The final stretch

The end of my first semester is rapidly approaching. I'm almost caught up with everything. It looks as though I'll be doing good in everything....A's and B's.
I set my self up for a good dose of misery next semester, all three of my classes are science classes. I'm taking one traditional and two fast track. Fast track courses are shorter, concentrated classes that finish up in half a semester. I'll only be taking two classes at a time, but I'll get three total....Just enough to be considered full-time.

It's not so bad, going to school full-time and working. I'd like more than one or two days off a month, but short-term sacrifices are needed for long-term success. I'm aiming for quality of life here, and being able to make double my current income would be a step in the right direction.

Weekends off, chilling at the house all through the holidays, vacations....Oh hell yeah, I can do that

thanks, boy

I was pumping gas today, being very nice to the old man at the service station. After we completed the transaction, he smiled and said "Thanks, boy" as he pulled off. Now I understand, that little phrase was like a shot of ice water in my face. He meant well, but it was still very insulting to me. Words hold a certain power and sway,but are often used so carelessly.

Janis Joplin Live- Ball & Chain

1967 Monterey Pop Festival. This is where she was "discovered". Mama Cass is in the crowd and was just blown away by Janis. If this was to day, Janis would have never been discovered. Her performances were explosive and dripping with emotion with a raw power that is just not present in modern music.

portishead - glory box live

Portishead is one of my favorite bands ever. Great live shows, great albums, not a hugely successful band. Why? Beth Gibbons. The sultry voice of Portishead reminds me of Janis Joplin in many ways. So talented....so ugly. Beth has a voice that is like slipping into a warm, velvety dream....but she has a face that could make a freight train turn down a dirt road.
Doesn't really matter to me, I own their albums, but that is what is wrong with the music industry. They package the look and get the sound later. Most people will just plug into whatever is on MTV and never try to find something that could really make them feel.

ranger diaries...revalation

Having a decent-looking car does wonders for your ego. Having something to improve on is great.

I washed my truck last night and a guy at the carwash came up and told me how much he liked it. Yeah, I see now why people get into fixing cars...it's a form of self-gratification....kind of like masturbation.

Got my stereo, antenna, tires, and mirrors. I went with a Pioneer, my personal favorite. I'll need better speakers eventually, but not yet.

I really needed good tires on the Ranger. It was like riding a horse and buggy, and certainly not fit for running down interstate. I was able to get BF Goodrich Radial T/A's for it and they make all the difference in the world.

My chrome mirrors came in and they are really good for that truck. With older cars, I think it's hard to put too much chrome on them. I need my front bumper.

There is a downside to messing with older vehicles.....everything breaks. The brakes are weak, so while putting on the tires, I elected to replace the front calipers. The brake lines didn't match up. The nearest matching calipers were 40 miles away, so I got new front brake lines. While bleeding them, the rear line ruptures. Crappy luck, but better in the shop that going down interstate...so I guess I am lucky. I had metal brake line, but no flange kit. Bought a flange kit....it was stripped :-/ so had to get a new one. A cheap, hour-long job tuned into an expensive, 8 hour nightmare. But it was worth it to discover that bad brake line. If I had been going down interstate at 70 mph, I might have died due to that brake failure. I think my back drums are still screwed, but that will have to be another time. The new front brakes made a major difference, and with the new tires, it will scoot down interstate....mission accomplished. I'm going to finish the exerior before I start the interior......more to come.

Kiwi!

I think I understand this.



All die, not everyone truly lives...

extra funds....what to do?

I have found out that not only do I not owe extra money at college, I recieved a grant over and above my tution and there is a check waiting for me at the student accounts office. I've decided to spend it. There are so many things I need right now and some stuff that would just make my life easier. I'd like a laptop, but I'm not sure if I should get one. I know if I don't spend it on something big, it will just get eaten up by small bills and I'll have nothing to show for it. I'm not at the stage in my life where I can hold back money. I know of a few bigger things I'd like to get with a nice wad of extra cash.

