paradigim shift

I am well aware I put myself in the situation I'm in. Broke, out of shape ect. I'm more than willing to work my way out of this rut. It just seems so daunting a task.

I see a certain amount of futiity n my job these days. Nobody ever seems to get better. They all get in trouble again and come back to me again. I work them to no end, they still can't behave in class. I was a complete jerk when I was their age too. I did just mean things I regret to this day. Like in 4th grade when we were getting crushed in baseball, a little girl named Amanda hit a one in a million shot and got a home run. That should have been her moment of glory....should have been. When she rounded second base, past me, I tripped her. She skinned up both her knees and her forearm. She liked me quite a bit and it made her cry. My punishment was I had to sit out the last of the game and get silent lunch. .

As an adult, I feel a certain deep remorse for that act. I appologized and she accepted, but we were never really good friends after that. I felt like the status quo. Just ruining someones wonderful, shining moment for the sheer fact that I was mad that it wasn't me. Like keying someone's band new car the day they get it, or running through a sand castle at the beach. I deserved to be hated, and I was.

The funny thing about being a hated outcast, it makes a very nice chitinous shell around your emotions. My personality was tempered by years of abusive relationships. I think my fall from grace was in 8th grade. I tried to be good, to be a good, God - fearing little boy. 8th grade was not a good year for me. After being in private school for three years, I was sent to the worst school in the area and the kids just ate me alive. It was the most miserable time of my life. Then my Grandmother died. I was keeping the faith. I knew God was testing me and I had to stay strong, just like Job in the Bible. Then she died. I prayed and prayed and cried and prayed some more. I wanted to make sense of it all. Then it hit me.There is no sense to be made. It isn't fair and it never was. Good has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Well, yes it does. Good is important, but that has nothing to do with churches or books that contradict themselves.

The some of kids who made my 8th grade experience pure hell were church goers too. God didn't tell them to treat me nicely. God told them to beat me up for my lunch money. Obviously God wasn't talking to both of us. My conscience was talking to me, and they either ignored theirs or never had one. When you pray, it is an emotional wash cycle. You feel better and cleaner, until you go out to play again and soil your conscience.

I spent 30 years wanting to believe in God. Maybe there is a God and he got mad and quit. He only wanted Sunday off and we couldn't even give him that. So he said I ain't doing 7 days a week. This place can go to Hell as far as I'm concerned. And it has.

Maybe God is just our conscience. That little nagging voice that tells us if we're doing the right thing. Just listen to your conscience and you'll do just fine. What about those with no conscience to speak of?

the car racket

I think Paul had a great idea. Clean up old beaters and sell them at a premium. I'd like to do biodiesel cars, but whatever makes money would be cool.

Coke Blak = Me Yak

I had an impulse to buy a bottle of Coca-Cola Skat, I mean Blak last Sunday. I like a lot of coffee-flavored things. Ice cream, frappacino, and those frozen drinks the book store sells. I was kind of intereste to see what a coffee-flavoed soda would taste like, and I sure found out......it tastes like ASS! I would not be surprised if a few shallow graves were dug outside the Coke Co. R&D facility after this tasty little treat was unveiled to the board of directors. It seems like a frat prank gone wrong. I have to believe they just gave up on this one. It suxs. Quite possibly the worst things I have ever ingested. I could not finish an 8-oz bottle. It was as if pure evil had been given a flavor, and that flavor is Coca-Cola Blak. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go boil my toungue.

Grease monkey fun

I forgot that being a cashier can be fun. A guy came into buy boxes and after the price quote he asked if they were lined with gold. I said no, but I fill them to the top with happy thoughts. My co-worker thought I was hilarious at least....

U-Haul rentals are also fun. People are mad as hell when they go to rent a moving van and find the prices outrageous. Renting a UHaul truck for two days is much cheaper than buying a box van or hiring a moving company. Still people expect certain things for free.

Working with the public reaffirms my long-held belief that I hate people. Loud, ignorant, insensitive, selfish, over-bearing people that walk around with a sense of entitlement and a chip on their shoulder. The type of people who walk around, acting like everyone owes them something. They all rent UHauls.

Although the job itself is rather simple, I can see where it would be trying. But not everyone is horrible, I met a very nice older woman that works as a prison guard that had a nail in her tire. Seems kind of odd that she would wear make-up to such a job. Hmmmmmmm.....


On the exercise front, I'm always wanting to try new things to improve my results. The sad part is, I've not really been doing this long enough to notice any real results from anything. I am becoming more aware of my general nutrition. I'm chugging down a lot of water, milk, multivitamins, and protien powder. I'm hoping for the "6-month difference" and the "one-year wow-you're-not-the-same-person pictures". I'm pretty serious, and I'm doing what I know how to do, but I don't know how great my long term results will be.

results!!!!

A co-worker at school asked me if I had been losing wieght today. I'm so happy. I think the milk and sensible breakfast is making a huge difference.

I checked out a private gym out in the country that is way nicer than I could have imagined. I mean fully equipped. If Paul and I exceed the home gym's capacity, it will be my first choice.

I might just up my cardio to expidite my fat loss. I can wait for huge arms, I want the belly gone yesterday!

calories & math

I've learned the calorie formula recently. For men, body wieght x 10 - 15 = caloric intake. The 10 - 15 varies for physical exertion (how much you exercise).

example: me 250 x 13 (I workout 3 times a week, fairly intense) = 3250 calories/ day that is a lot to choke down, but when you consider that one of my favorite thing food-wise is to eat an 8 piece box of Bojangles fried chicken with two buiscuits and that can hit 3k easy. Hell, the two piece box with fries, buscuit, and sweet tea can run 1600. But oh God, it's sooooo good.

Anyway, I have to consume 3,250 calories daily to keep a wieght of 250 lbs. So if I have an ideal wieght, say 200 lbs. I must consume no more than (200 x 13 = )2600 calories a day. Eating normally (out) can make that difficult. The best idea is to workout more and increase you metabolic rate say 200 x 15 = 3000. Let's just say I just exercise more, 3250 / 15 = 216. An athletic 216 lbs is nothing to sneeze at. I think I'd like to eventually be around 180. To reach this goal, I'll need to take in between 2160 - 2700 depending on the intensity of my activity.

3 day split

Paul and I are in our first week of the three day split workout. We have now started our 6th week of working out. Whereas I cannot see any difference in my body, I can feel a difference in my overall condition. My stamina is increasing, my strength is returning, I sleep like a baby, and I have a greater desire to accomplish stuff. I really wanted to improve my health, and I have been. Now I'd like to see some of these improvments. I guess I have to get my body fat down.

I have a pretty good beakfast routine, I eat oatmeal, have a multivitamin, and drink a glass of milk with a scoop of whey protien in it. I need to work on lunch as I have no routine for it, I should probably plan for some salad. I drink a lot of water, 64 - 100+ oz. daily. If I don't eat out with Robyn, I usually just do either chicken or pork chops with plain rice. On workout nights, I do extra protien supplement before bed. I hope I'm growing muscle while I sleep.

I'm pretty sure I'm well on my way to looking and feeling the way I've always wanted. Even two days after my last workout, I'm still muscle sore. The weight is a concern too, I'm gaining. I guess I should diet I'm up to 248, but I feel very good. I guess it will come. If a man if 250 out of shape, it's ugly. If he's 250 of muscle.....wow. I really don't think I can be 250 fit, but I'll see what's up in 6 months.

Discipline in schools

As many people know, I am an In-School Suspension (ISS) teacher. I think about child behavior and how to make kids act properly in school. I don't think the problem is all the kids. The parents of misbehaving children need to beheld accountable for their children's actions.

I don't know about you, but I only wear my seabelt because I hate those $75 tickets. You have to hit them in the wallet.

My idea: For kids who are constantly absent/ tardy for school, unexcused past 5 a quarter gets a fine to the parents. If a child is a constant discipline problem, and it seems as though the parents are not taking adequate steps to teach their childen to behave, then on the next tax season, the parents won't be allowed to claim the children on their income taxes. Failure to attend meetings for school issues is a warrant-bearing offense just like failure to appear in court.

You make it a hassle for them to not raise their kids and you'll notice a difference.

Also, not disciplining kids seems to make them angry and poorly adjusted. I have seen the before and after both ways.

on child support

Just yesterday, I posted on my concept of a real man. You can tell alot of full grown children made babies from the lack of child support. I don't see what the big deal is, it was so important to make the babies, why not raise them to be good adults? At the very least pay for them so thier mom's can raise them.

Why? Because they can get away with not taking care of the responsibility they made.

I have a solution. Make failure to support your children a felony. You're up for non support? No jail. You're going to PMITA prison. Tell al the other inmates that he's a child molester. If the deadbeat survives about 6 months of that, I'll bet he'll do whatever is needed to get his children what they deserve. If they murder him in prison, the kids get SSI checks and college tution assisstance. At least they'll have a better chance than with Mr. Deadbeat. Either he makes a good example or we make a good example out of him.

give 'em an inch........

I've learned one valuable lesson in my time working with kids: Set the standard of expectations high. There is no other way to prepare students to be achievers. Not to mention middle school students rarely try to exceed expectations. If anything they excel in attempting to fall short, or to see how much they can "get away" with.

This past week our school loosened the dress code for students. They are allowed to wear shorts so long as they are at least to the knee and not gym-style shorts. Today we have gym shorts dress code violations.

My only argument is that as educators, we have a responsibility to prepare these students for their adult lives. Life does not offer compromises. The power company won't "cut you some slack", they'll just cut off your lights.

Middle school prepares you for life. The rules are stict, students are harsh with each other and it's pretty dismal. The people who suceed are the ones that cut a niche out for themselves.

But if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

real man.....

I've been saturated from birth by what a real man should be. These concepts that our culture holds dear, that a real man should be tough, strong, protective of his home and family, handy with tools, sports loving, beer drinking, keeps the kids in line, and handles the buisness in general. A real man comes home after all this and doesn't complain about his life.

A real man needs to be then tough one at home too, he's the griller, the carpenter, the landscaper, and the mechanic. The real man is the bread winner and the home provider and would rather be beaten to death rather than have another man handle his buisness. A real man has a wife, not a baby's momma, he doen't have to travel farther than across the house if he wants to see his kids. The real man does things that his kids admire and they want to be just like him. He seems like a genious, taking apart complex things that no longer work and make them function "as good as new".

