houses so big, it took several minutes to walk past them. I'd never seen such houses in my life in person. Her family up North are good people.

We went to Syracuse to visit more of her relatives. I had the best steak I've ever eaten. I want another one right now!!! Her Uncle was the cook/ owner in the restaurant. I can't stomach the prices up there. But wow the hospitality! Everything seems to work together better up North.

Maybe I'm just crazy, but the everything seemed better. The food was tasty, the people didn't drive like idiots, and the landscape and homes were beautiful. Too bad the job market is harsh.

I came home to sleepy NC and it was just ugly. The people were ugly, the food tasted bland, people drove like they had a death wish, and everything looked trashy.

Despite eating like a pig all weekend, I still lost weight! I think exercise is the key for me. I get good results when I'm moving, so I'll have to set up better exercise times for myself.

I'm settling into a solid "B" in all my classes, I wanted A's, but it's still nothing to be ashamed of considering my responsibilities.

updated....

The Dig for Forensic Anthropology is tomorrow, looking forward to that....not really. I'm really starting to wear down from this schedule I've put myself on and next semester will be the hardest yet. Summer will be a breeze, and I'll be done.

I'm making great progress on my weight loss. If I can't get time to "gym up", I'll have to try to "home gym up". For the price of membership, I could re-make my home gym. Pity, I really like going to the gym and I feel bad when I can't make it. It just seems like it refuses to fit into my current schedule.

I'm actively trying to trade the Cadillac for a Jeep. I've always liked Jeeps, perhaps I'll just Craigslist it and get something I could and would use.

I've discovered that despite myself, I am at best a "B" student. This is nothing to sneeze at, but I'm still only good for a "B" average. I hope I am above average in the remainder of my endeavors. That is still quite good. In fact, I think I've never been excellent at anything, just above average.

Everything is going as planned, and I'm well on course for July '08. Eight months and counting.....

The to do list.

I have a list of things I want to do in my life. Not really goals, just things I'd like to do.

1. I want to write a book.
2. I want to build a custom motorcycle.
3. I want to build a hotrod pickup.
4. I want to become athletic again.
5. I want to do some aspect of my career so well that I become renown for it.
6. I want to travel.

steady progress

I'm down to 245 today. I've lost 15 pounds so far.
I still can't get to the gym like I should and that's a shame since I really enjoy it.
I hate to sound like a testimonial, but weight watchers really works, because it's not a diet, you eat what you should have been eating all along and lose it very gradually, so your body doesn't feel like its starving and you don't go mad with cravings.

While you don't have to deprive yourself, you do have to make choices as to what's best for your health. Do you want a pile of cheese fries or do you want to have a body you can show off at the pool? You want a flat belly or a whole box of candy? Personally, I know what I want.

I've been averaging 2.5, but my first two weeks were dramatic, as most new eating patterns are. I pretty sure I'll start averaging 1 or 2 a week before long....still good.





Starting: 260
Current: 245
Goal: 200 (maybe less, first things first)