I'm under 250. My Xmas goal of 210 might have been a reach. I'm still losing at least a pound every week, so perhaps I can get to 225. I was able to see past my gut while sitting....big ego boost.

the world of tomorrow

I was looking around the internet yesterday and saw all this advanced technology that facinates me to no end. They have robots out that can keep your carpet clean, called a roomba. They even made a version to scrub your tile floors. I want to see more. I did some more research and saw Honda is making a rather advanced robot that can walk, shake hands, avoid obsticles and recognize voices. I want to see the day when my meanial tasks are done by robots. Washed dishes, laundry cleaned and folded, yard mowed and so forth. I know that the technology will be in my lifetime, computers are almost doubling in power and capacity every year, power supplies get smaller. It isn't unreasonable to think we could have personal assistant robots in the near future. The question is, how advanced do we really want them? How far do yu want to trust the technology? How much would yu be willing to let them do for you?

I could see legislation passed to limit the power of robots and their function. You don't want a robot driving down the highway at 80 mph do you? Who would use their personal robots for nefarious reasons? Rig one with a bomb and send it off to sew chaos. Maybe they would be confined to a residence. If they were so advanced, perhaps it would make certain jobs at risk. Why hire some rotten kid to run the register at McDonald's when you can have a robot that will never get the order wrong and never miscount the change. It also never needs a break and won't quit or call in sick. I guess all those displaced in the workforce could get jobs programming and repairing robots. But what if we build a robot to do that? How ironic is the job to service the servant?

I guess I've grown older and saw the negative side of things. People will always find a corrupt way to do things. I guess one man's idea for a utopia free from menial chores, is another man's opportunity to harm others with the very same tool. I guess it just the same as a hammer. The very tool used to build a home can be the same tool to kill another. The potential is determined by the wielder.

fall break....gone!

I had a week off from classes and workouts and still managed to get nothing done. My truck is running, albeit somewhat buggy. I'm confident it will be an excellent vehicle. I had to replace the started on my car and really tore up my thumb in the process. But that's ok, blood is an excellent degreaser and the main tool in any garage is blasphemey.

Anyway, I'm starting up my normal grind again, and getting ready to finish out this semester and begin another in January. I'll be talking to a counsellor soon to see what I can do to finish up. I want to knock all of the hard stuff out while I'm fresh and coast on electives at the end.

V

Last night I watched V for Vendetta. I believe it is one of the best movies I've ever seen. The movie is set in a near-future England. War, disease, and national panic allowed England to become a totalitarian state with secret police, state-ran everything propaganda and distrust at every turn. To make matters worse, it seems as though nearly every facet of the government is corrupt.

Along comes V, a solitary figure that dresses in a Guy Fawkes costume who begins a terrorist-like agenda to wake the population of England and allow them to fight for their freedom.

Along the way, we have a detective, perhaps the last honest one in the whole country, trying to piece together the whos and whys of V. There is a pseudo-love interest played by Natalie Portman. Unlike her dismal Star Wars portrayal, she really shines here.

I don't believe this movie is for everyone. It is far too intelligent and deals with a touchy matter. V is both a villain and a victim. He is a murderous terrorist with vengeful plot. He takes down the people who made him what he became. In a post-9/11 world, bombings and plots to subvert the government are a little uncomfortable subject material.

I find myself thinking of Benjamin Franklin. "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase some temporary safety deserve neither"(paraphrased).

Either way, it is defiantly worth watching.

just plain filthy

My friend and co-woker at the gas station has been out of town for the past few days and it is nasty in here. You can tell when he's not here. I'm suprized, shocked actually, that the other employees(who are either relatives or near-family) would disrespect the owner to the point that they have. I barely know him and don't really like working here, but he's more than generous to me and I'd be ashamed to do what the "good" employees are doing. Which is next to nothing.

changes

I think I'm going through a change. I cannot define it nor can I tell where it will take me, but I am becoming a different person either way....I can feel it. Maybe all the things I am doing to improve my life are making me learn something about myself. I've spent 32 years feeling out of place in my own life and I'm just beginning to see where I belong. I don't know. I think school has jump-started my brain though. I was kind of shriveling up from not challenging myself.

I know that I don't think I've ever been happy once in my life. I don't define my life in terms of happiness, because I know for a fact life should not be 24/7 happiness, but a little bit would be nice. At least a bit that didn't come with a heap of misery behind it. Maybe I'm afraid to be happy. The closest I've come to happy in months is having my truck home. I can drive it, carry stuff around, and enjoy it in general. It's not even in great shape and has a long way to go before anyone other than me would want it, but I've wanted a little pickup for the longest time and now I have one. I even feel half-ashamed that I did get a bit of a smile when I was driving it this afternoon. People shouldn't get joy from material possessions.

