Dayum....

Rough weekend! I had to work all weekend and got scant little accomplished. On Saturday, I slept in, but Robyn droped by, we ate together, then she took me to the local outlet center and bought a set of sheets for my new bed. I guess she figures they'll be hers again eventually, she's right.

We went to Shake and Steak on Saturday night after work. That place is getting so bad, I'm actually rather cook a whole meal at 1 A.M. rather than endure that. Waffle Houses have better standards. I must admit, I like thier burgers and milkshakes very much. But the food was skimped on, and the service was horrible. At the current tred of declining service, I half expect for the waitress to pistol - whip me with a ketchup bottle, steal my wallet, and throw me through the front window. I'm not going to be eating there for awhile to say the least.

Paul gave me a set of tires for the back of my car. 275/60/15's a very wide tire. I think they look pretty cool. I need some 235/60's up front and I'll be set. Upon putting tires on the car, I discovered I had 4 different types of tires on the car, which would explain the poor handling. That improved drastically with the new tires. Thanks Paul!

I want to look into putting AC in the car. Honestly, no more than I drive, I could have her up and running for a few years, why not be comfortable. A radio too! As a pizza car, it would have lasted maybe a year and a half tops. A year and a half in pizza terms is a bit over 50k miles, which is a good return on a $300 car. My pizza days are long over, and now it makes sense to actually mantain a car. Too bad it wasn't the other Crown Vic, I liked it better.

I'm going to do a piece on pizza driver logic.

I watched two movies on Sunday after work. Dungeons and Dragons 2: The Wrath of the Dragon God. D&D 2 took a step away from the first movie, It had a better plot, unfortunately D&D 1 had better budgets, actors, directors, & special effects. Had D&D 2 been given the the same chance D&D one had, it could have been a hit. Honestly, I've seen better attempts with film school freshmen projects. Hell, the average Xena episode had more to offer. I was left feeling as if two hours of my life were raped from me.

Next in queue was Mr. and Mrs. Smith, this was by Brad Pitt and Angellina Joilee. This move had an interesting concept: to assassins, working for rival hit squads, are married to one another and has no clue of the others' true identity. This is an obvious action - comedy. The ammount of detail as well as the quality of acting and directing is excellent. They knocked this one out of the ballpark. I found myself laughing at several points in the movie, which is big, since I usually do not laugh.

On a sad note, I was told that X3 is being directed by Ang "I made The Hulk" Lee The fact that any employee of Marvel would even consider eating at the same McDonald's Ang Lee had visited, let alone allow him to make a movie in the highly lucrative X-men franchise, is proof that Jesus died in vain (thanks Mr. Cranky). I can't imagine anything short of a train wreck.

When I work all weekend, I feel so drained. I can't keep this up forever, but I won't have to......

a test run....

I lysol-bathed my *new* mattress and let it air dry last night. After that, I actually set the thing down and tested it, just to see if I could get used to it. Two hours later I woke up and went to bed. Falling asleep was not what I meant to do, but I would dare say it is a good sign I'll enjoy the bed.

I have way too many things that require more money than I have this month. The Car wiped me out, but I'm actually quite happy with it so far. Bills on the other hand.....

the morning after

I got the car back. She's powerful. Harmon neglected to tell me he set the tranny up to go in a hot rod it shifts at higher rmps.. It performed best on the interstate test. It takes around 9-10 seconds to get to 90 mph and coasts at 85 in overdrive. This is not your granny's crown victoria. It was also sitting for several years, so it took a bit of driving to loosen up. After driving for about an hour it was doing everything it needed to do I think I'll be quite happy with her for the time being. I gotta clean it off and out though, it is totally nasty after being sat in a field in the woods for about a year.

Paul and I did the big run last night and now we have beds to show for it. I thought they were queens. One was a queen, the other was a king. That king sized matress was a beast, I decided then and there that it was Paul's. The queen was firmer anyway and I need a firm bed.

I'm a little sore too. I didn't get to bed until after one, so there are some fatigue issues today. I'm working all weekend at Best Buy, so there will be no good time to rest up.

Robyn is sick and I felt bad that I couldn't stop and stay longer last night. I hope she follows her own good advise and rests up.

....

Alot has happened and will happen this week.

I get the Crown Vic back this today. I just had to pour and extra $300 in it due to the power steering giving out. It was leaking before I parked it, so not too much surprise there. Just a few more minor things and she should be good to go for awhile. As ususal, this project is taking more than I can afford, but at the same time, I can't afford not to have it running.