A real man gives to his family first, himself last. He knows that people see him not by how he looks, but by how his kids look. And he does it all for no reward other than knowing he's doing the right thing, his family loves him for it, and that's good enough for him.

That was always my idea anyway. I don't see alot of those anymore. Daddy's still doing his thing, Mommy is somewhere else struggling to keep it together and the kids suffer. There are a lot of full grown boys out there that never take on the honor of being a real man. Doing so, he never finds his real woman, and if he finds her, he leaves her because it's "too much to handle".

I've seen what happens too often when a male adult refuses to be a man and it's sad the damage a full grown child can do in a man's body. He gets a woman pregnant, creates an obligation, and abandons it. And though he may leave he still teaches his child how to be his version of a man. They learn to run when it gets too tough, never to live up to the full potential they have.

My Mom's first mariage was to a boy, and they had me. Her second marriage was to a man, I call him Dad. He stuck it out over all those years, good, bad, and worse. He taught me what a real man does for his family. He taught me that when you love a woman that has children, they are a part of the package and you take care of them as your own. He's not perfect, but I always knew his values were in the right place and the fact he tried was good enough. I would not be where I am today without his example.

So to John Wilson, thank you.

NC inspection license

As part of my new job as a Sunday grease monkey, I have to become a certified vehicle inspector. It was great way to clog up my evenings during my spring break. Not too shabby however, it was very amusing the first two nights and quick the last two. After seeing it first hand, I now feel it's all a sham. But ripoffs are great if you're the one on the take.

Yeah, yeah, it's good to make sure a car is not a death trap, but being a death trap afficianado, I think rattletraps are getting a bad rap.

Anyway, the stuff is super easy, it's all computerized. The stuff you need to look for is in a reference book under the computer. On the visual inspection, you upsell everything you can. Fuses, light bulbs, oil changes, fresh air in the tires.....

I've worked in a few convenience stores in my day, but never an actual service station. I think it will be ok. I think I can benefit there much better than I did at Best Buy.

Spring break? From what?!?!?!?1?!?

This whole past week has been my "break". Break from work? I love my job. At school, I'm important, needed, respected, and somewhat feared. I want a break from reality. The one where I'm a broke-ass that can't seem to get it together. The one where I drive a basket case of a car, and can't seem to get a break at all. This week I get a full dose of it.

College is 2k a semester. Don't know which ass I'm going to pull that out of, certainly not my own. I looked for loose change last week....nothing. I am, however, accepted ,registered and I even have my first schedule. I feel like I'm trying to climb a house of cards. One mistep will send me and everything I've worked for tumbling down.

During our spring break, Paul and I have taken a rest from lifting. We're going to start back with a more advanced routine. I've felt a difference and Robyn says she's starting to notice the difference. My gut is still huge in the way you think of gods as being big. I guess I'll have to take what I can get for now.

On our last workout I told Paul I was considereing shaving my head since I'm so bald anyway. He said you might as well, you're pretty much there now. I guess he's right. I keep my hair, what's left it, very short. I'm waiting until after June 7th (last day of school) to do it.


Robyn rented a car to visit a friend of hers. A new Ford Explorer. Now as much as I would prefer have another vehicle, it ain't too bad. It is possible that my idea of a nice car has been skewed. An intact windshield, a/c, and a stereo puts it into Bently status for me.

The seven week stretch before summer vacation starts this next Tuesday. Oh, the joy begins.

so little time/ cash so much to do......

I must admit, before I leave Best Buy for good, I want to put a new stereo in my car. The darn thing will never look good, but in the next two years driving back & forth to college, I'd like something nice to listen to while on the road.

I complied a list of what I nee to make the car good for my needs. They are:

1. Stereo & speakers
2. Air conditioning
3. Carpet
4. New gear select cable
5. Mufflers

All in all, about $350 - $600 to make it plush. It will still be ugly, but comfy to drive. It's a darn shame I can't salvage the body. It could be pimped out nicely. Not that I pimp out cars, but it could.......

If the car hold up well, When I get a newer car, I plan to put the drivetrain in my ranger that may never move again on it's own. It confuses me to no end how this truck could be made to run down the road by my tinkering and after one day, I cannot duplicate the results. Harmon wants the big bucks involved in doing an engine swap, which would probably run well past $1,000 before I "clean it up". I'm starting to consider just getting a good pickup when I finish school.

Last night I hit a milestone in my workout. I did squats. My knees have been shot for 10 years and since I pretty much gave up on workouts because due to injury, I couldn't do my two exercises: squats & deadlifts. Twelve years ago, my routine was five days of cardio workouts and two wieght training days. I either jogged, bicycled, or jumpped rope. On lifting days, I did bicep curls, squats, dead lifts and ab crunches. It worked for awhile, I was pretty skinny. Even when I was getting chubby, it wasn't jack compared to what I am now.

I'm feeling my body change now. My muscles remember what isolation exercises feel like. I'm starting to be able to work the groups of muscles I need to for each exercise properly. I feel sore where I know I should feel sore. When I lifted last night, I felt the muscles burn when they were supposed to.

I started upping the protein too. After much study on good supplements, I came to a conclusion: I'm not ready for the powders, mixes, and power bars. I'm going another route. I drank milk. An 8-ounce cup of milk has 8 grams of protein. After I started cooling down, I drank a 16-ounce glass and had a snack. Before I went to bed, I had another glass of milk. The proteins in milk are supposed to be slower acting proteins that your body absorbs over a longer stretch of time, several hours. I'll try this for awhile and see if it makes a difference.

I was told the human body can put on 1 pound of muscle a week. Hell, I'll take half a pound right now. But If I could build a pund a week, I'll be losing 3-5lbs of fat every week too. If I can make that a goal, I'll be on target to me looking right come my birthday. By the start of the next school year, I should be in the best shape of my life.

I want, just once in my life, to go up to someone, flex, and say "Put down the dictionary, I've got the definition right here." or "Somebody grab the sewing kit 'cause I'm ripped" and it actually be true. Now I'm more like a malprop.

cash struggle

I'm trying to intentionally go skimpy this month so I can afford a few things from Best Buy before I quit. Namely, I want a stereo for my car, After that, I'm done with them.

I got my cat Friday, her name is Trinity. She a black domestic short hair and very personalble. She was very shy when she was first left with me, but quickly warmed up. She likes to sleep in the bed too. Whoever owned her last fed her people food, she's all over me when I'm eating.

It looks as though I'm going to the beach next weekend. I'm looking forward to a few days off. In a couple of years. I'll be able to go more places, take real vacations with Robyn.

I gave away my lazyboy recliner to Paul. He needs it more than I do and I have too much furniture as it is already. Now don't get me wrong. I like it, I just have no place to put it. I won't lose the leather recliner, which is a close second favorite. It only won because it matches what I already have. There is so much more to get rid of too. Sometimes, your posessions own you. They control your life.

It's getting to yard work season again. I'm going for broke this year. I'm going to get it all staightened out. Everything must go.

update

Exercised last night, Paul is ready to step up the intensity. I want to get in better shape first. I'm still feeling the workout if done right. Last night was a good workout. Everything I did made me sore today and I was able to work even though I strained my shoulder Tuesday.

As far as changing the routine, I'm studying up on split routines. A split routine is where you work only a few muscle groups during a workout instead of all of them. I'm doing a total body routine because it is what you need to get into shape. Split routines are for more advanced lifters. Honestly, Paul is probably more than ready. He's in better shape than me body fat-wise. That is kind of ironic since back in the day, he was the fat one. Now I'm the fat one. It doesn't help that I have a desk job either.

I talked to a teacher at school about lifting and he gave me a few pointers. One thing he told me was I need to up my protein intake to build muscle. His formula is one gram of protein for one pound of body weight. I weigh 240. That's a lot of effing protein. When I get to a satisfactory fitness level, I might start doing supplements. Right now it just seems a bit much.

I get a visit from the Humane Society today about the cat I want to adopt. She's a big black cat named Trinity. She seems quite personable. I'm a cat person.

I started cleaning up the yard yesterday. I'm going to get it right before Summer, and the back porch too. I want my yard to be cookout ready. The grill calls to me even now.....the fire...........

Back to exercise, I'm noticing a difference already. With any luck, by Fall, I'll be returning to school a new man. Mainly not a mouth-breathing tub of lard. I want the flat belly, toned arms and such. I'll admit, I don't want to be fat anymore. Being 245 never bothered me, if I was 245 no belly I'd be ok with that. 245 of cut muscle is not an easily attained goal and possibly not realistic. A flat stomach and toned body is, and that is my aim. If I'm still into it later on, we'll see.

lost.....

Monday I lost my cell phone. I spent all day Tuesday without it. That was the first time since 1998 I've been without one. It's kind of weird going a day without it. I remember a time when I didn't have one, they are such a convienience. It's easy to take for granted how useful they are in day to day life. In fact, I'd much rather do without my land line phone than not have a cell phone.

I can live without internet access, cable tv, even a car. Hell, I was homeless for awhile last year, but it hit me like a sack of bricks to be without my cell phone for one day. I read a book called technopoly for class one year. It states that technology eventually defines culture and we become used to those things. After a long period of having a technology, we take it for granted.

The wheel, fire, and literacy were all new technology at one point in time. We all take those for granted.

the Monday roller coaster

The good, bad and ugly yestrday.

I'm adopting a cat from the humane society. I hope it works out ok. I'm a cat person. I played with her, shes a black cat that meows alot. Tons of personality

I lost my cell phone. I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it, but I'll be out or contact with everyone until it is found or replaced. i can't remember anyone's number without my cell phone either.

Two weeks in....

Paul and I have been exercising for two weeks now, and I'm actually starting to feel it. I like the sore workout feeling in my muscles. We both have different ideals, but the same goal. He wants to look good, I want to be healthy. However these are two sides of the same coin. By working out so that he's not the fat guy in the garage, the weightlifting and aerobics will make him healthy, burning fat and toning up will make me look good.

