mission accomplished

My dedicated readers know I started my "five-year plan" approach to life five years ago. My goal was to finish college and become a science teacher. I finished college and I am a science teacher. Now what?

My next five year plan is TBA. I became so much more over the past five years. I am more financially responsible, I think I am overall a better person. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am someone I can be proud of.

Teaching

I got my first week out of the way. So far so good. I look the part to the kids. Too bad I'm still working on actual mechanics. Teaching is a job you take home with you. It the first thing last thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought before bed.

The part dealing with the kids is simple for me. The grading, lesson plan designing, meetings and parent contacts are what is most difficult and frustrating.

As a first-year teacher, I will work much harder than my more experienced counterparts for less pay. This much more of a learning experience for me than my students.

I give my all, but I don't know that my heart is in it. I started developing a passion for something else...law enforcement. I must weigh the trade offs before I make another jump. I am here now and I will give these kids my best while I am there. I am still at the fork in the road of life, wondering where it will all take me.

Coming clean

Tomorrow is my first day as a teacher, and I'm not remotely nervous. I probably should be. I'm in a good spot with everything. The things I don't know, I will figure out, no need to worry about it anymore.

I changed my name back to my birth name. I never did feel comfortable with it. I was promised when I was seven that changing my name to my step-father's would make us more like a real family. I feel like that deal was not kept up on the other end. Love shouldn't ever be conditional. If you decide to disown someone based on life choices that don't effect you, then somebody really needs to re-evaluate their idea of how a family really works and I'm pretty sure I have the right idea.

Fork in the road

As I stated last post, this past Monday was my return to school/ work. I was a bit depressed, and I felt defeated. Nothing had come of my degree yet and then out of nowhere, I was offered a vacant position teaching science at my school, and I accepted of course. This is the break I've been waiting for.

I'm not deluded into thinking this is a dream. It can quickly become a nightmare. This is the hard part. I also know the only reason I'm tasting this success is because I was their last hope to have a teacher in that position. I guess we all get to see what I'm made of. I am determined to make them realize I should have been their first pick.

I am at a point in my life where I have more comfort and leeway in what happens next. If I hurry, I can still do the BLET in January and possibly be in another dream job come Fall, or I can stay with this for awhile. Mr., or Officer? Which one do I want the most? Either way, thing I want the most is closer to really happening.

180

Today was my first day at work. It felt like the walk of shame you have to take when you just blew up a public toilet. I wanted a better job before August and it didn't happen. So I returned to work to a ton of surprises. First off, they moved my room to a little dumpy ass-smelling room slightly larger than the janitor's break room. I had no prior warning. I didn't know we had an all-day meeting today and I was late for it. I came in and more than a few people were staring at me like I wasn't supposed to be there. Yep, I was feeling pretty damn awkward.

After a few minutes, I pieced it all together and everything made sense. Out of the loop, downgrading my room after three years without so much as a phone call. It is my turn in the barrel this year. I will get "cold-shouldered" out. Oh well, more incentive to make my possible career in law enforcement happen. They can't break me.

Then I was approached by my boss during our break. The very woman who has only spoken to me six times in five years. I figured I was in deep doo-doo. She asked if I graduated, I said yes. She asked if it was a science degree and I said yes, it is a biology degree. She then explained that one more of our teachers quit and we needed a replacement. The person she hired quit over the weekend. If my stuff lined up, she would recommend me for the spot. This would almost double my pay and make many things I want for myself happen much sooner. I had given up on teaching. I figured I'm not the type and frankly, I'm most likely not and never was. I would be stupid not to take it should it come about...more to come.

Cheapskater

I have found I am not happy unless I have an active goal or two. One of them is to prepare for the BLET, so I must workout as though it is my religion. The next one is to improve my financial standing. I'm not even in the ballpark of getting a better job for a year or more, so I must conserve what I have.

Much like dieting, you take note of where your money goes and where you can "trim the fat".

Here are a few things I've discovered, and they are no-brainers for the most part, but sometimes, we just don't think and that is where it all goes to Hell.

1. Are you paying for things you can do yourself?

Americans love luxury and convenience. We will pay somebody to do many thing we could do on our own. If you don't have the time, that's one thing. How many of us say "I don't have time" but spend hours a week online or in front of the TV?

