a master of misery

I realized in the second year of being an ISS (in-school suspension) coordinator, I'm just now hitting my stride. I've learned quite abit about what works and what does not. Now let it be said, I am concerned for the welfare of my kids. I do, however try to make the experience here miserable. If they hate what I do to them, perhaps I can get them to not want to come back.

I have come to discover I have taken jobs that will allow me in some way allow me to be cruel to someone else. My job at the convience store, when I worked it was an inconvenience store. Other employees visited on my shifts to see what kind of crap I pulled. Since I took the shifts that nobody wanted, it was easy to keep my job.

I also worked at a buffet restraunt. I provided the food, and little else. I was the guy who stood in the window and asked if you wanted ham or roast beef. I was a very good meat carver. People would mess with you, so I messed right back. I got reprimanded quite a few times, but I still managed to keep a job because I was the person who carved efficiently an saved them $100 + a night in food cost, worked every night that nobody else wanted, I was meticulous to detail when I cleaned and there were never any "surprises" the next day after my shift.

My longest work was in pizza. I delivered and managed, there was alot of horrible things I did in an 8 year span in moments of anger that I shall plead the 5th at this time.

Then we have Best Buy. Actually, I do everything that is expected of me, but one person hates me. I don't quit because he dislikes me so. I'll quit as soon as I give him a bleeding ulcer. Actually, I'll quit way before that point, I just need to find something more my speed that pays better. Until then, I gain comfort in the fact it crawls all over his nerves to know we have to work together.

I'm sure there must be a compromise somewhere that I can get what I need money-wise and be able to go to school full time to finish my degree.

I question was asked of me. If I'm so hell bent on going to school for forensic biology as my four year degree, why still aim to teach? It was a good question that I have yet to find an answer for. I like working in a school. My pay is rotten, but I just love being here. Even after all is said and done with, this is an awesome job, I feel important, and every once in awhile, I think I reach a few of these kids. In the mean time, I make them miserable.

Rockin' in the New Year.....

In a recliner. I had Robyn's crock pot bbq ribs yum. I watched a Law & Order CI marathon on TV, realized the quirky guy that stars in it was Pvt Pyle from "Full Metal Jacket". Creepy......

School starts back up soon. I'm ready to get back to work. I'm going to be coasting on fumes through January, but I think it proves to me I need to be taking home about double what I am to be comfortable.

I will, funds permitting, go back to college soon. I will do whatever it takes to make it all happen. I could get a BA in 18 months. I'm eager to explore this option.

I contributed to Paul's site...go check it out, the link's in the sidebar.

I still want to write a book but I can't come up with any decent ideas at the moment....more to come. I guess I was always a "prompt writer" give me the topic, and I'll go on for days, try to have an original idea.....I'm screwed. I can think of Star Wars stories, D&D-type stories, Dune-type stories, nothing my own. I want my own niche.

Thanks to Robyn, my bedroom is clean once again.

UPDATES:

Truck: none, Harmon has been in the hospital. Living too wild I suppose.

Work: Best Buy still sucks.

School: finally moved on it, will have everything in motion by Summer session.

School(work): Still love it. Still pays for s**t.

That's all folks! for now.

tis the season....

The holidays have come and gone and I'm on break from school. For the first time in years I attended the Christmas party at my Aunt Alice's home. Alice was my Grandfather's brother's wife. My Great-Aunt. It was a warm, happy place to be. I'm starting to realize my immediate family is really screwed up. Everywhere there was happiness, and joy and it felt good. My parents' house was filled with guilt, and half-hearted attempts at merryment. I would have rather been at home alone than stayed the night there. But stay I did and the only things I got that I liked were the things I already knew I was getting, because they were bought on my Best Buy discount.

I could have afforded alot more gift-wise, but I didn't go overboard. My theory is simple. If they are mad at the fact of how little I spent then they didn't deserve a present anyway. I would not want anyone to go into debt for my Christmas, and believe me, they didn't.

I've to make some New Year's resolutions to break and I wanted to come up with something funny, but I'm not in a funny mood right now. I want to start exercising again, and eating healthier. Those are pretty easy.

My goals for 2006 are as follows:

1. Get in shape.
2. Eat healthier
3. Get a good car/truck.
4. Get back into school.
5. Be a neater, more organized person.

They are all easy and everything has been set in motion to make them happen. All I have to do now is just follow through.