I'm physically stronger than Paul, but I feel I have the biggest problem, I'm way fatter than him. The size of my gut alone makes crunches hard and situps nearly impossible. He said something I was thinking about. : The first thing off is the last thing you put on. The only place I'm especially fat at all is my belly. Gut first, then I guess I lose a chin and get my cheekbones back, if I actually lose that much fat. By Summer vacation, I'll have have 3 months of working out under my belt. That should be enough for drastic improvement. I hope so.......

I wish I had done a good "before" picture so as to gague my progress.

grease monkey

I'm going to go to work at Paul's garage. Best Buy will have to go away, or so it seems. In the end, I find I like Best Buy, and the people that work there. It is hard to leave when I've worked with so many really nice people. One idiot ruined the experience as a whole. In the end, you have to do what's best for you. I can work 3 days/ all weekend at Best Buy and have the money I need from the job, or work Just Sunday at the garage and get almost the same cash.

I offered to work Friday nights to help with the truck, I don't think they will accept the offer, oh well. I guess I'll have to get my car stereo next week when I get paid.

after flu fatigue

Wow. I think this was the first time I've been really sick in years. It just knocked me for a loop and even though it feels like I'm only cycling through the symptoms and cleaning my system out, I feel like I had my @$$ handed to me. My arms feel like rubber even as I type this.

I want to work out tonight, but I fear a relapse if I over exert myself.

The group came over last night. I think we have a strong dynamic. I think there is the makings of an awesome group. I look forward to the new adventure.

the big flu throwdown

I've been sick since Friday. I'd been trying to fight my way throught it all and losing horribly. I had a very high fever on Sunday - Tuesday. I've had very little sleep. What I had was sporadic and fitful. Monday I pulled out the big guns..... NyQuil Tuesday I I went no mercy....DayQuil. I feel pretty good today. My fever broke, the cogestion is loosening, my headache is gone, and I'm back to work. After a three day diet of juice, water, popcicles, and pseudoephedrine, I'm just lucid enough to perfom the mudane tasks of my job.

The vicks brand of drugs is a name you can count on.

NyQuil -
The licorice-flavored
liquor - laced
take a shot and slip into a coma medicine

I have recently discovered that NyQuil is psuedoehedra - free. It's not as effective as it once was. But DayQuil still gets to you. It does not relieve cold symptoms, it get you so high you do not care that you are sick.

game night...

Tonight we roll up our characters for the new game. I'm quite excited. I like the idea of expecting company. It makes me want to clean house. I just need to vacuum when I get home tonight.

Paul ducked out of lifting with me. It's all good, he was tired from working a very long shift and it gave me more time to prep up for the game. We'll be ready for a Thursday run.I actually lifted a little yesterday to see what I still had. I was actually pretty happy with the results of my half - hearted, cold workout. I feel very confident about a 3 month goal for fitness, 6 months to be in good overall shape.

Bill money is tight this month. I blew a good chunk of my income on my car. At least I have a dependable ride again, albeit ugly...... I still have water light and phone to pay for this month. I have just enough to eat with, so I'll survive.

I was explaining pizza work to a kid at school yesterday and I realized,,,, I like making pizzas and I'd love to make one. I'd work at a pizza restraunt again just to get to make a pizza. Taking the raw dough ball and slapping and spinning it into a delicious dinner treat. I'm going to get a recipie for doughballs and make some pizza's one day soon.

Dayum....

Rough weekend! I had to work all weekend and got scant little accomplished. On Saturday, I slept in, but Robyn droped by, we ate together, then she took me to the local outlet center and bought a set of sheets for my new bed. I guess she figures they'll be hers again eventually, she's right.

We went to Shake and Steak on Saturday night after work. That place is getting so bad, I'm actually rather cook a whole meal at 1 A.M. rather than endure that. Waffle Houses have better standards. I must admit, I like thier burgers and milkshakes very much. But the food was skimped on, and the service was horrible. At the current tred of declining service, I half expect for the waitress to pistol - whip me with a ketchup bottle, steal my wallet, and throw me through the front window. I'm not going to be eating there for awhile to say the least.

Paul gave me a set of tires for the back of my car. 275/60/15's a very wide tire. I think they look pretty cool. I need some 235/60's up front and I'll be set. Upon putting tires on the car, I discovered I had 4 different types of tires on the car, which would explain the poor handling. That improved drastically with the new tires. Thanks Paul!

I want to look into putting AC in the car. Honestly, no more than I drive, I could have her up and running for a few years, why not be comfortable. A radio too! As a pizza car, it would have lasted maybe a year and a half tops. A year and a half in pizza terms is a bit over 50k miles, which is a good return on a $300 car. My pizza days are long over, and now it makes sense to actually mantain a car. Too bad it wasn't the other Crown Vic, I liked it better.

I'm going to do a piece on pizza driver logic.

I watched two movies on Sunday after work. Dungeons and Dragons 2: The Wrath of the Dragon God. D&D 2 took a step away from the first movie, It had a better plot, unfortunately D&D 1 had better budgets, actors, directors, & special effects. Had D&D 2 been given the the same chance D&D one had, it could have been a hit. Honestly, I've seen better attempts with film school freshmen projects. Hell, the average Xena episode had more to offer. I was left feeling as if two hours of my life were raped from me.

Next in queue was Mr. and Mrs. Smith, this was by Brad Pitt and Angellina Joilee. This move had an interesting concept: to assassins, working for rival hit squads, are married to one another and has no clue of the others' true identity. This is an obvious action - comedy. The ammount of detail as well as the quality of acting and directing is excellent. They knocked this one out of the ballpark. I found myself laughing at several points in the movie, which is big, since I usually do not laugh.

On a sad note, I was told that X3 is being directed by Ang "I made The Hulk" Lee The fact that any employee of Marvel would even consider eating at the same McDonald's Ang Lee had visited, let alone allow him to make a movie in the highly lucrative X-men franchise, is proof that Jesus died in vain (thanks Mr. Cranky). I can't imagine anything short of a train wreck.

When I work all weekend, I feel so drained. I can't keep this up forever, but I won't have to......

a test run....

I lysol-bathed my *new* mattress and let it air dry last night. After that, I actually set the thing down and tested it, just to see if I could get used to it. Two hours later I woke up and went to bed. Falling asleep was not what I meant to do, but I would dare say it is a good sign I'll enjoy the bed.

I have way too many things that require more money than I have this month. The Car wiped me out, but I'm actually quite happy with it so far. Bills on the other hand.....

the morning after

I got the car back. She's powerful. Harmon neglected to tell me he set the tranny up to go in a hot rod it shifts at higher rmps.. It performed best on the interstate test. It takes around 9-10 seconds to get to 90 mph and coasts at 85 in overdrive. This is not your granny's crown victoria. It was also sitting for several years, so it took a bit of driving to loosen up. After driving for about an hour it was doing everything it needed to do I think I'll be quite happy with her for the time being. I gotta clean it off and out though, it is totally nasty after being sat in a field in the woods for about a year.

Paul and I did the big run last night and now we have beds to show for it. I thought they were queens. One was a queen, the other was a king. That king sized matress was a beast, I decided then and there that it was Paul's. The queen was firmer anyway and I need a firm bed.

I'm a little sore too. I didn't get to bed until after one, so there are some fatigue issues today. I'm working all weekend at Best Buy, so there will be no good time to rest up.

Robyn is sick and I felt bad that I couldn't stop and stay longer last night. I hope she follows her own good advise and rests up.

....

Alot has happened and will happen this week.

I get the Crown Vic back this today. I just had to pour and extra $300 in it due to the power steering giving out. It was leaking before I parked it, so not too much surprise there. Just a few more minor things and she should be good to go for awhile. As ususal, this project is taking more than I can afford, but at the same time, I can't afford not to have it running.

This Tuesday, we talked about running a new D&D game. I think the magic is there for a great group. I was worried about schedule conflicts, but it seems like a perfect fit for me. I hope for the best. The last time I played with the fellow who's running was the best gaming experience I've had to date.

Tonight, I'm pulling a late-nighter, I'm helping Pual do quite a few mutually-beneficial things. I hope to get a few car-related things accomplished too.

Paul and I will begin working out shortly. I've been pigging out and just making horrible eating choices. I'll wean myself back into healthy stuff soon, but I want to do everything gradually, so that it becomes natural routine.

Wow, is the weekend really over?

Alot and not much happened this weekend.

1. Got the Vic back, but the leaky steering gearbox went out, so I'm stranded yet again.I'm going to be hurting money-wise for this month. I was supposed to get tires, a muffler & inspection done on the Vic, but that will have to wait.

2. Paul dropped by to see the proposed workout area Saturday, we are both motivated to start this. I didn't get the work I started Thursday finished.

3. Robyn helped me get alot done on Sunday, but we never got finished. I ran my tail off getting the part to put the CV back together and getting it to Harmon.

4. I worked Saturday morning at BB before the store even opened. Found out I was to help do things in the store that I had never been trained for and that hadn't been done properly in about 4 months. I started, got a little bit finished, and that was all I could muster.

The weekend was over and done before I knew what hit me.

serious exercise

Paul has shown an interest to start exercising with me. I got in the best shape of my life at 19 with Paul's help. Maybe we can re-capure the lightning 12 year later. I cleaned out a room for working out, then I needed to clean my equipment.

I have a Weider home gym, one of the cheap ones that I paid $200 for in 1993. It has been rusting on my back porch since I moved to my current home in 1998. I dragged it into the room, disassembled it, and used a wire brush attachment on a power drill and knocked off a good chunk of rust an the paint that had flaked up. I then cleaned and sprayed the brushed areas with rustoleum. Then I put it back together.

I ingested a good bit of rusty dust and spay fumes while doing this, and my chest is a bit congested today and my mucus is black. I ache from the efforts. Moving that stuff around is a real workout. Next week we'll be moving some of his equipment to my house, that will be a real workout too.

Robyn suggested that I get a new home gym instead of messing with that old rusty one. I agree that the seems like a good idea, IF I keep this up. If I do not follow through, then it will have been a waste of money. Why not fix what I have and go at it? If I keep it up, reward myself with better equipment. If we started right now, early March, I could be trim and fit by the start of school this fall. I'm going to get Robyn to take a before picture of me and I'll print it up to keep me motivated.