This Tuesday, we talked about running a new D&D game. I think the magic is there for a great group. I was worried about schedule conflicts, but it seems like a perfect fit for me. I hope for the best. The last time I played with the fellow who's running was the best gaming experience I've had to date.

Tonight, I'm pulling a late-nighter, I'm helping Pual do quite a few mutually-beneficial things. I hope to get a few car-related things accomplished too.

Paul and I will begin working out shortly. I've been pigging out and just making horrible eating choices. I'll wean myself back into healthy stuff soon, but I want to do everything gradually, so that it becomes natural routine.

Wow, is the weekend really over?

Alot and not much happened this weekend.

1. Got the Vic back, but the leaky steering gearbox went out, so I'm stranded yet again.I'm going to be hurting money-wise for this month. I was supposed to get tires, a muffler & inspection done on the Vic, but that will have to wait.

2. Paul dropped by to see the proposed workout area Saturday, we are both motivated to start this. I didn't get the work I started Thursday finished.

3. Robyn helped me get alot done on Sunday, but we never got finished. I ran my tail off getting the part to put the CV back together and getting it to Harmon.

4. I worked Saturday morning at BB before the store even opened. Found out I was to help do things in the store that I had never been trained for and that hadn't been done properly in about 4 months. I started, got a little bit finished, and that was all I could muster.

The weekend was over and done before I knew what hit me.

serious exercise

Paul has shown an interest to start exercising with me. I got in the best shape of my life at 19 with Paul's help. Maybe we can re-capure the lightning 12 year later. I cleaned out a room for working out, then I needed to clean my equipment.

I have a Weider home gym, one of the cheap ones that I paid $200 for in 1993. It has been rusting on my back porch since I moved to my current home in 1998. I dragged it into the room, disassembled it, and used a wire brush attachment on a power drill and knocked off a good chunk of rust an the paint that had flaked up. I then cleaned and sprayed the brushed areas with rustoleum. Then I put it back together.

I ingested a good bit of rusty dust and spay fumes while doing this, and my chest is a bit congested today and my mucus is black. I ache from the efforts. Moving that stuff around is a real workout. Next week we'll be moving some of his equipment to my house, that will be a real workout too.

Robyn suggested that I get a new home gym instead of messing with that old rusty one. I agree that the seems like a good idea, IF I keep this up. If I do not follow through, then it will have been a waste of money. Why not fix what I have and go at it? If I keep it up, reward myself with better equipment. If we started right now, early March, I could be trim and fit by the start of school this fall. I'm going to get Robyn to take a before picture of me and I'll print it up to keep me motivated.

Harmon is actually working on my car, but he's taking his sweet time. He says he could be finished today. I hope so. I need wheels this weekend more now than ever. i'm not going to do much more than keep it road worthy. Only one of the poewr windows work, I think I'll fix those and put in a stereo. If I can afford a better car a little bit down the road, I'll transplant that powertrain into my ranger.

Am I shady?

Robyn has commented in the past that I'm a very shady person. I do things most people would not do. I enjoy things that wouldn't normally be enjoyed by a "nice" person. I think of laws as guidlines more than actual limits to behavior. We talked about some of the shady things I've done as an adult. I wonder sometimes if I'm evil. There are several degrees of good, why not several degrees of evil? Here goes:

1. My car insurance expired last August.
2. I stopped driving it in February.
3. I pick up furniture out of people's yards.
4. I took a ladder from a buisiness once.
5. My day job is punishing kids. I like it more than I probably should.
6. I kept a convienience store job for years just because I liked to screw with the customers.
7. I can be very selfish.
8. When I have a person I dislike, I pull no punches making them miserable.
9.If I get road rage, I relax myself by imagining slowly torturing the person that cut me off.
10. I'm not sure I feel emotions the same way others do. I think my ability to empathize is not very well developed.
11. There are a lot of things I would do, but I don't want to go to jail.
12. I file share.
13. I've pretty much broken all of the 10 commandments and had fun with it too. I have not killed anyone that I know of....

I've noticed older people can get away with more too. I got stopped in February for having expired tags and no insurance. I played dumb and he let me go. I thought for sure I was going to get arrested. I was also stopped at a license in December with no insurance and revoked tags. They never even checked.

Maybe it doesn't make me evil, but I'm not exactly a boy scout either. I think I weigh consequences vs. results, morales aside, if the outome is better than the consequences of the risk, I do it.

disgusting proof

Thismakes me sick.

