resolve

I've got a lot on my plate this week. One lab report, one class presentation, and I need to start my 20-page ethics final paper. Wow.

My next issue is to get rolling on my studies. I'm almost finished, but damn, I'm tired.

I like to daydream about life in the years ahead. Just a regular old, normal life. Yep, sounds good to me.

heading down the final lap

Yep, the light is at the end of the tunnel for me. I'm nearly ready to graduate with my 4-year degree. I'm heading into the home stretch on fumes and a loud knock in my engine. ie, I'm burned out big time. I'm going to have to put that master's degree on hold until I can get my head back into the game. In 5 weeks I've got to re-take the only class I failed. A&P2 was a beast last time, and I doubt it will be any easier this time except that I know what to do to pass.

diet? wuzzat?

After several weeks of no losses on the scale, I realize I need to re-focus. Starting today, I'm going to map out my meals and days effective tomorrow and include weekly exercise. I'd like to get a really nice treadmill that folds up, but I'm not going to wait between here and there to make it happen.

Back to the battle

I took two weeks off my new "food lifestyle". Now I feel healed and I'm going back to the sensible eating. I'm also going to budget in a few days of active time to firm myself back up. By next next Fall, I want to look awesome.

The end of all things...

February can be a tough month, but not as tough as January. The Winter of discontent is now over. I must play catch up, but a tax return and tuition check will help that.

I decided not to pursue the restoration of the Caddy. It would cost far too much money and I really don't want an old Cadillac anyway. I've also been given way too many offers to keep it. I have nothing at all in it right now, so I can't lose. I've decided quit while I'm ahead.

I think I will always have something to keep me busy. I've always been that way. If I just sit around with no project, I lose my mind. I get depressed without a goal. I see now I may never retire.

battle of the bulge - shore leave

I've been sick for a week, as a result, I've been curtailing my dieting. I think that a person can only really fight one battle at a time, and since infection is life-threatening, the battle of the bulge is in a temporary cease-fire. I've been doing very well, and I think I'm ahead of schedule. Besides, I'm not really binging per se, just indulging a bit more than usual. I probaly won't gain, I'll just won't lose either.

Next Tuesday, I'll go back full blast and probably include some light exercise too.

the losing battle: official update

I actually lost 3 pounds this week. The weight watchers website told me to slow down. It's hard for me to do that. I'm a "hard-charger"type. When I put my mind on something, I do it full-on. That is how I have survived, but now I have to learn to accept gradual change.

the losing battle update: the more you know....

I've been sick this past week and I decided not to count points and try to lose weight this week. I figure if my body needs extra calories to fight diseases and germs, who am I to deny my body for the sake of vanity.... I've lost two pounds this week so far, and weigh-in is tomorrow. How did this happen?

Most weight loss rely on something called a ECA stack. That means Ephedrine, Caffeine, and Aspirin. When taken together, they actually take weight off, but it can be dangerous, even deadly if abused. I've been taking cold remedy all week, which has an ephedrine substitute and a pain reliever similar to aspirin. I also drink hot tea for my throat, that is rich with caffeine. The end result is that I get the equivalent of a diet pill or two daily, which equals weight loss.

I've decided to rebuild my home gym. I don't need much equipment as I am not going to go at it heavy for a while. I just need to get moving and tone up a bit.

school daze

I just realized how hard this last semester is actually going to be. Cell biology will not be fun, A&P2 will be hard, Business Ethics will be super easy, I should prepare to spend most of my energy on CB until I have to take A&P2.


Since I'm graduating soon, I need to think about work. I must get a new job. I wish I could find something with above-average pay, but those seem to be taken.

frustration

I just realized that I can't realistically reach my goals, even after graduation.

bad week for diets

I'm doing great, but I just had a bad week. I was hungry! I'll be surprised if I lost any at all. I think the trick to success in the long run is to give in when you feel you need to, and tighten down the rest of the time. I need to start doing some weight work, or I'll lose a good chunk of my strength.

battle of the bulge

Tomorrow will be me normal weigh in, but it's been on my mind all week. I noticed last week some pictures of people from the 60' and 70's. Just a group of folks from years gone by. Almost none of them were fat like we are now. Rail-thin is what I'm talking about. What happened? We went from a nation of relatively trim go-getters to a bunch of lethargic fatties. I'd say the food happened and recreation stopped happening. Your soda doesn't contain sugar, it contain "high fructose corn syrup" and that is a huge difference. McDonald's 3 or 4 times a week. Sit down meals at a diner 2 or more time a week happened. Bottomless sodas, chips and salsa, bread, premixed microwaveable desserts (they are good), easy mac and delivery pizza.

Next our lifestyles have shifted to one of convenience. People don't do things for themselves anymore....at all. Dishwashers for those rare times you might actually eat at home. Electric scooters for the little fatties. I can only assume it's to prepare them for using the gimp cart at Wal-mart when they get too fat to drag themselves around.

Why am I saying this? Why am I ranting if I have a 40 inch waist. Anyone who knows me know I'm borderline morbidly obese. My BMI is 35, right up there for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and cancer. Why am I on a rant?

I looked in the mirror and said "no more". I saw a picture of myself and realized how horrible I looked. I have a belly covered in stretch marks and a rack that would make most teenage girls green with envy. I have to buy dress pant with the "emergency waist". I go to a place to eat with booths and my gut might be pushing over the table by the end of the meal, and I said no more.

It is a slow process and years in the making. I did low-carb, but it's not easy and it can cause health problems, the up side is I lost a ton of weight fast, and I gained it back fast when I decided I couldn't live without desserts and bread.