Harmon is actually working on my car, but he's taking his sweet time. He says he could be finished today. I hope so. I need wheels this weekend more now than ever. i'm not going to do much more than keep it road worthy. Only one of the poewr windows work, I think I'll fix those and put in a stereo. If I can afford a better car a little bit down the road, I'll transplant that powertrain into my ranger.

Am I shady?

Robyn has commented in the past that I'm a very shady person. I do things most people would not do. I enjoy things that wouldn't normally be enjoyed by a "nice" person. I think of laws as guidlines more than actual limits to behavior. We talked about some of the shady things I've done as an adult. I wonder sometimes if I'm evil. There are several degrees of good, why not several degrees of evil? Here goes:

1. My car insurance expired last August.
2. I stopped driving it in February.
3. I pick up furniture out of people's yards.
4. I took a ladder from a buisiness once.
5. My day job is punishing kids. I like it more than I probably should.
6. I kept a convienience store job for years just because I liked to screw with the customers.
7. I can be very selfish.
8. When I have a person I dislike, I pull no punches making them miserable.
9.If I get road rage, I relax myself by imagining slowly torturing the person that cut me off.
10. I'm not sure I feel emotions the same way others do. I think my ability to empathize is not very well developed.
11. There are a lot of things I would do, but I don't want to go to jail.
12. I file share.
13. I've pretty much broken all of the 10 commandments and had fun with it too. I have not killed anyone that I know of....

I've noticed older people can get away with more too. I got stopped in February for having expired tags and no insurance. I played dumb and he let me go. I thought for sure I was going to get arrested. I was also stopped at a license in December with no insurance and revoked tags. They never even checked.

Maybe it doesn't make me evil, but I'm not exactly a boy scout either. I think I weigh consequences vs. results, morales aside, if the outome is better than the consequences of the risk, I do it.

disgusting proof

Thismakes me sick.

"Record executives have hesitated in the past to embrace digital singles because they feared that consumers will cherry-pick songs instead of buying the whole album." <--- just one snipette that just angered me. They wonder why so many people are stealing music. You're not paying $15+ for an album. You're paying $15+ for one, maybe two songs that are decent and the rest is filler. They want you to buy the garbage.

I need an editor.

I think that some of my material is great, but a bit rough. I need some polish to make my rate gems shine. I need an editor, or at least patience enough to proof read and run spell check.

sigline

I guess it's time to realize your wit is wasted when no one notices your Latin tag.

thanks Nate

I watched the video clip on my friend Nathan's site about the scientific seach for immortality. I found it depressing. There are so many questions that go unanswered for this.

If you can find a way to live forever:

1. Would you want to?
The first knee jerk response is yes. But what if you get bored, everyone around you dies, you're lonley, ect? The human condition is centered around the concept of a finite lifespan. Altering that alters us as humans.

2. What about overpopulation? If people stop dying, we got some problems. Earth can't fit all of us unless we stop breeding.

3. What does it speak of religon? If we really don't "have" to die, then what? Was God wrong? Was He ever even there?

The people were mostly atheists. They were spouting ideas I have only thought and kept to myself. The thought of nothing after death saddens me. Coming to the realization I won't get to talk to my long dead grandmother again, or go to whatever afterlife is like having grief all over again. It makes you question everything.

One of the scientists put it nicely. In a nutshell, he said just don't know what's out there and we have no reason to believe we know until it happens to us. If you die and there's nothing, you don't find out, you're just gone. He stated that he just didn't care to take that risk. Not that he had any choice, but he backs the research to prolong life indefinitly. He even supports cryogenic suspension "just in case" he doesn't get to that breakthrough during his natural lifespan.

I have made it very clear that I'm more agnostic, but I'm leaning toward atheism. I want to believe, but I can't bring myself to believe. I'm far too cynical.


Either way, it was an interesting clip and worth a watch, despite my feelings on the subject matter in general.

I guess I would try it, but I wouldn't want to spend forever alone. If everybody was doing it....wow.

Hey, I haven't seen you in 800 years! Drop by tomorrow, we have some catching up to do.

You know, law enforcement would be different. You've been found guilty of __________, your sentence is you lose your immortality. You get put on an island where you can't get whatever mojo you need to keep you young. Then you grow old and die. To live in a society where you never had to die, then be brought to terms with your own mortality that would be a horrific thing to grasp.

Nasty synergy

I've been working seven days for three weeks and I'm burning out. Best Buy is not a hard job, and I've come to enjoy it at least a bit. I still don't want to work there.

Robyn has been picking me up at night. Sometimes we go eat afterward. Last night we went to Shake & Steak. A guy came in as we were getting out food that cleared out half the restraunt. He was smoking a cigar.

Cigars do not offend me as much as cigarettes do, but still not what you want stinking up the whole place while you are trying to eat. He had a very creepy mannarism to him also that I can't quite put my finger on, it was like all of his actions were memorized an rehearsed, but acted with no feeling or sense of purpose.He was disheveled, dirty, and unshaven, his teeth were the color of mottled storm clouds and he smiled alot, they looked as though they were carved from mashed potatoes. As if they were just firm enough to hold their shape. His double chin was like a pot belly, round and overlapping. He drank a chocolate milk and puffed his cigar between sips and I could only imagine how nast that combination must be mixing in his unhealthy gullet. He could make Jabba the Hutt look svelt and dapper. I felt dirty just being in the same building with him. I mean dirty. I wanted to.....

1. Brush my teeth.
2. Shower.
3. Blow my nose.
4. Wipe my ass.
5. Wash my hands.
6. Eat a salad.
7. Change clothes.
8. Exersice.

I wanted to do whatever was needed to not be like that. The sickest part, was there was nothing "over the top" gross about the guy it was just a really good combination of small stuff. Nasty synergy - where the total output of grossness as a combined package is far great than the nastiness of the individual parts. He had nasty synergy. I want to put a poster of is repulsive ass on the inside of my front door, so that I am motivated to diet, exercise, acheive, and practice good hygene.


Jim has told me that we may be gaming again soon. An old familiar gamer may be joining us. Dave, the guy who ran the first two D&D games I played in with Jim is interested in joining up. We'll see. Working two jobs and finding a common free time could be tricky.

If I can wrangle a free day, then it'll all be good. The ideal time would be Staurday nights. Robyn's working, all my "normal" friends have off as well. Only I don't have Saturdays off...... The only sure day for me is Tuesday of Wedensday even so, I'm not sure I want to play every week.

My car is close to being finished, meaning Harmon called me to tell me that he was putting my car in his shop and will be working on it this week. We'll see.....

denied

At 15.5k a year, I make too much money for financial aid. I guess the 13 and change after taxes is more than enough to live on and to better yourself. I like to break it down. S here it goes....

15,000 <-- what I made.

13,500 <-- after taxes

- 10800 <--- annual living expenses that include: rent & utlilites ONLY.

____________

2700 <--- is my annual superflous cash...too bad I have not ate, nor bought clothes, nor put gas in a car.


4200 <--- is $30 a week in gas and a reasonable food allowance for a year.

- 1500 <--- the annual deficit from my day job vs. my living expenses (which are not extravigant) hence my part time job.


So, although I cannot afford many things in life, I must put myself into debt in order to have a better quality of life.


You know, if I were not a white male, I might be eligible for aid under my circumstances. I won't spend too much time sulking, or assigning blame.I want to find a way through this and succeed.

baby steps

Last night, I went home with the resolve to clean up all my main rooms, then after dinner, my knee started killing me. I'm mean barely walk pain. I sat out and played a little gunbound, talked to Robyn, and listened to some XM. About 10:00, my knee felt better, I cleaned my kitchen and it looks good again. I'm going to want to detail scrub the floors at a later point. The downside of grout is it is usually put in the homes of poeple who are neater and more together than I am.....and for very good reason. They require care and upkeep to continue looking nice and I'm not much on that stuff.

My parents want me to do work under their house. I did some of it last week. A heating duct fell and has turned the crawl-space into an incubator for the most foul mold.I was under there for 15 minutes and came out with a headache and a low grade fever. Now they want to me to go back and repair the duct as well as run a vapor barrier. I want an oxygen supply and a hazmat suit.

2 weeks.....no car

The fellow working on he CV is taking his sweet time, as expected. I've learned I'm not as dependant on a car as I thought. I won't really NEED a car until I go to college. The Vic is a comfortable ride, but not practical. I was thinking about my ideal car. They are as follows.

1. Mechanically sound
2. Very cheap on gas
3. Affordable price wise
4. Comfortable.

If price were no object and I could afford whatever. I do have a list of cars I'd preferr.

1. Hummer H2 - I just like them. Nothing says "I have more than you!! nyaa nyaa nyaa" like the H2.

2. Mercrury Merauder It is a souped up Grand Maquis / Crown Vic, Basically a 4 door luxury Mustang Cobra. Does Mustang Cobra sound wierd to anyone other than me? It's like something Napoleon Dynamite would have drawn. " It a Mustang Cobra half horse - half poisonous snake, feared for it's skills in magic. Idiot!"

3. Dodge Viper - This car runs on testosterone. Panties melt within a 200 yd radius of a Viper. Mind you, I'm not looking, but I like to be looked at.

4. Ford F-150 crew cab 4x4 sport. The truck is just awesome to me. I'd put 33" tires on it.
Every redneck would give up thier Dale Earnhardt swag to be you when you drive by.

Hell, any car would be decent about now.

Cruel intentions

http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,18161866%255E663,00.html

The above link goes to the Bali Nine herion trafficking trial. The two ringleaders recieved death sentences by firing squad the remainder were life in prison. Sounds harsh to western ears, but in a part of the world where shoplifting can get 20 years, not so much. So I thought a little commentary is in order.

I feel little mercy for drug dealers. They chose to traffick in Bali because of the high profit. There is such a high profit because there is such a risk if caught. More than a few Eastern countries offer up a death sentence for brining illegal drugs into thier country and I can't say I blame them. They have seen the ravages of drug abuse first hand and made a hard decision on a hard problem, and who are we to judge? Perhaps we are way too soft on drugs and thier traffickers. How many lives are ruined in our country due the the devastating effects of drugs?

These nine, from 19 to 26 in age, have sent a message that millions will hear: don't bring your drugs to Bali. If nine willing law breakers pay a heavy price for thier crimes, is it worth it?