"Record executives have hesitated in the past to embrace digital singles because they feared that consumers will cherry-pick songs instead of buying the whole album." <--- just one snipette that just angered me. They wonder why so many people are stealing music. You're not paying $15+ for an album. You're paying $15+ for one, maybe two songs that are decent and the rest is filler. They want you to buy the garbage.

I need an editor.

I think that some of my material is great, but a bit rough. I need some polish to make my rate gems shine. I need an editor, or at least patience enough to proof read and run spell check.

sigline

I guess it's time to realize your wit is wasted when no one notices your Latin tag.

thanks Nate

I watched the video clip on my friend Nathan's site about the scientific seach for immortality. I found it depressing. There are so many questions that go unanswered for this.

If you can find a way to live forever:

1. Would you want to?
The first knee jerk response is yes. But what if you get bored, everyone around you dies, you're lonley, ect? The human condition is centered around the concept of a finite lifespan. Altering that alters us as humans.

2. What about overpopulation? If people stop dying, we got some problems. Earth can't fit all of us unless we stop breeding.

3. What does it speak of religon? If we really don't "have" to die, then what? Was God wrong? Was He ever even there?

The people were mostly atheists. They were spouting ideas I have only thought and kept to myself. The thought of nothing after death saddens me. Coming to the realization I won't get to talk to my long dead grandmother again, or go to whatever afterlife is like having grief all over again. It makes you question everything.

One of the scientists put it nicely. In a nutshell, he said just don't know what's out there and we have no reason to believe we know until it happens to us. If you die and there's nothing, you don't find out, you're just gone. He stated that he just didn't care to take that risk. Not that he had any choice, but he backs the research to prolong life indefinitly. He even supports cryogenic suspension "just in case" he doesn't get to that breakthrough during his natural lifespan.

I have made it very clear that I'm more agnostic, but I'm leaning toward atheism. I want to believe, but I can't bring myself to believe. I'm far too cynical.


Either way, it was an interesting clip and worth a watch, despite my feelings on the subject matter in general.

I guess I would try it, but I wouldn't want to spend forever alone. If everybody was doing it....wow.

Hey, I haven't seen you in 800 years! Drop by tomorrow, we have some catching up to do.

You know, law enforcement would be different. You've been found guilty of __________, your sentence is you lose your immortality. You get put on an island where you can't get whatever mojo you need to keep you young. Then you grow old and die. To live in a society where you never had to die, then be brought to terms with your own mortality that would be a horrific thing to grasp.

Nasty synergy

I've been working seven days for three weeks and I'm burning out. Best Buy is not a hard job, and I've come to enjoy it at least a bit. I still don't want to work there.

Robyn has been picking me up at night. Sometimes we go eat afterward. Last night we went to Shake & Steak. A guy came in as we were getting out food that cleared out half the restraunt. He was smoking a cigar.

Cigars do not offend me as much as cigarettes do, but still not what you want stinking up the whole place while you are trying to eat. He had a very creepy mannarism to him also that I can't quite put my finger on, it was like all of his actions were memorized an rehearsed, but acted with no feeling or sense of purpose.He was disheveled, dirty, and unshaven, his teeth were the color of mottled storm clouds and he smiled alot, they looked as though they were carved from mashed potatoes. As if they were just firm enough to hold their shape. His double chin was like a pot belly, round and overlapping. He drank a chocolate milk and puffed his cigar between sips and I could only imagine how nast that combination must be mixing in his unhealthy gullet. He could make Jabba the Hutt look svelt and dapper. I felt dirty just being in the same building with him. I mean dirty. I wanted to.....

1. Brush my teeth.
2. Shower.
3. Blow my nose.
4. Wipe my ass.
5. Wash my hands.
6. Eat a salad.
7. Change clothes.
8. Exersice.

I wanted to do whatever was needed to not be like that. The sickest part, was there was nothing "over the top" gross about the guy it was just a really good combination of small stuff. Nasty synergy - where the total output of grossness as a combined package is far great than the nastiness of the individual parts. He had nasty synergy. I want to put a poster of is repulsive ass on the inside of my front door, so that I am motivated to diet, exercise, acheive, and practice good hygene.


Jim has told me that we may be gaming again soon. An old familiar gamer may be joining us. Dave, the guy who ran the first two D&D games I played in with Jim is interested in joining up. We'll see. Working two jobs and finding a common free time could be tricky.