Here's a few examples of what I can do for myself:

Tune up car.
Change motor oil.
Paint House.
Cook
Clean
Mow
Computer repair/ upgrade.
Wash car.
Repair flat tires.

You can easily think of many things you can do in your own spare time to save hundreds a year! Just do it your damn self.

2. How often are you eating out?

Eating out is the bank account scourge and should only be done sparingly. Four people eating fast food can start at 30 and go into the hundreds! Careful shopping and meal planning can not only have you eating cheaper, but healthier too.

Example: Going somewhere early? Pack the kids up and go to the nearest fast food place for breakfast you won't get out under $25 for a family of four. With that $25, you can get (where I live): 2 dozen eggs, 2 gallons of milk, a family sized box of Bisquick, two boxes of instant oatmeal, a loaf of bread and a pack of bacon and eat for a week. Even if you eat out once during that week, there is still over $100 weekly. That's just breakfast.

When it comes to eating, there are almost countless ways to cut the cost. Clip coupons, chase sales, buy in bulk...the list goes on and on.

3. Upkeep! Are you tires inflated properly? Is your car tuned up? Are the seals around the doors and windows of your house in good shape? These things can cause all sorts of problems with efficiency. A poorly maintained car drinks more gas, and a leaky house eats up heating and cooling costs. The upkeep will pay for itself.

4. Start early. Getting a late start causes you to drive harder. This puts more strain on your car and eats at the fuel efficiency. Cars get better than their rated mileage, but you have to drive a certain way.

Speaking of starting early, plan ahead too. Many things are cheaper if done in advance. Airline/ hotel reservations, car rentals. None of them will negotiate the day of the rental, many of them will several months in advance.

5. Are you paying for things you can get for free?
Like to read? There are libraries. Most public libraries have movies and music, you just have to wait in line.

How about a gym membership? You pay cash to drive across town to spend 20 minutes on the treadmill. I'll bet there is a road, park, or sidewalk very close to you that is free to use. Every city I know of has some kind of park with fitness equipment.


Anyway my goal is to be dirt cheap and I have a lot of downtime to figure it out.

agony of da feet update

Yesterday, I practiced my new breathing technique while out jogging. We started so late that I couldn't time our intervals, so we decided to run hard and then walk. I really pushed myself and I feel it today. That means I'm not going hard enough usually. Sore means I burnt those muscles and they are sending a message back to the brain saying we need to build up. I can honestly say running works damn near every part of your body and it is hard as Hell when you do it right. Yesterday was a good run and I want more. When January comes around, I will be ready.

the agony of da feet

Yesterday, we were jogging and I was feeling bad. I tripped and scuffed my knee pretty good. I'm pretty sure I've stomped all of the support out of my running shoes, but I can't afford any more right now and unfortunately, my shins hurt some kinda bad right now.

I been reading up about breathing technique. I think I'm getting winded before I'm getting tired. So I'm practicing runner breathing. Basically just breathing with my diaphragm instead of my shoulders.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to do a morning calisthenics program on my running days, just the simple basics. I have to ramp it up if I'm going to be in shape for the BLET. Come week six, I'm going to 4 days of working out. With any luck except bad, I should be close to, if not under 200 lbs. Either way, by this time next year, I'll be in a different, better paying job.

Speaking of which, I'd like to take the next person that says "Money won't fix your problems" and beat them into a bloody pulp. I admit money won't fix all problems, but when you main prolem is you don't have enough money to make it from month to month, yeah, money will fix that one.

the run down

Robyn and I have started a 9 week running program. By the end, you are supposed to be able to run a 5k (3 mile) marathon. I've gotten better already and I'm really excited about the thought of being able to be considered athletic. When the workout equipment I ordered comes, I'm going to start a program and go fairly intense with it. By January when I start BLET, I should be in the best shape of my life.

i'm going through changes

When I started this blog four years ago, I had just finished my Associate's degree, started full-time with the local school system and really wanted to get my teaching degree and be a full-time teacher. Now I have finished my Bachelor's degree, I'm still an in-school suspension coordinator, but I no longer care to be a teacher.