The saddest part is, I actually approve of the legalization a marijuna. The taxible revenue would do wonders. I think there would be residual benifits I can't even imagine, but if a country takes a hard stance against drugs, should we feel bad about their plight? I can't say I do.

valentine's day blues

I have the night off, but my g/f has to work a double tonight. No Valentines for us. I'm so broke with my car situation right now that I couldn't do anything anyway. While i'm listening to internet radio and eating ramen noodles, I'll be thinking of her.

The only positive of this situation is that I reall need to do laundry.

The completely overblown gas prices make me want to look into electric heat. If I had not had a $250 heating bill, I'd be a tad better off money - wise, the car situation didn't help either....

Guilford College seems to be interested in getting me financial aid to start up this summer. I'm not approved for any yet, so here's to hope. I might actually look good on paper.

Robyn's family sees me like a family member. I guess that's cool, I've been around for about 8 years now and deep down I'm a nice guy.

Nice guys finish last, I need to be more hateful.

one anticipation for another

Dear Michael:

Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that the Admission Committee has approved your application to Guilford College.........

I think reading that sentence was the closest I've come to crying in a long time. My responses have been tempered with the reality that getting approved was only one small step. Now, I must get funded. Then I must do the difficult part. Actually doing it. It would not be unreasonable for me to be able to complete in 18 months. I just hope it all works out.

Robyn is really working hard on her studies. I'm very proud of her. Maybe we'll be getting to the point where we'll be successful about the same time. I know I'm sick of being broke.

Sometimes I feel adrift in the sea of poor life choices I've made. Swimming against a current of difficulties I, myself placed. I think having no purpose is alot like being lost at sea. It seems so hopeless you don't if you should stay the course and hope that you do not succumb to attrition, or perhaps meet you maker early with a quick and merciful death.

Stupidity is like a desert a noon, the unpleasantness of it saturates every pore and there is not one morsel of your body that is not miserable for the experience.

anticipation

I have no clue as to how long it takes for a school to consider you for thier program, but it's been several weeks now since I sent in the transcript forms. After I get approved, if I get approved, I must apply for finacial aid. Without financial aid, I will be unable to finish school. If I can't get up to the next level. I must quit this job as it will not be providing for my needs. I guess the cynic in me is lurking about. I'm seeing to obstacles in my path and they are daunting. I can barely afford to live, let alone do anything else. I came to the realization that if things don't work out with school, I might as well move away.

Putting the tranny in my Crown Vic is going to wipe me out this month. So the other car I want to investigate in a no-go. I decided against trying to by a new car in lieu of getting the Vic going as my source of basic transportation. I figue if I can keep myself afloat for this month, $600 is a big pill in one gulp at my pay scale, but easier than 100-200 a month plus taxes and extended insurance for 3-6 years.

Sunday, Robyn helped me with my spare room. She has a knack for organization that I may never posess. She is a relativly disorganized person, so that speaks volumes against me. She is helping me on the road to being more organized. I help her pass tests. I think all good relationships are ones where strengths and weaknesses are balanced between the two and you help make each other a better, stronger person. It's kind of hard to lift someone up when you're flat on your back, but I do what I can. Now that my back room is all but clean, I can get my exercise equipment in there. That will get me toward another goal. The motivation to do it will all be on me.

I said something this week that made me feel bad. Robyn and I were talking about faith and religon. Neither of us have strong spiritual ties. In fact, our lives to date make us kind of un-religous. She relates more to Wicca, I'm more into Buddism, not for any spiritual aspect, just the philosophy. We talked about Islam and Christianity and how so few people seem to be representig God the it's described. She was talking about how can she believe in God when it seems like every person trying to screw her is a church - going Christian. I said said that emotionally, I want to believe, but if God wanted me to believe in him, he would find away to convince me. Cyclical logic won't cut it if you want me to be convinced of intellegent design.

Sometimes I think religon is like Sata Clause, it's was created with a purpose, it's well thought out, and there's just enough truth to it to make it work. And when you believe, it seems to work. If you really believe in anything, your mind works in ways as to see it. Also, if you're a decent non-believer, you won't try to burst that bubble for those whom thier faith is all they have.

Money and happiness

"money can't buy happiness" - some idiot

My long held belief was that money can buy happiness, but it was argued in such a way that I changed my view just a bit. Money can do a lot of thing that can help you be happier, it can relieve alot of worries, but past having your needs met, more money will not make you any happier. In fact, too much money can bring misery.

Money can't buy happiness does not apply to the people who struggle. Money can buy the destitue some measure of content.

politics.......

I guess that as you get older, politics become a part of your life. The interest in them at any rate......

I'm voting straight democrat this election year just to see if we can get enough Dems in the house to oust "W". We need relief from his madness.

Let's see what's happening......

Offers up NCLB (no child left behind) that not only does not work, he had funding cut for public schools.

Wages a war that nobody can justify. Even after being admitted that it was started on falsified information, it's still going on.

Says it's all for promoting democracy, yet our war supplies come from a communist nation, China.

Our constitutional rights are being trimmed away.

The Supreme Court is being filled with like-minded people. I can only assume it's to rid us of those pesky rights so "W" can be charged.

We've sunk billions into a war on terror that is not helping us. We are not any safer now that we were at 9-11, nor will we benefit from it in any way I can figure out. At the same time, we cut eduction, federal aid to students, and social security.

Corporations and special interests now control the United States and most likely have for a very long time.

loose change

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2023320890224991194

Loose change is a 9-11 conspiracy theory documentary about 1 hour long that get you thinking. There is some hokey science at play there but there are also some good points and interesting facts.

I myself am fairly internet saavy. I've seen jokes and hoaxes galore to the point that they become glaringly obvious at first glance. The statments mde and the argument presented make me wonder what's up. I actually want to research it now.

This title not to be confused with my bank statement........

water.....

I'm back on my water kick. I have a 64oz insulated jug at school I sip on all day. My bad sleep habits keep me from getting up in time for a good breakfast regularly, so I guess that going to bed earlier will be my next thing.

My workout room wil be prepared soon and I'll beging my slow path towards getting in shape. Even as we speak, the Vic is getting the tranny work done and it will be road - ready hopefully by the end of the week. In the mean time, I'm coasting on fumes.

I recently found an older Mercury Grand Marquis, as in 1984 older, that apparently has 34k original miles, If this be the case. It is a very rare find indeed. Buying it and getting the beast on the road will be quite a feat considering my limited resources. I would sideline the vic project but I already told the mechanic to start on it. I might just sell off some stuff to get it all together. Two running cars: the pizzaman's dream. With Robyn's car reaching th 240k mark and falling to Hell, I might need a spare really soon. And maybe a year down the road, I'll do the ranger v8 conversion.

I said it before, I feel like I've hit my stride in my day job and it only stands that I should move upto a point where I can get more pay. With more money, i wouldn't be worrying with all this BS.

yeah, I'm a slacker

I'll have my Crown Vic on the road again soon. Yeah, It's ugly as sin, but I think it will be a very reliable vehicle with a new tranny. I originally wanted to put the engine in my Ranger, but I wanted it to go in with fuel injection, but Harmon doesn't feel comfortable doing it. He's more old school like that. So, if I want him to do the V-8 conversion, it has to be carbed.

I'e been told the Mustang GT is an ideal match, but darn hard to find a whole car that is worth it as a parts donor. I have actually seen one of these and talked to the man that did it. "Not too easy, but not as hard as you'd think for a whole custom swap. Almost everything matched up perfectly." And it was a beast, too.

Since I'm on a junkyard budget, I'll wait untill the perfect deal comes up. I missed out on a perfect 302 for $100 dollars.....oh well. That project will need to wait abit, I suppose. If I can hold off on buying a car, I might try to get a motorcycle. They are much cheaper on gas after all.

Resolutions....

Last year, I resolved to take up reading books again. Sadly, I say again, but I've never been a big reader. I'm an excellent reader, but I never really had the time. Last year, before my house burned down, I was reading Interview with the Vampire. I have yet to find the book again so I have not picked it back up. Before Christmas, I picked up Dune, Herbert Walker's sci fi masterpiece. I didn't have much time to dive into it and honestly, it can be a rough plow at first. I'm over half way through and finding my self upset that in less than a week, I'll be done. I like to savor the text. I allow the words to soak in and give me a deep, vivid mental image. I usually only read in bed, I might need to change that ritual, give myself an hour or so before bed time to read. When reading myself into mental exhaustion, I fall into dreamy sleep. I like that the most.

Last night I slipped into a dream of walking the deep desert of Arrakis. I stayed to the rocky areas and watched the great worms in the distance. One was being ridden by a Fremen to some unknown, hidden sietch.

I'm slowly hacking away at my spare bedroom/ junkpile. I planned on geting into shape and being more organized this year. When the room is cleaned out, I'll be more organized and I'll convert it into a workout room. Working on two at once.....

The last one was school. I procrastinated to the point that I need to re-apply for financial aid, but I did apply, my trasncript request has been filled. Now I'll re-do my aid papers as soon as my new W-2's come in. By the second week in February, I'll be done with it all. Then, in two years......I'll be 34 and I'll have all the tools at my disposal to carve out a decent life for myself.

favored cars

I'm having to do the car scramble this year. Not a fun thing, but the Honda is falling appart at the seams and Isn't really worth fixing. I was hoping to do something decent with it, but it just won't happen now. I'm not close enough to a solution on the ranger. So with little less than a few hundred I can throw at the problem, and not really being in a "make payments" stage of finance. I'm going to put a tranny in my old '91 Crown Vic police cruiser and drive it for awhile. It's big, ugly, and beat up....everything execpt the motor, that is. It has a fine EFI 5.0, and the interior is not too bad either. With a decent stereo, I could drive it a few years.

I have owned/ had regular use of the following vehicles in my life.

1. 1966 Oldsmobile 442. My first car. It was a cool old muscle car that was too much of a project the day it was bought. Unfortunately, it was a great source of grief. My Dad and I referred to it as a "thosemobile" since it was an odd model that you could not find parts for.

2. 1979 Monte Carlo. This was actually my mom's car, but I drove it alot while waiting for parts for the thosemobile. I did like this car alot.