If I can wrangle a free day, then it'll all be good. The ideal time would be Staurday nights. Robyn's working, all my "normal" friends have off as well. Only I don't have Saturdays off...... The only sure day for me is Tuesday of Wedensday even so, I'm not sure I want to play every week.

My car is close to being finished, meaning Harmon called me to tell me that he was putting my car in his shop and will be working on it this week. We'll see.....

denied

At 15.5k a year, I make too much money for financial aid. I guess the 13 and change after taxes is more than enough to live on and to better yourself. I like to break it down. S here it goes....

15,000 <-- what I made.

13,500 <-- after taxes

- 10800 <--- annual living expenses that include: rent & utlilites ONLY.

____________

2700 <--- is my annual superflous cash...too bad I have not ate, nor bought clothes, nor put gas in a car.


4200 <--- is $30 a week in gas and a reasonable food allowance for a year.

- 1500 <--- the annual deficit from my day job vs. my living expenses (which are not extravigant) hence my part time job.


So, although I cannot afford many things in life, I must put myself into debt in order to have a better quality of life.


You know, if I were not a white male, I might be eligible for aid under my circumstances. I won't spend too much time sulking, or assigning blame.I want to find a way through this and succeed.

baby steps

Last night, I went home with the resolve to clean up all my main rooms, then after dinner, my knee started killing me. I'm mean barely walk pain. I sat out and played a little gunbound, talked to Robyn, and listened to some XM. About 10:00, my knee felt better, I cleaned my kitchen and it looks good again. I'm going to want to detail scrub the floors at a later point. The downside of grout is it is usually put in the homes of poeple who are neater and more together than I am.....and for very good reason. They require care and upkeep to continue looking nice and I'm not much on that stuff.

My parents want me to do work under their house. I did some of it last week. A heating duct fell and has turned the crawl-space into an incubator for the most foul mold.I was under there for 15 minutes and came out with a headache and a low grade fever. Now they want to me to go back and repair the duct as well as run a vapor barrier. I want an oxygen supply and a hazmat suit.

2 weeks.....no car

The fellow working on he CV is taking his sweet time, as expected. I've learned I'm not as dependant on a car as I thought. I won't really NEED a car until I go to college. The Vic is a comfortable ride, but not practical. I was thinking about my ideal car. They are as follows.

1. Mechanically sound
2. Very cheap on gas
3. Affordable price wise
4. Comfortable.

If price were no object and I could afford whatever. I do have a list of cars I'd preferr.

1. Hummer H2 - I just like them. Nothing says "I have more than you!! nyaa nyaa nyaa" like the H2.

2. Mercrury Merauder It is a souped up Grand Maquis / Crown Vic, Basically a 4 door luxury Mustang Cobra. Does Mustang Cobra sound wierd to anyone other than me? It's like something Napoleon Dynamite would have drawn. " It a Mustang Cobra half horse - half poisonous snake, feared for it's skills in magic. Idiot!"

3. Dodge Viper - This car runs on testosterone. Panties melt within a 200 yd radius of a Viper. Mind you, I'm not looking, but I like to be looked at.

4. Ford F-150 crew cab 4x4 sport. The truck is just awesome to me. I'd put 33" tires on it.
Every redneck would give up thier Dale Earnhardt swag to be you when you drive by.

Hell, any car would be decent about now.

Cruel intentions

http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,18161866%255E663,00.html

The above link goes to the Bali Nine herion trafficking trial. The two ringleaders recieved death sentences by firing squad the remainder were life in prison. Sounds harsh to western ears, but in a part of the world where shoplifting can get 20 years, not so much. So I thought a little commentary is in order.

I feel little mercy for drug dealers. They chose to traffick in Bali because of the high profit. There is such a high profit because there is such a risk if caught. More than a few Eastern countries offer up a death sentence for brining illegal drugs into thier country and I can't say I blame them. They have seen the ravages of drug abuse first hand and made a hard decision on a hard problem, and who are we to judge? Perhaps we are way too soft on drugs and thier traffickers. How many lives are ruined in our country due the the devastating effects of drugs?

These nine, from 19 to 26 in age, have sent a message that millions will hear: don't bring your drugs to Bali. If nine willing law breakers pay a heavy price for thier crimes, is it worth it?