It looks as though my D&D group is now kaput. We went through our current plotline and now the DM is stepping away from the table. It was a good adventure and I am glad I played it. I'm sad to see the retirement of Draco Malestrom, sorcerer extrodonaire, but it was a good run and the door is open for a return. We may play again, we may not. Maybe it's time for a new group anyway. Maybe it's time to give up gaming altogether, only time will tell.

I sent my truck off to be repaired with no news in two weeks, so I guess he's not in any hurry to get it fixed.

Best Buy still sucks donkey balls, I'm going to try to find a better part time job ASAP.

sociology

I took sociology as a humanities course for my AA degree. The teacher said that the trick to sociology is taking a "step back" and finding the strange in the familiar or vice-versa. You stip the famiar terms and labels from anything and look at it for face value and you get an interesting picture. I've often argued that after we are long gone, archeologists from the future will think our culture worshiped mice and our holy city was in Orlando, Florida. Puts a whole new spin on anchient mythology......

I liked that course, very interesting. I liked the idea of understanding the mob and how groups of people function together. A mob functions alot like a person does, however, where there is an inherent concience in a human, a mob has no soul. it can function with detatched emotion. There have been several studies to prove this and it can easily be observed in life. They don't call them soul-less corporate entities for nothing.

bad habits

I'm a creature of bad habit. It seems very easy to get into routines that are not beneficial. My worst habit is more of a character flaw. I'm lazy when it comes to my personal affairs. If it doesn't need to be done, it won't happen. I'd far prefer working hard and paying people to do meanial tasks like laundry and lawn mowing. Even car repair is something I'd rather let someone else handle.

I wake up at 6:30 every morning and got back to sleep until 7. At 7 I lament having to get out of my warm bed and snooze til 7:30. At 7:35 I get up and rush through my morning routine to barely make it to work on time. If I were a bit more pragmatic I could do everything I want and still come out ahead. Put shortly; I am my own worst obstacle. If I could overcome just one character flaw, I'd be unstoppable.

"It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy." - Blink 182

A realization.....

I just came to realize that if I join the NCSECU (North Carolina State Employee's Credit Union), I could easily afford a decent used truck or car. More to come......

In my state of desparation.......

I've decided to let a mechanic look at the truck and tell me what he thinks. This makes for an interesting situation. The only mechanic I know that works on junk cars is Harmon. My mom said she'd help me with the truck if I didn't employ Harmon to repair it. Well the person she reccomended took money and I had to tow the truck home. Now I'm out of ideas. He'll fix it. I'll pay him, and have my truck. More to come.

"One-upmanship"

Sorry Paul, I didn't have my code to log into your site handy, so this goes here.

I wonder how far the one-upmanship will go. By this I mean everythings attempt to "top" everything else in some sense. Tylenol wasn't good enough, we need extra-strength, then maximum strength. I'm ready foe tylenol Infinity - one tablet lasts forever! Elvis & The Beatles were as extreme as it got in the 50' & early 60's, now we have music so vulgar that it even makes me blush.

There has to be a cap to it all, but there is no end in sight, and the further you take it, the harder it is to come back. Simple pleasures should be paramount, revered even. A walk in a park in spring, playing with a puppy, watching the leaves turn colors in Fall, these things are all precious. Wonderful things like children laughing seeing a shooting star, finding a 4 leaf clover, these are the magical things in life.

We've become slaves to pop culture. It's all "extreme" and "in your face". Why does it have to be in your face? We have music that makes you want to fight, TV shows that numb you to everything, books that are never opened, and video games that have our kids vicariously dismembering people and causing wanton destruction for "fun".

And the values have gone away. We were in such a hurry to be rid of them, now they are gone and we see why they are so important. We have mothers & grandmothers raising children and fathers with no accountability. Boys especially cannot grow up proper without a man there to show them the way.

I can only hope we've hit the crest of the "extreme" mindset.

do or die ranger time.

I'm going to put a serious effort between here and January toward making my pickup road ready. I'm pretty sure it's close to finished, just a few bug to work out here and there. I still want to do the V8 conversion, but I'll have to wait for now on that.

Upon experimentation and playing with it. I conclude mechanically, it needs the Idle Air Control and the EGR replaced. I believe that the IAC is faulty, but the EGR was disconnected and has since stuck patrially open. Hence, it will behave semi-normal when warmed up. Now there is the brake issue. I'll get into that one later.