3. 1982 Ford conversion van. My Grandad's pimp ride. It was a heaving hunk of garbage that he let me borrow from time to time. It was a rolling motel. Perfect for teenage dating. Personally, I'd kill the boy that drove up to pick up my daughter in a van knowing what I know now.

4. 1979 Datsun B210 hatchback. My mom's paper car, and my back & forth car after keeping up the Old's was too much.

5. 1987 Nissan 300 zx. A very sweet ride. I liked this car the most of all.

6. 1983 Datsun 280zx. "ghettolicious" just called ghetto for short, mostly because it looked like a ghetto, toren to shreds, scary-looking, and illegal. It had an exaust leak in the car and I may have suffered brain damage from the carbon monoxide, but past that it was the fastest car I've owned.

7. 1982 Datsun 210 sedan. As big of a piece of crap as this car was, I loved it. Super cheap on gas (35 +). Alas, if I had the money to upkeep this car, I'd prolly still have it today.

8. 85 & 89 sentra project. I bought two Nissan Sentras for under $300 and wanted to "make a car" one had a great body, the other had a great engine. I messed up the wiring harness. Other wise, I did good. But the car project was a failure.

9. 92 Crown Victoria. I bought this car for $600

10. 91 Crown Vic. A monsterously powerful ex-cop car that has a bad tranny.

11. 1985 Honda Accord. This should be an awesome car....but it's an awesome disaster.

12. 1985 Ford Ranger shortbed. A fixer upper that was a hit and victim then burned down. A shame too, it had great potential....

13. 1985 Ford Ranger longbed. Undaunted, I bought a $200 project truck. I've not done too much with yet.

14. 1980 Honda CB650. My first motorcycle. It was garbage, but I loved it.

15. 1983 Honda Magna 750. A very fast bike indeed.

16. 1996 Honda Magna Deluxe. This was my only brand new vehicle. I sold it to afford college and I miss it dearly.

I promised myself 2 things. When I get my BA degree, I'm buying a new car, then I'm buying a motorcycle.

of things lost

I was cleaning out my junk room this week. I find it amazing how easy it is to hold onto useless things "just because". If they were to be lost, it's like "oh well", but you can't physically part with these things. I wish I knew what makes a pack rat horde things.

I chucked three of the 30 gallon trash bags full of crap. Old pillows, stained shirts, power cords to electronic devises I may or may not own. I even have old raggedy furniture that is of no use to me, but still, someone gave it to me......

I guess I'm just a recovering packrat. I need a packrat support group.

Hi. I'm Michael, and I'm a packrat.

Hi Michael

Yeah, I've been keeping too much stuff. I don't know how it came to this. It just piles up and I can't get rid of it and I don't know what to do with it. I can barely walk through my house any more. I went into a closet yesterday and ....it all happened so fast....the contents came pouring out and crushed fluffy! I knew I needed help.

Well, maybe not quite that bad, but you get the idea.

The burning question was "If if store it away to the point where it is inaccessable, do I even really own it anymore?"

realizations galore

My efforts to return to school have been redoubled. I just realized that I could be making double what I make now in under two years if I go ahead and get it done.

I'm sickened that the cost of everything has doubled but my rate of pay is the same. In 1996 I was getting paid about $10 an hour, worked 35 hrs a week, and I was on top of the world. Today I work 60+ and I mostly broke. What happened? Corrupt government. A dirty criminal and his cronies are in the White House today and look at the mess. Wages have not significantly increased in 10 years, but everything else has.

In 1996:

1. Gas prices in this area ranged from .95/gal - 1.25/gal

2. Dinner for two at a restaurant like Applebee's was under $20.

In 2006:

1. Gas prices range from 2.25/gal - 3.00+/gal

2. A dinner for two at Applebee's is $35 - $45.

AND WE'RE STILL GETTING THE SAME CHECK FROM 10 YEARS AGO!!!!!!!

Oil & energy companies are reporting record profits. Yet almost every other sector is taking a beating and nobody else sees the connection. What do we need to do as a country to make this work? If people could live comfortably on one job's wages, you could have a better job market. I know I don't want to work any more than necessary.

I would daresay that two simple fixes are needed to give this country a much needed boost.

1. Get better control of our energy needs.
2. Legalize a certain substance and use the taxable income, which is in the billions, to fund other gov't programs.

Of course holding all current lawmakers accountable for the actions of their laws would be nice too.

XM 3 day trial

On Sunday, I did a 3 day trail of XM. I liked it. I thought subscription radio was a silly idea, but it's really quite nice. About 100 crystal clear, commercial free stations that play non-stop. Sounds cheesy, but I'm really considering popping for it. I've had a pretty bad problem with broadcast radio.....it's horrible. Too many commercials, the same 12 weak songs all day. I listen to mostly talk radio since the rest is almost completly un-listenable. I don't want to spend any more money, but I figure what the heck 13 a month won't kill me.

Dark Days Ahead

The Winter of Discontent is January for me. I get paid twice in December due to the holidays. I get caught up, buy a few presents, and then try to ride out January without another big check untill February. My car is a disaster. I won't put anymore money into it at this point, and it could die at any moment. My truck is in limbo untill Harmon recouperates so that's a no-go. And even if it were to be fixed, I can't pay for it. I have just enough food and cash to make it through. I know that my returning to college relys on my ability to A). Get financial aid, and B). Have a reliable means of transportation to get me there.

On the positive front, I talked to my manager at BB. She'll give me more hours if I open up my availability. I'm cool with that so long as I don't have to run into the idiot I've had problems with. Since he mostly works in the morning, I don't see that as a problem. He could mess it up for me though, so I might need to just explore other options.

It looks like my RPG days are over. I put out an offer to run a game for awhile and nobody went for it, so I give up. I've tried to get a group together with miserable effect in the past and I refuse to put such effort into something like that again. I'd consider walking into a pre-assembled group, if the situation was right.

I think my healthy step this month is to drink more water and plan healthy meals for lunch and breakfast. I think 1/2 cup of oatmeal or an egg will do. Lunch will either be grilled chicken or pork, or a salad. Sugar and starchy foods are my weakness. When I cut out sweets and bread I drop weight like mad. Next month might be exercise time. Since I won't be hosting a game now, I'll take the junk room I was going to convert into a game room, and make a wieght room. I need to be in shape before I shave my head.

A part time job with purpose

As little as BB pays, everyone is all happy with the discount (which is quite nice on some items), Just about anything you want is sold so close to cost that there is no discount at all. Best Buy makes all it money on service contracts, accessories, and services(computer repair & home delivery). Since there is no discount on computers, cameras, or media (movies music & video games) there is no real perk to working there. I need a place to work part time that I can get a useful discount. Maybe a clothing store. Yeah, that would be a pain in the butt, yet it would be sweet to get decent clothes at dirt cheap prices. Maybe I'll do a little pt job-hopping to get what I need out of life as cheap as possible.

stagnation and the greatness of nothing.

I guess my problem these days with writing is a lack of inspiration. You get into little routines that eschew all creativity. There is no sitmulation, no growth....and nothing to write about. Writing about the fact I have nothing to write about. Ironic.

Some kid in ISS once said "I don't see how you do it. How do you sit here all day?" Easy, I get paid to sit here all day. Everything I do revolves around the fact that the better I do my job, the less I have to do. I love efficiency. My Mom says I'm lazy, she should know, she's an expert on the subject.I argue that actually getting as much as possible for minimal effort in a virtue....working smart, not hard. Now when I figure a way to make doing next to nothing profitable, I'll be set. I want to be a consultant, a counsellor, or a lawyer. All get paid a tidy sum for nothing.

Nothing can be good. Nothing left to work on, nothing left owed, nothing to regret, nothing to worry over. There are nothings for which we can be grateful. When there's to do, you can do what you want.

I work three jobs and go to collge right now so I can have more nothing time later. Oh my sweet nothings......

12-step New Year's resolution

Not as in being an addict, but I realized that people do not adjust well to lots of change. Gradual change yields the best log term results. I thought about it and it makes sense. pick a New Year's goal for yourself, say....lose weight/ be healthier. Figure out what you need to do to achieve that and add one new aspect a month. So as to get used to it. After a diligent month, it is a routine now, aka a habit The two main aspects of weight loss are diet and exercise so start out simple.

January - Eat a healty breakfast every morning

Febuary - Start scheduing two days a week of exercise nothing rough a brisk 20 minute walk. a bicycle ride, an aerobic tape in your living room.

March - Start drinking you daily allowance of water.

April - Give up one unhealthy thing, or at least cut back.

May - Eat a salad for lunch at least half the week

June - Add a third excercise day.

July - Give up another bad habit, like eating before bedtime.

August - Add two "workout" days to your exercise regimine ie light weight training do them on exercise days.

September - By this point, your health should be way better, go from light workouts to strenious workouts.

October - Make a major change, like only eat sweets once a week or something of the sort.

November - Look at yourself and how far you've come along and see what you need to change next.

December - When you have maintianed your goals and now you may have very well gone from couch potato to athelete, figure out what you want to change next year and make a 12 step goal chart.

I think this one will be mine......

House keeping....

Robyn lived up to her end of helping me clean up and start getting my "sheet" together. Unlike normal, where I start at the front (main rooms) and work back, she started at the back and worked forward. The result? My bedroom is really clean and all my laundry is now under control. I'm only a short time from getting the major chunk of the house under control. During my sparse time at home this week I actually did upkeep and it felt great. It'd hard for a person like me to get organized and live neatly. Anybody who knows me knows why. I did not grow up in a neat and organized house. I grew up in a filthy wreck of a home. It has been a long ambition of mine to not live in such a manner, but it's so hard when you never learned how.

I'm going to try to get a better part time job soon. Best Buy is not cutting the mustard. Not enough hours, not enough pay, and too much grief for as little a paycheck as I get.

Now onto a different subject. At the age of 31, male pattern baldness has me tight in its grip. I would like to do something about it, but I'm not up for iffy surgery, smelly concotions you slather over your head daily, or drugs that have questionable results or dubious side effects.... I love the commercials though......

Restorex, the one a day, hair restoration pill.