Working out has changed me too. I have a long way to go, but I'm pretty much in the best shape I've seem in 12 years. I will eventually get to the flat belly and what not, but in the meantime......

There is something missing though, and has been for awhile. I won't go into detail. Although this is my Soapbox of the Soul, there are something I will not openly disclose. That is something I hope will workout too.

yin and yang

Why does it always seem like bad things come by themselves, but the good is always accompanied by more bad?

I got the Ranger home, other than a few quirks, it will be all good. Then my job......I gave a football player afterschool detention on the day of a game. Not mailiciously mind you, but he just had earned that punishment and it just so happened to fall on a game day. If he'd asked, I would have re-scheduled. It wasn't a huge issue at all. But he didn't, he skipped, and was in the game. From first report, a teacher gave him permission and no teacher has that authority. I don't get paid as much as a teacher, and I'm not too keen on the idea that a teacher may have ignored discipline procedure for what ever reason.

So here I am. On a day I should be happy and excited, I'm just mad as hell. I couldn't sleep well last night for being so upset and overslept for work.

ranger diaries update

The truck is reassembled, but still missing a few parts. It should be road ready tomorrow. I want to drive it, but I'm willing to wait and make sure it is right. This will most likely be one of the last ranger diaries updates, maybe not......

Dylan

I have discovered Bob Dylan through my music elective at GC. I always though of Dylan as an over-hyped joke. As required listening, I had to listen to a few Dylan songs. Now I see what the fuss is over. The music is pretty much mediocre on good days. But the lyrics were inspiring and thought provoking. It is so to the point and exact it's almost lewd, like the thoughts that you wanted to say but never had the courage, and he says it in such a calm, matter-of-fact way. Not all of his songs are that way, but they all make you feel.

Light at the end of the tunnel

The ranger will most likely be done in a few days. It will most likely be a great running vehicle for a long time to come.

I'm passing all my college classes, roughly B grades. I made a very high C on the botany mid-term. I know I can do this now.

I lost a notch on my belt. that means I losing some fat. My exercise and diet is paying off.

Sometimes you need a big confidence booster. You have to know what you are doing is making a difference to give you the motivation needed to do what has to be done.

I got just that this week.

coming in dead last....

A person I despise gave me an great quote about 7 years ago. No matter how you train him, a jackass will never win the Kentucy Derby. Today was a hee haw kinda day for me. I begining to wonder if got myself in over my head. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm doing all this anymore. Oh yeah, money.......without more money I won't ever have anything.

ranger dairy update

Ah bitter disappointment. It appears my truck has a bad head gasket and more work must be done to get her a-runnin'. A setback, but I have most all the parts to replace if needed, but damn, I wanted to be done and driving it.

rabbit food

As part of my ongoing health/fitness issue, I've added a new step this month.... salad. *shudder*

For the entire month of October, I will eat a salad for lunch nearly everyday while at school. I don't really care for salad, but I need green, leafy vegetables. A few less fat calories during the day won't hurt either. Vegetables, raw no less, is just so unsatisfying for meals. I like grease and fat. I like meat. I like eating hot foods.

Since officially starting a gym, I've dropped 10 lbs. I've not felt this good in a awhile. I've lost upward of 30 dieting, but it was always unsatisfying and unmaintainable. I'm changing my lifestyle one bad habit at a time. I'll admit, I'd like to see some results in my waistline, but one thing at a time.

ranger diary update

I actually was able to drive my long-dormant truck. To hear it fire up for the first time was very exciting. It still needs tweeking and tuning, and it especially need some driving as we are quite sure it has old gas in the tank. There will be a can of dry gas and a tank of premium in the very near future, as well as an oil change and some oil treatment.

Paul has a theory, if you were to put at least half a car payment in your car fixing it up every month, within a year you damn near have a new car. A hudred a month in an 85 ford ranger will make it a new vehicle very quickly. If I can keep it running for a bit and looking good, it might become the V8 ranger I've wanted for a few years. We'll see.