I've looked long and hard about who I want to be as a person, and the school system just doesn't impress me at all. There is a lazy self-importance to most people that work in a school that shows in everything they do. Not only do I feel completely unwanted, I really feel like my job is pointless. Even if I had the ability to make a difference with the kids, I don't have the support of the school. The pay is completely inadequate too.

I guess if I work at it hard enough and long enough, I'll get my comeuppance, but it's been a long time coming.

countdown to the BLET

I started jogging last week and I can already notice a difference. I have about 23 weeks before BLET will start and I think I'll be in condition that will exceed thier expectations. When I go back to work, I'm going to re-start weight watchers. With diet and exercise, I should reach several goals all at once.

My money situation is dire. My job sucks ass in the pay department and it won't get better anytime this year, which means several of my goal won't get met. This pisses me off. I've busted my ass to better myself and I want some payoff, but it never comes. Until I get some manner of decent break, I'm just spinning my wheels.

nightmare

I dreamed last night that my degree got messed up and I needed more classes to fix it. Then I woke up. Sadly, with the way things worked out, it would be much more than an inconvenience. I would honestly not mind taking a few more criminal justice classes. Besides, the only job prospect I have will not become available to me until next June. Oh well, nothing can be done about it now except to do it and get it over with.

I almost thought about still trying to get a job with the school system and just not doing the licensure classes. I'd lose the job at the end of the school year, but who cares now?

disillusion

I no longer care to be in education. Too little pay, too little reward, and too much bullshit. Working in education is a losing battle, hands down. The people are mostly full of themselves and flock into little gossip groups. We encourage the kids not to be like that. I'm just sick of it all and I don't even want to go back.

Sadly, it's not the kids that have me fed up. The "adults" mostly make me sick. There are a few exceptions, and there are some I'll not soon forget.

My life is taking me in a whole new direction, and I am excited.

travelling the road to wellness

Since I'll most likely start BLET's in January, I've started getting into shape now so I don't risk injury. Feels like a death march. I've always gone for fitness that appeals to me: weightlifting. That will not help me run a mile. No, I have to take a boot camp-like approach to my fitness goals, namely jogging and calisthenics. In 6 months, I should be in awesome shape. By this time next year, not only should I be in the greatest shape of my life, I should be in the career I plan to retire from. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but that's where I am right now.

on the lighter side

This is worth 10 minutes.


Big Buck Bunny from Blender Foundation on Vimeo.

Done...for now

July 25th has come and gone. I have completed my current studies. Now the fun part begins.

active file

I was told today I have an "active file" with the poilce department's human resources office. Interesting.....more to come.

resolve

Ok, the pity party is over. I can't curl into a ball and just give up. Yes, everything that is going wrong sucks. No, I don't think it should be so hard. Bottom line: it is, so quit bitching and work through it.

And miles to go before I sleep...

Almost done with the first part. All but done with the first step. Now I must choose which path to take next. No matter what I chose, there is still much to give to do to get where I need to be. I'll keep all my options open.

Robyn said something funny to me today. "I thought white guys got all the good brakes." Obviously not. Anyone who thinks different can shove their opinion of "white privilege" and shove it up their ass, right beside their head.

The truth is, I've never gotten a good break in my life. I've been used and abused at every turn. I'm waiting for my turn. I think I've put in a lot of sweat equity to get to where I am, and I'd kind of like to see some return off this.

If I go into law enforcement, I must get into shape before I even begin the training. I am an injury waiting to happen and I know it. Two years ago, I was heavy into weight training and I probably could have conditioned myself to pass a physical test easily.

Good things are around the bend. I can feel it.

hitting pavement

When I didn't get a job last school year, my principal said that everything happens for a reason. I don't believe that. I wish I did. I hold out for the proof that I am deluded by my own cynicism. I openly accept the possibility that there may be something greater just beyond our comprehension. A greater purpose or reason that we don't perceive directly. I think people call that god.

The truth is people suffer and die like dogs everyday for no good reason. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Most people must accept there is a better existence after death to keep them from going murderous.

I was born a skeptic and I can't always look past what lies on the surface. If I was made this way, was it a god's doing? Does that mean god has set me up for failure?

I want to embrace a spirituality, and I may search the course of my life to find my inner peace and never find it.