Are you bald? Do you feel depressed, and anxious in social situations due to your thinning hair. Have you tried everthing with little to no results? Ask your doctor about restorex.

Restorex is the once a day pill to regrow your hair. Only a small percentage have no effect. Women may not take restorex due to hormonal side efeect.

Possible Side effects in men include constipation, diarreah, dizziness, imoptence, rectal bleeding, and tooth loss.

Finally, an easy way to regain that youthful head of hair....just in time for your funeral. Schedule an appointment and see if Resroex is right for you.


Have you ever noticed that the side effects on the new drugs make the ailment you have seem kinda minor? Just pain ol' scary to me. Take a pill for hair loss that give you the runs, take a pill for the runs and it gives you headaces, take a pill for the headache that makes you dizzy, take a pill for the dizziness that makes you fart. If you stop taking all that mess, your hair falls out but then you feel great. I cannot fathom sacificing my health for the sake of vanity.

Since I'm sick of my hair horseshoe-ing on me, and I don't like pill-popping, I'm considering shaving my head. If I do, I'll have gone through every extreme in my life, hair-wise, from long to long gone. I have yet to work up the nerve. I might do it over the Summer, certainly not now.

a master of misery

I realized in the second year of being an ISS (in-school suspension) coordinator, I'm just now hitting my stride. I've learned quite abit about what works and what does not. Now let it be said, I am concerned for the welfare of my kids. I do, however try to make the experience here miserable. If they hate what I do to them, perhaps I can get them to not want to come back.

I have come to discover I have taken jobs that will allow me in some way allow me to be cruel to someone else. My job at the convience store, when I worked it was an inconvenience store. Other employees visited on my shifts to see what kind of crap I pulled. Since I took the shifts that nobody wanted, it was easy to keep my job.

I also worked at a buffet restraunt. I provided the food, and little else. I was the guy who stood in the window and asked if you wanted ham or roast beef. I was a very good meat carver. People would mess with you, so I messed right back. I got reprimanded quite a few times, but I still managed to keep a job because I was the person who carved efficiently an saved them $100 + a night in food cost, worked every night that nobody else wanted, I was meticulous to detail when I cleaned and there were never any "surprises" the next day after my shift.

My longest work was in pizza. I delivered and managed, there was alot of horrible things I did in an 8 year span in moments of anger that I shall plead the 5th at this time.

Then we have Best Buy. Actually, I do everything that is expected of me, but one person hates me. I don't quit because he dislikes me so. I'll quit as soon as I give him a bleeding ulcer. Actually, I'll quit way before that point, I just need to find something more my speed that pays better. Until then, I gain comfort in the fact it crawls all over his nerves to know we have to work together.

I'm sure there must be a compromise somewhere that I can get what I need money-wise and be able to go to school full time to finish my degree.

I question was asked of me. If I'm so hell bent on going to school for forensic biology as my four year degree, why still aim to teach? It was a good question that I have yet to find an answer for. I like working in a school. My pay is rotten, but I just love being here. Even after all is said and done with, this is an awesome job, I feel important, and every once in awhile, I think I reach a few of these kids. In the mean time, I make them miserable.

Rockin' in the New Year.....

In a recliner. I had Robyn's crock pot bbq ribs yum. I watched a Law & Order CI marathon on TV, realized the quirky guy that stars in it was Pvt Pyle from "Full Metal Jacket". Creepy......

School starts back up soon. I'm ready to get back to work. I'm going to be coasting on fumes through January, but I think it proves to me I need to be taking home about double what I am to be comfortable.

I will, funds permitting, go back to college soon. I will do whatever it takes to make it all happen. I could get a BA in 18 months. I'm eager to explore this option.

I contributed to Paul's site...go check it out, the link's in the sidebar.

I still want to write a book but I can't come up with any decent ideas at the moment....more to come. I guess I was always a "prompt writer" give me the topic, and I'll go on for days, try to have an original idea.....I'm screwed. I can think of Star Wars stories, D&D-type stories, Dune-type stories, nothing my own. I want my own niche.

Thanks to Robyn, my bedroom is clean once again.

UPDATES:

Truck: none, Harmon has been in the hospital. Living too wild I suppose.

Work: Best Buy still sucks.

School: finally moved on it, will have everything in motion by Summer session.

School(work): Still love it. Still pays for s**t.

That's all folks! for now.

tis the season....

The holidays have come and gone and I'm on break from school. For the first time in years I attended the Christmas party at my Aunt Alice's home. Alice was my Grandfather's brother's wife. My Great-Aunt. It was a warm, happy place to be. I'm starting to realize my immediate family is really screwed up. Everywhere there was happiness, and joy and it felt good. My parents' house was filled with guilt, and half-hearted attempts at merryment. I would have rather been at home alone than stayed the night there. But stay I did and the only things I got that I liked were the things I already knew I was getting, because they were bought on my Best Buy discount.

I could have afforded alot more gift-wise, but I didn't go overboard. My theory is simple. If they are mad at the fact of how little I spent then they didn't deserve a present anyway. I would not want anyone to go into debt for my Christmas, and believe me, they didn't.

I've to make some New Year's resolutions to break and I wanted to come up with something funny, but I'm not in a funny mood right now. I want to start exercising again, and eating healthier. Those are pretty easy.

My goals for 2006 are as follows:

1. Get in shape.
2. Eat healthier
3. Get a good car/truck.
4. Get back into school.
5. Be a neater, more organized person.

They are all easy and everything has been set in motion to make them happen. All I have to do now is just follow through.

It looks as though my D&D group is now kaput. We went through our current plotline and now the DM is stepping away from the table. It was a good adventure and I am glad I played it. I'm sad to see the retirement of Draco Malestrom, sorcerer extrodonaire, but it was a good run and the door is open for a return. We may play again, we may not. Maybe it's time for a new group anyway. Maybe it's time to give up gaming altogether, only time will tell.

I sent my truck off to be repaired with no news in two weeks, so I guess he's not in any hurry to get it fixed.

Best Buy still sucks donkey balls, I'm going to try to find a better part time job ASAP.

sociology

I took sociology as a humanities course for my AA degree. The teacher said that the trick to sociology is taking a "step back" and finding the strange in the familiar or vice-versa. You stip the famiar terms and labels from anything and look at it for face value and you get an interesting picture. I've often argued that after we are long gone, archeologists from the future will think our culture worshiped mice and our holy city was in Orlando, Florida. Puts a whole new spin on anchient mythology......

I liked that course, very interesting. I liked the idea of understanding the mob and how groups of people function together. A mob functions alot like a person does, however, where there is an inherent concience in a human, a mob has no soul. it can function with detatched emotion. There have been several studies to prove this and it can easily be observed in life. They don't call them soul-less corporate entities for nothing.

bad habits

I'm a creature of bad habit. It seems very easy to get into routines that are not beneficial. My worst habit is more of a character flaw. I'm lazy when it comes to my personal affairs. If it doesn't need to be done, it won't happen. I'd far prefer working hard and paying people to do meanial tasks like laundry and lawn mowing. Even car repair is something I'd rather let someone else handle.

I wake up at 6:30 every morning and got back to sleep until 7. At 7 I lament having to get out of my warm bed and snooze til 7:30. At 7:35 I get up and rush through my morning routine to barely make it to work on time. If I were a bit more pragmatic I could do everything I want and still come out ahead. Put shortly; I am my own worst obstacle. If I could overcome just one character flaw, I'd be unstoppable.

"It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy." - Blink 182

A realization.....

I just came to realize that if I join the NCSECU (North Carolina State Employee's Credit Union), I could easily afford a decent used truck or car. More to come......

In my state of desparation.......

I've decided to let a mechanic look at the truck and tell me what he thinks. This makes for an interesting situation. The only mechanic I know that works on junk cars is Harmon. My mom said she'd help me with the truck if I didn't employ Harmon to repair it. Well the person she reccomended took money and I had to tow the truck home. Now I'm out of ideas. He'll fix it. I'll pay him, and have my truck. More to come.

"One-upmanship"

Sorry Paul, I didn't have my code to log into your site handy, so this goes here.

I wonder how far the one-upmanship will go. By this I mean everythings attempt to "top" everything else in some sense. Tylenol wasn't good enough, we need extra-strength, then maximum strength. I'm ready foe tylenol Infinity - one tablet lasts forever! Elvis & The Beatles were as extreme as it got in the 50' & early 60's, now we have music so vulgar that it even makes me blush.

There has to be a cap to it all, but there is no end in sight, and the further you take it, the harder it is to come back. Simple pleasures should be paramount, revered even. A walk in a park in spring, playing with a puppy, watching the leaves turn colors in Fall, these things are all precious. Wonderful things like children laughing seeing a shooting star, finding a 4 leaf clover, these are the magical things in life.

We've become slaves to pop culture. It's all "extreme" and "in your face". Why does it have to be in your face? We have music that makes you want to fight, TV shows that numb you to everything, books that are never opened, and video games that have our kids vicariously dismembering people and causing wanton destruction for "fun".

And the values have gone away. We were in such a hurry to be rid of them, now they are gone and we see why they are so important. We have mothers & grandmothers raising children and fathers with no accountability. Boys especially cannot grow up proper without a man there to show them the way.

I can only hope we've hit the crest of the "extreme" mindset.

do or die ranger time.

I'm going to put a serious effort between here and January toward making my pickup road ready. I'm pretty sure it's close to finished, just a few bug to work out here and there. I still want to do the V8 conversion, but I'll have to wait for now on that.

Upon experimentation and playing with it. I conclude mechanically, it needs the Idle Air Control and the EGR replaced. I believe that the IAC is faulty, but the EGR was disconnected and has since stuck patrially open. Hence, it will behave semi-normal when warmed up. Now there is the brake issue. I'll get into that one later.

I think I can have it up & going in a few weeks, financing it all is the big issue.

I have failed myself

I didn't get crap accomplished this weekend. I did some good stuff. I help my folks and Robyn, but got nothing really accomplished for myself.

I came to a Best Buy revalation. The job itself is not so bad. I just don't like retail. I don't like it for the same reasons I don't like food service.

1. People are mostly surly, especially around holidays and you have to deal with them.

Now, I believe in customer service, but I'm not the customers' servant. I like to help, but I don't always care for the attitudes.