I think I can have it up & going in a few weeks, financing it all is the big issue.

I have failed myself

I didn't get crap accomplished this weekend. I did some good stuff. I help my folks and Robyn, but got nothing really accomplished for myself.

I came to a Best Buy revalation. The job itself is not so bad. I just don't like retail. I don't like it for the same reasons I don't like food service.

1. People are mostly surly, especially around holidays and you have to deal with them.

Now, I believe in customer service, but I'm not the customers' servant. I like to help, but I don't always care for the attitudes.

2. The hours are never constant, nor is the time you get to go home.

I hated the thought that a surge in buisness or a late delivery could keep you hour past you scheduled time. In the private sector, yeah, you have deadlines, but not every freakin' day. And I don't need to ask some scatterbrain for permission to leave when my job is finished.

3. Management is usually very inept and are the cause of reasons 1 & 2.

This needs no elaboration.

4. They pay slave wages.

I find it almost insulting what they expect a person to live off.

5. For slave pay, they expect you to work like you make a killing there.

I guess they try to pump you up for the "team". We're gonna work hard and have fun! Let me explain this, I'll enjoy my job when my pay check is large enough to cover ONE bill. Until then, bite me.

6. There is no accountability. Everybody blames everyone else for the mistakes that happen.

I was actually accused of three separate things the last night I worked with a team. I'll tell if I did something. They know I'll admit too, but I guess they want to see if I'll clean up thier mess. The answer is ususally yes.

7. The people who are not surly are little more than animals and they soil the area around them as though they were marking thier territory.

I have seen more nastiness in Best Buy from full grown adults than I have from the middle school students I deal with at my day job. And I get the worst of the worst kids! I won't even go into detail what I've seen, but if a peron does the kinds of mess I've seen and leaves it for others to clean up, they don't even qualify as humans.

I'm going to get my education completed just so I can earn enough to never even have to step into such places if I so choose.

half-day maddness

The new incliment weather protocol is being used for the school system. We've had two delays and zero ice. I will argue that even though it seems almost knee-jerkish, I'd far prefer err on the side of caution when childrens lives are risked. There is a downside. It seems as though getting to school at 10 vs 8 has an adverse effect on thier behavior. I guess they are lucid enough to be able to buck conformity by 10 instead of getting into the motions while still groggy.

Either way, a shortened day makes for some misery for most of the school and even I'm not immune.

Still haven't won the lottery yet, no end to poverty in sight. Days like today make me think I would quit if I struck it rich. I thought about it, all the kids acting like "buy me something", the school saying, "donation", and parents wanting to sue. There would be people hounding me for money constantly. I'd try to keep it sublte, but I'd eventually give in and buy a luxury item or two and the jig would be up.

I guess that's why they call them "life changing events". You can't do the same things you did before. The rules all changed or they no longer apply to you.

soft job

Paul called Saturday morning and asked if I could help him finish his move. There was no problem there. I was glad to have an excuse to get out of the house. He was moving to cut expenses and looks like he did a good job. It was a funny few loads. Paul is constantly aggrivated by his mom. He agreed to do what she asked and she kept on hounding him. They have a very fragile relationship that is hilarious to witness in action.

He had quite a bit of large items that had to squeeze through small spots. It happened within an hour or so. He place has many interesting features:

1. Upstairs loft.
2. Flooring by Salvitore Dahli
3. Delicious pecans everywhere (seasonal item)
4. Very odd non English speaking Kahzistani refugees as neighbors.

I think Paul may have instigated a Jihaad against himself by trying to shake the hand of the female elder. He may have only married her, thier customs are so strange and beautiful. I guess I'll know next visit what the outcome was.

GEEK-FEST!

What a weekeknd! Quite a few interesting things happened. Friday night I went to the Mebane X-mas parade. I'm not a big fan of freezing my ass off to watch kids stomp down the road and freeze thier asses off, but Robyn wanted to go and I accepted. It was very good. To my shock the opening maching band was the A&T Aggies! They were damn impressive too! It was an interesting surprise, to say the least and I had quite abit of hypothermic fun. The Graham Middle step team performed also. They were really dragging by the time they got to me. I pulled off my hood and said "GO FALCONS!" They turned and saw me waiving and they picked it up a notch. I didn't realize until the walk back that my bad knee had thoroughly stiffened from the cold and it was a painful hike.