The saddest part is, I actually approve of the legalization a marijuna. The taxible revenue would do wonders. I think there would be residual benifits I can't even imagine, but if a country takes a hard stance against drugs, should we feel bad about their plight? I can't say I do.

valentine's day blues

I have the night off, but my g/f has to work a double tonight. No Valentines for us. I'm so broke with my car situation right now that I couldn't do anything anyway. While i'm listening to internet radio and eating ramen noodles, I'll be thinking of her.

The only positive of this situation is that I reall need to do laundry.

The completely overblown gas prices make me want to look into electric heat. If I had not had a $250 heating bill, I'd be a tad better off money - wise, the car situation didn't help either....

Guilford College seems to be interested in getting me financial aid to start up this summer. I'm not approved for any yet, so here's to hope. I might actually look good on paper.

Robyn's family sees me like a family member. I guess that's cool, I've been around for about 8 years now and deep down I'm a nice guy.

Nice guys finish last, I need to be more hateful.

one anticipation for another

Dear Michael:

Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that the Admission Committee has approved your application to Guilford College.........

I think reading that sentence was the closest I've come to crying in a long time. My responses have been tempered with the reality that getting approved was only one small step. Now, I must get funded. Then I must do the difficult part. Actually doing it. It would not be unreasonable for me to be able to complete in 18 months. I just hope it all works out.

Robyn is really working hard on her studies. I'm very proud of her. Maybe we'll be getting to the point where we'll be successful about the same time. I know I'm sick of being broke.

Sometimes I feel adrift in the sea of poor life choices I've made. Swimming against a current of difficulties I, myself placed. I think having no purpose is alot like being lost at sea. It seems so hopeless you don't if you should stay the course and hope that you do not succumb to attrition, or perhaps meet you maker early with a quick and merciful death.

Stupidity is like a desert a noon, the unpleasantness of it saturates every pore and there is not one morsel of your body that is not miserable for the experience.

anticipation

I have no clue as to how long it takes for a school to consider you for thier program, but it's been several weeks now since I sent in the transcript forms. After I get approved, if I get approved, I must apply for finacial aid. Without financial aid, I will be unable to finish school. If I can't get up to the next level. I must quit this job as it will not be providing for my needs. I guess the cynic in me is lurking about. I'm seeing to obstacles in my path and they are daunting. I can barely afford to live, let alone do anything else. I came to the realization that if things don't work out with school, I might as well move away.

Putting the tranny in my Crown Vic is going to wipe me out this month. So the other car I want to investigate in a no-go. I decided against trying to by a new car in lieu of getting the Vic going as my source of basic transportation. I figue if I can keep myself afloat for this month, $600 is a big pill in one gulp at my pay scale, but easier than 100-200 a month plus taxes and extended insurance for 3-6 years.

Sunday, Robyn helped me with my spare room. She has a knack for organization that I may never posess. She is a relativly disorganized person, so that speaks volumes against me. She is helping me on the road to being more organized. I help her pass tests. I think all good relationships are ones where strengths and weaknesses are balanced between the two and you help make each other a better, stronger person. It's kind of hard to lift someone up when you're flat on your back, but I do what I can. Now that my back room is all but clean, I can get my exercise equipment in there. That will get me toward another goal. The motivation to do it will all be on me.

I said something this week that made me feel bad. Robyn and I were talking about faith and religon. Neither of us have strong spiritual ties. In fact, our lives to date make us kind of un-religous. She relates more to Wicca, I'm more into Buddism, not for any spiritual aspect, just the philosophy. We talked about Islam and Christianity and how so few people seem to be representig God the it's described. She was talking about how can she believe in God when it seems like every person trying to screw her is a church - going Christian. I said said that emotionally, I want to believe, but if God wanted me to believe in him, he would find away to convince me. Cyclical logic won't cut it if you want me to be convinced of intellegent design.

Sometimes I think religon is like Sata Clause, it's was created with a purpose, it's well thought out, and there's just enough truth to it to make it work. And when you believe, it seems to work. If you really believe in anything, your mind works in ways as to see it. Also, if you're a decent non-believer, you won't try to burst that bubble for those whom thier faith is all they have.

Money and happiness

"money can't buy happiness" - some idiot

My long held belief was that money can buy happiness, but it was argued in such a way that I changed my view just a bit. Money can do a lot of thing that can help you be happier, it can relieve alot of worries, but past having your needs met, more money will not make you any happier. In fact, too much money can bring misery.

Money can't buy happiness does not apply to the people who struggle. Money can buy the destitue some measure of content.