2. The hours are never constant, nor is the time you get to go home.

I hated the thought that a surge in buisness or a late delivery could keep you hour past you scheduled time. In the private sector, yeah, you have deadlines, but not every freakin' day. And I don't need to ask some scatterbrain for permission to leave when my job is finished.

3. Management is usually very inept and are the cause of reasons 1 & 2.

This needs no elaboration.

4. They pay slave wages.

I find it almost insulting what they expect a person to live off.

5. For slave pay, they expect you to work like you make a killing there.

I guess they try to pump you up for the "team". We're gonna work hard and have fun! Let me explain this, I'll enjoy my job when my pay check is large enough to cover ONE bill. Until then, bite me.

6. There is no accountability. Everybody blames everyone else for the mistakes that happen.

I was actually accused of three separate things the last night I worked with a team. I'll tell if I did something. They know I'll admit too, but I guess they want to see if I'll clean up thier mess. The answer is ususally yes.

7. The people who are not surly are little more than animals and they soil the area around them as though they were marking thier territory.

I have seen more nastiness in Best Buy from full grown adults than I have from the middle school students I deal with at my day job. And I get the worst of the worst kids! I won't even go into detail what I've seen, but if a peron does the kinds of mess I've seen and leaves it for others to clean up, they don't even qualify as humans.

I'm going to get my education completed just so I can earn enough to never even have to step into such places if I so choose.

half-day maddness

The new incliment weather protocol is being used for the school system. We've had two delays and zero ice. I will argue that even though it seems almost knee-jerkish, I'd far prefer err on the side of caution when childrens lives are risked. There is a downside. It seems as though getting to school at 10 vs 8 has an adverse effect on thier behavior. I guess they are lucid enough to be able to buck conformity by 10 instead of getting into the motions while still groggy.

Either way, a shortened day makes for some misery for most of the school and even I'm not immune.

Still haven't won the lottery yet, no end to poverty in sight. Days like today make me think I would quit if I struck it rich. I thought about it, all the kids acting like "buy me something", the school saying, "donation", and parents wanting to sue. There would be people hounding me for money constantly. I'd try to keep it sublte, but I'd eventually give in and buy a luxury item or two and the jig would be up.

I guess that's why they call them "life changing events". You can't do the same things you did before. The rules all changed or they no longer apply to you.

soft job

Paul called Saturday morning and asked if I could help him finish his move. There was no problem there. I was glad to have an excuse to get out of the house. He was moving to cut expenses and looks like he did a good job. It was a funny few loads. Paul is constantly aggrivated by his mom. He agreed to do what she asked and she kept on hounding him. They have a very fragile relationship that is hilarious to witness in action.

He had quite a bit of large items that had to squeeze through small spots. It happened within an hour or so. He place has many interesting features:

1. Upstairs loft.
2. Flooring by Salvitore Dahli
3. Delicious pecans everywhere (seasonal item)
4. Very odd non English speaking Kahzistani refugees as neighbors.

I think Paul may have instigated a Jihaad against himself by trying to shake the hand of the female elder. He may have only married her, thier customs are so strange and beautiful. I guess I'll know next visit what the outcome was.

GEEK-FEST!

What a weekeknd! Quite a few interesting things happened. Friday night I went to the Mebane X-mas parade. I'm not a big fan of freezing my ass off to watch kids stomp down the road and freeze thier asses off, but Robyn wanted to go and I accepted. It was very good. To my shock the opening maching band was the A&T Aggies! They were damn impressive too! It was an interesting surprise, to say the least and I had quite abit of hypothermic fun. The Graham Middle step team performed also. They were really dragging by the time they got to me. I pulled off my hood and said "GO FALCONS!" They turned and saw me waiving and they picked it up a notch. I didn't realize until the walk back that my bad knee had thoroughly stiffened from the cold and it was a painful hike.

At Best Buy Saturday, I found out that my co-worker in the warehouse was going to be absent. Not good. I had quite a bit of work to do but it was ok. If I stay busy, the night moves quicker.

During a shopping cart run in the parking lot, a little Ford Ranger similair to mine came roaring up beside me and parked. Those most familiar with Ranger know they don't usually "roar". I asked him and he quickly explained that it was converted to a 5.0 Mustang GT engine and tranny. I've been wanting to do this for some time and did quite a bit of reading on the topic. He told me that it was way easier than than most internet folk led on. He showed me the engine and explained everything I needed to do to make it happen and it is sort of simple, but I couldn't do it myself. I see a new idea for my truck forming even now......

Sunday was spent at Debbie,s house for her X-mas party. They have a really cute home and the food was great! She always did know how to throw a party. We're all older adults now, nothing crazy, pretty much family and co-workers. Almost every one there was a teacher, so the topics were things I could deal with. Then I was shown Jason's (Debbie's hubby) RPG collection. He and a co-worker/ gaming buddy talked with me about gaming. I was invited to thier game, but I don't think he realized I live 1.5 hours away. I'd be up for a one-shot, but I can't drive 3 hours round trip to game anymore. Wished they lived closer though....

Car-geekery, band-geekery, teacher-geekery, and game geekery, this was a wonderful weekend indeed!

more on creativity

I failed to mention my creative phase. I want to write a book. I've wanted to write a book since high school and had a basic idea of what I wanted to do, but I've never come to realize it. I'm thinking of writing some short stories first. Just to get my juices flowing. I might post them here, I just don't know yet. When I feel I'm up to task, I'll start a novel.

I was always complimented for my writing in school. I was told by several teacher I was gifted in the area and I should do something with it. I think I'm getting close to the time where I will try to use my talents to good use. If I'm lucky. I could actually profit from the venture.

I think I'll try my hand at as many genres as possible untill I find which best suits my style.

A creative phase

I spent pretty much the whole day Sunday at home cleaning up. I got a decent ammount of progress too. I love a clean house. I hate housework though. There were so many loads of laundry done I lost track and I ran out of hangers to put them on. I'd have like to have accomplished more, but I was rather satisfied with what I had finished.

This weekend was too cold & rainy for any truck nonsense. I'll buy the parts I need on Thursday to get get it finished mechanically. I'll have to get someone to work on the non-functioning brake lights. I bought a starter for my long-defunct Crown Vic. I really like those cars. I might be open to buying another one in the future to have as a decent car. I'm really aggrivated with my Honda. I'm mostly to blame. It runs about as good as can be expected.

Work has been work. Best Buy is a lousy retail job. I like my co-workers, management is pretty inept. Almost every problem in the store stems from mismanagement. I think I might be a part of the problem. I bellyache so much about the place that it must honestly lower morale in my department. Pessimism is highly contaigeous and I'm a carrier. School is easy and pretty decent. Most all the staff has warmed up to me. I feel pretty good about being here and I go with the flow. I wish the job paid more, but you can't have everything, right?

It's now Tuesday. My house still looks pretty decent. I need to vacuum and mop, but it just does wonder to your ego when the house is straight, not playing leapfrog over piles of trash and dirty clothes. I like to walk in and see nice, clean, inviting home, not an embarassing trash heap.

long time, no post

My life has been somewhat busy. I also have not had anything good to write about. Everything is in limbo at the moment. My truck still needs parts to be done, Best Buy is still the cancer of retail, my house is still messy, amd I don't know if I can afford to attend school yet.

I think I want to go to law school after my BA. There is a science teacher here still trying to pass the bar and I told him we should get a firm together after I finish. We can call it Jones & Wilson attorneys at law. He really liked the name. I realize that crime & such will only get worse. Why not be a parasitic ambulance-chaser? You can't change the world, but you can profit from its mistakes.

Last week I had a massive jump in readers. My views are up by 33%. This is great news and we appreciate you, the faithful readers for your continued support.

I think I'm going to try to add more stories to my posts. It appears to be a very popular segment.

Anyway, movie review time. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Being a fan of the books, I was eager to see this movie. I was sorely let down by #3. HP4 was far better. My only disappointment is the fact that it is not designed as a stand alone movie. You have to be knowledgeable of the Harry Potter series to fully enjoy and understand it. But it's not too shabby. The wooden "kid acting" is not there. The delivery and timing are great, the movie seems "alive". It is action-packed, yet it has emotion as well. I very much enjoyed it. If they go in this trend, I'd love to see them all made into movies.

I'm ready for the holidays. It would be made perfect if I didn't have to work at a part time job. Just sit at home and chill, listening to Christmas carrols and sipping chai latte's. My sister is getting grown. I'm going to encourage a not-so agrandized holiday season celebration. Warm get togethers, not some pointless pagan holiday extraviganza where the sacrifice is you cash flow for the next three months. It's really all quite silly.

Speaking of holiday spending, I must work Black Friday at BB from 6 til closing. I'm personally disgusted by all the commercialism. "Show the one's you love how much you care this holiday season. Come put your ass in hock till 2013. Merry effin X-mas.

fear is the mind-killer

For the first time, I'm starting to doubt some of the "good" choices I've made. I work right at 60 hours a week and make just enough to barely get by. I'm so sick of being broke all the time. It seems as though any treat I give myself is too expensive and causes a sacrifice somewhere else. My car is garbage. The truck I've been doting over is garbage. I'm sick of it all. Yesterday I wanted to watch tv....no cable. My computer is a borrowed one. Springs are starting to poke out of my mattress.

I realize that at some point my life seems to revolve around doing without and finding way to work more and make do with nothing.

If you can't tell, I'm frustrated. I know my plan would take a few years to come to any positive results, but I figured working my self half to death and not having much of any kind of luxuries would yeild some measure of financial comfort. But no, I struggle every month, even when I don't "splurge". I might have to give up this career path. I can't exist off what I'm being paid. I'm just sick of going through life feeling like I'm spinning my wheels in the mud.

To put it bluntly, something's going to have to give, because this s**t ain't working anymore.

a hard fought victory

After a few months of planning and only a few hours of tinkering, my truck now runs. I don't like the way the tranny shifts rough, and there are no tail lights, but it is mechanically driveable. The problem was a very simple fix, but it took alot of experimenting to repair it. Next, I'll fix all the minor issues and make it road-ready. After I'm 100% sure it's mechanically sound, I'll start the "creature comfort" part of repairing it.

I feel like crap today. I'm half sick.