At Best Buy Saturday, I found out that my co-worker in the warehouse was going to be absent. Not good. I had quite a bit of work to do but it was ok. If I stay busy, the night moves quicker.

During a shopping cart run in the parking lot, a little Ford Ranger similair to mine came roaring up beside me and parked. Those most familiar with Ranger know they don't usually "roar". I asked him and he quickly explained that it was converted to a 5.0 Mustang GT engine and tranny. I've been wanting to do this for some time and did quite a bit of reading on the topic. He told me that it was way easier than than most internet folk led on. He showed me the engine and explained everything I needed to do to make it happen and it is sort of simple, but I couldn't do it myself. I see a new idea for my truck forming even now......

Sunday was spent at Debbie,s house for her X-mas party. They have a really cute home and the food was great! She always did know how to throw a party. We're all older adults now, nothing crazy, pretty much family and co-workers. Almost every one there was a teacher, so the topics were things I could deal with. Then I was shown Jason's (Debbie's hubby) RPG collection. He and a co-worker/ gaming buddy talked with me about gaming. I was invited to thier game, but I don't think he realized I live 1.5 hours away. I'd be up for a one-shot, but I can't drive 3 hours round trip to game anymore. Wished they lived closer though....

Car-geekery, band-geekery, teacher-geekery, and game geekery, this was a wonderful weekend indeed!

more on creativity

I failed to mention my creative phase. I want to write a book. I've wanted to write a book since high school and had a basic idea of what I wanted to do, but I've never come to realize it. I'm thinking of writing some short stories first. Just to get my juices flowing. I might post them here, I just don't know yet. When I feel I'm up to task, I'll start a novel.

I was always complimented for my writing in school. I was told by several teacher I was gifted in the area and I should do something with it. I think I'm getting close to the time where I will try to use my talents to good use. If I'm lucky. I could actually profit from the venture.

I think I'll try my hand at as many genres as possible untill I find which best suits my style.

A creative phase

I spent pretty much the whole day Sunday at home cleaning up. I got a decent ammount of progress too. I love a clean house. I hate housework though. There were so many loads of laundry done I lost track and I ran out of hangers to put them on. I'd have like to have accomplished more, but I was rather satisfied with what I had finished.

This weekend was too cold & rainy for any truck nonsense. I'll buy the parts I need on Thursday to get get it finished mechanically. I'll have to get someone to work on the non-functioning brake lights. I bought a starter for my long-defunct Crown Vic. I really like those cars. I might be open to buying another one in the future to have as a decent car. I'm really aggrivated with my Honda. I'm mostly to blame. It runs about as good as can be expected.

Work has been work. Best Buy is a lousy retail job. I like my co-workers, management is pretty inept. Almost every problem in the store stems from mismanagement. I think I might be a part of the problem. I bellyache so much about the place that it must honestly lower morale in my department. Pessimism is highly contaigeous and I'm a carrier. School is easy and pretty decent. Most all the staff has warmed up to me. I feel pretty good about being here and I go with the flow. I wish the job paid more, but you can't have everything, right?

It's now Tuesday. My house still looks pretty decent. I need to vacuum and mop, but it just does wonder to your ego when the house is straight, not playing leapfrog over piles of trash and dirty clothes. I like to walk in and see nice, clean, inviting home, not an embarassing trash heap.

long time, no post

My life has been somewhat busy. I also have not had anything good to write about. Everything is in limbo at the moment. My truck still needs parts to be done, Best Buy is still the cancer of retail, my house is still messy, amd I don't know if I can afford to attend school yet.

I think I want to go to law school after my BA. There is a science teacher here still trying to pass the bar and I told him we should get a firm together after I finish. We can call it Jones & Wilson attorneys at law. He really liked the name. I realize that crime & such will only get worse. Why not be a parasitic ambulance-chaser? You can't change the world, but you can profit from its mistakes.

Last week I had a massive jump in readers. My views are up by 33%. This is great news and we appreciate you, the faithful readers for your continued support.

I think I'm going to try to add more stories to my posts. It appears to be a very popular segment.

Anyway, movie review time. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Being a fan of the books, I was eager to see this movie. I was sorely let down by #3. HP4 was far better. My only disappointment is the fact that it is not designed as a stand alone movie. You have to be knowledgeable of the Harry Potter series to fully enjoy and understand it. But it's not too shabby. The wooden "kid acting" is not there. The delivery and timing are great, the movie seems "alive". It is action-packed, yet it has emotion as well. I very much enjoyed it. If they go in this trend, I'd love to see them all made into movies.