I next tried just exercising alone. I lost some weight, but I pretty much just swapped some fat for muscle. The good news is I carried my fat around a bit better, but I didn't slim down. Building muscle makes you very hungry. And when you can't do it regularly, you get flabby again.

So right now I'm doing weight watchers. I can't exercise as much as I want, so I watch what I eat, and do what I can. I eat healthy, and I curb my snacking. When I do snack, I make healthier choices.

I am within a week of hitting my 10% goal. That's the big deal of losing 10% of your total body weight. I wanted to have a goal of 60 pounds off. Just get to 200 for now and see what's up and go from there.

The downside of what I'm doing without exercise is I'm losing muscle too, and it shows. I have a goal of getting some exercise equipment in February. Exercise will help get fat off quick and hopefully, I can curb the muscle loss.

July will come around, and I'll look good in my black robe and mortar cap. When Mr. Wilson starts work in August, he'll need new clothes.

darkest before the dawn

There is an old saying "It's always darkest before the dawn". From a person who has been out in it. It's also coldest just before the dawn.

January is always bad for me. I'm always broke, no matter what I try. This year, everything broke and I had a new bill. I am now in ruins until February. Even gas to get to school will be rough.

I'm so close to finishing school, but it seems so far away. Even after it's all said and done with, I have so far to go before I'm done. So much to catch up and make right, and I'm almost completely drained. Some of those things, I might not be able to make right.

My advise to anybody at this point in my life would be not to wait to make things right and never bend to unreasonable people, in fact, don't deal with them at all if it can be avoided. They'll never be happy no matter how much you try and they'll take everything that makes you happy and destroy it.

Over the course of my life, I've had chances to better myself, to improve my life, and others ruin it for me. The greatest depression is knowing you had everything that would have made your life good, and you let fear, cowardice, and ignorance stand in the way as it slipped past. No apology, plan of action, or good intention can ever repair the damage.

And today is the grayest day of my life, because I woke up to that epiphany.

Updates...

Looks like the truck will be OK, it just needs some TLC on the carburetor. The motorcycle part will get here eventually. So all will be great soon enough.

I lost 2 pounds this week, putting me at 236. My 10% goal is 2 pounds away. Next week should be right at it. 24 pounds is about the same weight as 3 gallons on milk. I have to start exercising if I want any muscle left on my body.

Classes start next Monday and I'm preparing myself for the hard rush. I'll have all my core requirements done this semester. Summer term will be all easy classes.

I'm still being sued, but I've done some research on it and think I think I'm actually OK.

Life is good.

When it rains.....

Wow, what a week! I jokingly posted about January being the Winter of discontent, but it sure is coming true. The motorcycle is broke, truck is broke, I'm broke, and I'm being sued for an old debt. What a way to start '08!

I say bring it on. Let's work all the bad mojo of the previous year out right now before February. I'll take the bad now and coast the rest of the year.

I'm still actually pretty lucky. I have people I love and who love me enough to help me when I'm in a rough spot. Knowing so many people have your back in bad times makes the the bad times not so bad.

I really don't mind hardship, as long as it comes to an end. I think you need rough times to measure how great the good times are so that you never take them for granted. I actually feel sorry for the privileged. What's so great about having it good if you don't know how good you've got it?

quote

The world owes you nothing, and to expect anything else will only set you up for failure. - Wilson

the losing battle

I just discovered how hard the holidays are for diets. I gained two and lost three for a net of 1 lost over the past 3 weeks. I wanted to be under my 10% goal, but I'm still four pounds away. Not too bad, but being able to exercise regularly would help. Getting back on my school routine where I have no harmful snacks everywhere will be good also.

I am a creature of routine, and I thrive on a planned path. I want to be under 200 by July.

hardcore

snack over a crime scene

resolutions?

Everyone thinks about what they want to change at the end of every year. They make a list of New Year's resolutions. #1 is always lose weight for almost everyone. I'm losing weight, no need for resolve there, but I do have a few areas I need to improve upon.

Here are Mr Wilson's goals for 2008:

1. Finish my degree.
2. Get a (much) higher paying job.
3. Quit my part-time gas station job.
4. Live cleaner, lose all the clutter.
5. Two words : flat belly
6. Start paying off debt.
7. Have a "for real" bank account.
8. Buy a real mattress to sleep on.

Those are not resolutions, they are my goals for the upcoming year.

one track mind

I'm not too great of a multi-tasking person. I have limited abilities to focus on a few goals at a time. Last night, I almost cleaned my entire house and I'll be done with that very soon. I've been focusing recently on school and weight loss, both of which I'm doing quite well on. My problem is I become over-obsessed sometimes. I did weight loss before with the Atkins diet and lost 30+ pounds in a few months. I liked the results, although I didn't have the ability to sustain the loss at the time. It eventually became too cumbersome to balance my lifestyle with a carnivorous diet and it failed.

I joined Weight Watchers in early October of this year and I've lost 21 pounds to date. I know I'm doing good, but I like dramatic results. I canceled my gym membership because I don't have time to get there when I'm in school, and if I'm not using it regularly, I'm wasting my money. I almost considered using a diet pill to speed up the process, but that would just be dumb. I like my kidney function right where it is, and if I keep up my current progress, I'll be in pretty good shape this Summer and by next Summer, I'll have a "beach body".

I think our concept of instant gratification dooms us. Gotta have the new car, new house, new furniture, new body right now and worry about the bill when we are in a state of utopia. Why not prioritize and have what you need now and work on what you like along the way?