I'm ready for the holidays. It would be made perfect if I didn't have to work at a part time job. Just sit at home and chill, listening to Christmas carrols and sipping chai latte's. My sister is getting grown. I'm going to encourage a not-so agrandized holiday season celebration. Warm get togethers, not some pointless pagan holiday extraviganza where the sacrifice is you cash flow for the next three months. It's really all quite silly.

Speaking of holiday spending, I must work Black Friday at BB from 6 til closing. I'm personally disgusted by all the commercialism. "Show the one's you love how much you care this holiday season. Come put your ass in hock till 2013. Merry effin X-mas.

fear is the mind-killer

For the first time, I'm starting to doubt some of the "good" choices I've made. I work right at 60 hours a week and make just enough to barely get by. I'm so sick of being broke all the time. It seems as though any treat I give myself is too expensive and causes a sacrifice somewhere else. My car is garbage. The truck I've been doting over is garbage. I'm sick of it all. Yesterday I wanted to watch tv....no cable. My computer is a borrowed one. Springs are starting to poke out of my mattress.

I realize that at some point my life seems to revolve around doing without and finding way to work more and make do with nothing.

If you can't tell, I'm frustrated. I know my plan would take a few years to come to any positive results, but I figured working my self half to death and not having much of any kind of luxuries would yeild some measure of financial comfort. But no, I struggle every month, even when I don't "splurge". I might have to give up this career path. I can't exist off what I'm being paid. I'm just sick of going through life feeling like I'm spinning my wheels in the mud.

To put it bluntly, something's going to have to give, because this s**t ain't working anymore.

a hard fought victory

After a few months of planning and only a few hours of tinkering, my truck now runs. I don't like the way the tranny shifts rough, and there are no tail lights, but it is mechanically driveable. The problem was a very simple fix, but it took alot of experimenting to repair it. Next, I'll fix all the minor issues and make it road-ready. After I'm 100% sure it's mechanically sound, I'll start the "creature comfort" part of repairing it.

I feel like crap today. I'm half sick.

more talk about me.

When I created TSOTS, wanted to use it for a dumping ground of all my thoughts, an online therapy session of sorts. It seems to be more of a dear diary thing. Not that it bad, but it does make for some interest moments.

"Hey Paul what's up?"

"Not much, how are you?"

"Not too much, man Besy Buy made me mad. I just might quit."

"Yeah, I read you blog....."

That happened, and it was a surreal moment. I'm no stranger to technology, but using the internet as a medium to project my thoughts and such and actually have a person keeping up with it was a very odd feeling. I think I'm going to do more open ended posts that invite discussion. Opinions and such.

On the homefront, I saw a car at a local dealer lot that I really want. It's a red Suzuki Sidekick. I like the 4 door version very much, and the 4-banger engine makes it cheap to drive. That would be all right. I'll check on it, but I seriously doubt I can get it.

It seems as though they want to give me hours at BB again, I could work all day if I wanted to on Sunday, but that won't happen. I'll probaly offer up myself a bit more to "catch up" and get ahead. Techinically, I work three jobs. A 60 hour work week is rough at best.

When you get to the point that yo work 6 and 7 days a week, it feels like you never stop. There is no "me" time and that, for me, is a crucial thing. You get tired, burned out, and you stop living and start exisiting. All your 'free time goes to housekeeping and bill paying.

I've been working as I do and trying to get back to school because I want the free time.

update...sortof.....

I'm writing to say there was nothing to write about. Haloween sucked and it sucked so bad that not only am I not going to write about what happened, but I may never observe the holiday again.

There was a delay in getting my afterschool pay, so it didn't come on the current check. I was told it should come to us this week.

My car is dying a slow, horrible death. I might try one last time to ge it fixed right, but then I might just try to hold on to it until I can just buck up and get a better car. My truck is as dysfunctional as ever. I'll make a serious effort on that soon.

I've gotten to a point in my current gaming group that I really like playing again. My sorcerer has gotten to a level where he has come unto his own. This has been the most challenging for me to play to date. I like RPG's. It might make me a geek, but it's having a mini vacation from reality for a few hours. In a make-belive land far away, I'm making a difference and having a Hella good time too.

I've been too broke to have done anything else recently.